Category Archives: infj

INFJ and the Feeling of a Calling

Passenger airplane with a boarding steps in the morning sun

So, the INFJ is often referred to as the “advocate” or “counselor.” We’re also known for having “callings” or “vocations” rather than just believing that one day we will get a job.

And I have to say, this is so true for me. And I’m wondering if this is true for any other INFJs out there?

If anyone has read this blog for a while, you probably know the story of my journey. I ran away to LA because I really wanted to make movies that would inspire people, that would change world, and that would help the underdog. Growing up, all I heard was “You’ll fail.” and “Do you know many people actually success in that industry? Get your head out of the clouds.” and “One day you’re going to have grow up and get a real job.”

But I never did. I never did grow up. I never did “grow out of it.” The concept of working a 9-5 job that I hated simply for a paycheck was just never enough for me. The thought of spending a life working at H&R Block or something, feeling unfulfilled every single day, left me feeling nauseous, depressed, anxious, and upset.

ice cream
Actual photo of my facial expression working in retail…

I then spent a bunch of years running around, trying to find myself, “trying to grow up” and be what everyone thought an adult should be, and it all went horribly! I wound up working in retail, hating my life every single day. Wishing I had a life with meaning, with purpose, and with excitement. I got working holiday visas to Australia and New Zealand. Hoping that, if I had to work boring jobs…at least I could do it in a foreign country. But of course, just when you think you’re safe….

park

 

My misery got so bad that I broke down and my years of depression and fear for the future exploded into an uncomfortable wave of anxiety and panic disorder that lead to me becoming agoraphobic while working in a foreign country. 

Long story short… It’s taken many, many, many years for me to ACTUALLY grow up, and do the most adult thing possible – Find myself. Know myself. And know what it is I’m meant to do in this world.

And that’s THE EXACT SAME THING I’VE WANTED TO DO SINCE I WAS A KID.

I want to tell stories. These days, the stories are a bit different from when I was a kid. After the years I spent collapsing from panic attacks, killing myself slowly with depression, and the period where I was even too afraid to leave my apartment… my stories obviously now tackle issues like mental illness.

And I’m not in film. I’m a writer now. But I love it. And I love being able to reach out to people. I love being able to inspire people. I love that my voice is being heard. I love everything about it!!!!!!!

So, I guess , here’s my thing – Yes. I’ve always felt like the advocate. And I’ve always felt like I’ve had a calling. And I was told for years that that was a sign of immaturity.

AND IM ASKING WHY?????  When someone wants the world (and to help the world) Why is that met with hatred? With disgust? With the idea of “Oh, that’s childish.”

And the other thing I’m asking is, do any of there INFJs out there feel this way? Does anyone else ever read the personality traits of INFJ and just be like… Holy Fuckballs That Is Me To The Core!

yasss

 

And I guess that finally, the other thing I’m saying is this: People suck. And I honesty (and unfortunately) believe that most people don’t live the lives they want. They settle because it’s easy. Because it’s less scary. Because it’s what those around them are telling them to do. So when they see someone who really goes for it – who grabs life by the horns – I think it makes them jealous, and angry, and probably even a bit insecure about their own life, which then makes them (and perhaps even subconsciously) try to put people down in order to not feel so bad about themselves.

So, what that longwinded paragraph is trying to say is –

IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE A PASSION,

GO FOR IT!

world

 

The world is yours, take it and blow it up! (metaphorically of course)

 

~ The Dark Horse

(Was the proofread? I mean… I suppose you could say that)

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The Internet Has Gotten Meaner

mean

 

So, question for everyone out there… is anyone else noticing that Americans are just fucking insane these days? I started this blog in what, 2013 or something? And never did I have a problem with crazy people harassing me.  In fact, I used to have a rule where I would allow and like any comment on my blog, even if it was saying I was full of shit. Because I believe that it’s important to hear multiple opinions.

But ever since we entered the Trump era, things have changed. They’ve gotten progressively worse actually. Now, it’s become a regular occasion to log-on and have multiple comments telling me that I’m a shitty person.

