So, im sick (Confetti falls from the sky as women release doves into the air). When I’m sick I feel like absolute shit.
As if hating my life and feeling like a depressive failure isn’t enough, being sick adds that extra little touch. You’re too weak and tired to change your life. Your throat hurts, you can feel what doctors call “post nasal drip” which in reality is literally when so much snot forms in your nose that it has nowhere else to go rather than sliding back down into your throat (its one of the reasons why your mouth constantly has that foul aftertaste in it all the time when you’re sick. Its because its filled with snot).
The picture above is Jerri Blank. She is a self described, boozer, user, and loser. She is the star of the short-lived but highly addictive show Strangers With Candy. In that show she dropped out of high school as a teenager to become a hooker, a user of all drugs, and a complete blow out.
Now, at 46, she decides drop her junkie past and to go back to school and restart her life.
So why am i bringing up this delightful little ex-con and true role model for children everywhere?
Because thats how I feel, and I think thats how we will all feel.
Ive had a rough month. I made a really intense friendship and sadly he is backpacking and no longer here. I dropped a friendship that was insanely toxic to me. I started back at the gym (for the first time in 5 months). I was tired of my job that Im only working at for the money and have gone part time to look for better things. All of that on top of the everyday things I think about: MY PAST AND WHY DID IT ALL GO SO WRONG? MY PRESENT AND WHY IS EVERYTHING STILL SO WRONG? AND MY FUTURE: WILL EVERYTHING ALWAYS BE WRONG?
Can any of you relate to that? because I think you can. Most of us with depression, anxiety, panic, or any kind of trauma already live with a life filled to the brim with stress and misery. So once life throws you a big month….. you’re just bound to sink, and sink I did people… sink I did!
So here I am, worn out, tired, and sick. In essence, I look and feel like this:
But here is the beauty my friends! (and I do believe this quote is from the Scooby Doo move)
If you’ll recall from the Scooby Doo movie, it begins when the team has already broken up and have all been called separately by a mysterious Mr. Mondavarious. When they arrive on the dock of Spooky Island and meet him and hear about the spooky mystery they inform him the team is no longer together and that solving mysteries was in the past.
Hearing this Mr. Mondavarious says: No, what brought you here was your insatiable appetite for a juicy mystery.
Freddy replies with: The truth is, Mr. Mondavarious, Mystery Inc is broken up.
Mr. Mondavarious responds with: That’s the beauty of something broken. It can be fixed, and therein lies its potential.
So here we are. Broken. The light is a mere dim fickle flicker. Energy dwindling. And there is Jerri Blank. a 46 year old ex-hooker who used to get fucked by donkeys as a sort of “freakshow” act in Mexico to make money for drugs.
So if that bitch can get her ass back in high school, then dammit we can sort our shit out too!
Thats right people! feast your eyes on our new role model!
So how do we do it? How do we get to the point where we can rebuild and reinvent? Well since I’m sick I’m doing a lot of lounging around. A lot of reading, and watching movies. And I’m gonna be honest with you….its really helping
I don’t know how it is for you, but a good move can make me feel so much better. It can really help me re-orient myself. It can make me smile, make me think, make me different. Last night I watch Tuck Everlasting. It was so good and was exactly what i needed
For those of you who have never seen it, its about a family who has found everlasting life, and one girl who find them in the woods and has to decide if she wants to drink from the fountain of youth.
In the movie, the father of the Tuck family tells Winnie, “Don’t be afraid of death Winnie, be afraid of the un-lived life”.
For years that line has always been in my head because I think that is my fear. I watch my life drift away rather than actually living it. Im a prisoner to my mind rather than the controller of it .
So I know this has been a long post. To recap remember,
~ YOU CAN DO IT!
~ DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY!
~ RETHINK YOUR LIFE AND YOUR VALUES AND THEN THINK IF YOURE LIVING BY THEM
~RELAX AND HAVE FUN!
Alright Jerri Blank give us a good inspirational quote to go out on!
….wow thanks for not being helpful at all.
~ The Dark Horse