Monthly Archives: September 2014

Dealing With Mean People, Or, Lets Talk About Assholes on Grindr

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So, Ive mentioned this before, Im gay. and as a gay person, one thing you have to deal with in life is a horrible app called Grindr.  

Basically, I have never been to a gay bar or gay club in my life, and that is largely due to me being completely insecure with the gay community because I have never really had any good gay influences in my life.  So, if I ever want to go on dates or anything I have to weed through the filth on Grindr which, for all you hetero people out there, is like Tindr….but without the Match/Not Mach aspect.

and I will tell you, you see some colorful and exciting profiles

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But this is on a bigger scale.  This is about dealing with mean people in general.   because lets face it, WE ALL ENCOUNTER PEOPLE WHO, FOR NO REASON AT ALL, ARE JUST MEAN 

And what do we do?   Because all of us with depression, anxiety, and panic, take it to heart, and beat ourselves up whenever anyone is mean to us.

ITS OUR FAULT we say

EVERYONE ELSE PROBABLY THINKS THE SAME THING

WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER? 

And then lo and behold, we are in the negative spiral, but why?  Why do we beat ourselves up?

THERE IS NO POINT.   If someone else is going to mean, don’t give and allow them to hurt you.

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We, my friends, are the ones who have to change the world.  We have to bring cheer to this world.   The common man will never how hurtful they can be because they’ve never really experience true pain.

We are all trying so hard.   If you’re someone who has found this blog because you’re looking for blogs to help with anxiety, depression, anxiety, or any other reason you’re reading this, YOU ARE TRYING TO HELP YOURSELF! 

So don’t let some jackass who hates themselves bring you down.   You are the bigger man in the situation

So, smile, give em a good “I’m better than you look” and walk away

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Not Proofread!

~ The Dark Horse

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Dealing With Rejection

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Lets talk about rejection.   I know that when you have depression, anxiety, or panic, dealing with rejection is probably about 100 times harder for you than the person sitting next you.  And thats not shocking.

All three; depression, anxiety, and panic, are all internalized problems.  We are not raging angry people who lash out when we get hurt.  We turn it in on ourselves.  We make ourselves the punching bags.  (which personally, I think its more noble to be like us, than those people who whenever they are having a bad day, make it a point to MAKE EVERYONE AROUND THEM just as miserable)

Hey look there is a positive point right there!  There at least is some merit in our problems!   Give yourself a pat on the back!

Anyhoo, so yes.  Rejection is harder for us because obviously we will beat ourselves up way harder than anyone else.

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Oh believe me kiddos, The old Dark Horse has had his fair share of rejection.  Ive ridden the train of self despair many times because of it, but as I’m getting older I’m realizing that I’m more confident and comfortable in myself.

Here is the number 1 thing Ive learned about rejection:

IT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED

there is no point in sulking in it because it is done!   Once you’re at home hating yourself for being rejected it has already happened!   There is no changing it at that point, SO MOVE FORWARD!   If you think you did something wrong or was genuinely in the wrong…then change.  GROW from it.  If you think you’re right and someone else was just being a cunt…then hunnybunches listen up, THEY WERE JUST BEING A CUNT.   One time a guy stopped talking to me because “I was just too weird”.   Which back when that happened in my head I was like….

I’m weird…

nobody will ever like me….

he’s right…

why can’t i just be normal?…..

But now that I’m older and I see how fucking awesome I am, I’m like…

Well that motherfucker is boring as fuck and a pot head…

Plus… he had no sense of adventure….

AND he didn’t share any interests of mine!

Yes thats right!  Id much rather have a conversation learning about Flash Mountain (look it up) or debating the existence of aliens, than to sit there and blah blah blah sex…blah blah blah…football.   Yea, so fuck him.

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Another thing Ive learned is just to

WALK AWAY 

Sometimes, Getting rejected is inevitable.  Sometimes you are in a wrong place at a wrong time.  Sometimes you are somewhere where you’re not happy, or doing something you’re not happy doing.

And yes.  You will probably get rejected.  Either from a job, or from the people you’re around, or the sport you’re trying out for and so on.

But just think and really remember…. DID IT MAKE YOU THAT HAPPY ANYWAYS? 

Like I had a job at this diner during high school that I was ALWAYS on the brink of getting fired from.  I didn’t get along with anyone I worked with.  I didn’t really support the company.  The food was shit.  Everything there just sucked, so yes I didn’t perform well because I hated it.   But I stayed because the money was good and just felt like I was the worst employee and that everyone around me hated me.

Finally one day I quit because I was like… coming to this job MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT.  So why stay?  And I think thats a good lesson to learn.  Know when you’re just somewhere you don’t belong and once you acknowledge that you can prevent yourself from feeling a whole world of shit.

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Lastly, tomorrow is always a brand new day.

If you just broke up with someone.

If you just found out you grandma died.

Even if you were just diagnosed with a disease.

TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY

The sun will rise and life will stay in motion.

NEVER EVER QUIT.  NEVER EVER GIVE UP.  ALWAYS REMEMBER TO LIVE LIFE

~The Dark Horse

as always, not proofread.

