So I’m back in hometown for a few months…. ugh the raging shithole only gets worse I tell ya.
Right now my hometown is going through a really fun heroin epidemic that is caused from people becoming addicted to opiates and then needing a stronger and stronger high. What is happening is that they’re turning to heroin in desperation for bigger highs and then theyre have overdoses and dying.
So now myBut hometown is having this massive campaign of like, “end the stigma of heroin recovery”. “Go find help, people are there for you”. “Here are heroin recovery stories” and all this stuff…. which look, is great. I mean if you’re on heroin please get help. Like seriously, you’re destroying yourself and most likely everyone around you.
But at the same time I also can’t help but kind of be massively annoyed. My hometown is very conservative. Its a shithole in Ohio. Most people are republican and the ones who are democrats aren’t actually that liberal. They’re Ohio-level liberal which is still pathetically moderate.
So where am I going with all this? Why am i rambling?
Well it just boggles my mind how growing up here I was always like, Hey I’m gay and getting beat up all the time for it. My teachers watch and do nothing. I really want to make movies and go write books to inspire people to be better. To help people who are in a situation like mine. I just really need someone to be there for me. I just need a friend. A mentor. Anyone who can see how much pain Im in all the time. Anyone to make the constant harassment and loneliness end.
And I was just met with, “Well its your own fault”. “Stop drawing attention to yourself”. “You chose to be gay, stop lying, God hates you”. “You have no talent”. “Nobody Likes you”. “you’re not worth it”.
But apparently if you’re a heroin addict then my hometown will be there for you. Stories in the paper about hope. About not being ashamed to ask for help. Free helplines to get immediate help. Stories about asking your family for forgiveness and help.
How is heroin addiction this puffy inspirational story that seems like it was written by the Susan G. Koman foundation? And yet if you’re actually struggling and begging for help you don’t get it?
This is why depression becomes a cycle. A vicious horrible cycle. And I have a feeling you all know this cycle as well. We know what its like for people to not care about us. We know the story. You ask for help and you’re told things like, “Oh its just a bad day, grow up”. Or, “You’re a drama queen”, or whatever excuse the normal human uses to dismiss your problems. So we adapt. We stop telling people how horrible we feel. We stop sharing our feelings.
WE STOP TRUSTING OTHERS
Then we go internal. We are the sole responsibility of our misery and pain because everyone else has made in painfully clear that they don’t want to deal with it.
Then people with depression have high rates of abuse of drugs and alcohol, self harm, sex and gambling addiction, and even worse, suicide.
So dear world:
DO YOU THINK THAT MAYBE IF YOU ACTUALLY LISTENED TO PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE IN NEED OF HELP THAT PERHAPS WE WOULDN’T HAVE THESE PROBLEMS OF PEOPLE DYING OF HEROIN?
MAYBE PEOPLE WOULDN’T TURN TO ALCOHOL TO NUMB THE PAIN AND THEN RAM INTO ANOTHER CAR WHILE SPEEDING HOME?
MAYBE PEOPLE WOULDN’T WAKE UP ONE MORNING AND TELL THEMSELVES THAT THIS IS THE DAY THEY CHOOSE TO DIE?
Hey, here is a side note to the common human, HAVE YOU EVER EVEN IMAGINED WHAT IT MAY BE LIKE TO ACTUALLY WANT TO DIE BECAUSE YOURE SO MISERABLE?
So look people there is hope. All major countries have lifeline and depression hotlines.
Here is a list of lifelines throughout the world USE THEM!
Don’t let yourself go. Self harm of any kind isn’t worth it. I know you’re feeling like people don’t care. But allowing yourself to die because the commoner doesn’t care about you is terrible…. I mean come on… normal people suck. They are so Plain Jane. Don’t let their words effect you. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THEM, I KNOW YOU ARE