Dear Coronavirus: Or, Roswell, NM Season 2 Gives Me Hope


Dear coronavirus,

You’re a crafty little cunt aren’t you. But, like all viruses, you have one fatal flaw… You suck at your job and kill your host, thus also killing you. What a pathetic loser.


Jokes on you, because I’m hiding away in my apartment and I have

You wanna know why?

Cuz season 2 of Roswell, New Mexico started back up last week!

roswell, nm

Oh my dear lord in the heavens above, just look at them….

Look, I understand that this is a melodramatic show about aliens that is geared towards teenage girls. I understand that. However, I truly don’t care. Oh, they’re just so fuckin’ hot. Aliens, if you’re real and you look like these guys, PLEASE ABDUCT ME! Probe me. Prod me. Who knows, maybe we’ll end up dating afterwards?

Michael Roswell


Oh god… I need water. Does anyone have water? Is it hot in here? Does anyone have a church fan?

Ok, cmon! Compose yourself! You got a post to write…

The point is this, self isolate and stop the spread of this virus. In the meantime, just watch Roswell. Just gaze into their dreamy eyes. And those muscles… debate whether he wears boxers or briefs…and imagine how big that tool underneath is…

Roswell, New Mexico


Oh! How long was I out for? Sorry, sometimes I just swoon myself silly.

Ok, so point is, Self Isolate & Self Masturbate. Easy, right?

~ The Dark Horse

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