NEVER BACK DOWN! Or, Keep Your Chin Up, And Be The Best You Can Be

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Is anyone else out there just ready to kick some ass?   Like Maybe the Earth has moved out of orbit a little bit and has put us ever-so-closer to the sun and all that extra energy is just giving you the power to be a superhero?

Im back in my hometown in Ohio.  My trashy, trashy, TRASHY hometown.  Filled with people who still wear the “Snooki-Bump” (I know, tragic right?) and that mentality of men watch football and get fat and women pop out babies…because the bible says so.

But this time, instead of being brought down by it all, I’m going strong!  I know this place is a pitstop.  I know I am not one of these people.  I know, I will leave soon, and I KNOW I have learned things that I have not learned before.

I can feel the gears turning again.  Gears I thought had been shut down and rusted over for years now.  Gears I thought that would never turn again….but alas, they move! gears

So now its time!  its time to become that person that for the past year in Australia I kept telling myself I’d become one day.  BUT NO LONGER WILL I SAY WHEN, OR DO I HAVE THE ENERGY? 

Oh yes.   People get excited for your lives!  Get happy that you’re alive!  Get ready to live, because if we don’t live the lives we want….why are we alive?

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Lets set the world on fire!

~ The Dark Horse

I Have Returned!

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So, yesterday I just returned from working up in Mackinac Island, Michigan.    And i have to say, it was amazing.  It was everything I wanted it to be.   However, there were obviously problems…the most import one was THAT I DIDNT OPEN MYSELF TO THE EXPERIENCE. (well, I did, but I should have opened up sooner)

So yes. lets talk about this bitches cuz its a problem that I think a lot of us who have depression, panic, and anxiety have.

WE ARE WAY TOO CLOSED OFF.  WE ASSUME NOBODY IS LIKE US AND THAT NOBODY WILL UNDERSTAND US.  WE JUDGE

JUDGE

JUDGE

JUDGE LIKE CRAZY! 

But I have to say, I made amazing friends.  My self esteem actually got better… CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? 

ok, im rambling.  Lets start from the beginning (this will be condensed, don’t worry)

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I crossed the bridge and took the ferry to the island.  I get the key to my room ill be staying in which is in the guys dorm up the hill in the middle of fucking nowhere.  I open the door to the dorm and it is a mess.  It smells.  It is dirty as fuck.  You could tell this was mackinac Island’s party house.

I was pissed.  I came to Mackinac to escape my anxiety and panic.  I came for peace and quiet in the woods.

For about the first 3 or 4 days I didn’t talk to anyone.  They all smoked tons of pot and drank themselves half to death every night.  I said to myself.  I AM BETTER THAN THESE PEOPLE.  THEY CAN FUCK OFF.

However, the company we all worked for (The Island House Corporation) …. oh yeah I’m saying it.  Look em up.  Give em bad reviews, they deserve it.

Anyhoo… it was the worst job I’ve ever had.  The people who own the company are all drunks.  They literally sat at our restaurant all day and just got drunk off wine and yelled at us, each other, and customers. I HAD MY BOSS YELL AT A TABLE OF MINE UNTIL MY TABLE WALKED OUT!!!!!!!!!

Yes the job was absolute hell.

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So one night, I’m like… I can’t be alone tonight.  Im too depressed here.  I hate my job and I hate how loud and obnoxious my dorm is.  So i said, if you can’t beat em, join em.   So I walk upstairs and go out the porch where all the guys go to smoke, drink, and talk.

The second I sit down, I’m immediately handed a joint…. I just kind of pass it on, probably looking like I was just handed a live grenade and then one of the guys is like…. “So… why don’t you talk to anyone?”

Now I’m getting anxious.  Im in unknown territory, already depressed, and now I’m being called out.

So I just kind of mutter…  I don’t know… I don’t really talk much  (WHICH IS TOTAL BULLSHIT) 

But they believe, so whatever, moving on.   They start talking and one of them finally brings up work and how much our boss pisses them off and they all just start laughing and another guy talks about how much he hates our boss too.  And then suddenly EVERYONE is bitching and laughing about this crazy family of drunks that we work for.

It made me feel so good to know I wasn’t the only person who hated this family.  I actually started laughing and talking as well.

From then on I just opened up.  I just would always go to the porch and even if I didn’t feel like talking I would just sit and listen.  Anything was better than being alone and you know what?  It worked.  Eventually I found a group of my own.  Really really great people who i miss like CRAZY right now!

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So whats the lesson?   OPEN UP.   I know if you’re the kind of person reading this blog, you’re probably like me.  Which means you probably close yourself and judge too much just like me.   Give people a shot.  Allow yourself to be happy.  ALLOW YOURSELF TO HAVE A GREAT TIME 

I mean just think.. what brought us all together?  Commiserating!

Thats right people! Behold the power of bitching with friends!

Might I say, the power of being negative?  IT CAN BRING US CLOSER!

And again, I know people with depression and anxiety can develop one hell of a witty mindset so its not just about bitching about things but TURNING THAT BITCHING INTO COMEDY! 

Open up!

~ The Dark Horse

…..this post was long, and I was so not in the mood to proofread it