Monthly Archives: October 2018

AMERICA, YOU ARE JUST LIKE MY HIGH SCHOOL

high

In my last post, I was in a weird mood. I was pretty depressed.  In fact, the last two weeks I’ve been really down. The thoughts of depression and anxiety were nagging at me: You’ll never be a writer. You have no talent. You’ll always be alone. You are the problem, it’s always you. you, you, you! 

And then people were killed at Kroger.

And then a bunch of bombs were mailed to people all over America.

And then a synagogue was shot up.

    People, look. I don’t care what your political party is. The Trump administration is a disaster, and it’s ruining our country. The hateful rhetoric coming out of that man’s mouth (and those in his administration) is fueling the fires for the already hateful amongst us.

And to make matters worse, his followers are completely separated from reality and therefore are putty in his hands. As a Kathy Griffin fan, I felt compelled to write on Donald Trump’s Facebook page that he and his family spent an entire week destroying her; Calling her disgusting and evil. They did everything they could to ruin her career. She was put on a no-fly list, and had to take part in a federal investigation that accused her of actually plotting to assassinate Trump.

And yet, when bombs were sent out.

Actual Bombs…

cnn

The Trumps were oddly silent. A few comments here and there. Trump, you could tell, was forced to say it was wrong, and he said with the conviction of a wet mop. And then hours later he went back to blaming the media for all of this.

So, I felt like posting on his Facebook page, reminding him that he spent more time talking shit about Kathy Griffin than he did about 12 bombs being mailed out that could have taken multiple lives.

Yes. Ladies and Gentlemen, your President.   

I was immediately bombarded with tons of responses from Trump supporters informing me that the bombs were clearly a liberal conspiracy. Planted by Democrats to garner sympathy and persuade the “libtards” and “snowflakes” to hate Trump. 

First off, why? Wouldn’t Libtards already hate Trump? Where is the logic in this?

Apparently, to Trump supporters,  liberals are jealous of Trump. Trump does so many amazing and wonderful things that liberals are lost in jealousy and are determined to hate him no matter what.

But then, wait what?!?

bomb

It turns out that the bombs weren’t actually sent out by the Democratic party?

…wow, big shock (cough).

And of course, the responses on my Facebook post went dead silent.

So I probed a little further, and responded asking anyone if they cared to share with me how they felt now that they learned it wasn’t a liberal conspiracy.

more silence.

But within a few hours, Trump supporters were once again vocal around the country, hailing Trump and saying all of this was the fault of someone else, anyone else. Lost in delusion.

And that’s America. This is our country. The place we have to live. The place that has gone completely insane. 

And I think this is where a lot of my recent depression and anxiety is coming from. Part of me honestly feels like there’s no hope for this country, or for a future life here. I hate Republicans for how insane their greed has made them. I hate Democrats for not standing up to them more. I hate that it feels like the bullies are somehow on top. We have coyotes running the henhouse, and we all know that can’t be good. 

And that’s when it hit me: THIS IS LIKE HIGH SCHOOL. 

This is why I’m stuck constantly looking back at life in Ohio…because this country is running like a giant recreation of my high school experience. The bad are rewarded and get to live happily in their delusions. Nobody holds them accountable.

In high school, it was just accepted that because I was gay, I was bad. It was my fault, I was the problem, I brought this all upon my self.

And now, it’s just generally accepted that Trump and Republicans are in power, will say insane things, and then we just let them. Even as a synagogue is shot up, bombs sent, a car runs over a protester in Virginia, people are stabbed to death in Portland by a racist, and a black church is set on fire an has the words VOTE TRUMP written on it.

Listen bitches, I’ve been here before.

cunts

 

I’ve dealt with these shitty little twats my whole life. Growing up in the Rust Belt has given me firsthand experience in what the rest of America is now experiencing. And this one thing that I need to remember, and that I want to share with all of you as well:

They didn’t take me down back then, so they’re not going to take me down now.

 

I waited tables all throughout high school in my crappy Ohio town so I’d be able to escape and go someplace better. I worked and worked and worked and managed to move to LA for college. I’ve been able to live and work in Australia, New Zealand, and China. I’ve overcome fucking agoraphobia.

