Category Archives: hope

Anyone Else Going To Be Alone On Thanksgiving?

FUCKTHANKSGIVING

Ah yes, it’s that time of year again! The leaves are almost gone, the first hints of Christmas pepper the atmosphere with a hint of glee, the rouge cranberries can be seen in even the most forgotten of grocery store aisles. This can mean only one thing, It’s almost Thanksgiving!

And, thanks to a country with INSANE flight prices (Dear America, do you know how cheap it is to fly in Europe?) I’ll be stuck in Boston for Thanksgiving… yay. ūüė¶

However, I’m trying to make the best of this. Obviously, when you’re a depressed person, being alone over the holidays is horrible. In fact suicide rates actually INCREASE during the holidays. So, in order to not be sad, I’m compiling a list of:

 

Why I’m grateful to not be going home this Thanksgiving:¬†

 

1.) My mother can’t cook anyways. Look, my mother is a saint, salt of the Earth that one…. but as a cook? … Well, I mean, let’s just say this. Thanksgiving for us always consisted of overly-dry turkey. Green beans from a can, jello-d cranberry sauce from a can, gravy from a dry-packet mix, corn from a can, bread from the store, pumpkin pie from the store, and “mashed potatoes” if you can call them that. It was basically potatoes boiled down so much that they had lost all structural integrity. It was like picking up a spoonful of flavorless foam. This Thanksgiving, perhaps I can make myself good food now?

turkey

 

 

2.) I’m in Boston. Surely the Black Friday shopping here will be much better than it would have been in Ohio. ¬†I mean, Walmart and Best Buy? Oh, please, let the trailer trash have their fun. I’m going to go stalk the sales at Gucci and Canada Goose. Get some real deals from real stores. PS- I literally don’t have the money to shop anyways, and I’m sure Gucci doesn’t do Black Friday deals anyways… but at least I can window shop for deals at the fanciest of places I can’t afford right?¬†Perhaps I’ll buy a pair of socks.

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3.) Can you imagine what the airports will look like anyways? Do I really want to be crammed in a flight full TOC people? (TOC is Thanksgiving Or Christmas, they’re the people who only fly once a year at most, either for T or C. And Therefore they’re completely lost in the process; move slow, breathe through their mouths, trip, bump into walls, fart constantly, and so forth…) Then the plane will be filled with¬†screaming babies, and people with their Panda Express smelling up the whole plane.

No thanks!

flight

 

4.) I’m literally going home for Christmas in a little over a month anyways.¬†Sure, this will be a super lonely week, but you know what, I’m going to get to experience all the fun and joy of hectic holiday travel in one month. I CAN DO THIS! ONE MONTH.

just say it.

ONE MONTH

ONE MONTH

ONE MONTH!

HomeAloneAirport

 

 

5.) Thanksgiving is deadly anyways! Have you ever heard of a movie called Thankskilling?

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Why, Thanksgiving is downright dangerous! I should be thankful I’m not able to go home and experience the atrocities that await.

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Now that’s what I call Murder Most Foul ¬†(Rimshot please!)

 

~ The Dark Horse

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Finding Inspiration In Slasher Films

horror

 

So, I’m sure you all the know the story, or a story similar to it. ¬†I was the gay kid in Ohio that nobody talked to. I was the outcast, the loser, the weirdo, the obnoxious one, the one that nobody felt bad about leaving behind. ¬†(The Randy for any Scream fans out there…)

I spent my childhood watching movies. Movies were my everything. My escape, my friends, my teachers, my inspiration. Movies were my life. They were never afraid to spend time with me even though everyone else was.

 

Growing up I had always watched horror movies on TV. My mother is a great woman… a devout Catholic actually! However, she’s also an oddball. She’s the product of the late 60s and 70s. Her older brother was a rebellious one. He stayed up late with their father and discussed dodging the draft and running away to Canada. He showed her the Beatles, and The Stones. My mother is sort of a flower child.¬†

She used to let us watch The Shining with her when it was on TV. The Exorcist. The Fly (The black and white one. The real one, as she puts it). Dark Shadows. Whatever Happened To Baby Jane, Rosemary’s Baby… the “classics” according to my mother. I had an upbringing of horror from the very beginning.

