SHARKNADO! Or, The negative Spiral Of Thoughts

Yes.  This is happening.  Im going to use Sharknado to create a visual of that negative thought spiral we all fall into.

With depression, anxiety, or panic, we all tend to fall into this trap.  Something happens.  A bad phone call.  A sad news story.  A workout that didn’t go as well as hoped.  Anything… and then suddenly that thought leads to another which leads to another which leads to another and IT STARTS:

You can feel the wind blowing inside.  Your body starts telling you something is wrong.  All these negative thoughts have caused a storm inside.  he tornado alarms ring and your body starts to feel like something is wrong. 

And whats worse… this tornado that is forming is about to pick up an ocean full of sharks.  

Legs feel a bit heavy.  Your head feels a bit hot.  Suddenly breathing becomes a bit difficult.  You feel dizzy… no wait! tired? No no thats not it, you feel intensely alert? No.. thats not it either… WHAT ARE YOU FEELING? 

This confusion causes more bad thoughts.  Suddenly you’re worrying about:

All the bad things in your life

How physical wrong everything feels

How Scared You Are

How Sad Your Are

How Confused You Are

And how much you dread life and wonder if things will get better

Now you’re fucked… that Sharknado is picking up full steam and is heading straight for you.

Oh yes this is happening.  You’re inside of a massive Sharknado.  Who can blame us for freaking out?  Life is going to shit and fast! 

Safety seems so impossible and so distant.  How you could possible survive when you’re inside a tornado filled with sharks? 

Well this is what we have to keep in mind:

WERE NOT DEAD YET

IF WERE GOING TO DIE ITS GOING TO HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT SO LETS AT LEAST GO DOWN FIGHTING 

AND FINALLY…WERE PROBABLY NOT ACTUALLY DYING 

It is time for the finale of the film.  Where our protagonist is confronted by a great white shark falling from the tornado… and what does he do?

He grabs a chainsaw and dives head first….into the sharks mouth.  Yes it is scary but this is what we must do too! 

I know its scary and I know it sounds insane BUT THINK ABOUT IT!

How many panic attacks have you had?  How many days have you been so sad you couldn’t leave the house?  

BUT HAVE WE DIED YET?  HAS IT KILLED US YET?  DONT YOU THINK IT WOULD HAVE KILLED US BY NOW? 

Maybe its time to hold that chainsaw up and face our fears.  its time to not let the panic and depression control our life. its time to take it back! 

so what happens in the film?

He chainsaws right through the shark!  And I think we shall too! 

 

So if you’re life looks like this:

Perhaps its time you grabbed your chainsaw and prepared to fight… because what other options do we have?

Love your dear friend, The Dark Horse

 

 

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I Don’t Do Drugs, I Am Drugs. Being INFJ and Sagittarius

So, Salvador Dali was famously quoted as saying, “I Don’t do drugs, I am Drugs”

Ladies and gentlemen this is the story of my life.

The common man will say, AT ANY AND EVERY POINT POSSIBLE WHENEVER THEY SEE ANYTHING ARTISTIC OR CREATIVE…

“That that person must have been so high when they made that, it’s the only way they could have imagined something so crazy!”

Think to yourself.  Really think.  Remember The Matrix, Across The Universe, The Cell, Inception, Naked Lunch, and so on and so on.  How many times did you hear someone at school, or a person you work with go, “Oh my God that movie was trippy”, or “That person must have been so high when he wrote that”.

Dear world, some of us out here don’t need drugs or alcohol.  Our minds are at times, more beautiful, and at others, more terrifying, than you can ever imagine.

I need to point out here that I was never big on astrology and never knew about the personality types until my therapist had me do the test. So I’m not the fru-fru mystical witch type.  

But once I started learning about it… it all just fit me so perfectly that I couldn’t just dismiss it entirely.

Do any of you out there feel this way?  Do you ever feel like even though everyone tries to tell you that this shit isn’t real, there is just something WAY TOO TRUE about it all.  Everything just hits way too close to home?

The example above is a perfect one.

