Category Archives: change

Crazy Rich Asians is Crazy Amazing

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People of Earth, it has been a very long time since I’ve seen a move that made so happy and giddy as this one.  I have to say, Crazy Rich Asians is totally worth the hype.

I visited Singapore a few years ago and instantly loved it, so last year, when I had hear that a movie was going into production that was based in Singapore, I had a little schoolgirl fit.

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And let me tell you, the movie delivers!

 

Ok, let me ask you this:

Do you enjoy feeling happy?

Do you love movies where the location is as much a member of the cast as the characters are?

Do you love movies that showcase food?

And movies that have this….

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hubba hubba!  Check please! 

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But in all honesty, as someone who fully believes that travel heals all wounds, this movie made me so happy. I love when movies can fully transport you to a new place. It’s such an amazing feeling to feel like you’ve gone somewhere.

Plus, it’s just a such a great feel good movie. I haven’t smiled so hard during a movie in a long time. But this movie made me feel like I was in high school again. Like someday I’d go to far off places, I’d find love, I’d have an adventure. It was just so amazing.

And am I aware that this post rambles on like I’m insane?  YES. Of course I am. But I don’t care. I loved this movie.

And I think that if you’re feeling down and need a pick-me-up.  Then you should see it too. It’s a great two hours of your life.

Don’t believe me? Just look at Singapore…

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No do you believe me?

 

~ The Dark Horse

 

(and no this wasn’t proofread. this was written in a primal state of pure childlike glee)

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A Simple Moment

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So, I was walking along the Charles River the other evening, and despite my intense desire to this hate world and fill my mind with pessimism….I saw this.

 

I took this picture of a mother goose with her little chicks all cuddled up with each other to stay warm. In that moment my heart was melting.  And I hate it when my heart melts because It feels like weakness…but uuuuugggghhhhhhhh BABY GEESE CHICKS!

Just look at em!

Even the coldest, hardest heart has to give in sometimes.

 

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As I walked along the river, the cuteness continued.  There were goose chicks everywhere!  Some looked like teenage geese, while others were just learning how use their little flippers to walk. Mother and father geese stood guard as their little ones plopped in and out of the river.  I have never seen so many geese chicks before, and I’ve never been able to be so close to them!  These geese didn’t even care that we were there.  I’m gonna say there was probably like, at least 50 geese chicks around me.  Waddling with the adorableness of springtime.

I just said the adorableness of springtime…  Ugh, I hate myself right now.

But cmon, how can you not feel all gooey inside after watching little chicks waddle their butts and trip over their flippers that are just way too big for their little baby goose bodies?

 

Anyways, what’s my point here?  Oh, right!  Ok, the point here is this:  We have a way of getting so lost in our heads sometimes that we forgot to enjoy the world around us.  We stress about things, we regret the past, we dread the future, we feel lonely, we feel overworked, we feel a lot of things.  But then suddenly, a baby goose waddles by and instantly you’re brought back into the real world. You’re pulled out from that dark cavernous head of yours and you remember…..

…Oh yeah, the sun is shining. It’s a blue sky. I have an ice tea with me. And there is complete unabashed innocence and purity waddling right on by. That goose chick doesn’t care about struggles, he just wants to catch up to his buddies who are learning how to grow up and fly. He’s living in the moment….SO WHY AREN’T WE?

Let’s try and find more moments to enjoy. let’s try to find more moments that will bring us into the real world.  More moments that will make us smile, because let’s all be real here…. we humans never smile enough.

 

Go get inspired!

~ The Dark Horse

Having Depression In The ‘Real World’

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Grab your latte’s people! Put on those heels ladies!  Men, tighten that tie!   Its time for the morning commute.  You’re about to head into your business for that glorious 9 or 10 hour day of yours.   You know, that one you have to have five times in a row before you get two days just to catch from all the time you weren’t living for the previous five?

Yes thats right.  We live in a world of a bunch of ants marching.  Mindlessly.  Working day in and day out.  Building that massive ant hive for the queen (which in our our world is normally referred to as the “the man”).

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But why?  Why do so many people get stuck in these jobs they don’t even want?   These entry level jobs that were supposed to just give them experience… but somehow transitioned into the “career”.     The lifelong pursuit to avoid the office drama, suck up to the boss, achieve that bonus, get that promotion, and use the money to buy the house, the car, and then eventually, to pay for the kids they now have.