But then; it was 1998. I was 8 years old. My friend (who, only 2 years later would stop talking to me for being gay, along with the rest of my hometown) rented Scream 2. It had just come out on VHS.

He had a brother and sister, twins, a year below us. And an older sister a good 4 or 5 years older than us. We all huddled in the dark basement and put in the movie.

From that very first scene in the movie theater, a scene that has become iconic in the horror world, I was hooked.

scream 2

 

I didn’t know it back then. I didn’t know what it was. I just knew I loved it. Especially Scream. Scream was so smart. So in-touch with everything around it. It was incredible.

And then, the Jada Pinkett Smith death scene. ¬†OMG….ABSOLUTE HORROR LEGEND!¬†

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She’s going off on the white girl who’s about to die (I think it was..oh, whats her face…. Felicity Shagwell… ¬†Whats her fucking name? ¬†Heather Graham, that’s it!) ¬†So she’s watching STAB in the theater and Heather Graham is playing Drew Berrymore from Scream 1. And Jada is yelling at the screen. ¬† OMG. it was so perfect.

Random fact – If you don’t actually watch horror movies in theaters, you should. Black girls literally scream at the screen. It’s amazing, and all part of the moviegoing experience. I’ll never forget seeing Rob Zombie’s remake of Halloween in 2007 and this one girl was going off on all the white characters the whole movie. Comic gold!

ANYWAYS – then Jada realizes her man aint her man no more…

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And that was that. I was hooked. Horror became my life. I binged them all. Forever and ever afterwards, my entire life. I can’t get enough of horror, especially slasher.

One must honor the classics:

Halloween

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Hellraiser

And Friday The 13th (Although, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, the best part of the Friday movies, were the hot guys they casted) PS- do you know about “Frigay the 13th” and all the drama that went down on that set? GUUURRRLLL…..

 

And one must also appreciate the newer films of the genre:

Scream

I Know What You Did Last Summer

Behind The Mask

Urban Legend

Hatchet 

 

 

Ok… I’m getting so far off track, I’m sorry. Point is this: What does a loser have to love in slasher films? I mean, they’re movies about a bunch of hot popular people having sex and going to parties. It’s everything my life wasn’t right?

Wrong. 

jason

Slasher films actually revolve around the lone female who survives. Known as the “survivor girl” or “final girl” in the horror community, but more commonly known as “Scream Queens”. These women are the true force behind every great slasher movie.

final

 

Scream Queens aren’t like the others in the movies. Scream Queens normally are virgins, normally don’t do drugs, tend to be more intelligent than their friends, and are never the most popular in the group. In fact, sometimes, they’re the ones the group believes in the least. And yet, they end up being the ones who rise above, and mange to outsmart the killer, becoming the lone survivor. ¬†(Although, in some films you have multiple survivors)

 

And in a few films, the Scream Queen role is replaced by a male (example: Elijah Wood in The Faculty). ¬†The Scream Queen rules remain in the cases of a “Scream King”

casey gif

 

 

Do you now see why an outcast like me would love these movies?

Watching the people who made fun of me, the people who always told me I’d never get to be one of them…they all die. And the person like me, the one nobody believed in, ends up being the strongest, the smartest, the survivor.¬†

Because of that, slasher movies hold a transcendent quality. And I know Im not the only one who thinks that. I know a lot of outcasts who have found great inspiration and strength in slasher movies. In fact there’s a shit ton of scholarly writing on it.

So what am I saying??

I’m saying, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND GET INSPIRED! It’s time to watch some slasher movies! (Because it’s good for you of course!)

jamie

 

~ The Dark Horse

OMG OMG OMG WAIT! Do you remember Freddy Vs. Jason?  (squeal!) 

That scene, when the main girl drags Freddy out of her dream and into the real world so he can fight Jason…. OMG… When Freddy first comes into our word and sees Jason and is like…. oh boy, I am fuckedddddd. ¬† Why don’t these movies win Oscars?


fvj

Crazy Rich Asians is Crazy Amazing

crazy

 

People of Earth, it has been a very long time since I’ve seen a move that made so happy and giddy as this one. ¬†I have to say, Crazy Rich Asians is totally worth the hype.

