Ugh…. yes I’m annoyed to say, but somehow, hope always prevails. Its the one thing that gets us through the hard times. That little fucker that somehow keeps us all going…. even when some of us (myself included) would just wish it would go away so I could kill myself without regrets. But nope. That shit doesn’t fly. There is that little engine that could living within us.
Honestly, hope is like the sun. This spinning, raging, burning combustion. From seemingly nowhere, nuclear fusion gives birth energy. Its gravitational force pulls your soul into its orbit. keeping it alive. Keeping warm. When all else is gone we somehow keep going, all thanks to hope. Breathing life into a lifeless void.
Its been over a month since Ive last blogged. I have been going through a lot.
Back in September I moved back home….ugh…
with my parents…..UUUUGGGHHHH
….IN OHIO. KILL ME PLEASE!
So I was going through the normal things a 26 year old who moved back home would go through. “Im a failure”. “My life has been a waste”. And then suddenly the election happened and I learned that half of America are raging hateful idiots who elected a man who looks like one of those puppets from the Land Of Confusion music video.
ITS GREAT TO BE BACK IN AMERICA PEOPLE…cough
However, I learned something as well. People are not there for you. You are the only person who can make your dreams come true. Here I am. 26, with a college education. I have lived around the world… and yet, I’m working in retail at American Eagle with a bunch of Republicans who think their cousin getting married is the highlight of their year…..
I stopped blogging I was so depressed. I stopped trying to make friends here (although lets be honest, this is Ohio…I never clicked with anyone here anyways). I could feel my anxiety coming back into the picture. I was so depressed I just wanted to sleep all day every day.
I could feel it. The burning. The power. The raging source of life that somehow manages to exist despite the world trying to constantly beat it down.
So, I decided to take life into my own hands. I decided I was going to stop feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Like I didn’t deserve happiness. So, I did what any logical person would do:
I applied to Harvard, duh.
If I’m going to get my shit together and believe that I’m not a wasted life, well then I’m going to just have to believe that I’m one of the best. Think of the opportunities this could lead to! The people I could meet. The doors that could open. Im ready to be challenged. To be the best I can be. IM READY TO SET THIS FUCKING WORLD ON FIRE (metaphorically of course).
But seriously, for undergrad I went to a preppy little college in Los Angeles as a communications major where class would be canceled because the professor decided to go to the beach… and now I may be at Harvard. A real college. Surrounded by the best and brightest in the world. ….. wait…. do you know who I sound like?
And you know what? Elle Woods is a fucking inspiration for the children so leave her the fuck alone! She’s awesome!
And Im ready for her to pass the baton to me. Its my turn to turn Harvard on its head and change the fucking world.
AND I SOOOOOOOOO HOPE THAT PEOPLE LOOK AT ME AND GO, “YOU GOT INTO HARVARD?” SO I CAN RESPOND WITH:
So thats it people! Life works in mysterious ways. And sometimes we REALLY DO need to just believe in ourselves. I mean hey, if were on the verge of giving up on life anyways whats the harm in giving it your all before you truly give up?
And remember when the dumb cunts in life try to bring you down just remember:
Rock on bitches and never proofread your posts! Write with passion not precision!
~THE DARK HORSE