So I have some great news! I have achieved a new level in the healing process!!!!!
The memories of my panic attacks back in Australia have gone from traumatizing memories to hilarious ones! It al started when I was trying to explain to someone how horrible it was.
I was sitting there and I was like,
“It was awful! I would get so dizzy, and I couldn’t make out any focal points, it was like everything was in a fish-eye lens! Then my legs would get wobbly, and my heart would feel like it was going to explode out of my body!”
Then she kind of sat there and looked half concerned and half curious so I kept going. I continued:
“Yeah it was traumatic! My legs would get so wobbly that I was convinced I would collapse! Then you just get filled with this panic that you’re going to die!”
“Thats terrible!”, she said. So I went on to really drive home the point of how horrible panic attacks are:
“The worst part is that nobody would help me! I would be wobbling around, collapsing into things, and people would look at me like I was a meth addict!”
Then she started laughing her ass off! And I was like,
ITS NOT FUNNY!!!!! IT WAS HORRIBLE!….In fact one time I got so scared and I didn’t know what to do,so I just tried to run away and ran in front of a car, then saw the car, and fell backwards onto the sidewalk! And then everybody was just staring at me so I ran away all wobbly and tripping over myself!”
At this point she was on the floor rolling around
I was like, DUDE STOP! THIS IS A HORRIBLE MEMORY!
And then I kind of just sat there and really thought it. I thought about how I must have looked to random people on the streets of Melbourne.
How horribly random, and insane I must have looked. Like something you only see in some Disney comedy. And then, I started to laugh. And laugh and laugh and laugh.
Before long I was on the floor right along with her barely able to breathe I was laughing so hard.
I was like STOP MAKING ME LAUGH ABOUT THIS IT! ITS SUPPOSED TO BE A HORRIBLE MEMORY!
But the more I yelled at her, the more she just couldn’t control herself. And the more she couldn’t control herself the more I couldn’t either.
Now, whenever I think of those moments I can’t help but laugh. They have become funny to me. So completely insane and unbelievable they i have no other reaction but to laugh.
So there we go people healing in action!
~ The Dark Horse