Monthly Archives: May 2016

Lady Dynamite (Or, That Show You Should Totally Be Watching!)

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stand-up comedian (and personal favorite of mine) Maria Bamford has released a show on Netflix and its fucking amazing.    Its hilarious in all the good ways and also is stunningly true to mental illness.

Its called LADY DYNAMITE and its on Netlflix.

There are so many parts in this show where Im watching and going…. “holy fuck she’s nailed it right on the head!”.

 

Now I hate spoilers so Im not going to give anything away.  Ill just give a real brief, broad, and vague overview of the show.  It takes place in three time periods.  The “Past” where Maria Bamford rose to success as a stand up, got her big gig as the crazy Target lady, and appeared on TV shows.  The show also focuses on “Duluth”.  Her hometown that she returns to during her stay in an institution and her recovery back home.   And then it also deals with the “Present” which is about her life currently (and is also the most fictionalized portion).

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Now what really makes this show so insanely special to me is that I don’t watch it going “oh the downfall of another person with mental problems….how sad”.   I watch it with absolute joy.  I resonate, relate, enjoy, and empathize with Maria Bamford.  And its so much sweeter because she is such a great person.   Its about her living with mental illness, not failing with mental illness.

There are points where I go “Dude, thats totally happened to me”.   and “Fuck ya Ive been there” and “Yep…thats exactly how people treat me”.    But never ever and I’m crying over it like some sappy drama.  Instead I’m laughing.   I just want to walk into my TV and give her a big pat on the back and laugh about it!

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Now again I can’t keep talking about the show because I don’t want to give away any specific plot points or anything because I hate spoiling it for people!  What I will say is to YouTube search her as well.   She has done some really amazing and hilarious interviews about mental illness that I think are great and will probably give you a good laugh!

~ The dark Horse

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Depression And Anxiety Ruining Your Life? Well Fuck That Shit Right Into The Groung!

 

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So, you’re reading this blog post because you’re dealing with depression or anxiety?   Or maybe you’re going through something similar like Panic disorder?  PTSD?  Or really any mental issue driving you crazy?

Well, put on your white dueling glove, and get the fuck ready to dominate that little fucker.

Play this and keep reading:

 

Now.   What you need to remember is that these don’t actually control you… well, right now they do because you’re letting it.   But that doesn’t mean thats the way it always has to be.

 

WHAT WE MUST DO IS SIMPLE.  FIND THE SOURCE OF THE PROBLEM AND FIX IT!

 

For me, its because I’m living a life I don’t want.   I don’t get along with most people because I think they’re really shallow.  And I’m afraid to go for my dreams because I’m afraid ill fail.

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But listen up sweet thangs’    Im done hiding, and Im done not being myself.   Its time for all of us to cowboy up.

 

Now ask yourself, what is the source?    Dig deep, and pull that shit to the surface.   Will it bring a panic attack?  ….maybe….Does thinking about it make you upset? …..probably…..

But what other choice do we have?

For me I’m going to go for my dreams.  Im going to start writing.   Im going to start applying for jobs that I fear I won’t get. And I’m going to keep looking for good friends.  But you know what?  Im done thinking I’m a failure.  Im done thinking I’m not worth it. And I’m done thinking it won’t happen.

Because really, where has that gotten me?

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ok so I’ve told you my game plan.   Now whats yours?

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Now, lets start small.  Start easy?   (although you know what, if you want to dive headfirst I don’t really see a reason why you can’t.  I mean were already fucked up messes, I can’t see how much worse we can get right?)

But if that isn’t for you thats fine.  dip your toe in the kiddy pool  BUT DO SOMETHING! 

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Soon something should happen…. Im kind of right here with you guys so I can’t speak from experience (yet)  but this all seems like a good plan and such.

Now, lets do this shit!

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Just remember.   Never give up.  Stand strong.   Kick ass.  You can do it! I have faith in all of you.

~the dark horse

Treat Your Mind Like A Garden

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So I had this conversation with someone the other day and it was kind of eye-opening.

In my life I struggle with two main things:  First, is that my social life is a mess.  Ive never been on a date or been in love and Ive never really had any friends.   Secondly, I want to do something with my life.   Like something big!  I don’t want just a 9 to 5.  I want a job with meaning.  With value!  With excitement and challenge!

BUT WHERE TO START?  

It seems like whenever I go hard and focus on one, the other falls apart.  And when the other falls apart, whatever I’m focusing on also falls apart.

This is how we talked about the garden analogy.

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 He said, “Imagine your mind is like a garden. You have all these different plants.   Say, maybe only 5 even.    A Basil plant, a cucumber plant,rosemary, mint, and a tomato plant.   Now say you’re really focused on making your tomato plant grow and invest all your energy. in it. So you water it twice a day everyday and sit next to it and sing to it, constantly move it around so its always in perfect sun, and sprinkle miracle grow when necessary.