I aint gonna let some uneducated greedy racist white trash piece of shit make me feel like this country doesn’t belong to me.

Oh honey….hellz to da No you aint!

honey

 

Today, I’m re-vowing the same things I did when I was fifteen. Back when I was in my bedroom, friendless, watching the movies that inspired me to go see the world:

“I will not let these people take me down. I will not let them make me feel bad. I will not let them force me to give up. I will not give them what they want. 

I’m going to live my fucking life and be successful and happy because I’m fucking allowed to.”

Eye to the Sky. 

 

~ The Dark Horse

Advertisements

Hanson, And The Youth I Never Got To Have

DAMN YOUHANSON

 

So, feel free to judge me. I have no shame. I was listening to Hanson on YouTube yesterday.

Yeah.

Deal with it.

Anyways, it gets even more embracing than that.

So, I’m watching a live recording of their song This Time Around:

And as I’m watching the video, I realize that I’m staring at the guy singing… holy fuck dude, he was so fuckin hot! 

Look at him! 

Screen Shot 2018-10-23 at 3.59.01 PM.png

 

Look at the flawless skin. Those soft perfect lips. That perfect hair! That in-shape and healthy body. Look at that human perfection.

I’m 28. But I feel so much older. If anyone has read tis blog before you probably know, and for anyone who hasn’t, well, my past was filled with going through hell in my hometown of Ohio for being gay, running away to LA, only to wind up having sex on the streets for money, which did wonders for my mental stability, then I went to Melbourne where I struggled with anxiety, panic, and even became agoraphobic. I’ve been alone almost my entire life. Having to be an army of one. I’ve struggled with sex addiction. I struggle with my self-esteem. I feel alone all the time. And I fear I’ll never bee successful and that I’ll die alone.

On the inside, I’m not 28. I feel like a haggard 80 year old on their death bed. I don’t know how I’ve even managed to be such a horrible person. Or how I’ve managed to live this long.

And then watching this video, it just hit me. YOUTH. I never got to have a social life in high school. I hardly even had interaction with people my age. Nobody would speak to me. And then after high school when I went to LA… well, that wasn’t exactly my finest hour….

And Melbourne… I was collapsing every time I left my apartment. Who would want to hang out with me? How was I supposed to make friends when I couldn’t even walk to the grocery store without having a mental breakdown?

And now, in retrospect, I look back….

The “Prime years” of my life. The years where most people are stupid, innocent, and naive. The years when most people are their youngest, healthiest, prettiest selves. When all they want to do is have fun. Unaware of how cruel the world is.

All mine were wasted. Mine were filled with nothing but struggle, pain, and misery.

And now what do I do? 

The “Best Years” that everyone spends the rest of their lives talking about are gone. I never had them. In fact I’m hoping that most people’s Best years, are the Worst that ever happen in my life.

han

 

ugh…. look at these little twats. They made so much god damn money off that fucking song…

Ugh… Im bitter today, sorry. 

 

 

Anyways….

So, I guess this is something I need to learn to live with and accept. My past is the past. It’s over. I will never get to have carefree years or dog days of summer. I won’t ever know what it’s like go to a Prom or a college party. I won’t ever know the blissful feeling of truly thinking the world is an easy place where the biggest worries of your day is “What am I going to do this weekend.”

That isn’t my life. And I’m hoping that there’s somehow a strength in that.

I’m hoping that it means something, or leads to something.

I’m hoping that my experience, as crappy as it was, somehow provides me with some sort of insight that will make my life better in the long run.

But who knows…

All I do know is,

Screen Shot 2018-10-23 at 4.34.21 PM

OMG WHO IS THIS ONE? He’s sooooooo sexy too!

God damn cute boys… motherfuckers should come with a *trigger warning* sign attached to them.

Screen Shot 2018-10-23 at 4.36.52 PM

But uuugghhhh….. Long hair piano boy has that voice.  OMG. This is hard. Who am I crushing on harder? I don’t even know anymore…

 

Screen Shot 2018-10-23 at 4.40.08 PM

Ok, I’m actually really falling for guitar guy. He’s clearly The Man of brothers.