I visited Singapore a few years ago and instantly loved it, so last year, when I had hear that a movie was going into production that was based in Singapore, I had a little schoolgirl fit.

crazy1

 

And let me tell you, the movie delivers!

 

Ok, let me ask you this:

Do you enjoy feeling happy?

Do you love movies where the location is as much a member of the cast as the characters are?

Do you love movies that showcase food?

And movies that have this….

crazy2

 

 

hubba hubba!  Check please! 

crazy4

 

But in all honesty, as someone who fully believes that travel heals all wounds, this movie made me so happy. I love when movies can fully transport you to a new place. It’s such an amazing feeling to feel like you’ve gone somewhere.

Plus, it’s just a such a great feel good movie. I haven’t smiled so hard during a movie in a long time. But this movie made me feel like I was in high school again. Like someday I’d go to far off places, I’d find love, I’d have an adventure. It was just so amazing.

And am I aware that this post rambles on like I’m insane? ¬†YES. Of course I am. But I don’t care. I loved this movie.

And I think that if you’re feeling down and need a pick-me-up. ¬†Then you should see it too. It’s a great two hours of your life.

Don’t believe me? Just look at Singapore…

singa1

singa2

 

No do you believe me?

 

~ The Dark Horse

 

(and no this wasn’t proofread. this was written in a primal state of pure childlike glee)

You’re Never Too Old, And I Have Proof.

wise

 

So, I’m home right now. ¬†I got back from China last week and decided to have a little time in my hometown before I go back to school in a few weeks. ¬†I visited with my grandma the other day and she told me a story that I loved and that I wanted to share:

 

She told me about her friend. Her friend is 93 years old, and still walks, talks, and even drives! Apparently, her friend’s grandson owns a tattoo parlor, which I find really funny because my grandma is a “church lady”, and the friend she was telling me about is someone who she puts on church events with. So the idea that this little old church lady has a tatted up grandson makes me smile.

wise1

 

And apparently, her grandson does more than just own a tattoo parlor… he’s a straight-up tattoo enthusiast. One of those types who’s covered head-to-toe and believes that everyone on Earth should have at least one tattoo.

So, he bugged her, telling her that he would give her a tattoo at some point.  But of course, being the little old church lady that she is, she said no.

For her 70th birthday, she said no.

For her 80th birthday, she said no.

But finally, on her 90th birthday she said, “What the hell, I’m 90.”

 

And, at 90 years old, she got her first tattoo, drawn on by her grandson. It was a butterfly.

wise3

 

When she told me that story, I couldn’t help but smile uncontrollably. I always fell like my life still hasn’t begun, and I fear that I’m going to die before I ever accomplish anything or before I’m ever happy. ¬†So, to know that people are out there having new experiences at 90 years old¬†makes me feel really good. ¬†It makes me feel like maybe my life isn’t over yet. Like maybe there are still some new experiences down the road for me.

Also, it kind of puts things into perspective. ¬†I’m 28. And I’m sure that if I were to talk to this 93-year-old-tatted-up-rockstar-church-lady, and told her that I feel like what should have been the best years of my life are behind me and have been wasted, she’d probably laugh. She’s probably done a lot in her life between the ages of 28 and 93. Hell, she probably did a lot between the ages of 50 and 93, or even 70 and 93!

 

I guess I liked this story so much because it showed me that it’s never too late to do things. You’re never actually too old or too whatever you excuse is. We all have the chance to be our best and have fun everyday. Regardless of age.

 

~ The Dark Horse

(This was maybe 10% proofread, and I’ll admit, I proofread while sipping tea so I had a giant mug covering most of my view of the screen…but hey, it was a great cup of tea!)

Feeling Alive Again. Or, Courtney Act on Big Brother Has Brought Me Back From The Dead

courtney

 

So, I don’t know how many people out there keep up with the UK telly, but something amazing was just going down on what is normally a generic and trashy reality show.

The 21st season of Big Brother in the UK just concluded and that shit was bloody brilliant! As an American, I didn’t know much about the show except that Courtney Act was going to be on the show. ¬†Now, I’ll say, if I were 15 years old, I would have watched that show every night of the damn week.