 

I just got back from China where I had an internship all summer. In China they have the “Great Firewall” so I haven’t been able to check WordPress until today. Logging on and looking at the comments and stuff from the past few months, there were multiple insane,  enraged, hateful comments.  And for what?  If anyone has read this blog, it’s me talking about depression, anxiety and how I’m an outcast.  What about that is enough to send people into a spiral of rage?   I’m reminded of the Dixie Chicks song Not Read To Make Nice where she says,

“And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Saying that I better
Shut up and sing
Or my life will be over?”

 

And granted, I have written an Anti-Trump post:

Being INFJ During The Trump Era

and yes, a majority of the hatred is aimed at this post. Where I’m told daily that I’m not a patriot, or a Christian, or a good person, or intelligent, and so on.

But still…. people… my blog has like 300 followers. I’m really not worth targeting with giant 20-paragraph long comments that have no plot or coherent message. Can’t you go find something better to do with yourselves?  For example, perhaps you could go learn to be the good Christians you claim to be? I don’t know… just an idea.  

 

Anyways, I guess my point is this:  my post never calls anyone out by name (Except Trump one time…but fuck that guy) so it really isn’t hurting anyone, is it? In fact, my blog doesn’t really go against anyone in general, so I’m really confused by the recent wave of online anger that been brewing the past year or two.   Let’s all try to regain our humanity a little bit? You’re more than welcome to disagree with me and tell me why you disagree. And I’ll like your comment, respond to it, and post it too!  But when the best thing you can tell me is that I’m a stupid fake who is evil…. and then can’t even provide me with examples… then there’s a problem.

Oh, and before I go….

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I just had to re-apply some Shade quick…

 

 

Later bitches,

The Dark Horse

 

INFJ and Emotional Intensity

emotion

 

Hello my fellow INFJ’s!

So, today let’s talk about something we all experience: Emotional Intensity. 

 

Emotional intensity has been described by Imi Lo as:

“Emotional intensity is a form of neuro-diversity that is most often misunderstood by our culture. It is characterized by heightened and intense feelings, a constant stream of both positive and negative feelings — pain, distress, despair, fear, excitement, love, sadness or happiness — sometimes a mixture of many at the same time.”

For those of you out there who like images, I’ve made this:

HAPPY

INFJ types are known for our strengths. Such as being creative, insightful, inspiring and passionate.

These come from our intense sensitivity, which we get from this emotional spectrum.  We can see such beauty, but also such pain. We can see the light and the dark, and we can see them with a sharpness that others can’t.

 

For example, have you ever been talking to someone and they’re going on and on about how great their weekend was?  They’re sitting there saying things like, “OMG we went to this bar and OMG we were there till like 2am…and I was like…OMG I have work Monday, but whatevs right, it’s the weekend?!?!  OMG it was so much fun!” 

And you’re staring at them blankly, almost in pain. Wondering how something so insanely boring and trivial could bring them such joy?

 

Well, that’s the emotional spectrum in play. Normal people can really only feel so much joy and so much pain. They live in a relatively constant stasis, unaware that there could be anything more. And for the most part, not even caring if they ever have more. Because as far as they’re concerned, they’re happy.

But not us. When we hear them talk, our stomachs sink and our palms sweat. When you’ve felt intense joy and intense pain, the idea of spending your entire life only 60% switched on is scary.  AND IT SHOULD BE! For us, living that lifestyle would mean that we aren’t letting ourselves flourish. We need more because we know that there is more. 

dunst

For us, living that kind of life would be like being locked in a cage for eternity.

 

That’s why INFJ types are natural artists, travelers, philosophers, teachers, and preachers. We need more.  We need to feel like we have a cause. Like we have a purpose. 

And sadly, a lot of us don’t get nurtured and supported the way we should. A lot of people don’t understand us or refuse to help.  Then, our sensitive nature, which could have been there to push us to be the best we can be, ends up devouring us.

We wonder why nobody gets us and why nobody cares. We wonder why we’re so different…why everyone says it’s so wrong for us to just be…us. And thus, we fall to the dreaded INFJ dark side.

darke

 

But, we don’t have to.  We don’t have to hate ourselves. We don’t have to feel like crap. We don’t have to let society tell us that we’re bad for feeling such intense emotions.