What happens to the other four plants? 

We have an immaculate tomato plant but are surrounded by a rotting garden.

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Now its time to go cook ourselves a meal and what do we have? ….Tomatoes.  Thats what we have, and thats all we have.

So thats like life.    Its all about balance.   We can’t neglect parts of ourselves or our needs and obsesses over just a small portion because we will never get anywhere that way.

Don’t let yourself rot away because you haven’t been taking care of yourself!

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So thats all for today.  short easy post, but very useful (at least for me)

Now pull those weeds, water your plants, and reap the benefits!

~ The Dark Horse

Mental Illness Is War (But Thats Cool Cuz Were Soldiers)

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So I watched a war movie the other night and I couldn’t help but notice how much i related to it all.   It was actually pretty crazy.   A lot of aspects of war are like aspects of dealing with mental problems (whatever yours may be, I’m sure were all going through similar situations).

For starters, theres a sense of being “war tired”.  In all war movies and war stories you hear the concept of boys entering the war and leaving men.   Of innocence being lost.   You hear them talk about how war ages you.  A 27 year old ends his tour of duty being wiser than his 60 year old father.  The feeling of being worn out, stressed out, and feeling like a piece of innocence has been lost that will never be returned.

Now I hope all of you out there are smiling right now because come on…. Do you not feel like this?   I constantly miss the person I used to be.  The kid I was back when I thought there was hope in this world.  When I thought people were trust worthy.   Back when I thought life was full of hope and promise.  Before all the sleepless nights, the misery, the panic attacks, and the constant dread and feeling of hopelessness.

But you know what? This is war people.

I hate to tell you but just like a soldier fighting on the front lines we have two options.  Fight and use all the brains and energy we have to survive, or die.  For the soldier its a bullet to the head, or a bomb.  For us, its a wasted life ended before it even began, the slow body-decomposition that comes with decades of stress, or worse, suicide.

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Another concept you hear a lot from soldiers is the feeling of coming home and not being able to talk about war.   There are lots of reasons why they think this…. people will judge them, they will be angry, their image of that person will never be the same, the fact that war is probably insanely hard to describe to someone who hasn’t been through it…..at the end of the day it comes down to:  People Just Wont Understand  

 

 

DING DING DING!

Any of you ever have that feeling out there?

Hmmmm…..  I sure as fuck know that I do.   How many times have you tried to describe to someone that how you feel is Misery.  It is Dread.  It Is Fear. It isn’t a “bad day” or a “rough patch”  and how many of you watch that person’s eyes glaze over because they just don’t get it.    Well you know, maybe we have more in common with soldiers than you thought huh?

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Also, and most obviously of all…. were all fighting a war of some kind.    It is a fight.   They are on the front lines, and we are sadly battling with out own lives.   But we know the pain.  The misery, the fear, the exhaustion, and the struggle of fighting everyday.

So what do we take from this? 

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Well I imagine we should do what soldiers do.   Remember that though it is hard, scary, exhausting, and sometimes it seems like all hope is lost…we have to remember that its for a bigger cause.   If we don’t fight now, then when will we?  Especially for mental illness, studies show that the more you lean over and just take it, the worse it will become.  For example:  The gym gives you anxiety.  DONT STOP GOING!  Even though you’ll go to the gym and have a panic attack a few times, the worst thing to do is to stop going.  Because you’ll most likely never go back.  And then you’ll notice that you’re having panic attacks for smaller things.   Like maybe running at the park…. and the cycle will go on and on until you’ve got yourself complete agoraphobia.

Know You’re Not Alone, And That You Do Have The Courage And The Brains To Fight And Win.

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~ Also id just like to say, I hope this post hasn’t offended anyone serving or who are returned servicemen.  I think you’re brave and strong for what you are going through and have been through.

The Dark Horse

We Can All Make Friends And Find Love (And I Can Give You Proof)

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So when I get really depressed I start feeling like I’ll never find happiness. Like i’ll never find my group or find love.   Like life will always be shit…. but then I think about the facts:

Even shitty people somehow find companions throughout life… so surely so can I! 

 

Take this pile of trash for example.  Ok I will admit I’m not too knowledgable about the Kardashians but here’s my best shot

Top left we have….. I have no idea.  A random Sister.

Below her we have Kim Kardashian.  She got famous for making a sex tape, being married for 3 days, and now being married to Kanye West (I think I could safely say she is one of the worlds most annoying humans and is probably personally responsible for the downfall of our culture).

In the middle there we have Kris Jenner who got famous for being married to some famous lawyer in the OJ Simpson case.  Then she married random olympic guy from the 80’s Bruce Jenner (who has sense made a small transition you may be aware of)….and now she’s just like a really trashy mom.

