Monthly Archives: December 2015

People Like Us (Or, Others Will Never Know How Bad Our Bad Days Are)

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So today I am having a very bad day.

I turn 26 tomorrow.  Im living in a foreign country where I don’t know anyone.  I don’t have a job I like and I’m still struggling to find someone who gets me.  To find my other half….or just find a good friend.

Now most people have bad days….

But this is how my bad feels:

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Now people let me explain to you what is happening to me right now.

I get so insanely depressed that I feel like I can’t move.  It feels like if I stand I am going to just fall over and pass out.  I have an insane stomach ache.  I feel like I’m just too dizzy and distracted and irritated by everything.

This then brings out my health anxiety.  I am now getting thoughts like, “Im going to die”.  “All these symptoms must mean something”.  “I have a health condition I don’t know about”

So BAM BITCHES!  JUST LIKE MAGIC HERE I AM! 

The crazy-addled lunatic you see before you.

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AND THE WORST PART IS THAT ALL THIS CRAZINESS IS FOR NOTHING! 

We can’t tell anyone about this because if we do we will be ridiculed, judged, and misunderstood.

WHAT THE FUCK RIGHT?   I believe they call that ‘adding salt to the wound’….. those fuckers.

 

SO WHAT TO DO NOW? 

I mean its just us you guys.  We need to be there for each other.  I NEED SOME INSPIRATION…. no no, WE ALL NEED SOME INSPIRATION!

lets do this shit.

play this:

 

Oh yes my dears, there be a storm a brewing out there!

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But we can do this!  We are a strong and sturdy group of swashbucklers.  Oh yes…. this aint be our first rodeo no sir!

We must commandeer a vessel!

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Ah she shall do!  We shall name her The Albatross. Because the albatross is a commonly misconceived omen of bad luck when in reality what the story states is that the albatross is an omen of good luck at sea… killing the albatross in a desperate attempt to show ones masculinity is what caused the downfall of the crew.  (get it?  its misunderstood like us… god i should totally be an author or something)

Sail on bitches, sail on!

Time for a musical number about how cabin fever has ravaged our minds and caused us to go crazy (When in reality we all know thats bullshit because we were totally crazy before we went out to sea)

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Now if you’ll all look to the left, you’ll see all the commoners in a sinking ship.   Thats right, they’re not able to handle the stormy seas that we are forced to live with everyday.  So go ahead, stick up your middle finger and shout cunt as loud as you can!  …im sure they’ll be fine

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Ah yes, rough seas will always give way to a sunny day. And because we did it together as a crew we made it.  Safe, happy, secure.

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Remember everyone, stick in there.  Be there for each other and always remember when you’re having a bad day, it will always get better. Im already feeling better having written that post!

~ The Dark Horse

and no this was not proof read!  I was in a state of mental distress!  HOW AM I EXPECTED TO PROOF READ WHEN IM CRAZY?  HHHHHMMMM?????

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A Life Divided (Or, The Struggle Between Living Life and Thriving Life)

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So, I have this problem and I bet a lot of you can relate.  The struggle is this:

There are 2 me’s.  There is the Me I want to be, and the Me I don’t want to be….but somehow am so socially retarded that I can’t even be.

Let me be more clear:

THE ME I WANT TO BE:

I have always wanted to make a huge impact in this world.  I have always wanted to have adventure, and love, and have my voice be heard.  I really want to try to change the way the world works because it just seems so shitty right now.

THE ME I CANT EVEN BE BECAUSE IM SUCH A MESS:

I want friends.  I want to have people to hang out with and to be able to sleep without laying in bed for 2 hours tossing and turning and thinking nonstop.  I want to understand what its like to have a social life.

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So heres what happens:

I try to be the person I want be. I really try to go for my dreams and make a change and speak my views and be me.  But then I just feel so lonely all the time.  Its so insanely hard to be alone all the time.  To have never felt love.  To have never even have felt what a real friend is like.  It is crushing.

and so I spiral into depression which then brings out my anxiety and then Im collapsing on street corners and making a damn fool out of myself.

But this also happens:

So, I try to make friends and hang with people and be “normal” and oh fucking Christ does that end badly.  So I just hate people….like seriously.  I try to make friends and of course what does everyone want to do? Go clubbing or to a bar.  And they want to drink and smoke pot.  And they want to talk about themselves.  And they want to snapchat and instagram. And they want to look for sex.

And I sit there….. thinking of how much id rather be doing anything but what I’m doing at that moment. And I just dread every moment of interaction.  Then I go home and tell myself ill never do that again.

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Do any of you have these problems?  You have two sides.  Both seemingly impossible to achieve?

Do any of you struggle?

 

If so, lets be there for each other?  Because doing it alone is a bitch.

~ The Dark Horse

When The Flame Of Life Has Become Dull (Or, WTF Bro? Where did my energy go?)

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How many of you know this feeling?  Like no matter what is happening around you, inside it feels like its cloudy and cold.  Your view of the world is just blurred, dimmed, and covered with little raindrops and nothing seems to get you excited anymore?

There are many reasons why we may get to this point.  Perhaps you’ve just had a trauma in your life,  Or maybe a chemical imbalance in the brain and you don’t know why you feel this way, perhaps you’ve been bullied and picked on your whole life and you feel hopeless,  maybe you struggle with other issues like anxiety or even a terminal illness and the daily struggle has caused you to lose the zeal for life.

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Ah yes, there are many reasons why people get to this point but one thing can always be assured…. nobody likes being at this point.

So what do we do?  How do we free ourselves from the prisons in our brain?  The dragging, slugging, murky and muddy feeling of life?

Well we gotta shake it up.  Do something!  Go somewhere!  Be somebody!

 

LOOK LOOK LOOK I KNOW IT SOUNDS CORNY AND STUPID BUT ITS TRUE!

get out!  have fun! live life!

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Sound hard?

Well fuck yeah its hard, but its worth it.  I mean what else are you gonna do?  Sit and be miserable forever more?

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People like us have nothing to lose!  Were already at ground zero in life so why not try to make it better?

 

Now I bet you’re asking how to get out there and live?  Well, tomorrows post will be all about that

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Cheers bitches,

The Dark Horse