Bleed Like Me, or How My Blog Got its Name

So the name of my blog is from this amazing song by the band Garbage called “Bleed Like Me”

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=690k85FQNXs < Watch the video here! 

 

 So for anyone out there who hates themselves you can probably relate to this song and probably have heard it before. If you haven’t give it a listen because its amazing.

At the end I just love where she says, “You should see my scars”  because that is what I want.   It seems nobody understands or believes what I’ve been through or how bad its hurt me.   Its as if mental wounds aren’t real like physical ones.  They don’t get that years of being beaten up and made fun of and having nobody to talk to has ruined me inside.  its made me bitter, angry, and hateful. I had nobody to talk to.  My parents were of no support back then, teachers would hear people call me fag, or throw things at me and they would just look away.   I was an untouchable because nobody wanted to be seen talking to me or associating with me because it would ruin their social standing.

so I’ve gone my whole life carrying these wounds.  Carrying this broken heart and crushed soul inside me and nobody cares.  Nobody wants to listen.  At most you get a shrug and someone giving you some bullshit line like, “Well hey!  You’re not in Ohio anymore so thats good right?” 

People don’t understand why I can’t make friends.  They don’t understand why Im afraid of people.  Why I judge them.  Why I’m so afraid of being judged by them….and I feel they never will.  I fear that nobody will ever care about me or how I feel.\

ya know what?  ya know what i want?  what i think would make my life so much better?  would be for this:

When i tell someone about my past, instead of hearing, “oh get over it”, or, “ya, I’ve had hard times too but I’ve moved on”  or some shit like that I just want someone to say, “God, ya know what….that sounds like it must have been shit”. 

Just someone to believe me and believe how hurt I still am….I wish someone could see how big my scars are.  

 

 

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