Hey guys!  You can call me The Dark Horse.  Why?  Well, the dark horse is the horse in a race that nobody bets on but then ends up winning it all.  That’s kind of the story of my life. Always working above and beyond what anyone else thinks I’m capable of.

I grew up in Ohio where life kind of sucked. I was the gay liberal kid who knew what composting was. It made me pretty unpopular. So, I’ve been roaming the world ever since, trying to find where I belong.  I have depression, anxiety, panic, and agoraphobia, but most importantly, I have an inner spark that just won’t die.

I’ve made so much progress since I started writing about mental health in 2014, and I owe so much of that to this blog. I’ve come so far and have faced so many of my inner demons, and my life has finally started getting good! I want to help anyone who is feeling down. I want you all to feel better, and be the people you were meant to be.

So come on, let’s rock this shit out!


~ The Dark Horse



32 thoughts on “About

  1. I know what it’s like to have anxiety; it really affects what I’m capable of doing at times. I really hope that you one day learn how to overcome this. As such things can be sensitive subjects I don’t always feel comfortable sharing thoughts about them online, but then I seem to find that I can’t help myself either. I think people who have been through bad experiences sometimes find themselves with the urge to want to help others who are also struggling. It’s a good thing :D. I hope that one day you can overcome your past.

    1. Hey thanks! Yeah I’ve already gotten so much better than I was back in December when all of this really started to flair up really bad… obviously I still have bad periods, but I’m learning what caused it from the start, how to deal with it, and how look to a brighter future. I hope everything is going well with your journey as well!

      1. Thanks. For the most part so long as I stay distracted by the things that I enjoy I’m ok. I can be fine for a long time and then suddenly I’ll get a bad day where I feel really depressed and anxious for no reason. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be 100% out of this issue because of the way my brain is wired (I’ve always been a little sensitive and no matter how many help groups I’ve attended, doctors I’ve spoken to and guides I’ve read I can’t seem to ever fully switch it off.) I can try and learn to cope with things better though. Luckily I do have a few people in my life now that I really care about and that makes a big difference. Good luck for the future.

      2. I don’t think sensitivity is bad at all! Im an extremely sensitive person as well but i love it. It makes me a fighter and a dreamer. Never numb yourself, it will only make things worse. Embrace it!

      3. Many people I’ve met use sensitivity as an insult or an excuse for their behaviour, ‘it’s not my fault, they should just be less sensitive.’ – as if you can just switch it off. I read something in a book though that stuck with me – that our sensitivity is often a result of chemical imbalances that cause us to feel things like guilt more strongly, and some people are overactive. Often when people commit atrocious acts against others they may be on the opposite side of the scale and be underactive, meaning they don’t feel guilt in the same way. I have to admit, I do envy people who are emotionally stronger than me, but then again I think I’m also more empathetic because of the way I am. Thank you for your kind words, we should be learning to embrace all different levels of personality. We need a mix of people.

      4. NEVER envy people who can’t feel as much as you do because remember they will never be able to feel love or happiness as strongly as you can. its their loss

  2. I cant help but notice how similar we are in a world where not too many people are like me. I began with your INFJ post and have skimmed over maybe 10 of your other posts. I am 26, from Ohio, single, no kids, INFJ, on my own I traveled/lived/worked in Chicago and Austin after high school until finally moving back to Ohio into my grandparents home. I quit my job (restaurant) recently to become a janitor so I can be away from people because the jobs I’ve had have stressed me out so much. The more I learn about myself though the more I realize I should be helping people directly but have no idea how I can turn that into a profession when I don’t have a college degree. I’m willing to work for free to get my foot in the door but am so confused as to who to talk to. I began this reply with the intention of thanking you for your wisdom on the subject of INFJs, but now another part of me just wants to get my feelings organized and written down. I will continue to educate myself and hopefully some of my questions will be answered with time. Sorry for the long post and thank you again.

    1. haha reading this I was like… Oh god… we are similar! Well I guess you have to paths to go down from here on out. You can stay the same and live the life you’ve been living, or you can take a risk even if its scary or uncomfortable.

      and trust me if you keep reading my blog you can see that change and risks are super scary and uncomfortable hahaha!

      But they pay off as well. At least in my life working to better yourself and to change for the better ends up making me so much stronger and so much better!