You see, as a teenager, I used to love Big Brother….And you know what, I should probably have a Big Brother breakdown here for everyone, because Big Brother is completely different in every country around the world.

big

 

Here in the US, Big Brother used to be like a fucking marathon event. ¬†The show was on, for no joke, almost 3 months. That means that everyone who made it into the top 7 got to stay for the entire 3 month period, whether it’s in the house, or the sequester house. ¬†I know that in other countries, the show is only on for about a month. And then sometimes those Celebrity Big Brother seasons are only like 3 or 4 weeks.

Anyways, so as the gay kid in Ohio who was beat up and made fun of constantly, Big Brother seemed like a dream come true. It was this house filled with all these hot fun people, AND THEY WERE LOCKED IN WITH YOU….FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS!¬†

It just seemed like the ultimate way to make friends. You could be close to all these people, and you were never alone. The hot jock would have to get to know you because you were sharing a room. The pretty cheerleading type would become your friend because an alliance needed to be formed. The wise old woman who’s been through shit could give you advice all damn day because you’re sharing a house together. ¬†It all just seemed so perfect! I was sure that the reason I was alone all the time was because nobody ever took the time to get to know me. ¬†But, if they were locked in a house with me for three months they’d have to! ¬†It would be like one big family at summer camp!

So anyhoo, I used to watch the show religiously. All the episodes. ¬†They’d have the Sunday, and Tuesday, shows and the Thursday live eviction show. ¬†I used to fantasize about being the house with them. Watching all these people share a bedroom, share a shower, share the hot tub, share everything. ¬†For someone who was alone all the time, Big Brother was fuckin wet dream for me. I loved the idea of having people in my life…even if they did potentially want to vote me out of the house. I used to stay up in bed at night, fantasizing that I was a member in the house too; making friends, and living life to the fullest. ¬†I used to love the hope and excitement I felt watching that show, feeling that some exciting adventure was just around the corner!

big1

But as I got older, the show lost it’s luster. I stopped thinking that every new person was a potential friend. My heart hardened. Walls were built to protect myself. I stopped watching the show.

 

But, something with this new season began to attract my attention. I started seeing news articles creep up about something incredible happening in the Big Brother House. This season of UKCBB (United Kingdom Celebrity Big Brother) was titled “Year of the women” because this year marks 100 years of women having the right to vote in the UK. The show was already leaning towards a discussion of gender, and threw in 2 extra dimensions into the storyline.

big2

 

The first was India, The UK’s first trans woman to be a part of a news team.

big4

 

And the second was Shane J / Courtney Act, a drag artist who was previously famous from Australian Idol back in the mid-2000’s (which Shane did in drag as Courtney and pioneered the way for others) and then more famously, Ru Paul’s Drag Race.

big5.jpg

 

And then to counteract all of this, they also brought in ultra-conservative politician and super crotchety old woman, Ann Widdecombe.

ann

 

 

So, sparks started to fly because India was just god-awful, and Ann was just an old dusty bitch.   But the entire house, and all of the UK began to fall in love with Courtney.  She had multiple conversations with everyone in the house about gender, sexuality, and performance. She was willing to talk to anyone about the differences between drag, and trans. The difference between gay and pansexual, and the difference between gender and biological sex.

She even took to debating Ann about some of the more conservative and Anti-gay policies she helped enact back during her time in parliament. But what made Courtney so amazing was her ability to always remain calm, collected, and willing to engage in any  conversation that may have come up.

big8

 

And everyone loved it. ¬†She was the house favorite, and the entire nation fell in love with her for knowledge, self confidence, and beauty. ¬†The UK as a whole even started a national conversation on gender because of what was going down on the show. She wasn’t just teaching the other housemates, but she was teaching an entire country, and thanks to the internet, the entire world!

 

So this is first part of where I started feeling myself wake up inside. There’s just something about Courtney Act that I need to be more like. I need to carry myself with her confidence. I need to walk into a room and actually feel like I belong. ¬†Somehow, even though Courtney Act tends to look like a slutty drag queen Barbie, she ends up being the shining light in every situation she’s in. ¬†I need to have the self love and respect that she has.

big9

 

Furthermore, during the season, Courtney Act managed to school everyone on gender and sexuality.  She not only carries herself well, but she is phenomenal in conversations. She took what could have been some very difficult and controversial moments, and spoke to housemates about them as if it were just the most natural thing to her. I need to be better at communicating with others.  

