In my last post, I was in a weird mood. I was pretty depressed. In fact, the last two weeks I’ve been really down. The thoughts of depression and anxiety were nagging at me: You’ll never be a writer. You have no talent. You’ll always be alone. You are the problem, it’s always you. you, you, you!
And then people were killed at Kroger.
And then a bunch of bombs were mailed to people all over America.
And then a synagogue was shot up.
People, look. I don’t care what your political party is. The Trump administration is a disaster, and it’s ruining our country. The hateful rhetoric coming out of that man’s mouth (and those in his administration) is fueling the fires for the already hateful amongst us.
And to make matters worse, his followers are completely separated from reality and therefore are putty in his hands. As a Kathy Griffin fan, I felt compelled to write on Donald Trump’s Facebook page that he and his family spent an entire week destroying her; Calling her disgusting and evil. They did everything they could to ruin her career. She was put on a no-fly list, and had to take part in a federal investigation that accused her of actually plotting to assassinate Trump.
And yet, when bombs were sent out.
The Trumps were oddly silent. A few comments here and there. Trump, you could tell, was forced to say it was wrong, and he said with the conviction of a wet mop. And then hours later he went back to blaming the media for all of this.
So, I felt like posting on his Facebook page, reminding him that he spent more time talking shit about Kathy Griffin than he did about 12 bombs being mailed out that could have taken multiple lives.
Yes. Ladies and Gentlemen, your President.
I was immediately bombarded with tons of responses from Trump supporters informing me that the bombs were clearly a liberal conspiracy. Planted by Democrats to garner sympathy and persuade the “libtards” and “snowflakes” to hate Trump.
First off, why? Wouldn’t Libtards already hate Trump? Where is the logic in this?
Apparently, to Trump supporters, liberals are jealous of Trump. Trump does so many amazing and wonderful things that liberals are lost in jealousy and are determined to hate him no matter what.
But then, wait what?!?
It turns out that the bombs weren’t actually sent out by the Democratic party?
…wow, big shock (cough).
And of course, the responses on my Facebook post went dead silent.
So I probed a little further, and responded asking anyone if they cared to share with me how they felt now that they learned it wasn’t a liberal conspiracy.
But within a few hours, Trump supporters were once again vocal around the country, hailing Trump and saying all of this was the fault of someone else, anyone else. Lost in delusion.
And that’s America. This is our country. The place we have to live. The place that has gone completely insane.
And I think this is where a lot of my recent depression and anxiety is coming from. Part of me honestly feels like there’s no hope for this country, or for a future life here. I hate Republicans for how insane their greed has made them. I hate Democrats for not standing up to them more. I hate that it feels like the bullies are somehow on top. We have coyotes running the henhouse, and we all know that can’t be good.
And that’s when it hit me: THIS IS LIKE HIGH SCHOOL.
This is why I’m stuck constantly looking back at life in Ohio…because this country is running like a giant recreation of my high school experience. The bad are rewarded and get to live happily in their delusions. Nobody holds them accountable.
In high school, it was just accepted that because I was gay, I was bad. It was my fault, I was the problem, I brought this all upon my self.
And now, it’s just generally accepted that Trump and Republicans are in power, will say insane things, and then we just let them. Even as a synagogue is shot up, bombs sent, a car runs over a protester in Virginia, people are stabbed to death in Portland by a racist, and a black church is set on fire an has the words VOTE TRUMP written on it.
Listen bitches, I’ve been here before.
I’ve dealt with these shitty little twats my whole life. Growing up in the Rust Belt has given me firsthand experience in what the rest of America is now experiencing. And this one thing that I need to remember, and that I want to share with all of you as well:
They didn’t take me down back then, so they’re not going to take me down now.
I waited tables all throughout high school in my crappy Ohio town so I’d be able to escape and go someplace better. I worked and worked and worked and managed to move to LA for college. I’ve been able to live and work in Australia, New Zealand, and China. I’ve overcome fucking agoraphobia.
I aint gonna let some uneducated greedy racist white trash piece of shit make me feel like this country doesn’t belong to me.
Oh honey….hellz to da No you aint!
Today, I’m re-vowing the same things I did when I was fifteen. Back when I was in my bedroom, friendless, watching the movies that inspired me to go see the world:
“I will not let these people take me down. I will not let them make me feel bad. I will not let them force me to give up. I will not give them what they want.
I’m going to live my fucking life and be successful and happy because I’m fucking allowed to.”
Eye to the Sky.
~ The Dark Horse