So in less than a week I will be boarding a plane for a little 3 week vacation to my hometown in Ohio. But so many more changes are in the works.
The lease for our apartment is ending. my roommate will be moving into his new apartment in about 2 days, and with him he will be taking his fridge, the wi-fi, and all his belongings…. which is pretty much everything. I came to Australia with 1 suitcase and 1 duffle bag, so you can imagine how barren and dead the apartment will look for my last 4 days here.
Then the day before I leave I will move my stuff into my friends apartment where Ill be staying when I return. Then its off to the hotel that I booked for one night before I go home.
I will enjoy these 3 weeks at home. Just really think about EVERYTHING thats happened in this year so far. The arrival in September, the panic and anxiety that consumed my life for so many months, the people I met, the jobs I had…. ugh… this annoying cafe job I have right now that I don’t want when I return, and this blog I started that actually makes me feel really good and proud!
But when I return it will be a whole new world here. New apartment, Ill be looking for a new job because 2 days a week at this cafe isn’t paying the bills, new flatmates, and hopefully a new outlook on what I’ll do and where I’m going to go in life.
BUT CHANGE IS HARD ISNT IT?
And its weird because I never felt that way before. Anyone else out there with panic and anxiety feel like it really changed you and how you view life? I used to love change and would jump at it…but now, even though though I still do it and obviously prefer an adventure rather than packing my bags and going home and staying home, I kind of have this new feeling of… But I FINALLY feel like my life was getting into rhythm… why is it changing already?
BUT NOW AS IM WRITING THIS IM LIKE…. BUT WAIT!!!!!! THAT RYTHM WAS BORING AS FUCK! I NEED A CHANGE
Anyone else have these conflicting feelings?
I guess what it is, is that the panic and anxiety showed me how low I can go, and now I just wonder and get afraid that it could happen again… that the possibility of change could bring out the badness inside me once more.
^ Thats me by the way…. Sometime I have to dress up as someones LESS famous than me at airports because the press loves to follow me everywhere (kidding… I just found this photo and thought it seemed really odd, so I was like… THATS GOING ON THE BLOG!)
Anyhoo, well yes, where was I…. um… oh yeah, conflict and adventure and whatnot. SO YES! THATS IT! I guess now that I’ve seen how far my body and mind can crumble, it makes me weary of any situation that could bring that out again.
However…… I do need to say…um…. Im getting the itch for adventure… despite my fears…. are you ready?
Ok here we go again…. Press play and then read on (its just a good ‘getting pumped’ song)
So look… yes, my dear bitches, it is time to face the fears and to rich shit out.
Im growing stronger…. smarter….. wittier…. and more capable of handling the challenges ahead.
YES, the path to America and then back to Oz (get it? cuz Australia’s nickname is Oz… but I’m making reference to a storm and also to a better life so its like a play on words for the Wizard Of Oz…..ughhhhh…. never mind 😉 ) Anyhoo, the journey may be treacherous and scary. It may be filled with storms and ups and downs but it will be worth it because A BETTER LIFE COULD AWAIT ON THE OTHER SIDE
With great risk comes great rewards…remember that. If I had never believed in myself and never left my hometown and believed everyone when they told me nothing….. I can’t imagine where id be right now. I left home 6 years ago…. 6 YEARS! When i think of how much I have done in 6 years and how LITTLE I would have done had I stayed there it blows my mind.
Think of that the next time you doubt yourself. Think… well.. If I don’t try and don’t go for this… where will I probably be a year…. 3 years…. 5 years… from now?
Just remember it aint over till the fat lady sings… and I aint fat nor am I a lady, so I guess the show must go on!
~ Winter Is Coming? Winter Already Came Bitch, And We Survived!
THe Dark HorSE