 

Screen Shot 2018-10-23 at 4.40.24 PM

OH FUCKING HELL…. Please, take me anywhere, I shall follow!

 

 

Alright people, I’m gonna go cry and masturbate or something.

Keep on keeping on!

~ The Dark Horse

 

PS- OF course this wasn’t proofread, I’ve been lost in the surprisingly amazing **cough cough** voices of the Hanson brothers.

Finding Inspiration In Slasher Films

horror

 

So, I’m sure you all the know the story, or a story similar to it.  I was the gay kid in Ohio that nobody talked to. I was the outcast, the loser, the weirdo, the obnoxious one, the one that nobody felt bad about leaving behind.  (The Randy for any Scream fans out there…)

I spent my childhood watching movies. Movies were my everything. My escape, my friends, my teachers, my inspiration. Movies were my life. They were never afraid to spend time with me even though everyone else was.

 

Growing up I had always watched horror movies on TV. My mother is a great woman… a devout Catholic actually! However, she’s also an oddball. She’s the product of the late 60s and 70s. Her older brother was a rebellious one. He stayed up late with their father and discussed dodging the draft and running away to Canada. He showed her the Beatles, and The Stones. My mother is sort of a flower child. 

She used to let us watch The Shining with her when it was on TV. The Exorcist. The Fly (The black and white one. The real one, as she puts it). Dark Shadows. Whatever Happened To Baby Jane, Rosemary’s Baby… the “classics” according to my mother. I had an upbringing of horror from the very beginning.

But then; it was 1998. I was 8 years old. My friend (who, only 2 years later would stop talking to me for being gay, along with the rest of my hometown) rented Scream 2. It had just come out on VHS.

He had a brother and sister, twins, a year below us. And an older sister a good 4 or 5 years older than us. We all huddled in the dark basement and put in the movie.

From that very first scene in the movie theater, a scene that has become iconic in the horror world, I was hooked.

scream 2

 

I didn’t know it back then. I didn’t know what it was. I just knew I loved it. Especially Scream. Scream was so smart. So in-touch with everything around it. It was incredible.

And then, the Jada Pinkett Smith death scene.  OMG….ABSOLUTE HORROR LEGEND! 

scream 2 1

She’s going off on the white girl who’s about to die (I think it was..oh, whats her face…. Felicity Shagwell…  Whats her fucking name?  Heather Graham, that’s it!)  So she’s watching STAB in the theater and Heather Graham is playing Drew Berrymore from Scream 1. And Jada is yelling at the screen.   OMG. it was so perfect.

Random fact – If you don’t actually watch horror movies in theaters, you should. Black girls literally scream at the screen. It’s amazing, and all part of the moviegoing experience. I’ll never forget seeing Rob Zombie’s remake of Halloween in 2007 and this one girl was going off on all the white characters the whole movie. Comic gold!

ANYWAYS – then Jada realizes her man aint her man no more…

scream 2 3

And that was that. I was hooked. Horror became my life. I binged them all. Forever and ever afterwards, my entire life. I can’t get enough of horror, especially slasher.

One must honor the classics:

Halloween

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Hellraiser

And Friday The 13th (Although, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, the best part of the Friday movies, were the hot guys they casted) PS- do you know about “Frigay the 13th” and all the drama that went down on that set? GUUURRRLLL…..

 

And one must also appreciate the newer films of the genre:

Scream

I Know What You Did Last Summer

Behind The Mask

Urban Legend

Hatchet 

 

 

Ok… I’m getting so far off track, I’m sorry. Point is this: What does a loser have to love in slasher films? I mean, they’re movies about a bunch of hot popular people having sex and going to parties. It’s everything my life wasn’t right?

Wrong. 

jason

Slasher films actually revolve around the lone female who survives. Known as the “survivor girl” or “final girl” in the horror community, but more commonly known as “Scream Queens”. These women are the true force behind every great slasher movie.

final

 

Scream Queens aren’t like the others in the movies. Scream Queens normally are virgins, normally don’t do drugs, tend to be more intelligent than their friends, and are never the most popular in the group. In fact, sometimes, they’re the ones the group believes in the least. And yet, they end up being the ones who rise above, and mange to outsmart the killer, becoming the lone survivor.  (Although, in some films you have multiple survivors)

 

And in a few films, the Scream Queen role is replaced by a male (example: Elijah Wood in The Faculty).  The Scream Queen rules remain in the cases of a “Scream King”

casey gif

 

 

Do you now see why an outcast like me would love these movies?

