Monthly Archives: March 2020

Looking Out My Window During The Pandemic

Ah, New York City. The place where dreams come true. The place where anything is possible. The place immortalized by movies, songs, novels, and poems. What a gorgeous town. They say if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere, after all.

Ah, let’s open up the blinds and look out at the stunning accomplishments of mankind…


Empire state building blow up


Oh…. fuck.


Ok, well surely this city can withstand a little pandemic right?  Surely nobody is losing their minds. Surely the city isn’t falling apart at the hands of a virus gone awry, right? Right??!?!??!?!

Maybe just one more peek out my window.  I’m sure everything is all better now. After all, this is the city that knows how to survive anything….




Oh dear sweet lord!

(closes blinds, hides under covers)

(shakes back and forth)

Oh… everything is fine…. Just fine. Just dandy!  Fine and dandy…. Oh yes…. yes, yes, yes…. umm…. Ugh, oh boy.

Wait a second!

I’m just being silly. The world isn’t that bad or that scary. This virus isn’t even that deadly… that we know of… and I refuse to be scared. I refuse to sit in my bedroom, trapped like a rat in a cage. This is ridiculous. I am young, I am strong, and I am capable of anything! I’m going to go open my blinds, and outside my window will be a bright, sunny, warm day, and everything is going to be all better! I just know it!

(walks to the window, throws open the curtains)


the day after tomorrow



Man, we are fucked.

Oh well, nothing else we can do I guess. Let’s fire up the kettle. Open up that fresh tin of darjeeling, and go through the entire Friday the 13th franchise…

we're all gonna die

~ The Dark Horse


Dear Coronavirus: Or, Roswell, NM Season 2 Gives Me Hope


Dear coronavirus,

You’re a crafty little cunt aren’t you. But, like all viruses, you have one fatal flaw… You suck at your job and kill your host, thus also killing you. What a pathetic loser.


Jokes on you, because I’m hiding away in my apartment and I have

You wanna know why?

Cuz season 2 of Roswell, New Mexico started back up last week!

roswell, nm

Oh my dear lord in the heavens above, just look at them….

Look, I understand that this is a melodramatic show about aliens that is geared towards teenage girls. I understand that. However, I truly don’t care. Oh, they’re just so fuckin’ hot. Aliens, if you’re real and you look like these guys, PLEASE ABDUCT ME! Probe me. Prod me. Who knows, maybe we’ll end up dating afterwards?

Michael Roswell


Oh god… I need water. Does anyone have water? Is it hot in here? Does anyone have a church fan?

Ok, cmon! Compose yourself! You got a post to write…

The point is this, self isolate and stop the spread of this virus. In the meantime, just watch Roswell. Just gaze into their dreamy eyes. And those muscles… debate whether he wears boxers or briefs…and imagine how big that tool underneath is…

Roswell, New Mexico


Oh! How long was I out for? Sorry, sometimes I just swoon myself silly.

Ok, so point is, Self Isolate & Self Masturbate. Easy, right?

~ The Dark Horse

When COVID-19 Destroyed the World


Up until a few days ago, nothing seemed real. I was in rural western Ireland on assignment for a magazine. Fresh air, fields of sheep, mountains, and the all the Irish Breakfast tea I could ever dream of.

We would see the news from time to time. Westchester County in New York was in a red zone. The death toll rising daily. Italy was beginning to collapse. But, then I’d look out at the lake, the fresh smell of spring, the birds in the trees. It was so easy to feel unaffected.

Then, the news came that Trump was closing off entry from Europe except for the UK. Ireland is not part of the UK for anyone wondering. Suddenly everything became real. Talk of having to rush to the airport and escape Ireland circled the table of reporters… But luckily, Trump soon came out and rephrased, saying, “The UK and Ireland.”  The consensus around the country was that Trump didn’t realize that Ireland wasn’t part of the UK. We all had a laugh, and life went back to being delusional and removed the outside world.

county mayo

That lasted for a few days… Until more news came, that the UK and Ireland were now included in the ban. Reality came flooding in. It was time to leave Ireland. The entire world was shutting down. The feeling of being protected, of being immune, of being separate, suddenly vanished.

The next morning we were on a flight back to New York City, only to find that the city was now in lockdown. Gyms, restaurants, cafes, bars, and stores, were are all closed. A few restaurants are still open for delivery and take out only. Now, a full lockdown is set to begin tomorrow. It will now be illegal for offices to ask employees to come into work. Places will be fined if customers are found inside. And there is a general sense of Armageddon in the air.

