So, yesterday I just returned from working up in Mackinac Island, Michigan. And i have to say, it was amazing. It was everything I wanted it to be. However, there were obviously problems…the most import one was THAT I DIDNT OPEN MYSELF TO THE EXPERIENCE. (well, I did, but I should have opened up sooner)
So yes. lets talk about this bitches cuz its a problem that I think a lot of us who have depression, panic, and anxiety have.
WE ARE WAY TOO CLOSED OFF. WE ASSUME NOBODY IS LIKE US AND THAT NOBODY WILL UNDERSTAND US. WE JUDGE
JUDGE LIKE CRAZY!
But I have to say, I made amazing friends. My self esteem actually got better… CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
ok, im rambling. Lets start from the beginning (this will be condensed, don’t worry)
I crossed the bridge and took the ferry to the island. I get the key to my room ill be staying in which is in the guys dorm up the hill in the middle of fucking nowhere. I open the door to the dorm and it is a mess. It smells. It is dirty as fuck. You could tell this was mackinac Island’s party house.
I was pissed. I came to Mackinac to escape my anxiety and panic. I came for peace and quiet in the woods.
For about the first 3 or 4 days I didn’t talk to anyone. They all smoked tons of pot and drank themselves half to death every night. I said to myself. I AM BETTER THAN THESE PEOPLE. THEY CAN FUCK OFF.
However, the company we all worked for (The Island House Corporation) …. oh yeah I’m saying it. Look em up. Give em bad reviews, they deserve it.
Anyhoo… it was the worst job I’ve ever had. The people who own the company are all drunks. They literally sat at our restaurant all day and just got drunk off wine and yelled at us, each other, and customers. I HAD MY BOSS YELL AT A TABLE OF MINE UNTIL MY TABLE WALKED OUT!!!!!!!!!
Yes the job was absolute hell.
So one night, I’m like… I can’t be alone tonight. Im too depressed here. I hate my job and I hate how loud and obnoxious my dorm is. So i said, if you can’t beat em, join em. So I walk upstairs and go out the porch where all the guys go to smoke, drink, and talk.
The second I sit down, I’m immediately handed a joint…. I just kind of pass it on, probably looking like I was just handed a live grenade and then one of the guys is like…. “So… why don’t you talk to anyone?”
Now I’m getting anxious. Im in unknown territory, already depressed, and now I’m being called out.
So I just kind of mutter… I don’t know… I don’t really talk much (WHICH IS TOTAL BULLSHIT)
But they believe, so whatever, moving on. They start talking and one of them finally brings up work and how much our boss pisses them off and they all just start laughing and another guy talks about how much he hates our boss too. And then suddenly EVERYONE is bitching and laughing about this crazy family of drunks that we work for.
It made me feel so good to know I wasn’t the only person who hated this family. I actually started laughing and talking as well.
From then on I just opened up. I just would always go to the porch and even if I didn’t feel like talking I would just sit and listen. Anything was better than being alone and you know what? It worked. Eventually I found a group of my own. Really really great people who i miss like CRAZY right now!
So whats the lesson? OPEN UP. I know if you’re the kind of person reading this blog, you’re probably like me. Which means you probably close yourself and judge too much just like me. Give people a shot. Allow yourself to be happy. ALLOW YOURSELF TO HAVE A GREAT TIME
I mean just think.. what brought us all together? Commiserating!
Thats right people! Behold the power of bitching with friends!
Might I say, the power of being negative? IT CAN BRING US CLOSER!
And again, I know people with depression and anxiety can develop one hell of a witty mindset so its not just about bitching about things but TURNING THAT BITCHING INTO COMEDY!
~ The Dark Horse
…..this post was long, and I was so not in the mood to proofread it