Watching the people who made fun of me, the people who always told me I’d never get to be one of them…they all die. And the person like me, the one nobody believed in, ends up being the strongest, the smartest, the survivor. 

Because of that, slasher movies hold a transcendent quality. And I know Im not the only one who thinks that. I know a lot of outcasts who have found great inspiration and strength in slasher movies. In fact there’s a shit ton of scholarly writing on it.

So what am I saying??

I’m saying, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND GET INSPIRED! It’s time to watch some slasher movies! (Because it’s good for you of course!)

jamie

 

~ The Dark Horse

OMG OMG OMG WAIT! Do you remember Freddy Vs. Jason?  (squeal!) 

That scene, when the main girl drags Freddy out of her dream and into the real world so he can fight Jason…. OMG… When Freddy first comes into our word and sees Jason and is like…. oh boy, I am fuckedddddd.   Why don’t these movies win Oscars?


fvj

Did Taylor Swift Just Save Democracy?

Saved by...

People… this is 2018.  

Where a horrible businessman and reality-show host can be president…

And a porn star can come forward with evidence that may just take him down…

And, It’s possible that Taylor Swift just destroyed the entire Republican Party.

 

Now, am I happy that Americans don’t act until Taylor Swift says to?  No…that’s actually quite depressing. However, if my choices are to have Taylor Swift encourage Americans to vote, or allow America to keep rolling over and allowing scumbag pieces of shit like Brett Kavanaugh to get lifetime access to Supreme Court rulings….

(Rereads this paragraph and realizes how fucking absurd those two choices are…grabs paper bag to hyperventilate, then needs to go brew herbal tea to calm down…) 

(returns to computer with mug of tea)

Ok… sorry about that, I just almost died because 2018 is literally fucking killing me. 

(Takes more deep breaths)

Ok ok, but in all honesty, Im at a point now where I’m like, ya know what, whatever gets the damn job done is ok by me. 

taylor1

And if this is who saves America….

oh dear god…

(no, no! Stay positive…this is a positive post…)

(Deep breath, cracks neck)

Then good for America.

Because someone has to get young people interested in voting. Because sadly, Republicans are angry and scared, and easily worked up. They will and do vote because right-wing media is constantly telling them how America is just inches away from total destruction every single day, and Republicans believe it with all their hearts. And it encourages them to vote with a ferocity unknown to most liberals.

For some context, Kathy Griffin still receives death threats daily, and there are still a good number of Republicans who actually believe she’s in Isis…. That is scary shit. Republicans don’t let things go.

 They are scared, angry, and refuse to quit. The Right-wing media machine will only increase their insane news stories all the way until November to ensure that every conservative in America is fully convinced that liberals are about to do something insane (like, pay Americans a fair wage or something…) thus ensuring that every conservative goes to the polls, convinced it’s a matter of life or death.

And so someone needs to encourage liberals to vote…

talyer3

And if that person just happens to be Taylor Swift then… God help our fucking souls cuz were fucked.

(takes sip of tea, REMEMBER POSITIVE! GOOD VIBES ONLY!)

OK, OK, NEVER MIND THAT… THERE IS HOPE.

Yes, Taylor Swift is probably very uneducated on Politics, but that’s fine. Because all she’s doing is encouraging people to vote. She isn’t running for office herself.  NO, THAT WOULD BE CRAZY. Can you imagine a celebrity with no education in politics or law deciding to run for office just because they wanted to? … That couldn’t possibly happen…ever.

(Slams head against table, hoping to end it all right here and now)

Luckily, A lot of democratic candidates are well-versed, and come from a wide array of backgrounds! In fact, there are more women and minorities running for office than ever, and that is an amazing thing. And what we all have to remember is this: THIS IS OUR COUNTRY. NOT VOTING IS GIVING SOMEONE ELSE CONTROL OVER YOUR DEMOCRACY.