When I close my eyes I see everything so clearly.  My thoughts play out like movies.  With vivid color, clarity, sounds, and speed.

I don’t need drugs to imagine what the devil looks like, or to conceive a complex story with interwinding plots and twists.

Trust me, my mind has shown me things so much worse than your worst LSD trip, but it’s also shown me a life so much more colorful and euphoric than your best.

And for the commoners, I know this makes you mad and you probably don’t believe this… In fact, I’m sure YOU CANT BELIEVE THIS. You can’t allow yourself to believe that some of us have a mind so much bigger and so much fuller than yours.  But its the truth.

For me, I want so much more in life.  I want to inspire people, I want to entertain people, and I want to love people.  But at the same time, I hate people so much. Im filled with so much resentment and anger toward them.  Mount that on top of my desire for adventure and travel and you’ll find out that life is SO MUCH MORE than just drinking and fucking.  Life is complex. Your thoughts, wants, desires, imaginations are all so complex. And they can even contradict each other at times. Life requires a lot of work, but it can also be so insanely exciting! You should try exploring your thoughts more. You should try taking risks, try making things, try doing anything other than sitting on your couch doing drugs because your life is boring.

Remember that book “Brain on Fire”?  I think that girl just felt what it’s like to be me for a month.

But I digress, and am completely aware that I sound insane. I accept that.  It’s a blessing, and it’s a curse.  But mostly it’s a blessing.  I would never want to feel the way the common man does.  I would never want to be content with being a spoke in the wheel.

Did you ever read, “The Road Less Taken” by Robert Frost? And that famous quote at the end,

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

In college all the pretentious cunts were always like, “Oh, you know, most people believe that he meant the road less taken was the better path, but really all he means is that it’s different, not better”.

Well, Im calling em’ out.  If you’ve ever taken the road less traveled (which I’m aware the commoner hasn’t) you’d know, that even though it brings pain, A lot of pain in fact, It also offers rewards so much greater than anyone can know who hasn’t taken that path. And you can’t go back once you’ve felt the presence of a life beyond the mundane.  You can’t ever close the door again.

So, even though there may be pain, lets keep walking.  Lets keep traveling down our path, diverged from the rest.

~The Dark Horse

THATS THE BEAUTY OF SOMETHING BROKEN. IT CAN ALWAYS BE FIXED

So this girl commented on a post I made and it made me feel really good that this blog is helping people. I quoted a line from the Scooby Doo movie, “Thats the beauty of something broken. It can always be fixed”.   And that got me thinking , What an amazing quote! WHY HAVE NOT BLOGGED ABOUT THIS BEFORE? 

So.. well… now I am.

Yes thats right my little butter muffins.  We are all damaged goods at the moment aren’t we? But ah…. not for long.  Let me tell you a little story.  A story that is completely true actually. 

It all starts with Australia’s flagship airline called QANTAS. (this will have a good ending don’t worry) 

 

So We are Qantas flight 32.  An AirbusA380, the largest aircraft on Earth.  Were flying from Singapore to Sydney with a full load of people onboard.  

Suddenly All hell brakes loose.

An unconfined failure happens in the port of the inboard (Number 2) engine, while en route over Batam Island, Indonesia.

Shrapnel from the exploding engine punctured part of the wing and damaged the fuel system causing leaks and a fuel tank fire

which then disabled one hydraulic system and the anti-lock brakes

and also caused No.1 and No.4 engines to go into a ‘degraded’ mode

not to mention it damaged the landing flaps and the controls for the outer left No.1 engine.

Shit got fucked up. Like, really really fucked up. Had this plane gone down this would have been the deadliest air crash for any single airplane ever.

Amazingly the captain was able to land the plane back at Singapore.  There were no deaths and everyone was able to go home with one hell of a story to tell.  

So, what happened to this juggernaut airplane in question? 

They fixed that bitch up and shoved her back in the air! 

Thats right…. she is currently flying at this very moment! 

Now, if that thing can be fixed and deemed worthy to fly again, then WE SURE AS HELL CAN TOO 

oh yes, it will take work.  That Qantas plane wasn’t fixed overnight.  But soon just like that plane and this adorable little small-town penguin who had a dream to fly…. we shall too! 

