So, this is a post I feel like everyone can get. Making friends these days is impossible! Social media and the draws of consumerism has caused people to become increasing selfish, shallow, and cliquey. Basically, High school has never ended for our generation.
These problems are amplified when you’re dealing with depression and anxiety for many reasons:
~ You have problems that make people’s day less fun. Your (potential) friends want to go to a club and drink and think other people are looking at how attractive they are….. When you come along and actually know pain and suffering and would like to have a deeper conversation… well….. your deeper conversation takes time away from their busy schedule drinking and hoping to get fucked.
~ Most of us with depression and/or anxiety tend to fall into two groups. The desperate group who will become friends with anyone who talks to them because you’re just so lonely and miserable all the time, and then there is the group I fall into….the group that is very very very picky about who they will open up to and judge most people when we know they will never get or care what were dealing with.
For the first group, you usually lose your friends for two main reasons. First, YOU WERE BETTER THAN THEM THE ENTIRE TIME and finally come to your senses and decide to stop talking to them. The other way is, because you’ve made friends with shitty people simply because they talk to you… well, they did what shitty people do and used you and then left you.
…..either way….. neither of us groups end up happy.
~ We also lose friends due to our own doing. Sadly, we sometimes do have the wrong impression or judge to fast, or always assume the worst. Sometimes we do indeed ditch a perfectly good friend because of fear:
we’re not good enough for them
surely they’ll find someone better
I’m sure we won’t share many common interests
yeah but they do ____ and I hate that, I’m sure that will be a problem in the future
Ill never be cool enough for them
Ill embarrass them around their real friends
and the list goes on…. Anyone out there find themselves thinking those sometimes? I sure know I do!
Well…..I have a secret to share with all of you…. I think I may have stumbled upon a friend.
…. and I’m scared shitless
Yea.. Its pretty crazy. So He’s 28. (I’m 26) He is insanely cute, and insanely normal. Its like the weirdest thing ever and Im working REALLY HARD EVERY DAY to not let all my negative thoughts ruin the friendship.
He calls me to chat….. WHAT THE FUCK? IS THE 90s???? HOW COOL IS THAT?
We hang and talk. Were going bowling on Saturday….. This is seriously the weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced…. and what makes it even weirder is that this is so normal for other people and its something they’ve had since they were kids.
But ill admit, its work.
Like I still get those annoying depressed people thoughts like, “oh maybe he’s using me to just talk about how great his life is”. Or, “Why does he talk to me? He’s so much more attractive and popular than me”. Or, “I worry he will get bored of me at any moment”.
The list of my worries and thoughts are endless, but at the end of the day, I know exactly what they all mean. What I’m actually thinking without saying it outright is,
I FINALLY FEEL LIKE I HAVE A FRIEND AND THE IDEA THAT HE MAY LEAVE AT ANY MOMENT IS PAINFUL AND MAKES ME FEEL VULNERABLE AND SAD.
That Gif is my life right now…..
But hey heres the deal people…. we will all have to go through this step. Old friends don’t just appear. You have to be in a friendship for a long amount of time before you can fully be comfortable and secure.
Sadly there is no easy way to find a lifelong friend, especially for us. We will always have the gears turning. I guess the lesson is to learn to live in the moment sometimes? Let go of your fears for a bit. Try to just be you. If they don’t like you, then you were too good to be their friend anyways.
Now, lets learn to take that awkward bro hug above and turn it into a real bro hug!
Killin’ it! (….I think thats the word the cool kids are using right now? Right? ….ugh…. )
~ The Dark Horse
PS- I actually think this one was proof read almost all the way through…. kind of?