Check out Courtney given’ the boys a lesson on Drag and Trans:

 

 

So yeah, I’m a guy, and I have never done drag, but damn, there’s so much to learn from Courtney Act.

 

 

Secondly, there was a bit of a show romance happing in the show as well! There’s an insanely cute guy on the show named Andrew Brady (He was on the UK Apprentice or whatever…)

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So get this…. from the very first second Courtney Act walks into the Big Brother house, he’s in love with her.

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And from there… a Bromance/Romance began!

They started getting really close, and Andrew was constantly flirting with Courtney Act.

Throughout the show the “friendship” grew and grew…..

drew1drew2drew3

 

And then, as time went on, Andrew started like Shane, even out of drag… for a gay boy like me, it was like magic was happening. ¬†A hot straight guy was getting along with a man who, out of drag, was an effeminate guy, and in drag was….well, a drag queen. ¬†It was so amazing to see Andrew form this friendship and not care about labels or what other people may think. ¬†He was just himself, and Courtney was just herself…and they connected. ¬†It was amazing and heartwarming to watch.

drew10drew11drew13drew14

 

Oh my God…. they even had tub time one night! ¬†It was fuckin’ amazing! ¬†So yeah…that fifteen year old inside me who used to watch Big Brother hoping to find an amazingly close friendship… well, he felt super pleased watching this season. ¬†I get those butterflies in my stomach again watching this season, just like I used to when I was a teenager. I find myself laying up in bed at night again, imaging myself in the house….Imagining some handsome straight guy was becoming my friend, and was having tub time with me too! I get this rush watching this season… a rush I haven’t felt in such a long time. ¬†The rush of youthful excitement and passion and hope for some great adventure. ¬†And ya know, I’ve missed that feeling…and I’m glad it’s back!

 

And You know what, everyone noticed that she was a shining light as well… because she won!

big11

Watch the win here:

 

But look, I think we can all be winners here. ¬†I think we can all learn a lot about being your true self and letting yourself shine, even if your true self is something that the common man might find odd or different. ¬†Courtney went into that house and literally changed people’s minds about the LGBTQ community and that is fucking amazing! ¬† Let’s all try to be beautiful, engaging, and inspiring people!¬†

 

~ The Dark Horse

 

 

 

 

 

INFJ Problems (Or, Normal People Suck)

problems

 

Ok people, let’s get real for like 2 seconds here. ¬†Last week in class I had a total INFJ moment, and was like…. fuck humans.

 

So there was this girl, she’s from North Carolina, she’s super annoying and loves to complain ABOUT EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME,¬†she’s overweight, and she isn’t very attractive…like at all. ¬† Now I’m not saying this to be mean. ¬†I’m saying this to give you an overview because it’s important to the story.

 

So, I’m in a short story class for the summer, and naturally, we talk about books and stories a lot. ¬†So we we’re talking about 50 Shades. ¬†Like every random thing about it: ¬†How crazy it actually is, how funny it is that older women read it, how it spawned from Twilight fan fiction, and then someone brought up how the BDSM community actually hates it because it’s a portrayal of rape, not BDSM.

And then, the North Carolina girl walks in mid-conversation and is like, “Im sorry y’all, I just don’t approve of BDSM” ¬†and I’m like… Ok. ¬†That’s fine. ¬†This isn’t a conversation about our love of BDSM, we’re just talking about 50 Shades. ¬† And then she’s like, “I’m sorry, I just..I just can’t. ¬†It’s too much for me…”¬†

 

And so I’m looking at her like Please Shut The Fuck Up You Obnoxious Idiot.¬† ¬†And then I explain to her that even though she doesn’t like BDSM, it exists, and 50 Shades was a cultural phenomenon, and as writers we have to talk about it because it’s one of the best-selling books of all time. ¬†It, despite your hate, is something anyone interested in publishing should think about. ¬†It’s relative to our career field. ¬†You can’t just tell people to not talk about it because you’re around an think you’re too good or too Christian to let your ears hear about it something.