So the next time you’re feeling down and broken, remember that airplanes break ALL THE TIME.  like seriously…. more than you would like to know

But hey,  they still fly, and should we! 

~Fly high bitches,

The Dark Horse 

8 Amazing Songs For Relaxing That You May Have Never Heard

Alright, so a few weeks ago I did a list of some songs that would be really good for helping to get you energized and excited, but now its time to go the other route and give you some songs that I use to calm down.  And Im going to try to give you songs that you may have not heard of before.  obviously, I could sit here and list Return To Innocence and stuff by Enigma, but I’m sure every list of calming songs will have them in it, so here are some you may not know, but should! 

1.) OKLAHOMA SKY, Miranda Lambert 

So this is the last song of Miranda Lambert’s Four The Record Album and its just amazing.  Nothing but Miranda, an acoustic guitar, and a deep but subtle layer of background.   I listen to this song in the winter because it reminds of just looking out over a frozen cornfield or sleepy small town.  Its also an amazing song to play in the shower at nighttime when you turn all the lights off in the bathroom

 

2.) BLESS THE TELEPHONE by Kelis

Yes…. the annoying and ridiculous Kelis who sang “Milkshake” has a new album out called FOOD…. and its actually amazing and sounds nothing like kelis.  But this acoustic duet cover of the 1970’s classic is standout for me. Im already playing it to death.  Unofrtunately its not on Youtube (I bought it via iTunes) but heres a link to a tumblr page where a bunch of people have uploaded the audio

Bless The Telephone:http: //www.tumblr.com/tagged/bless-the-telephone

and why not, heres the original on Youtube (But listen to the Kelis version, its much calmer)

 

3.) SILVER STALLION by Cat Power 

Another amazing acoustic song.  Probably one of the easiest songs to both cry and fall asleep to.  I started listening to this song Autumn 2012 right after I had gotten back from a big trip up in Canada where I had lived off the land.  This song, mixed with the autumn leaves falling, and the comfort of being home safe and sound has made me love this song, and I probably always will

 

4.) ACOUSTIC NUMBER 3 by The Goo Goo Dolls 

I do love the 90’s, I will say it forever, and I love 90s music!  Remember this amazing album?  Well heres a song you might have not heard off of it, but its great! The downside, with a runtime of under 2 minutes, it leaves you wanting more! 

 

5.)  GOODBYE MILKY WAY by Enigma 

A haunting and calming song thats able to tell a story, make you think, and it even discusses the end of the galaxy! 

(Oh yeah…. stuff to go to sleep by)

 

6.) RED RED RED By Fiona Apple

As with all Fiona Apple songs, the lyrics make all the difference.  Just relax and let Fiona…. well… kind of depress you… but also kind of ease the depression…. just don’t question Fiona ok? 

 

7.)  THE GHOST OF VIRGINIA By Justin Townes Earle

Justin… ugh.. Justin, what happened to you?  This song was so nice and peaceful and great!  And then… you went hipster…. Like you went so hipster I really want to hurt you.  Hurt you really badly.

Don’t believe me? Heres him now:

SEE?  That boy deserves a good smack across the face.

But anyway this song is good so listen to it! I love songs that tell a story 

8.) PYRAMID (ACOUSTIC) By Charice

Remember that song Pyramid that came out way back in 2010?  Well the acoustic version is actually great! And it shows her amazing voice.. Charice has also gone through some well… changes… recently.  She came out as a lesbian and has become what we in the gay community call a “bull dike” 

Again… what the hell happened?  But anyway, the song is good, give it a listen! 

So there you have it!  Hope you guys have a good time chill in out! 

~Dark Horse out! 

Time For Recovery (seriously, lets do this shit)

Ah, so I survived yesterday.  Another dreaded lonely holiday. And now its time for healing to begin.  Yesterday was a cheat day.  A day devoted to splurging because I felt like shit.  But now its time to return to life.

