Dear mom and dad, Im writing this because I know you’ll never read this. I just wanted to let you know that yesterday, after leaving you at the airport, I arrived safely in Cambridge. I will begin school next Monday and honestly, Im so excited.
I know that I never ever tell you this, but I love you both so much. You guys have done so much for me and have made so many sacrifices. Granted, we rarely see things eye-to-eye, and I know you guys don’t get me and my dreams. But I don’t blame you. We’re just different types of people and thats fine.
As you both know, I move around a lot. And Its because I’m trying to find myself. I have this deep need to be better. To achieve greatness. To try and take the world by storm. But at the same time, I’ve been deeply hurt in my life. From people who don’t get me. From people who don’t want watch me succeed. And in part, I suppose I have left their words and actions affect me to much. Furthermore, I can tell you both that it does get lonely when you constantly restart in new locations. And I do miss you. And I do have times where I just want to hop on a plane and come home.
The reason I never mention any of that to you is because I have too much pride. I don’t want you guys worrying about me. Fearing for me. I don’t want you to know that Im not superhuman. They say that every child has that moment where they realize their parents are only human. Merely two flawed Earthlings. When I found that out about you guys it broke my heart, and so I never want to make you two go through that same thing.
However, there is good news too. I have really good hopes for this! I think my intentions of going back to school are pure. I almost feel a sense of innocence again. Kind of like how most kids must feel when they start undergrad. A blind-hope. Some kind of just pure happiness and a thought things are about to be awesome. I think I’ll learn a lot at Harvard. I think I’ll be challenged. Be bettered. I have this sense of optimism and hope. A feeling that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now…. a feeling I haven’t had in a very long time.
One day I hope that I can make you both very proud to be my parents ( I know you already are ) But still, I don’t feel proud to be me yet… Maybe thats what Im really hoping for. And thats something Im never able to tell you. That I feel like a failure. I feel like a pathetic and complete failure. I thought I would be so much more at age 27 than what I am.
But again, right now I’m feeling good. Im feeling hopeful. Im feeling optimistic. And I just wanted to let you both know how much you mean to me. How much I miss you every time I leave, and how grateful I am for your love and unending support.
~Love your son, The Dark Horse