So, if anyone has been reading my blog, my last post was about me getting crabs… So, that sucked.
Furthermore, the deeper issue is that I had a problem of releasing stress and numbing pain through sex. You could say I have a sex addiction, some argue that it isn’t real, so argue that everyone is addicted to sex… who the fuck knows. All I know is that I used it as a tool for escaping hard times…which, to most, would be an addiction.
But now the spell has been broken, reality has rushed in, and I’m left asking,
Where do I go from here?
Sex isn’t the same now. Now, every time I see a random guy, I ask myself… but what if he has crabs? … or worse, and STD...or even worse, HIV? For anyone out there who has never looked down and seen bugs burrowed into their skin and living off their blood before… it’s something traumatizing. I don’t want to go back to my old ways anymore. It’s too gross and too risky.
But now it’s like…what to do? Without sex to numb my loneliness, do I actually have to go out there and met new people? Do I have to make friends? Cuz, I don’t make friends. It’s just never worked out well for me before.
But, and as fucking horrible cheesy as I know this sounds, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I’ve started joining some groups on campus and opening my Saturday nights doing things rather than meeting random people.
I joined a board game group, which, I won’t lie, has been some serious fun. I never knew I’d like hanging around the board game crowd so much, but it I have laughed so hard there and it’s been fun and constructive.
I’ve also really started taking charge in the LGBT group Im a part of. I’ve started taking on more tasks and leadership and it’s been great! Not only is it fun, but it’s a total resume builder for sure!
And you know what…I don’t need a fucking addiction controlling me. Fuck that. (or i suppose I should say, I won’t fuck that… not anymore)
So you know what addiction …..
…Go to hell.
~ The Dark Horse