Monthly Archives: December 2016

The After-Christmas Blues

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Ugh….  The Christmas music is gone.  The family has all parted ways… The presents have been opened… and now here we are.  Stuck with the post-christmas lows.

 

Its always weird for me.   Everyone always acts so busy at the holidays.    Like, “Oh I just couldn’t possibly stay any longer, I just have so much to do I have to go right now!”

Does anyone else feel like thats how everyone is?  Even at the family Christmas there are people who come, eat the food, and then are like, “Ok everyone we have to go, bye!”.   And I’m like… Where exactly is everyone going all the time?

If you’re going to come into town Christmas eve night and leave at 8am the day after Christmas what exactly are you even coming home for?     Like, seriously people… if you’re lives are so full-on that actually breaking away from your job for JUST 1 DAY  is now a chore, don’t come home!

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But as I grow older thats how life has become.   Christmas is this whirlwind now consisting of 1 day.  Where I hear nothing but family complaining about how tired the holidays make them, how busy they are, how quickly they have to rush out right after Christmas…. and then before you know it, its December 26.  Everyone is gone.  The mad dash to go somewhere else is in full-swing.

We spend 2 months putting up lights, listening to Christmas carols, buying presents, baking cookies….. all for one day where EVERYONE ON EARTH just complains about how tired these two months have made them.  How they’re just too stressed right now… and how they have to leave immediately.

Well human population:  You’re negativity, lack of enthusiasm, and commitment to your jobs which must be working you 60 or 70 hours a week with how much you complain about them, has left me now tired, depressed, and empathetic.

Your Christmas has ruined mine.  I hope you’re happy.  

And now you’re all gone.  Back to your jobs which you hate so much.   Back to paying off your mortgages, your kids, your cars, and the presents you couldn’t afford.    You’re back to living your lives you complain about so much.     And Why? 

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Now don’t get me wrong.  Im not some unemployed welfare muncher.  I work as well.    And no, I don’t like my job.  But you know what people, I’m doing sometime about it.  Im going back to school.  Ive never invested in things that would keep me tied down to consumerist culture like buying a house, buying the newest car, or  the crappy gadgets that don’t do anything (talkin’ to you fitbit and apple watch people).     Because without having any of that hanging over my head I’m free to switch up my life.  Im free to change things.  Im not tied down.  I don’t have anything looming over my head.   I am not happy with my life, and therefore I am changing it.  You people are not happy with your lives, and yet you just sit in your filth.   You tie yourself down.   You get stuck, trapped, and captured.

Then this one time of year comes around meant for family, fun, and friendship.   It could be so beautiful.  The lights, the trees, the time spent together….but no.   Instead you’re so frazzled that the holidays have become a pathetic spectacle.   Christmas is now just one more day in your life that has clearly become so boring, so routine, and mundane that you just could’t give a fuck anymore.

And thats sad.     And it makes me sad.    And what makes it even worse is that you’re all convinced thats just how life is.   Working a job that doesn’t really make you happy is something you believe everyone just does.    Buying too many presents for people who don’t actually need them is just part of the season.   Getting fatter and fatter every year is just part of getting older…and so on and so on.    If your 15 yr old self saw you right now, what would they think?

Apparently to most of you, adulthood is the end of your life.   All you have is the memories of your youth now.

I don’t want that as my life.    And I’m sorry that so many of you have let that become you.

Sorry for the horribly negative post, just something Ive been noticing.

~ The Dark Horse

Being INFJ During The Trump Era

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So is anyone else out there having a horrid, dying, rotting feeling inside?   Like you’re watching The Empire Strikes Back?  And you’re just watching the Empire somehow constantly win and destroy everything?

Yeah…. you’re not alone.  As INFJ’s we are in for 4 or 8 years of absolute hell.  Because Donald Cunt, I mean, Donald Trump, is everything we stand against.

 

But hey, sit down, pour yourself some tea, and refrain from killing yourself for at least 10 more minutes to read this post because you know what?  We are in this together and there is strength in numbers. 

Lets start with the problems of this pathetic presidency: 

For starters, as INFJ’s we have an inherent sense of altruism that runs through us.   Helping each other for the greater good, using kindness rather than hatred, and leaving society better than how found it, are how we live our lives.    In fact, many INFJ’s see helping people as their purpose in life.  Which is why so many go on to be humanitarians, therapists, and social provocateurs.   We are the movers and the shakers in this world because we KNOW that goodness wins.