Which brings me to the point of treating ourselves a little bit everyday.  One thing I’m learning a lot about depression and anxiety is that to overcome it we need to keep going out even though we feel like we don’t have the energy and we also need to do something good for ourselves.  For example, if you don’t want to go out and feel too tired or too weak, say, “If I go out, it will be to the store to by myself something nice”.  

As for me, Im writing this entry at a cafe.  Bought myself a nice tea and some banana bread and I’m sitting in front of the window typing at this very moment.  The treats are the incentive to get out, and the getting out is what re-acclimates us to the world we live in.

Ive been learning that this is crucial and needs to happen.  As much as we desperately want to sleep the day away.  Even though we get headaches from going out.  Even though the heart starts to race and the energy hits rock bottom… the only way to get better is to confront the fears.

So this whole post I’ve been putting pictures of Native American art that represents connectivity.   And that is because we need to remember we are interconnected.  For example:

Thoughts affect mood that affect actions. 

actions affect thoughts that affects mood

mood affects thoughts that affects actions

and so on and so on. 

The only way to get over it is to break this cycle, and to break the cycle we must challenge the cycle

 

So, get out there, have fun, and please, LETS ALL GET BETTER! 

never proofread, The Dark Horse 

 

Easter. Or, How To Handle Another Holiday Alone

Awww, don’t those bunnies look so cute and happy? …yeah, fuck them.

So here we are, its Easter and I’m alone again.  Living in a different country has been hard, but I honestly will say the hardest part is the being alone for holidays.   It is awful.  But, gonna muster through.  Gotta muster through.

One thing I will say about this is that I am SOOOOOOOOO looking forward to the next holiday Im at home for.  Hopefully Christmas, and maybe 4th Of July.  I have to admit, I will actually enjoy the day. I will enjoy being around my family and I won’t take it for advantage. 

~ Little side note here ->  Living in a different country has taught me to appreciate my family in general.  not being able to even call them or anything really makes me understand how hard some people have it.  I mean to have dead parents, or parents who are in jail, or just not there for whatever reason… it really must take a huge toll out of peoples lives. I have grown and learned to appreciate them so much more now.

Ugh… the cuteness of these photos are enough to drive some to murder

 

But anyhow, lets talk about surviving the day while feeling lonely.  Its something we all go through, and some of us have that magical ability to feel alone, even when were around people.  So, lets talk loneliness in general.  

Today to make myself feel better I took a long shower… like a really long shower.  The kind that I’m sure makes environmental scientists want to hunt me down.  But there is something so soothing and calming about a shower. Also I have an iPod player that I hook up in my bathroom so i can listen to music in the shower and that makes it soooo nice.  I recommend everyone do that.  (Look its a holiday.  Holidays are the worst days to be alone, normally, I’m all about being eco-friendly, but today, fuck it.  fuck it all.  Pamper yourself till your skin is so pruned and gross you wanna vomit)

Also, Im going to watch a movie tonight.. a sappy one.  Which? Im not sure, but i guarantee its going to be a movie so annoyingly sappy that I will be embarrassed to say it later on.  But again, its a holiday.  Its all about doing things to make yourself happy and get through the day. And if that means you gotta watch a movie like Love Actually or Charlie St. Cloud then DO IT and grab a slice of cake while you’re at it!  

Oh yeah, Elle Woods… I know, I know.   

This is what my night will look like.  Ill be on the couch, eating sweets… and most likely yelling at the TV.  Oh hey thats another thing that helps!  Yell at the TV! When you’re feeling down and you’re watching whatever sappy movie you choose, feel free to yell at the screen!  Like in Love Actually when that guy who plays Snape cheats on Emma Thompson.  be all like, “DUDE SNAPE!  YOURE A FUCKING IDIOT!  YOU’LL NEVER FIND ANYONE BETTER THAN HER”  and that will make you feel a bit better.

 

ok so lets review,  Were going to:

WATCH SAPPY MOVIE

EAT SWEETS (I recommend cake and pie)

YELL AT OUR TELEVISIONS

HAVE AN UNNECESSARILY LONG SHOWER JUST CUZ WE CAN

hoppy easter bitches, The Dark Horse