 

Now if anyone out there reading this has a great life that they love then I have to say I really admire you.   You are one of the lucky few and can disregard everything this post says.  For everyone else out there:

WWWWWWHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY???????????

Why is this our lives?  And why is this the life that we teach our children to have?   Do you guys really want your kids to repeat your stories?   To not chase their dreams?

I know this is how the world works because this is how people have treated me.  Constantly telling me to be reasonable.  To think about how much money a job makes.  To think about settling down….

SETTLING DOWN????  IM 26 YEARS OLD!  

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And you know whats so crazy?  People who live in my hometown in Ohio are settled down already at 26.  And to me thats fucking crazy.  Like kids I went to high school with are now working their 9-5 at some bank, going home to make dinner for their kid, and then settling down to watch whatever Primetime show is on that night…..

WHAT THE FUCK.   When watching this week’s episode of The Bachelor becomes the highlight of my day I will take a bullet to the face.

But why am I talking about this?  Why is this such a big deal to me?

Well, because I have depression.  I have anxiety.  I never fit in socially with others.  I always had these big dreams.   Ive always wanted to live life.  Not be a passive little fucker.

And all I have had in my life has been a bunch of people who tell me no.

Settle Down

Grown Up

The World Doesn’t Work LikeThat 

This Is The Real World

BLAH BLAH BLAH….

But you know what, I have some news for you,

This annoying hipster fucker was right…..There is no such thing as the real world.

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Play this:

In his song No Such Thing, JohnBoy here actually tells it for how it is….  This “Real World” that I’m constantly told will eat me alive isn’t real.   There is no certain way that life works.  This “way” that all the normal people somehow have inside knowledge of.  Some world where we outcasts can’t comprehend.

The “real world” is a bunch of scared people who settled and now live a fractured life.  A life that only makes them sort-of happy.   They then try to achieve their happiness by doing things and buying things.   Buying new goods to make them feel richer, smarter, and prettier.   By trying to appease the pretty people they work with.  By going to bars and pissing the weekend away being drunk.    They are constantly stuck in the rat race of life.   But they run in a maze with no exit.

This isn’t a rat race they’re in.  It’s more of a Hunger Games.

There is no good outcome.

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And obviously when people are scared and holding themselves back what do they do?  They try to make sure nobody else lives the life they don’t have.   They love going on and on about the dangers of taking the road less taken.  They love telling you how scary and hard your life may be.   How you may even end up unaccomplished and in poverty.  How you may never make good money.

But take a step back and really look at the Western World.   How many people do you know who smoke?  Or are overweight?  Maybe even have diabetes?  Is there seriously anyone reading this who hasn’t lost a family member to cancer or heart disease?

They sit there and tell people not to branch out because its wrong, but if you look at them you can see they’re slowly dying themselves.

 

Well you know what, tomorrow is my last day at work. I am terrified but also excited.  Im about to branch out in life.  Im about to go and try to live.  Not die.

Think of all the scientists out there.  The authors and actors.  The designers.   The people who are working with Doctors Without Borders in Africa saving people’s live every single day.

If all of them listened to the commoner who told them not to branch out…. WHERE THE FUCK WOULD THE WORLD BE?

There are people out there who are living happy, exciting, and enriching lives.

AND DAMMIT PEOPLE I WANT TO BE ONE OF THEM!

And to anyone who wants to put me down?  Well….

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Without dreamers this world would suck!  So keep on dreamin’!

 

~ The Dark Horse

…..This post was not proof read.  It was written aggressively and passionately.  And aggression and passion and terrible at proofreading  DUH!

The Daily Grind Really Is Killing Us

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So the other week I made a post about how the daily grind is killing us and I feel like it came off as really crazy.  Like in an “I was an old man yelling at kids for being in his lawn” type of way.   And then wouldn’t you know it…. a few days ago I open the paper and what article do I see?  THE DAILY GRIND IS KILLING YOU was the title, and it was staring me right in the face.   And to make things even better, the study was conducted in my home state.   (Great job Ohio….you bunch of fuckers).

