Stuck Between A Rock And A Hard Place

ohio

So the past few weeks I was visiting home in Ohio and about 3 hours ago I arrived back here in Melbourne and I hate to say it, Im actually really sad.   I actually really enjoyed the comfort and safety of home.  Being able to be back in my own room, in the neighborhood I grew up in, having trees and parks everywhere.  Everything seemed more real. 

 

Like here in Melbourne Ive been battling the panic and anxiety so badly.  And I thought I was making such great progress because I was getting through the day without having massive breakdowns…..

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But when I was back home all the panic and anxiety practically vanished completely.   I couldn’t believe it.  And with my mind not focused on panic and anxiety all the time, it started opening up again.   Opening to things I hadn’t felt for a long time.  Things I wanted before the big breakdown, like adventure, and love, and friends, and a job that will change this world, and…. I don’t know, I just had this spirit I haven’t had in a long time.

 

But here’s the problem…. I still hate the people in my hometown.  They are still trash and small minded.  So I know that my hometown has no long-term value in my life

 

So where to go from here?

Anyone else having some big decisions to make in their lives right now?

The Dark Horse

~ This was totally not proofread 

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3 thoughts on “Stuck Between A Rock And A Hard Place

  1. My anxiety comes and goes. Sometimes I have really positive moments and I feel like I can take on the world, other times I hide away from the world because my anxiety leaves me feeling exhausted. I don’t even know why I feel anxious sometimes, it just crops up from time to time. Usually I don’t cope too well with having too many responsibilities or having to deal with too many people. The main decisions in my life are always what to do in terms of how I support myself because I find it difficult keeping a job without suffering from panic attacks.

    Sorry to hear that your anxiety has returned. Obviously I’m not sure what happened to you exactly, but is it worth letting the people in your home town effect the decisions you make? I don’t like small minded people either and I’ve met many who infuriate me by acting like everybody should be a certain way, but no matter what I do it’s difficult to change how some folk are. I carry a lot of resentment around with me because I feel like I’m always the one that’s expected to accommodate for other people and not the other way around, but it just makes you feel worse. Sometimes you have to learn not to care and to do what’s right for you regardless of what other people will think. The other option is to leave and face the anxiety head on; hopefully overcome it.

    1. you know actually…. the anxiety hasn’t really returned.
      I was worried that being back here in Melbourne would bring it back, but I’m using the skills i have learned and its really helping.

      i guess the feeling I’m having here is… “I don’t belong here”. Like i just know the universe is calling me to a different place, and i needed to go home to see that.

      so i had a crazy dream last night and i think this afternoon I’m going to make a post about it because it was really trippy but i think it was very meaningful. check out the post i make today and let me know what you think of it! i always love your opinions!

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