Ive stated in earlier posts that my favorite animal is the albatross. I relate to the albatross a lot and feel great respect for them. If I where to have a spirit animal, he would be it. They are strong, and smart animals. They are able to navigate all of the Earth’s oceans, and sometimes don’t see land on the horizon for months. They spend their lives circling the globe and once a year return to mate with their monogamous partner that thieves been separated from for so long.
Ive been talking to my therapist about how I feel like I’m coming out of something. Like real healing is beginning. Im tired of running. Im tired of not being myself. Im tired of living this life where only half the lights are on.
She knows Ive ran in the past. From my home in Ohio…to Chicago…to Los Angeles… To The Northwest Territories, and now to Melbourne. Ive been wandering. Not traveling…wandering.
Lost, alone, scared, and far too proud to ever admit any of it. But I’m tired of being alone. Running is hard. Its exhausting.
So, last week in therapy my therapist asked:
Do you still think that perfect place exists?
and I responded with…
A bit shocked, surprised, and happy. She asks:
Really? You don’t think there is a better life somewhere else?
No. Ive realized there is no perfect place. Everywhere will have problems. I have to be my own home. I can go anywhere on this Earth and my problems will plague me. I need to learn to feel comfortable in myself. I need to find comfort from within, because I know Ill be moving around forever. Im not the kind of person who works a 9-5 and raises a family.
She responds with:
Just like the albatross.
And its true. Like the albatross, I am a wanderer. By nature? By fate? Or due to the circumstances of my past?
In any any event. Here I am today. Learning to be like the albatross and be able to weather endless oceans.
I think we could all use some of that ya?
A good dose of self love and self confidence? That feeling of joy. The fire. All from within ourselves?
Lets make that the journey for now? The journey to finding our inner home.
~The Dark Horse