However, as I write this, the sun is shining out my window. The cherry blossoms in Williamsburg are beginning to bloom, and birds are chirping in the sky.

It’s strange. They say the coronavirus could end up killing close to 100,000 people…and yet, Mother Nature wouldn’t even know. Life goes on, whether we’re a part of it or not.

~ The Dark Horse

I’m Off to Ireland


So, despite the fact that I’ve been sick off my ass, and despite the fact that there is a global pandemic destroying the tourism industry, I have, somehow, been sent on assignment to Ireland.

I’m sitting at JFK waiting for my plane, and holy shitballs, I have never seen this airport so empty before. One of the world’s biggest international hubs looks like an old mall that’s past its prime.

I have to admit… I’m really looking forward to this trip. As the world crumbles from the virus (which in all honesty, is just like a really bad flu.  Miserable and awful? Yes. Deadly? …Not so much.)  But anywhoo, while the rest of you go into Walking Dead mode, I’ll be in the Irish countryside, nestled away from civilization.

irish country

What will I learn on this trip? Hopefully nothing. I’m looking forward to relaxing. I’m looking forward to escaping New York City, escaping the coronavirus, and escaping the world in general. It is my prerogative to sip Irish breakfast tea in the mornings, eat whateverthefuck Irish people cook, and suffer through an endless parade of Ed Sheeran songs (I really hope he’s not popular in Ireland.)

I’m tasked with writing a feature story about my trip, and I haven’t a plan in my head. Which I love. I will take whatever comes. I will absorb Ireland through the eyes of someone who has never been before, and who hasn’t done an ounce of research ahead of time. Ireland, I’m ready for you to surprise me, rejuvenate me, excite me, and relax me.

Let’s roll.

~ The Dark Horse



The Joys of the Coronavirus


After years and years of hard work… Struggles… Writing my booty off… Getting into grad school… Doing everything I could to make my dream come true… It finally happened. I became a travel writer. And then, because, you know, that’s just how the universe is… The coronavirus comes around and completely shuts down the global travel industry.

Oh viruses…. you fickle cunts. You dastardly bastards. You clever coyotes! Your ability to infect our bodies and spread from person-to-person is incredible. You’re too smart. Too strong.


And now, it turns out that New York City has its first case of infection…Which, I’m not surprised. New York City is tied with London as being the world’s only Alpha++ cities. Their economies are intricately weaved with other countries from around the world. New York City has three international airports… all of which are among the busiest in the country. It was only a matter of time before the virus found its way into this global city.

Alright people, wish me luck. I’ve already had a cold, follow by the flu, in just the span of three weeks… Let’s hope the coronavirus isn’t about to follow.

~ The Dark Horse

(No, this post wasn’t proofread. I’m still sick with the flu, so I shouldn’t be forced to exert all that extra energy that’s required for proofreading.) 


early spring

It’s March.

I’m sick with the flu. But Its March. So it’s ok. Spring is almost here. Winter is almost gone. Oh god oh god oh god… DEEP BREATH… I’m just so thankful. I don’t want to be dramatic or anything, but I swear winter is the most oppressive force known to man. All the darkness. The cold. And the colds. During January and February, I spend the entire two months feeling like I’m struggling just to live. Like every breath is harder and harder to take.


Ok, I promised I wouldn’t be dramatic.

But it’s soooooo hard! Winter fucking sucks. Winter is honestly the worst thing that’s ever happened to planet Earth. And sure, sure… I know. We need winter. The preserved water held in ice and snowpack on mountains that thaws slowly through the rest of spring and summer is what provides fresh water to numerous plats and animals all over the world…


Or, government of Singapore, if you’re reading this, can I please have a visa to live in your country? I will gladly live in 85 degree weather forever and ever til’ death do we part!


But, It’s March. Let us not forget this! IT IS MOTHERFUCKING MARCH! Soon, the weather will warm. Trees will bloom. Cold and flu season will die ( YESSS DIE YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!!) and I won’t have to bundle under layer upon layer just to go do anything.

I’m currently living in this converted warehouse in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, so It’s always cold (at least during the winter) so I even have to bundle up just to go pee.

Goals for Spring – No longer have the flu. And move out of Brooklyn.

To where? who knows. Perhaps Manhattan? Or perhaps halfway around the world?

~ The Dark Horse

 *** Not proofread, still sick (with the FLU I might add… where’s my pity?) so therefore, by rule of blogging, I don’t have to proofread ***