Ok, so for anyone who may actually be reading this, I know my formatting is horrible and my posts never seem to have much continuity. I guess Ive just got a lot going on and a lot to say and everything is just randomly spilling out at the moment. I promise Ill get better tho and things will make more sense
anyway, today I’m gong to to talk about my sex addiction. So, I have horrible depression and anxiety and to numb the effects I have turned to my drug, Craigslist. Here I meet men. Some my age, some older, and we get together for the sole purpose of fucking.
I hate it. It kills me inside. Having someone there for an hour being so intimate, so close, and so caring…and they just leave and never want to talk again.
the sex always bring me back though. its a perfect instant gratification. You have someone there so you can feel connected and loved, and you get to physically ejaculate so you get that primal “good” feeling as well.
but then, its gone. They’re gone. Im alone and I crave it again because I can never seem to find it in my real life. So i go back, i get another taste, and they leave again. at this point i feel like a used piece of trash. the blob of human garbage that nobody wants. I am pathetic.
I just had a guy over. He was 30…. 6 years older than me. My bed still smells like him and as I sit here writing this, I hate myself. Ill need to change my sheets and pillow cases before bed because I hate my bed smelling like random men
…todays post was a bit depressing, and I’m sorry