I Still Haven’t Found What Im Looking For

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So im sick.  And for me being sick sucks. massively sucks.  Painful soar throats, snotty noses, weakness, and apathy fill my life for about a week straight.  However sickness always provides something else.  This odd sense of rebalancing the scales. Or, it gives me this weird way of seeing my life in perspective.  I realize what i really want and whats really important to me… and usually… I realize that I don’t have anything I want.

So here I am living in Melbourne.  A city filled with hipsters, the trendy  the wealthy, and the traveler.  Peoples lives here are lived by clubs, bars, drinking, drugs, and sex.  Their lives look like this:

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To the commoner.  This is fun.  This is exciting.  These are the best of their lives that they will remember forever. 

But that isnt me.  That never was me and it never will be.   Im tired of living a life surrounded by friends who are only half-friends.  “friends” who I know don’t really get me or care about me.  “friends” who live their lives through this cheap one-night-to-end-all-nights mentality and sleep away their hangovers for the rest of the week.  

They think they’re living life on the edge.  I think they’re already dead.

 

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What do I want?

~ I want to make a contribution to the world.  I want to help people.  I want my job to matter

~ I want to find love.  Real love. Not a 3 month fling that burns out like most people have these days.  I truly want to look into someone’s eyes and feel at peace.  Feel at home

~ I want to show my love to my family, and let them know how grateful I am that I was born under their roof

~ I want to pass on all this goodness i have inside myself to someone else.  I know there is a light inside of me.  One that attracts people.  One that, when i let it shine, a whole room get brighter.  People love to listen, laugh, and smile when I talk to them.  I want to show that more.  Ive gotten used to hiding that light because most people the people in my life don’t seem to care to hear.

~ I want to feel good and feel like I matter.  Just to wake up and be happy.  Be ready, prepared, and centered for my day because I genuinely want to live it.

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I wish the best to all of you out there who are on a journey of your own.  Be it good, bad, up, down, or all around.  Life is hard and nobody ever seems to be around when you need them.

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One thing I will say is that I will be there for you.  I want this blog to be there for anyone who feels down and out.  If you don’t believe me, leave a comment to a post.  Even if it has nothing to do with the topic.  I will respond to it and I will try to help you out because i firmly believe as humans we are supposed to be there for each other, and it seems nobody ever is these days.

I want that to change

 

Carry on my wayward travelers.

~ The Dark Horse 

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