Monthly Archives: October 2014

Do You Ever Feel Like You Will Be Alone Forever?


Do you ever feel like you’re going to be alone forever?  Like nobody could ever possibly love you?   Or maybe you don’t even think you’ll ever have a friend.   And you sit and you wait and you hate.  

But maybe you’re wrong.  Yea, I’m saying it.  Maybe you are wrong. 



Let me tell you, Im still alone in this world.  I have never been in love, and I don’t really have any true friends in this world.  But I think Im in a stage of change right now in life.   Ive become confident in myself.  Im starting to really like myself, which I haven’t liked myself in a long long time.

And what does this have to do with anything?

Well, I’m quite convinced that now that I’m liking myself and have gained some self respect I won’t hang around bad people. Ill steer clear of people who aren’t good for my life, and people who would never be a good friend anyways.  Plus I’m fine being alone.  Id rather be alone than be with people who are not good for me.

So, the point is, I have hope that things will get better and I need all of you to have hope too.  Because I’m not ready to give up and I don’t think you’re ready either.  AND THATS GOOD!  YOU SHOULDN’T BE READY!!!   You have 1 life for all of eternity.  Why waste it? 

So wake up, open the window, and do whatever it is you’re being called to do.  If you need to run.  Then run.  if you need to start over, well walk back to the starting line with your head held high.


The sun keeps on burning, yearning, turning.  It flares, and flies, and pulls all the planets through the galactic sky.

It has been doing this for quite some time now.  It has the energy to keep going, and so do you

~ The Dark Horse

Sometimes When Im Down I Make Myself Smile With Stupid Things…


Having a bad day?  i think you should read this because it will make you smile.

For starters, lets all take a deep breath.  Acknowledge to yourself that you are indeed having a bad day and feeling like crap, but then open your mind to the idea that things can better, and look below! !!!!

Have you ever seen the Nigel thorn berry GIFs?   HOW COULD YOU NOT SMILE





Or my absolute favorite!


Or how about a great quote from Party Monster?


Can we please get a close up of that face?


…..oh yeah.  thats great stuff

Or how about this picture…. does this picture have ANY social commentary?  or is it just as absurd as I think it is?


Are you feeling at least a little better?   i sure hope so!

~ The Dark Horse

Embracing Who You Are (Rock Out Your Life!)


So does anyone know that moment when you just decided to be yourself?  That moment when you decided to not give a fuck what others say?  I do.   if you don’t well hey, its something to look forward to and let me tell you, your life will be much better once you do!

Mine was pretty recently.  If you have been reading my blog you probably notched that back in May everything took a redial change.

ok ok ok, quick briefing for anyone who hasn’t been following this blog:  about me, since i was 12 I have been made fun of, beat up, alone, nobody believed in me, blah blah blah, I have depression, anxiety, and panic. (Well, I think I’m at the point where I can say I USED TO have those things….But Im honestly thinking Im getting through them now!) and about a year ago I moved to Australia and the panic and anxiety broke out SOOOOO BADLY and I was having trouble just being in public and I hated myself and I wanted to die and all this stupid shit and I had lost all confidence in myself.  But in May, I was like…. LOOK, I have live in Chicago, Los Angeles, The Northwest Territories, and now Melbourne….

I AM NOT WEAK.  A Weak person does not move around the world alone in search of a better life.  A weak person doesn’t keep trying.   

and you’re not weak either!   If you’re reading this blog it means you’ve got something you’re working through and you’re not giving up.   You are trying!  AND THAT IT AMAZING AND KEP IT UP! 

And along the way, you will find yourself.  You won’t be afraid to let whats inside show!    WHATEVER INSIDE IS! 

Perhaps you KNOW you were born to be a tranny glam rocker like Hedwig from Hedwig And The Andy Inch!


Or perhaps you’re a total nerd and want to do experiments all day like like Bill Nye The Science Guy


Or perhaps, Like Denzel Washington you want to be a pilot!


….just don’t fly the plane upside down


~ The Dark Horse

HALLOWEEN, Lets make it fun again.


For anyone out there who feels like life sucks, or that life isn’t what it used to be.  There is one simple solution this October… MAKE HALLOWEEN FUN AGAIN!

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays!   It’s exciting, it’s scary, and it’s fun.

How can you make it fun as well?

Alright well here is what I do:


might is suggest the ever-classic Hocus Pocus?


or the classic slasher (some might say the ORIGINAL slasher, actually)  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre


Perhaps you’re more of a SciFi/Horror person?

Alien?  Cant go wrong there!


OH! OH! OH! What about the much-forgotten horror sci-fi EVENT HORIZON??? its amazing!


The point is, fill your month with Halloween classics!  Really get yourself in the mood! Other great options are Behind the Mask, Scream, and Halloween!

How about baking?  Caramel apples and pumpkin pie are great ways to make fall feel like fall AND it gives you something to do. It’s a creative outlet, and its will taste amazing!



Have you tried Ghost hunting?   Im going ghost hunting for the first ever in a few weeks and I’m soooooo excited and will probably shit my pants, but maybe you need something extreme like that to get the juices flowing again?