Don’t let others have control over you, make your voice count, register to vote here:

www.vote.gov 

 

And Taylor… ugh….

taylor 6

 

Thank you for saving America. (I can’t believe I just said that… Where is my chamomile tea? I NEED MY GODDAMN TEA! NOW!)

tay wink

 

~ The Dark Horse

(This post was not proofread, because Im pretty sure it’s the apocalypse anyways…)

CRUEL INTENTIONS: Or, The Joy Of Watching Bad People Get What’s Coming To Em!

cruel

 

***This Post May Reveal Spoilers for the film Cruel Intentions***

Ok, so who here remembers the 90’s epic Cruel Intentions? It’s a total classic that I use as therapy, and I recommend you all do the same, because it’s brilliant and amazing and will leave you feeling so…satisfied. First off, what a fucking amazing cast! Can we please just take a minute to appreciate it?

Ryan Phillippe

Sarah Michelle Gellar

Selma Blair

Reese Witherspoon

Joshua Jackson

Christine Baranski

and even a cameo by Tara Reid

…. HELLO?  AMAZING! 

 

So, anyways, AS I HOPE MOST OF YOU ALREADY KNOW, the ending to this movie is one of the greatest cinematic masterpieces in the history of mankind. It’s literally the 90s-ist thing of all fucking time. AND it happens to be a scene that makes me deliriously happy because it’s about taking down the bad guy.

At the end of the movie (I’m going to try and not give too many spoilers because I want you all to watch this film)  Anyhoo – So, at the end, Ryan Phillippe decides to be a better person, then dies. Oops. That’s a huge spoiler. Anyways, before he dies he gifts his journals to Reece Witherspoon so she can finally get to know the real him, and his past that he’s now ashamed of. In his journals he also describes in-detail what an awful power-hungry, manipulative beast his step-sister Sarah Michelle Gellar is.  Then comes….

THE MOST FABULOUS END-SCENE IS CINEMA HISTORY

cruel1

Ok, so get this: Fake-ass bitch Sarah Michelle Gellar is giving Ryan Phillippe’s eulogy in the chapel of their uppity rich private New York City prep school. During the eulogy, someone runs in and starts calling everyone to come outside because something LIKE TOTALLY HUGE IS GOING DOWN! And then suddenly, in the most 90’s-bliss-filled orgasmic-moment of literally all time, Bittersweet Symphony begins to play. It starts soft, then gets louder.

Students start leaving the chapel one by one, then two by two, then in droves. Fake-ass bitch Sarah Michelle Gellar is getting mad. Really fucking mad. This is her moment in the spotlight after all….

 

She decides to walk outside and find out what’s going on….

walkout

 

 

…Only to discover that Ryan Phillipe’s journal Cruel Intentions has been handed to all the students… 

cruel3

 

 

…And in the journal he’s written in-detail about Sarah Michelle Gellar, and how she’s been playing everyone in their school like puppets. Oh, it also reveals her little coke problem and how she stores it in her crucifix necklace (THE SCANDAL!)

cruel 4

 

 

…And the bitch goes down.

Realizing the entire school knows all of her dirty secrets. 

cruel5

 

When you’re having a bad day, when you’re stressed, when you need relief. Watch this. It’s fucking poetry. I use this to make myself feel better.  Almost like a voodoo doll, I put all the negativity and all the people who have wronged me into this scene, and suddenly they’re fake-ass bitch Sarah Michelle Gellar. And one day, they’ll be revealed for the assholes they are.

They’ll see one day, I tell myself. One day, this hard work will pay off. I will be successful. I will be happy. I will achieve my goals. And everyone who has been mean to me and who has hated me… they’ll all see how wrong they were.

Want to see it all go down? Ladies and Gentlemen, VOLUME UP PLEASE. TO THE VERY TOP! AND ENJOY:

 

Let’s all be like Reece Witherspoon driving off, being a total badass!

~ The Dark Horse

( The may have been proofread, I’m not sure. I’m far too giddy over this scene to remember squeal! )