So over the weekend I hit a really low spot. Even though Ive made so much progress in the past 2 years, I still somehow allow my shortcomings to destroy me. This weekend was one of them. I spiraled down hard and fast. I was curled up lying on the floor wanting to punch holes in walls and kill the human race with an atomic bomb.
Im now sitting here sick. I always always always get sick after I get really down like that. I literally depress my body into illness.
So now I’m sitting and thinking of ALL THE THINGS i could have done that day instead. Now I knowhow you feel when you’re down in a depressive hole. You don’t want to do anything. You don’t have the energy. You just can’t stand to even move.
But sadly we have to. its the only way to break the cycle .
So there is one thing that we all must do….. and its the worst fucking thing in the world…. we must seek people.
Oh yes…. those annoying little things who will never understand how you and I feel are sadly the key to our happiness.
Yes…. its true…. its painful, its annoying and its true.
Do you remember Elsa in Frozen?
She built herself a beautiful castle in a secluded space to feel safe, to not deal with others, to keep others safe from her…..
She was just alone, in a prison of ice in the middle of the mountains.
Now I don’t know about you guys but I know most days that sounds like a fucking blessing…. but lets look at that from a 3rd party perspective ok?
All of us with mental health issues are prisoners to our own minds. Able to feel completely alone even in a giant crowd of people. We are Elsa, living in our Ice Palace in the mountains.
So….. we must escape our prisons and interact with others. Now look, I really don’t give a flying fuck about others at this point. Most of them are shallow slobby assholes and THIS CAN WORK TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.
DONT FEEL BAD OR EMBARRASSED TO OPEN UP TO PEOPLE!!!!!
I don’t care if you have nobody in your life. Walk into a diner, sit at the counter, look at the man next to you and JUST GO FUCKING CRAZY!! Tell him every single insecurity you have! Every reason why you’re so miserable!
Exposing yourself to a stranger should make you feel like this:
And you know… it might make the stronger feel like this:
Tell them they’re doing a social service by listening to you. The end
But in all honesty, humans are social creatures. We need nurturing and love from others. We need to grow and embrace others. We just…well…. We just need others.
Have any of you ever seen Into The Wild? Alexander Supertramp’s last journal entry says
Just remember this is your one shot at life. You probably won’t get a second one. Who cares if it gets messy, dirty, embarrassing, and rough. Try to make life better. I know its an ongoing battle for me, but I really hope others out there keep up the fight 🙂
~ The Dark Horse
(Im sick….which gives me the expressed privilege to not proof read this post)