      So.. the question now is, What are some of your thoughts? What are some ideas? What will you do?

      1. I have many thoughts, as you know, but lately I’ve been thinking (strangely) that everyone in life is actually a projection and aren’t really real. That everything is a result of fate of the universe and it’s all about learning, exploring, and growing as an individual. Sadly, at this time, I don’t see myself taking any big risks. Those days may be behind me, and staying in Ohio is financially comfortable for me. I’ve had multiple signs in the last couple months, I can’t really verbalize, that have made me believe that there is a reason I’m here, even though I don’t truly know why. It’s extremely frustrating. But, mainly due to finding out my little 12 year old brother has cancer spread throughout his body, I have recently curbed my appetite for cannabis and have been focusing heavily on my closest family, books, and documentaries. I feel lucky to have been born in this historic era where the internet has exploded and information is exchanged like no other time ever. I feel like I need to take advantage of this and hopefully it will lead to “enlightenment”. I wish I had a photographic memory where I could remember every word of every book I read for the rest of time. As you also know, life is almost unbearably hard at times, but I would rather have a gift that comes with a curse, than no gift at all. I am happy to be so intelligent and open-minded, but at the same time so frustrated as to what all “this” is. You have no idea how much of an impact your posts have been on me and I want to thank you “from the bottom of my heart”. If there ever was a such thing as an angel, you are it.

      2. aw well thank you! Getting response like that are what make me blog. Ive always had such an intense desire to help people and try to inspire others because i believe that there isn’t really anyone out there anymore who really cars about the greater good, so to hear that makes me feel good!

        do know tho that going so far into your head as you do is obviously going to cause some degree of misery. the common man will never think about the large and broad concepts that you do and that will obviously lead to feeling isolated. but i like how you said you see it as a gift and would rather have that gift with its downsides than not have it at all

  3. Depression, anxiety you say? Tell me about it. You know what I learned in this life, you don’t get depression and anxiety for nothing. Where in the world are you right now anyway?

    1. I completely agree for my case at least! And that same thing has caused such grief i also think is my inspiration. because believe there is cause means i believe there is a solution. Which is one thing i know really differs for a lot of people. and I’m so grateful i believe in hope!

      as for where i am, I’m currently living in New Zealand!

  4. I’m back and let me tell you that your problem is not your life. You just need some clarity and this time you have with yourself, alone in a foreign country is an opportunity to get those clouds of painful past out of your system. Trust me, you’ll get better. Good luck on finding a friend (she/he might be just around the corner) 😉

    1. really funny you should have said that because I think I just made a possible friend. We’ve only hung out like twice and I know i shouldn’t get my hopes up….but i think he’s a really cool guy and could be a great friend (so don’t tell anyone, but I’m definitely getting my hopes up hahah!)

  5. Just stumbled upon your page… Your words are like getting a hug on a rainy day. I am also an INFJ and a sagittarius. I had the same experience as you when I learned about it.. everything just fell into place. I am also living currently alone abroad..I have this feeling like I can finally breath again. But at the same time I have been thinking for quite some time about the fact that what I crave for is to find someone who would really see me, look past the mask, love me..to whom I could give my love to. Sometimes I just think it is an impossible wish.

    Thank you for your posts! By

    1. It is actually a crazy feeling when you find someone you actually get hahah! And reading this is Just had that feeling! Also for some reason the song For Good from Wicked has popped into my head!

  6. I’ve just stumbled onto you! I’m an INFJ who is depressed with anxiety. Love your down to earth posts. Xxx

  7. I’m an INFJ. I’m 55. I had a lifetime of depression and anxiety and depersonalization until I developed thyroid issues and had to have it removed last year. I since have been diagnosed with a rheumatoid condition that causes fatigue, depression which was hiding behind my thyroid issues. Please see a qualified endocronologist and have a thorough checkup of your thyroid and related systems. Seriously. ❤ ❤ ❤

    1. thanks for the advice. Yeah I’ve been to many many doctors. Part of my issues has been health anxiety. So the doctor is the first person I go to! haha! I’ve had blood tests, physicals, scans, the whole lot. I’m just a certified crazy person haha!

      But now, in all honesty, I’ve gotten so much better since I created this blog. My life has really started to change. It’s been one hell of a process, but I’m gettin there!

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