INFJ and Emotional Intensity



Hello my fellow INFJ’s!

So, today let’s talk about something we all experience: Emotional Intensity. 


Emotional intensity has been described by Imi Lo as:

“Emotional intensity is a form of neuro-diversity that is most often misunderstood by our culture. It is characterized by heightened and intense feelings, a constant stream of both positive and negative feelings — pain, distress, despair, fear, excitement, love, sadness or happiness — sometimes a mixture of many at the same time.”

For those of you out there who like images, I’ve made this:


INFJ types are known for our strengths. Such as being creative, insightful, inspiring and passionate.

These come from our intense sensitivity, which we get from this emotional spectrum.  We can see such beauty, but also such pain. We can see the light and the dark, and we can see them with a sharpness that others can’t.


For example, have you ever been talking to someone and they’re going on and on about how great their weekend was?  They’re sitting there saying things like, “OMG we went to this bar and OMG we were there till like 2am…and I was like…OMG I have work Monday, but whatevs right, it’s the weekend?!?!  OMG it was so much fun!” 

And you’re staring at them blankly, almost in pain. Wondering how something so insanely boring and trivial could bring them such joy?


Well, that’s the emotional spectrum in play. Normal people can really only feel so much joy and so much pain. They live in a relatively constant stasis, unaware that there could be anything more. And for the most part, not even caring if they ever have more. Because as far as they’re concerned, they’re happy.

But not us. When we hear them talk, our stomachs sink and our palms sweat. When you’ve felt intense joy and intense pain, the idea of spending your entire life only 60% switched on is scary.  AND IT SHOULD BE! For us, living that lifestyle would mean that we aren’t letting ourselves flourish. We need more because we know that there is more. 


For us, living that kind of life would be like being locked in a cage for eternity.


That’s why INFJ types are natural artists, travelers, philosophers, teachers, and preachers. We need more.  We need to feel like we have a cause. Like we have a purpose. 

And sadly, a lot of us don’t get nurtured and supported the way we should. A lot of people don’t understand us or refuse to help.  Then, our sensitive nature, which could have been there to push us to be the best we can be, ends up devouring us.

We wonder why nobody gets us and why nobody cares. We wonder why we’re so different…why everyone says it’s so wrong for us to just be…us. And thus, we fall to the dreaded INFJ dark side.



But, we don’t have to.  We don’t have to hate ourselves. We don’t have to feel like crap. We don’t have to let society tell us that we’re bad for feeling such intense emotions.

Will people always tell us that our head is in the clouds?    Yes.

Just remember you’re not alone. There are other INFJ’s out there.  We are few and far between, but we are here. And we get you. And we don’t think you’re weird. We think you’re awesome!


Let yourself bloom!

~ The Dark Horse


13 thoughts on “INFJ and Emotional Intensity

  1. Hello! I am an old woman (68) and an INFJ too. I enjoy your blog and find that I can relate to many of the insights you have written about. Wisdom can come with age, just because you’ve experienced more life. But, one needs to be open and reflect on what is being shown to you. I try to live in the “now”. The past is over and done with. Ruminating on regrets will cause pain and suffering. Learn from this pain and move on. The future is an unknown. You can’t do anything about it. Try to love, not hate. Enjoy your youth and beauty it doesn’t last. Yes, the world is fucked up! Do your part to help make it better and make the choice to be HAPPY!

  2. INFJ is the rarest of all temperaments — maybe about 1% of the total world population, that’s why they don’t understand us. There so few to observe. And also that’s why we have not been nurtured.

    Glad to find another one here. Thanks for the article, I can relate… specially when you mentioned that “boring OMG conversations,” hehehe! Not all the other temperaments are shallow though. NTs are — just like us — abstract communicators too.

    Again, thanks for sharing! 👍🏼 Very nice article!

  3. Another INFJ here. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who deals with intensity. I often try to keep my strong emotions under wraps because I know other people won’t understand. So I stay silent — not always a healthy thing to do. Thanks for writing about this!

    1. Have you ever tried writing stories? I know a lot of people find comfort by putting their more “absurd” emotions down on paper. And sometimes they end up best-selling novels!

      1. Yes! Writing has been a great outlet. I’ve written several short stories and a draft of a novel which needs some work. Thanks for the suggestion!

      2. I also have a draft of a novel! It needs a bit more than “some work”, but I think one day it will be something. At the moment tho, I’m finding personal essay to be my strong suit!

  4. First timer to your website here. I’ve already read a few of your articles and let me just say this, it’s very relatable! I wanted to say thank you for taking the time to write all of this and making sure you show people what it’s like to be an INFJ. It’s inspiring to see what it’s like from a personal perspective of another person and what their reflective thoughts & emotions are. I love your website’s name as well! I was looking for an article based on INFJ depression and how different we feel from the rest of the world and how difficult it is to find others like us (to top it off, people who do not quite understand this particular issue we seem to have, end up dismissing it without fully realizing they have the privilege of being able to find others like them). It’s a refreshing piece for me to read and I very often wish I could find more people like this, and even more so interact with them in real life as well. Thank you for sharing your writings! I sincerely hope you’ll continue doing this for your own benefit as well as for others.

    1. Hey Eric thanks for the compliments! It always makes me feel good to know that other people relate!
      Also, if you like the name of the blog, you should listen to the song Bleed Like Me by Garbage. It’s all about how people lash out when nobody around them cares to help or listen. My blog name comes from the ending of the song!

  5. You are so good at what you do. I just discovered you and your approach to this is soley amazing.
    Thank you so much…
    Aaaahhhhh. We are awesome.

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