Monthly Archives: February 2020

Sick Twice in One Month

sick

So… I was sick at the start of February, and now I’m sick again. I had a cold, and now I have the flu…even though I did get my fly shot this year. Moments like this are proof that the universe is a bitch.

There’s no real existential meaning to this post or lesson to be learned. It’s just me, being pissy. I hate being sick (obviously) and it’s especially bad when you’re in sick in a frigid winter (duh) and to get the flu right after a cold is absolute hell. The doctor did write me a note though saying I’m contagious for five days and should work from home next week… So, silver linings?

So, what should I do? Any recommendations? Anything good on Netflix I should check out? I’m sick and dying and probably only have 48 hours left to live before the flu removes my soul from this wretched mortal coil. How shall I spend it?

dead

Anyways, it was nice knowing everyone. If you never hear from me again, just know it was the flu that killed me. And let this be proof to everyone that life is an empty hellhole just waiting to consume you.

~ The Dark Horse

(No, this wasn’t proofread. I have the flu. I shouldn’t have to proofread while I’m on my deathbed, that just isn’t fair.)

So, I Kind of Lied

brooklyn boulders

So, I have a confession to make. In the last post, I mentioned that I had to go to indoor rock climbing with my new friend. I had said I didn’t want to go because of how expensive it was and because of how annoying all the indoor rock climbing people are.

And don’t get me wrong, that’s all true. But that wasn’t the real reason why I was dreading it so much. The truth is, I was afraid. There’s a lot that I haven’t done in my life. Since nobody talked to me growing up, and since I had to deal with the panic attacks and agoraphobia…my life has been quite small. There’s a lot I have never done.

And nobody is good at things they’ve never done before. So, my real fear was that I was going to fail. I was terrified of having a fear of heights on the huge walls, or of being too weak to pull myself up. I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of my new friend, especially since its’s practically impossible for me to make friends. I also didn’t want to have a panic attack while I was three stories up on a climbing wall.

I was fearing the worst.

rock climbing

I couldn’t stop thinking about spending $50 just to have a horrible night and wind up losing a friend because of what a total pussy I am.

But, I’m proud to say that I did it. And the night went well. And I climbed to the very top of the wall (granted, it was on the Level 1 rock wall) BUT, STILL! I was there, dammit! 

I climbed that Level 1 wall and made it my bitch.

I also felt very emotional after. I say this all the time. Life after agoraphobia is like being born a second time. You find yourself having your “firsts” all over again. Your first walk around the block. Your first trip to the grocery store. Your first ride on the subway. And still, even five years after agoraphobia, I still find myself having these firsts.

But granted, nowadays, they’re things like “First time speaking at a podium” and “First time to London” and “First time indoor rock climbing.”  I’ve come a very long way from that apartment in Melbourne, where I was all alone, making my very first walk down Clarke Street.

indoor rock climbing gif

First steps lead to first climbs I suppose.

 

~ The Dark Horse

Wish Me Luck…

rock climbing

So, do any of you know that indoor rock climbing is a thing now?  Stupid fucking hipsters love to waste their days by climbing walls because they clearly have nothing better to do.

Well, in an attempt to be more social, I’ve agreed to go to one of these stupid places. I have to go this afternoon and I’m dreading it. Indoor rock climbing “gyms” are full of weird white people who are really into indoor rock climbing. You know the weird cults that form around SoulCycle and Cross Fit?  It’s like that. It’s a bunch of people filming themselves climbing a wall for their Instagram and then tag it with stupid shit like #SundayFunday and #LiveLifeHealthy.

I’m dreading this. I don’t like rocks. I don’t like climbing. I don’t like hipsters. But… This is 2020. America only has two types of people left. Annoying #woke hipsters and Trump supports. And since I obviously don’t want to be around Trump supporters, I’m forced to try and mingle with the #woke among us.

rock climbing gif

Look at that fucking shit. These are not my people. My people are little old ladies who sip tea and eat cake while discussing their past travels to the Darjeeling.  Why can’t more young men be old tea ladies? Why am I forced to partake in this blatant display of I’ve-Literally-Never-Had-A-Real-Problem-In-My-Life-So-Let-Me-Just-Climb-Walls-To-Give-Myself-Some-Potential-Danger-To-Focus-On.

If I never post again, it’s because I’ve fallen to my death in the absolute stupidest way to die possible.

rock climbing

Fuck this world.

~ The Dark Horse