And then she’s like, “Well I’m starting to think you must be into BDSM if you’re going to defend it so heavily”, ¬†and in my head I’m like….

problems1

 

And then I have to explain to her that just because I don’t care if someone is into BDSM, doesn’t mean I’m into BDSM.

And then she’s just starts doing a lot of like weird Southern-sound-things like:

“nnnnaaaawwwww ya’ll, nnnnaaaaaawwwwwwww, nerp, nerp, nnnnaaawwwww, sorry, but nnnaaaawwwww, just can’t ya’ll”

 

So then I break out the big-guns. ¬†and am just like, “Look, I’m not saying this to be mean. ¬†I’m saying this to be honest with you: ¬†You’re relatively large, and you know a lot of society would cringe at the idea of you having sex. ¬† Now I’m sure you can agree that that’s wrong… now take that logic, and apply it to your disgust to BDSM.”

 

But then she’s like, “I CAWNT believe you just said that to me, That is so rude, that is so offensive, blah blah blah”¬†

 

I however, am not the type to back down. 

 

So, I’m like, No. ¬†I’m showing you that you are unfairly judging a group, the exact same way society judges you. ¬†Now I have a feeling you don’t like the way society judges you, so take that knowledge, and apply it to how you treat others.

problems4

 

The conversation ended with her basically just doing a lot of:

You’re so rude

You’re so mean

I can’t believe you’d say that¬†

I’m gonna cry

and so on and so on…..

 

And I was just constantly like… No. ¬†I wasn’t saying it in a mean way. ¬†I wasn’t putting you down. ¬†I was showing you your flawed way of thinking.

However, of course, she didn’t care, and I know part of the reason why she got so upset was so the conversation could end making me look like the bad guy, and put the pressure off of her. ¬†Now don’t get me wrong; I know that was a risky conversation. ¬†I know I “went there” ¬†and so forth, but sadly, with some people you gotta go there, otherwise they’ll never self-refelct.

 

Ok enough about that, let’s look into our INFJ-ness and see how that relates that interaction:

Print

 

So as you can see, INFJ’s are focused, yet big-picture thinkers, and are insightful, while using our outstanding sense of integrity. ¬† When it comes to formulating ideas we truly use our introversion, intuition, feeling, and judgment to the best of their abilities.

~~What this means is we can put ourselves into other people’s shoes relatively effortlessly. ¬†Such as seeing things from the perspective of someone who likes BDSM).

~~Our big-picture mentality also let’s us see many things too. ¬† Such as, Who is BDSM actually harming? ¬†Nobody? ¬†Ok…then let them do it. ¬†It also helps us to see things like, “well hey this girl is judging others the exact same way she hates being judged…this is wrong”

~~ Our undying integrity keeps our opinions unbiased and fair.  Letting us bring true conversation to the table, not just self-assuring pleasantries that we want to believe.

 

However, society doesn’t get it. ¬† Most people don’t comprehend the idea of holding thoughts because they’re true. ¬†They live in a world of self-propulsion, and if an idea doesn’t tell them what they want to hear, they subconsciously refuse to believe it. ¬†Think of how EVERY smoker you know will always be like, “You know there was this article about a woman who lived to be 100 even though she smoked everyday!” ….that is some A+ self-delusion. ¬†But sadly, it’s so common and most people do that type of thing. ¬†So when an INFJ comes along and defends an opinion, even though we don’t directly benefit from that opinion, it’s seen as some form of witchcraft or something!

 

 

So, what does this mean? ¬†We’re going to be perpetual outcasts? ¬†YES

We will normally hold opinions that may get on other people’s never? ¬†YES

But look above at the jobs that INFJ’s do best. ¬† We are also the movers and the shakers of this world. ¬†We get some of the coolest jobs ON THE PLANET! ¬†We do the things that most people only dream of. ¬†INFJ is know as:

The Protector.

 The counselor.

The Philosopher.

 

Our set of skills (Our very unique and rare set of skills actually) is the combination that has the power to set this world on fire.

 

So remember: Never give in, Never surrender, always stand up for what’s right, and always always always be true to yourself!

problems7

 

Rock on INFJ’S!

~ The Dark Horse