So for us to watch this:

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This shit kills us inside.     Because another part of being INFJ means that we are very sensitive.   This sensitivity is what gives us our amazing sense of empathy and our ability to know true pain.   And people, let me tell you…knowing that this shit is happening in my country causes me to feel true pain.     What makes everything even worse is that this is SUCH A SMALL SAMPLE OF HOW MANY OF THESE HAVE HAPPENED SINCE THE ELECTION! 

In fact, the Southern Poverty Law Center has cited over 1,000 reports of Trump-related hate crimes since the election.    It is fucking sickening.

 

 

Furthermore, INFJ’s have a great sense of intuition.   In fact,introverted intuition is our dominant trait. Just as birds somehow know to migrate in the winter over thousands of miles, we have an inherent and seemingly unearthly ability to just know things.

And people, I knew long before this happened…..

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….. That Donald Trump shouldn’t be president.    And I have a feeling most of you did too.

Which is what crushed us so heavily during this election.  We, already knowing what a crap-basket this man was, had to sit and watch him constantly do and say horrible things like:

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and this:

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and this:

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And dear God…there are literally so many more…

We had to sit there, watching that, as we heard half of the country praise this man.   It was honestly heartbreaking for me.

SO NOW I’M SURE YOU’RE ASKING:

IS THERE ANY GOOD NEWS?

Well, there is.  Because as INFJ’s we come from a long line of amazing people who have literally turned this world upside down.    Recognize any of these fellow INFJ’s?

 

Thats right people!   We are the people who change this damn world.  And you know what, if Donald wants to try to ruin this country you can bet your sweet ass that we will be there to try our hardest to stop him.   And always remember, The Empire Strikes back was followed by Return Of The Jedi.  Because c’mon…. evil can’t win.  Especially when you’re as stupid and careless as our current president-elect.

Remember to stay strong, you’re not alone in your pain and misery, and above all else try to change this world for the better!   Sign petitions, go to protests, treat others the way you’d like to be treated, and dear fucking god vote in 2020 and hopefully we may still have something resembling a country afterwards.

 

KICK SOME ASS PEOPLE! 

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~ The Dark Horse

(no this wasn’t proofread… Donald Trump can’t even read so theres no need proofreading this for him)

Rebuilding Your Life From Ground Zero

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Alright.   Im starting from scratch here people.  I’ve been back in my hometown…. working part time in retail….living at home…..

I have been a complete sack of useless shit.

Ive just been questioning everything about my life.   Regretting all of my past.   Dreading my future.   Hating my present.  Masturbating twice a day everyday is the only excitement Ive had the last few months… I have been pathetic.

Does anyone else know that feeling?  Anyone out there know what its like to want so much from life, but you’re just stuck in the craptastic shithole called your life?   You’ve dug yourself into a bad situation…. which is hard enough to get out of on its own…..but combine that struggle with trying to do all that with depression and anxiety…. and FUCK life sucks

But ok, Ive got a lead.  In January I’m going to start taking classes at Harvard.   So Ill be moving to Cambridge next month.   A chance to restart my life.  To do everything over again.

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A chance to learn new skills.  Make friends.   Move to a city with opportunity.

But Jesus fucking Christ I’m scared.  Im so scared that I’m going to fuck this up too.   That I will ruin everything.   That this won’t go well for me.     UUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

Ok my fellow Mentally Ill friends.   Does anyone know this feeling?   Its like Im so happy to have a new opportunity.  A chance to finally make things right.  To learn from my mistakes.   To finally start building a life that has meaning! ….And yet, where most people would be through the roof for this opportunity, I’m sitting here going:

~ I NEED TO PREPARE FOR THE WORST CASE SCENARIO BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THE WORST CASE SCENARIO HAPPENS…AND QUITE REGULARLY 

~ WILL PEOPLE HATE ME?   WILL THE TEACHERS AT HARVARD THINK IM STUPID AND BENEATH THEM?

~ WILL I MAKE FRIENDS? 

~ WILL THIS BE ANY DIFFERENT FROM MY PAST ATTEMPTS? 

Well, I won’t know until I try right?

There really is nothing to do now but hope for the best, because negativity and dread hasn’t gotten me anywhere in life yet right?  So, lets open our arms and take a leap of faith.

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~ The Dark Horse

And no this wasn’t proofread because I was eating a sandwich while trying.   (it was a turkey reuben and it was delicious!)