Will people always tell us that our head is in the clouds?    Yes.

Just remember you’re not alone. There are other INFJ’s out there.  We are few and far between, but we are here. And we get you. And we don’t think you’re weird. We think you’re awesome!

bloom

Let yourself bloom!

~ The Dark Horse

 

INFJ Problems (Or, Normal People Suck)

problems

 

Ok people, let’s get real for like 2 seconds here.  Last week in class I had a total INFJ moment, and was like…. fuck humans.

 

So there was this girl, she’s from North Carolina, she’s super annoying and loves to complain ABOUT EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME, she’s overweight, and she isn’t very attractive…like at all.   Now I’m not saying this to be mean.  I’m saying this to give you an overview because it’s important to the story.

 

So, I’m in a short story class for the summer, and naturally, we talk about books and stories a lot.  So we we’re talking about 50 Shades.  Like every random thing about it:  How crazy it actually is, how funny it is that older women read it, how it spawned from Twilight fan fiction, and then someone brought up how the BDSM community actually hates it because it’s a portrayal of rape, not BDSM.

And then, the North Carolina girl walks in mid-conversation and is like, “Im sorry y’all, I just don’t approve of BDSM”  and I’m like… Ok.  That’s fine.  This isn’t a conversation about our love of BDSM, we’re just talking about 50 Shades.   And then she’s like, “I’m sorry, I just..I just can’t.  It’s too much for me…” 

 

And so I’m looking at her like Please Shut The Fuck Up You Obnoxious Idiot.   And then I explain to her that even though she doesn’t like BDSM, it exists, and 50 Shades was a cultural phenomenon, and as writers we have to talk about it because it’s one of the best-selling books of all time.  It, despite your hate, is something anyone interested in publishing should think about.  It’s relative to our career field.  You can’t just tell people to not talk about it because you’re around an think you’re too good or too Christian to let your ears hear about it something.

And then she’s like, “Well I’m starting to think you must be into BDSM if you’re going to defend it so heavily”,  and in my head I’m like….

problems1

 

And then I have to explain to her that just because I don’t care if someone is into BDSM, doesn’t mean I’m into BDSM.

And then she’s just starts doing a lot of like weird Southern-sound-things like:

“nnnnaaaawwwww ya’ll, nnnnaaaaaawwwwwwww, nerp, nerp, nnnnaaawwwww, sorry, but nnnaaaawwwww, just can’t ya’ll”

 

So then I break out the big-guns.  and am just like, “Look, I’m not saying this to be mean.  I’m saying this to be honest with you:  You’re relatively large, and you know a lot of society would cringe at the idea of you having sex.   Now I’m sure you can agree that that’s wrong… now take that logic, and apply it to your disgust to BDSM.”

 

But then she’s like, “I CAWNT believe you just said that to me, That is so rude, that is so offensive, blah blah blah” 

 

I however, am not the type to back down. 

 

So, I’m like, No.  I’m showing you that you are unfairly judging a group, the exact same way society judges you.  Now I have a feeling you don’t like the way society judges you, so take that knowledge, and apply it to how you treat others.

problems4

 

The conversation ended with her basically just doing a lot of:

You’re so rude

You’re so mean

I can’t believe you’d say that 

I’m gonna cry

and so on and so on…..

 

And I was just constantly like… No.  I wasn’t saying it in a mean way.  I wasn’t putting you down.  I was showing you your flawed way of thinking.

However, of course, she didn’t care, and I know part of the reason why she got so upset was so the conversation could end making me look like the bad guy, and put the pressure off of her.  Now don’t get me wrong; I know that was a risky conversation.  I know I “went there”  and so forth, but sadly, with some people you gotta go there, otherwise they’ll never self-refelct.

 

Ok enough about that, let’s look into our INFJ-ness and see how that relates that interaction:

Print

 

So as you can see, INFJ’s are focused, yet big-picture thinkers, and are insightful, while using our outstanding sense of integrity.   When it comes to formulating ideas we truly use our introversion, intuition, feeling, and judgment to the best of their abilities.

~~What this means is we can put ourselves into other people’s shoes relatively effortlessly.  Such as seeing things from the perspective of someone who likes BDSM).

