Yes. Change is a coming and I can’t lie… I am scared. I have had way too many changes in my life this past year… well in my life in general, but Im really not ready for another one.
In 9 days I move out of my apartment and store all of my stuff at my friends place until I return to Australia. In 10 days I fly home to Ohio and have to deal with everything that will bring. And At the end of the week I think ill be out of a job because business is so slow.
Definitely not my brightest moment people, thats for sure. Im scared and worried because I don’t know what is coming next. But at the same time… Im kind of looking forward to it.
Thats right Bowie, I have gotten caught up in a monotonous routine. There really isn’t much further I can go right now. Im working in a cafe that has maybe 30 or 40 orders the entire day, and I think Im getting over the anxiety and panic enough to where I can start looking to the future once more.
I need to start looking to what comes next….what is bigger… what is better. THE LIFE I WAS MEANT TO LEAD BEFORE THE GOT SMACKED WITH THE BULLSHIT OF PANIC AND ANXIETY!
And ughh….. I don’t want to admit this because it is sad, but part of this is that I also have been talking to a boy… I KNOW I KNOW DONT MAKE FUN OF ME! A boy who is really smart, and cute, and nice, and is actually going somewhere with his life. And …uummm…. uuugghhh…. well….. you see….I met this boy… ummm…. on…..
OK YOU HAVE 5 SECONDS TO LAUGH AND JUDGE ME….5,4,3,2,1. OK STOP!
Now let me continue…. oh wait, also, the other problem is that he lives in the States down in Florida. So we are kind of separated by an ocean and even if I returned home he would be states away and right now the idea of returning to America for a boy is…. well… actually, I wouldn’t mind that actually…
Here’s what Im going to do. Tomorrow I’m going to make a post about this so we can go in depth about how ridiculous and annoying I am with this, right now its about CHANGE
And I want to believe that this change will lead me to a better place if I enter it without fear. Well, I will be afraid, but I won’t be so afraid 😉
But here I am putting it out there. I want a job that MEANS SOMETHING TO ME AND WILL CHANGE THE WORLD. A cafe job was never going to do that anyways. And I want love. And I want great friends.
A new apartment brings new roommates. Which could lead to new friends, and maybe even meeting someone who could be more?
Going home will bring a fresh perspective to my life. A new outlook. A clean, calm environment to relax and recharge.
Or, all the change could kill me or ruin my life. MWUAHAAHHAHA! But thats the thing with change people! You can’t stop it from happening. So if death is coming, then death is coming!
We really have no choice but to drive into it headfirst! Otherwise you can just curl up in a corner, but whats that gonna do?
Ugh…. we’ve got cows!
The Dark Horse