 

Anyways the study says that hating your job during your 20’s and 30’s leads to increased health issues in your 40’s and beyond.    Stress and misery it seems, is literally going to kill us.

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So what does this mean for us?  Well for me, it means I need to live my life.  I need to not settle for things I don’t want.    Bad jobs that bore me to death and that are beneath me need to stop.  I can’t keep picking the lowest hanging fruit simply because I fear failing.

And furthermore, look:  If being stressed and miserable at work kills us, I’m sure that being stressed and miserable in all other aspects of our life is also killing us.    Those of us who are struggling in life:  The depressed, the anxious, the scared, the abused, the all-around miserable.   We need to fight so hard so we don’t end up as just another statistic in this study.

 

Im not ready to give up and dammit neither should you guys!

 

Fight on my friends!

~The Dark Horse

 

My Life Just Had A Movie Moment

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So, my life has kind of been turned upside lately.  Ive decided Im going to make friends and meet people…. even if they don’t want to.   Ive been basically putting myself into situations and telling people when and where were meeting….. why you ask?  Well because I’m fucking depressed and lonely and don’t give a fuck about others anymore.  Im no longer caring if they want to hang.  Im just making it happen.

But you know whats happening?   ….People are actually hanging out with me.   Fuckin weird right?

OK LET ME TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY.  BECAUSE…. OH MY GOD I HAD A MOVIE MOMENT AND IT WAS AMAZING

 

So 3 days ago we had a guy come into our store looking for a prepay phone plan because he just arrived in New Zealand.  He talked to one of my coworkers for a good 45 minutes to an hour before he left.  At the end of the day he needed to unlock his phone and then come back to buy the sim.

S0 yesterday the guy comes back because he got his phone unlocked…. I think I should describe him now?  I think thats a smart move yah?  So he’s 25, from England, really cute, British accent, in shape, good body, and he’s straight.

Now the store I work at is extremely slow and boring so normally my day is like this…

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So he sits down and starts talking to my coworker forever again because he clearly is lonely and in a foreign country and doesn’t know anyone.  And since were slow we have nothing better to do than to talk to him.

So i sat there and was like… Wait.. I’m lonely and in a foreign country and don’t know anyone… and so is this really cute straight boy…… so fuck it, I’m gonna force myself into the conversation and make a friend.

So were talking and I swear we talk for like 2 hours.   We were literally talking until it was time for us to close the shop.  So we sent him home and started doing the monotonous closing duties and my life went back to being boring as fuck and I kinda felt crushed that I wasn’t going to be making friends with a cute straight boy.

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But then something awesome happened.  As I was walking to the bus stop from work I see him sitting on a bench eating some sushi.  Naturally I was like…. well I’m forcing people to hang out now…so… lets go make hime hang out!

I sit down next to him and and strike up a chat.  We then walk into the city together which is a good 30 minute walk.   Once we were in the city we decided to get a coffee and keep chatting, then I said lets make dinner at my place, so we buy groceries and walk another 30 minutes to my place and keep chatting.

We cook, we eat, I shower, he showers, then we put on a movie.  So he’s  laying on the couch with his feet sprawled out diagonally, and then there’s me laying on the other end of the couch with my feet up on the backrest of the couch (already one of the closest human interactions I’ve ever had with a heterosexual male)

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So we watch the movie and then before we know it, its 2am.    He has no car so I can’t send him home.  So I’m like, “oh hey I know its late…but you’re more than welcome to stay here”…. and I swear to you, without even blinking he’s like, “Ah yeah man sure, thats your room right?” And he walks into my room, gets in my bed and takes his shirt off so he is in nothing but gym shorts.  

I am now instantly kind of getting a boner and in my head I’m like HOLY FUCK THERE IS A SHIRTLESS STRAIGHT GUY IN MY BED!

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Yes people…. thats literally what I walked into after brushing my teeth.   So I take my shirt off so I’m also in nothing but sweat shorts.

I get into bed next to him and we chat for about 15 minutes and then he falls asleep…. (typical fucking straight guys being able to fall asleep within minutes of laying down…. dumb assholes)

But then he repositions himself and his leg moves into mine and his shoulder touches mine.   I can feel his warmth.