~~Our big-picture mentality also let’s us see many things too.   Such as, Who is BDSM actually harming?  Nobody?  Ok…then let them do it.  It also helps us to see things like, “well hey this girl is judging others the exact same way she hates being judged…this is wrong”

~~ Our undying integrity keeps our opinions unbiased and fair.  Letting us bring true conversation to the table, not just self-assuring pleasantries that we want to believe.

 

However, society doesn’t get it.   Most people don’t comprehend the idea of holding thoughts because they’re true.  They live in a world of self-propulsion, and if an idea doesn’t tell them what they want to hear, they subconsciously refuse to believe it.  Think of how EVERY smoker you know will always be like, “You know there was this article about a woman who lived to be 100 even though she smoked everyday!” ….that is some A+ self-delusion.  But sadly, it’s so common and most people do that type of thing.  So when an INFJ comes along and defends an opinion, even though we don’t directly benefit from that opinion, it’s seen as some form of witchcraft or something!

 

 

So, what does this mean?  We’re going to be perpetual outcasts?  YES

We will normally hold opinions that may get on other people’s never?  YES

But look above at the jobs that INFJ’s do best.   We are also the movers and the shakers of this world.  We get some of the coolest jobs ON THE PLANET!  We do the things that most people only dream of.  INFJ is know as:

The Protector.

 The counselor.

The Philosopher.

 

Our set of skills (Our very unique and rare set of skills actually) is the combination that has the power to set this world on fire.

 

So remember: Never give in, Never surrender, always stand up for what’s right, and always always always be true to yourself!

problems7

 

Rock on INFJ’S!

~ The Dark Horse

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

INFJ Struggles With The Modern World

picmeme

 

So, I was doing some INFJ reading today and I came across a site that talked about how INFJ’s will struggle with the modern workplace.  The quote that really got me was:

“INFJ women and men don’t perform well in modern corporate settings. They are sensitive and often altruistic. Such attributes don’t get rewarded in the rat race.”

And then it went on to give a list of some careers that INFJ’s would hate.  Some of them were things like:

1. Marketing
2. Sales
3. Advertising

And this makes sense.  These kinds of careers are all about helping large companies convince the masses that they need the products the large companies are selling.  You’re literally helping large companies fuck over the world.  And as INFJ’s, with our natural altruism, this is literally our hell.

 

Furthermore, the modern workplace just isn’t right for INFJ’s in general.  The ideals of getting promoted because you simply want more money, or “playing politics” to get ahead,  and just the drama of office culture in general.   We INFJ’s literally couldn’t give less of a fuck about getting ahead at the office.   

 

infj1

 

 

As INFJ’s, we seek purpose and meaning, and our goal in life is to change the world for the better.  This also makes office life very hard because the trend in business is to give people repetitive tasks with the sole purpose of helping to increase profits for the company…  INFJ people out there, I can literally hear you sighing with dread right now.  And trust me, I’m right there with you.  This is our hell.  jobs that mean nothing.

ive`1

 

Most INFJ’s crave creativity and meaning.  They say some good job choices for INFJ’s are:

Actor

Visual Artist

Writer

Musician

Teacher

Philosopher

Non-Profit Work

Psychologist / psychiatrist 

Designer

Advocate Work 

 

You can see a common trend in all of these:  They allow the INFJ to be their own person.  Most of these jobs involve a good dose of creativity, whether it be artistic creativity, or the kind of creativity that allows psychologists to embrace the new challenges and demands that each new patient has.

They also don’t require the INFJ to work in some office setting under the watchful eye of their boss, and that boss’ boss’s and so on.  It allows the INFJ to retain a good level of independence.

 

And most importantly people, remember:  INFJ’s are vulnerable to things like burnout, depression, and anxiety when they don’t live the lives they want to.   So, unfortunately we were not gifted with being able to live an easy life.  Our choices are to fight our way through and change the world, or to slowly rot and die in misery.

Look, I know that isn’t the happiest news…but sadly it’s the truth.  And always remember;

“For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the sheltered will never know”

 

~ Fight on people!

