Dear Zac Efron (Or, The Power Of Bitching)


Dear Zac Efron,

I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been lusting after you for a long time…. I mean… looking at you for a long time now.  Fuck that doesn’t sound any less creepy.   Ive been….admiring?   No no thats all just creepy.

Looking at shirtless picture of you online?

Watch Hairspray religiously?

Keeping your Rolling Stones issue under my bed?

……ugh…. I don’t think Im sounding any less like a creep.

Anyways, the main reason Im writing this letter is because I’m just doing some venting.   When you’re feeling down its always good to sometimes just vent and rant and get it all out of your system.  And since I love and loathe you I think you’re a good person to let my frustrations out on!


Oh Zac, I sometimes look out the window longingly and think of how much I want you, but also hate you.

Like your big annoying muscles and adorable little chest hairs…God those bother me.  I mean who wants a young guy with pecs and a happy trail?  not me……haha…ha… ha… ugh.. (sigh).

Or that little grin you have?  Have you ever looked at it in the mirror?


You have? ….oh, yeah… I guess I look at your grin a lot too.

Oh yeah well how about that annoying way you lick your lips….. how stupid.


Oh God I melt when I look at you.

I mean I cringe!  Thats right!   You big hunky mans man that also has a sensitive side that could cuddle bunnies while fighting off lions!

you make me sick.

Remember your shoot for Mens Health?


Look at you lift that log with your big hunka-hunka biceps. I’ve done that before too you know!

Well… it was more of a stick-like twig I suppose but still, the point is stop thinking you’re better than me cuz you’re not!

Whats that?  You think Im crazy?   CRAZY?  … LITTLE OLD ME? (insert creepy smile)

No Mr. Efron crazy would be me kidnapping you and bringing you to some abandoned lodge in the middle of the woods and then tie and you up and have some 50 Shades Of Grey type love affair.  NOW THATS CRAZY! 


Oh Zac what can I say, I’m a lover not a fighter.  Im just releasing some frustration.  Sometimes you just gotta rant and blow off some steam.   Get the juices pumping so you can refocus and start getting your head on straight again.

And I feel like you’re a good person to rant at because you’re all famous, attractive, rich, and have a life full of friends and adventure, so if I say some shit it isn’t really hurting anyone.

Plus you’re a good person to rant at because once you’re locked in my basement nobody can ever know what i say about you anyways ha…ha…hahaha..MWUAHAHAHAHAH! (sexy wink)


Oh welll, I suppose I’ll be seeing you soon, when you least expect it

Love Always,

~ The Dark Horse

(So how about you guys reading this?  Who would be your favorite celebrity that you would write a ranting letter to whether it be good or bad?   Or potentially a bit creepy?)

7 thoughts on “Dear Zac Efron (Or, The Power Of Bitching)

  1. Zac Efron, huh? Hmm. Well I have been trying to think of someone that I would write to for the last two days and I have come up with nothing. The only celebrity that remotely gets my attention at all is Benedict Cumberbatch, but I really don’t have anything to say to him. Hmm. I will have to give it a little more consideration. 🙂

      1. well what you need is some good outlet for yourself. think of ANYTHING! I think it helps so much just to go crazy for a little bit, hey if you need to take a Watermelon and go all Gallagher on it! (that will teach that watermelon a lesson huh)

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