Or something simple.  Dress up and go to a party.   Don’t have any friends, or don’t like parties?  Then dress up at home and make your yard look crazy!   You may not be able to trick or treat (WHICH IS SO STUPID!  I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD GO TRICK-OR-TREATING AT ANY AGE) but as you hand out candy you can still have some of the fun!


this girl got into the spirit and dressed up as Lil Kim…. what a bad choice, but oh well its HALLOWEEN!

Ok ok, and at the very least, watch The Faculty.  My 90s horror obsession is SURE to please everyone who watches.  Cheesy, fun, campy, and loaded with stars!



Oh yea, i just turned this post into my Faculty Obsession!     WATCH IT, BITCHES!

Peace Out, The Dark Horse

The Messages Of Water (Have You Read This Book?)


So anyone read any book by Dr. Masaru Emoto?  If not, pick it up, it is definitely worth a look.

And I think its a perfect topic to talk about on this blog because anyone who is reading this probably has low self esteem, beats themselves up too much,  or takes thing too harshly,  BUT WHAT DOES THAT DO PHYSICALLY? 

Can our mental negativity cause physical setbacks?

I know for a fact that back when my depression was the worst I would get myself so sad and so upset that I literally would wake up sick the next day, and I’m not just talking about waking up with a headache or something.  Im talking about waking up with Strep Throat, the Flu, Tonsillitis, and a bunch of other fun bullshit.

Dr. Emoto claims that this is because our thoughts and intentions do in fact hold power, and lots of it.

Here was the study:

Dr. Emoto wrote words and phrases on bottles of water and then froze them. He then looked at the water crystals under microscopes and here is what he found:


So what does this show us?

If our bodies are made up of mostly water, then what is happening to our insides when we beat ourselves up?

All those nights I would make myself so weak form being so sad.  I would sit, lost in my mind for hour after hour telling myself  I SUCK, I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY, I HATE MYSELF, I WANT EVERYONE TO DIE, I AM A WASTE OF A LIFE 

Is it any wonder I woke up the next morning sick as fuck?


Basically he states energy is transferred through our intention.  Saying “Angel” usually has the intention of kinds and goodness.  It bring happy, peaceful, even joyous images to the mind.  “You fool” obviously is the opposite.  it carries with it hate and the intention to tear someone down.  The thought of the word brings negativity.

And look at the difference in the water crystals.  Can you see the physical difference the mental energy created?

Now I don’t know if any of you believe in this or even care, but its interesting.  Even if you’re skeptical, be good on yourself.  Cant hurt in trying right?

~ The Dark Horse

Lets Get Sassy….Or, Let The Monster Rise (For The Better)


Oh yes people, let your inner Scarlett O’Hara reign supreme while reading today’s post which is all about getting sassy with it.   Yesterday I wrote a little bit about dealing with mean people on Grindr but today I want to open it into a broader meaning.

Basically what I want to talk about is allowing yourself to not feel like the VICTIM of a situation when people around you treat you bad.

I have a horrible problem of allowing one mean person, or one negative event to destroy my whole day.  I just can’t stop beating myself up over it.   What could I have done better?  Why do people always hate me?  When will someone be on my side?  Why am I so different?…. and so on and so on.  Basically, that spiral continues until I’ve just trained my entire day and all I want to do is go to bed and pray tomorrow changes the way I feel…. BUT WHY? 

I am a strong person

I am a nice person

I am a hard worker

and most importantly, I don’t treat people that way.

So, it has logically come to my attention that I am indeed better than people who treat others badly. 

AND SO ARE ALL OF YOU!  Stop beating yourself up.  Stop allowing bad people and bad situations to ruin your day…or week! 



The way I’ve learned to deal with this, and it honestly makes me feel much better, is to just show them you’re above them.

In general, mean people will be petty people.  They will be shallow, self absorbed, and focus on things like how people look, how they talk, and who they know.  Or they will pull bitch moves like picking out tiny flaws in people, or alert everyone when someone makes a small mistake or does something wrong.

And, other weak petty people will gather behind them because they have someone else to point the finger at.  And there is nothing that a weak person loves more than having an easy way to be part of the “cool kids”.

So, what do you do?


Get Sassy.   


Thats right.  Fighting back with words or with violence is pointless.  You are above petty people.  And DEAR GOD DO NOT BY ANY MEANS LET A PETTY PERSON RUIN YOUR DAY 

The road to recovery is a rough and dirty one.  Especially for any of us dealing with depression, anxiety, or panic.   Life is hard enough…. why would you allow some dumbfuck to make it any harder?

And I’m not saying become a bitch yourself.  Being mean to random people is only gonna make other people lives harder… but YOU ALL KNOW when you’re dealing with someone who needs a bit of sass.  That person who is just…well… mean.

So, remember, when it seems like shit is falling apart all around you, or when it seems like you’ve been thrown to the wolves. Keep composed.   Keep calm, and get sassy


Keep Calm, Carry On

~ The Dark Horse