Below her is I believe Chloe Kardashian?  And she’s really famous for Snapchat and Instagram?

I don’t know the other two.  I know there another sister named Courtney but with a K?

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The point is, look:   This is probably one of the trashiest, most shameless, pathetic, celebrity-obsessed families in existence and look!!!!!! PEOPLE LOVE THEM! 

If Whats-her-name Kardashian can get like 19 million follows on Instagram or whatever surely I can find 5 good friends in life.

And really how many more do we need?   I would love it if I could just find one great group of friends, and maybe fall in love….get swept off my feet…. that would be nice right?

And in reality that means all I have to do is find 6 people in a world of something like 7.6 billion or so?  (Fact check needed for that number)

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No bitch, but Im sure your entire family is.

Who even is that one? I swear to God they just throw random Kardashian-look-alikes on screen and pawn it off thats its just one family, like how they used to swap the Olsen twins out on Full House.

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Seriously… they’re convicted felons.    We got this bitches.   Seriously, if they can get people in their lives, then so can we dammit!

 

So what do we do to get out of our funks and find friends?

~Well Ive started doing bar trivia with a Meetup group and I think its actually really fun!   I recommend trying that site! 

~ Tinder anyone?     Look….I know its shallow and disgusting but the fact is our generation has become straight up retarded.  They literally don’t know how to interact with strangers in public anymore.

Woman will assume all men are preying on them, and will assume all other women are bitches.

Men will assume all girls are trashy sluts and are looking to be used, and other men are competition.

We sadly live in a world where to meet new people it seems like it has to be done online.

~ Try joining a sports team?  (ugh…. I hate that one because literally EVERYONE tells you “Oh join a sports team” when you tell them you have no friends…. I’m like BITCH LISTEN I grew up as the gay kid in Ohio….. I assure the Football jocks were the ones beating me up and therefore I don’t really have a desire to play fucking sports)

But hey…. if you’re into sports go for it why not?

~ Make friends at your work break-room? 

~ If you’re in school join clubs!   talk to classmates!   Force yourself into your roommates plans!  I will assure you that peoples willingness to talk to strangers drops by like 99% when school ends so therefore you are in the best possible place to make new friends! 

 

 

Feeling down?  just remember…..

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This bitch somehow managed to get a TV show, make millions, get married, have kids, and gain one of the largest celebrity followings in history. 

If she can do that we can literally do anything.

~The Dark Horse

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being Near People Helps With Depression

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So, its a well known fact being around other people can really help with depression….however, it also seems to be a fact that so many of us fail to realize.  Perhaps its because when were feeling down all we want to do is just lie under the covers.  Or we don’t want to have to pretend to be happy around others.  Or maybe its even just that in our depressive lows we feel so disconnected from other humans that we ourselves don’t even feel human.

I put this to the test tonight (right now in fact) and I have to admit, it works.

So my day started out pretty well. I went to the gym this morning and then met my friend in the city for lunch.   What was supposed to be me and my friend hanging for the day turned into just an hour for lunch and then he went home because he was hungover.   So there I was, its 3pm and I’m bored with nothing to do for the rest of the day.

So I wandered around the city for another hour.

Then I come home and I cook a really intensive dinner (because what else do I have to do?)

Then I started watching a movie….

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But then about 40 minutes into the movie I got restless.  I’m home alone watching a movie when everyone else is out having a fun night.

So I make some tea and wander around the apartment.  Clean a bit.   Do some dishes.  Hate my life…..think about how lonely I am…. start the dishwasher…. dread the idea of my life being like this forever…wipe the counter…. endlessly wonder why I have to be so different from everyone else….

 

Then before I know it, Im in my bed with the lights turned off and the door closed at 8pm.

FUN FUCKING TIMES, LET ME TELL YOU

My flatmate comes home and turns on all the lights in the living room and turns on the TV and I can tell he’s watching Transformers.    So my initial thought is, “Well this is fucking great now my apartment is noisy and bright, God fucking damn everything!”

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**This is an accurate representation of my face when he came home**

But then I sat there and was like… wait a second??? Didn’t I want this all along?  To not be alone?    To not be stuck by myself?

So I decided I was going to muster the energy to just sit in the living room.  Wasn’t going to start a conversation, or anything.   Just sit and whip out my computer and just be in the presence of life.

And it worked!

Im writing this to you feeling much better.  We’ve talked a little, but he’s on his iPad, I’m writing this, and the TV is on.  Its just nice to know you’re not stuck alone.   To have some kind of other aura there to feel.  To not feel destitute and not feel so isolated.

Right now were chatting about the movie Galaxy Quest.

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If you’ve never seen it I totally recommend a watch!

 

Ok well thats it for tonight!  No big life lesson or ground-shaking revelations… just a friendly reminder to keep yourself social and active.  Its the key to killing off depression!

 

~ The Dark Horse