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I am now rocking the biggest boner known to man

 

So I sit there for probably a good hour like a little school girl just freaking out inside that a boy is touching me….. even if it is in a very PG way…ITS STILL SOMETHING PEOPLE!

I decide to just go to bed and enjoy not being alone for the night.

I wake up and my leg is literally on top of his leg and his face is on my shoulder.  I decide to not wake him…..I was quite content sitting there for another hour just knowing a cute boy was laying on my shoulder.

 

So today hung out even more and he asked me to take a week off from work so we can take a road trip.

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a road trip

Do you know this will be the first road trip I have ever taken in my life?

Thats right.  Me, a straight boy, a car, and a tent…… OH MY GOD.  Its the most insanely homoerotic wet dream I could possibly ever imagine!

But you know what, even more important than that…. it feels really good to have someone thinking about you.  For someone to want to travel with you.  To want to share an experience with you.

 

….maybe life isn’t so shit guys

~The Dark Horse

(no this was not proof read!  Im too busy being a childish little schoolgirl ok! leave me alone! )

Rebuilding Your Life When Its Crumbled To Nothing

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So in the last couple of blog posts I had been talking about just saying Fuck It.  I had been pretty down and feeling like shit for being in New Zealand and not making any friends or anything, when I came across and ingenious thought….  Fuck It.

Thats right.  Fuck It.   At the end of the day, none of this means anything.  Embarrassing myself in front of others means nothing when Im alone all the time anyways (whats gonna happen? Ill lose my popularity? …funny joke right?)

Who cares if they tell you “No, i don’t know you go away”… lets be honest here… we were gonna be alone tonight anyways right?

I decided I no longer was looking for friends, but was HUNTING FOR FRIENDS

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Thats right bitches.   You’re the eagle, they’re the trout.   Stalk and attack.

 

So I’m no longer being like…

“Oh hey hows it going?”

“Hows your day going?”

“What do you do for work?”

“blah blah blah blah”

“Maybe if you’re free ever we cold hang out?”

Because the common man is a fuckin idiot and is self-obsessed.   The commoner NEVER thinks they have any free time.  Everyone is apparently as busy as the President.  I mean balancing their time on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, and Buzzfeed is just sooooooo time consuming.

So instead my conversations have become more like…

“Hey hows it going?”

“Oh nice so what do you do?”

“Hey thats awesome, so I’m new here and am looking to make friends.  Give me your number”

“Awesome, hows this weekend?”

 

And if you text them that weekend and they’re busy say, “Oh what are you doing?”  and of course they’ll respond with whatever dog and pony show they have going this weekend and then you simply say, “Oh that sounds awesome, mind if I tag along? I need to put myself out there and meet some people”.

If they still say no well just set fire to their house in the middle of the night…. KIDDING… Ha…ha…ha….  i mean….

THE POINT IS THAT YOURE BUILDING A LIFE HERE! 

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Thats right people!  Use those biceps and triceps and…. oh dear lord…. Feel free to stay at this part of the post for as long as you need before continuing.   (Its about building…. get it????  Thats why he’s there…. I wouldn’t shamelessly put an image of a hot guy up here for pure eye-candy pleasure would I?  This is a classy blog remember….Oh god I want him)

 

Where was I?  Right!  Building… thats what were doing!  Building a life!  Who cares if its embarrassing or messy!   In fact, its actually working for me!  I have plans for later today!  (Im actually pretty nervous, but I’m hoping it goes well!)

So right…. what we need to do is,

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Pound the nails into our walls to give us a sturdy foundation to branch from! 

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We must lay the pipework so our structures can……Idk?  have pipes? 

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We must use the monkey wrench to tighten the screws on those pipes we need! 

 

 

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We must Chainsaw!  Ugh.. Chainsaw our bad thoughts away?  Or um…. Use the chainsaw to cut through the negative thoughts that fill our minds?   Look… use the chainsaw for whatever the fuck you want to.  Im gonna use it so I can stand next to this guy 😉

 

Alright but in all honesty remember.  IT DOESNT MATTER.  THATS THE POINT.   Try and make friends!  Who cares if its awkward or messy or embarrassing or doesn’t go well.  Were already at ground zero!   We can only go up from here!

 

speaking of going up…..

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Room for one more boys? …excellent

~ The Dark Horse