Is this you at night hen you’re trying to sleep? CANT NO MATTER HOW BADLY YOU WANT TO?
But During the day you’re like this?
Are you up all night because you’re thinking of tomorrow? Of further into the future? Or maybe you’re reliving moments from your past that you regret? Or maybe you’ve gone full blown crazy like me and just start worrying that you’re heart will stop or that maybe you can feel a tumor or something in your leg?
Well up until about last week I was doing the same thing. I have been slowly getting better, and believe me its been hard! Trying to sleep when you think you’re entire life is falling apart is not something you can easily accomplish. The truth though is realizing that life isn’t falling completely falling apart! There is no real danger just around the corner and if there is…. if tomorrow you’re going to fail that test even though you studied for hours, or if you really are going to have a heart attack in the middle of the night.. well it sounds like its gonna happen anyways. You can try to fight it, but if you’ve done all you can and fate still has it against you… well then.. thats just fate. Worrying won’t do anything anyways.
But in reality there is no danger up ahead! You’re not going to fail nor are you going to die. This was the realization I had to force myself to recognize to keep me from going crazy every night of the week… seriously, I was going crazy. But I had just to accept that if bad stuff was coming it was coming given that I was doing EVERYTHING to prevent. I wasn’t doing anything that would get my heartbeat up, I was living way too safely, and checking my vitals nonstop.
My therapist can tell you, I was bats shit crazy.
But this past month Ive made so much progress. Just letting life happen. (honestly its been harder than you may think!)
And I think thats been the main trick Ive been using. Saying to myself, YOURE GOING TO BE FINE! To quote Fiona Apple, “Whats happened has happened and whats coming is already on its way with a role for me to play”
Being afraid of bad things happening all the time means you’re afraid to live life, and once you become afraid to live life, well who cares if bad things were going to happen? You’ve already. So just stop! Tell yourself, to just try to embrace the moment.
And it won’t come easily or fast. But slowly, you’ll get there. Life can return!
the dark horse