The Dark Horse

 

America, It’s Time To Leave Kathy Griffin Alone

kat

Dear America,

You have bought right into the relentless, manipulative, and hateful zeitgeist of present-day America.  And I’m sorry to tell all of you, but it pisses me the fuck off that you’re that stupid.

 

So what is this image that has shocked, horrified, and nauseated America?  It’s been called vile, disgusting, and many say it has apparently “crossed the line”.    So here it is:

kat1

Yes people, that’s right.  A cheap Halloween mask and corn syrup.  This is apparently what has horrified all of you?

 

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

 

Are you people 10 years old?   If these kinds of cheap theatrics terrify you then how do you sit through any PG-13 movie these days without hopping on twitter to talk about how realistic and vile it was?

Now I know what you’re all saying: some kind of “blah blah blah but it’s about our President…” or “It was a call to assassinate Trump” or whatever cheap excuse you people have.

But we all know that isn’t true.  You saw that it was trending in the media to bash Kathy Griffin, so you all did it so your feed could trend too.   Donald Trump is the one always bitching about a “witch hunt” and congrats America, he started one and you all bought into it.  You focused your hatred of the world into one woman for no reason other than some mild form of mass hysteria.

And where is everyone now?  Hmmmm?  All you people who were so concerned that this image was a call to violence…suddenly, now that Kathy Griffin has held a press conference stating that she is getting detailed, in-depth death threats…  Suddenly Twitter has gone silent.  It seems America doesn’t seem so outraged by violence 3 days later.

And furthermore America, 2 main point here:

kat3

First.  Art is art.  Free speech is free speech.  And artists are artists.   What this was by Trump wasn’t a sudden ideological stance on violence and gore.  He was pissed that it was an image of him.  And then a message was sent to the world through him and conservative media:  Don’t fuck with Trump or we will tear you to shreds

And somehow the liberal media jumped on the bandwagon as well.  CNN, Anderson Cooper, Huffington Post, New York Post, Chelsea Clinton.  Everyone seemingly JUST HAD TO MAKE THEIR VOICE HEARD that they condoned violence…and they all used Kathy Griffin as the punching bag to convey this message, which obviously only made the Trump team oh-too-happy.

Silencing people who make offensive art against our current administration will not make this country better or more peaceful.  What it will do however, is spread a message not dissent against the way things are.   We are teaching people to be silent and not stand up against an administration that NEEDS TO BE STOOD UP TO.

 

Secondly, let’s talk about Trump and conservatives.

kat5

Does anyone remember when a black church in the south was set on fire and the words “VOTE TRUMP” was spray painted on it?   Were all of you just at work that day? Were you all too busy to tweet up a storm about that?  I mean if were going to talk about a vile and disgusting act…

 

Or how about the 2 FUCKING MURDERS THAT HAPPENED IN PORTLAND LAST WEEK?

Kathy Griffin was a more worthy target to bash?  Are you people insane?

kat6.jpg

 

 

Or how about the hate crime where a man ran his truck over someone and killed him because of his race?  This news story went largely under the radar because it happened so soon after the Portland murders

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/young-father-killed-truck-driver-hate-crime-article-1.3206515

 

Or how about the stabbing in Maryland that happened recently?

kat9

The white man on the right, who belonged to a white supremacist group on facebook somehow believes he was superior to the man on the left because of his race.   WHERE WERE YOU TWITTER TROLLS THEN?

 

Point is, the Kathy Griffin scandal blew up because conservatives are crazy and are DESPERATE to believe that they are oppressed by liberals.  They are angry and uneducated and suffer from a severe case of cognitive dissonance.  If Trump and Fox News says there is literally anything to be outraged about, conservatives will devote their time to being outraged to it.  They are the most desperate of sheep.

 

And on that note… are any of you paying attention to the Trump administration?  Are you watching as they are removing funding for the sciences, national parks, healthcare, education, women’s rights…well civil rights off all kinds, and the insane level of hate he inspires in our country?    If you all want to take a moral high ground and be raging about something realize where the anger should go…

 

Get your head in the game people,

~ The Dark Horse

…and no, this wasn’t proofread.  This was written out of a mix of passion and anger.