Category Archives: lgbt

Why I hate East Coast Liberals

hipster

So, for starters I’m going to say, I’m liberal. I’m like, super, super beyond liberal. Having lived in countries like Canada, Australia and New Zealand, I’ve seen that a high minimum wage, universal healthcare, gun control, and strong social services for the underprivileged not only are possible, but they work. And they create strong, healthy, happy countries, with good stable economies. 

Don’t believe me? Here’s a few links for various studies.  Feel free to alert me when you’ve found America on any of these lists (But lets be real here, Republicans won’t believe anything besides Fox News anyways…so this is probably pointless)

CNBC

CNN

Telegraph

Global Peace Index

 

But anyways, I’m a stark raging liberal. However, I’m not a fucking idiot. And because I’m not an idiot, I have to let everyone know that I fucking hate East Coast Liberals. 

I’m at a cafe right now on the Upper West Side, and there are two obnoxious spoiled, privileged, Jewish liberals next to me saying the dumbest shit in the entire world. Here’s a small selection:

“Oh my God, you know who I love? Beto O’Rourke! He’s the next president.”

“I’m going to visit one of the refugee camps down south and interview LGBTQ migrants, because really, they’re a group that’s been ignored in the zeitgeist.”

“I’m taking a trip to Texas to visit southern synagogues because, like, life is different down in Texas, and I want to see what it’s like.  Do you know that there aren’t as many Jewish people down in Texas? Isn’t that strange?”

“You know it’s wrong when someone sees a white baby with a non-white mother pushing the stroller, and they assume it’s the baby’s nanny. It’s totally internalized racism!”

And the list goes on… in fact they’re still next to me. And I sort of want to kill them. Let’s unpack some of these quotes shall we? Examine where everything is going wrong with liberals these days.

 

Quote 1:

“Oh my God, you know who I love? Beto O’Rourke! He’s the next president.” 

hip

Ok, east coast liberals, listen up… up until this most recent election cycle, you had no fucking idea who Beto O’Rourke was. So can democrats please stop acting like he’s the Godsend you’ve all been waiting for? Besides, look at your track record with other democrats…you’ll just end up hating him anyways.

Don’t believe me?

Remember when you loved Hilary Clinton?  Do you love her now?  No. You all hate her.

Remember when you all loved Bill Clinton? Do you love him now?  No. You think he’s a sex offender.

Remember when you all loved Elizabeth Warren? Do you still love her now? No. You all hate her, and you actually turned on her quite quickly, considering that she’s actually a wonderful politician.

Remember when you all loved Nancy Pelosi? Yeah… ya’ll are turning on her pretty fast these days…

What’s the bottom line here? It’s this: Liberals demand across-the-board-perfection from their politicians (which is fucking hilarious considering that human perfection is impossible. And it’s a standard that none of you liberals even hold yourselves to). So, democrats will continue to burn down their own castle over dumb shit, and Trump will win again in 2020, because even though republicans are fucking selfish idiots, they at least have the power to agree in the name of winning elections.

 

Quote #2

“I’m going to visit one of the refugee camps down south and interview LGBTQ migrants, because really, they’re a group that’s been ignored in the zeitgeist.” 

hip1

Is it important to hear stories of diverse individuals?  Yes. But is it also SO INSANELY STUPID AND WRONG for some group of over-privileged Jews from Uptown Manhattan to go run down and “save” these poor lost puppies (Oh, I’m sorry…no they’re humans… it’s just that you treat them like lost puppies.) And you do all this simply because it will help your own social status.  You don’t just go hunt down LGBTQ migrants solely to use them for their oppression status if you’re actually a genuine person. Minorities are not a prop for you to use to increase your social standing you selfish fucking cunts. Stay in Manhattan and continue living off of daddy’s money. #Thanks.

 

Quote #3

“I’m taking a trip to Texas to visit southern synagogues because, like, life is different down in Texas, and I want to see what it’s like.  Do you know that there aren’t as many Jewish people down in Texas? Isn’t that strange?”

hip3

Again, democrats, you want to know why you’re going to lose the presidency again in 2020?  This is why. The fact that America is made up of 50 states, and you can only comprehend the lifestyles of people in about 5, maybe 10 at the very most, of those states, is why. Once again, these aren’t just props. Middle America isn’t just the setting to TV shows and novels. They’re actual states with actual people living there.

And if you want to live in your little bubbles in the big coastal cities and not even try to understand the rest of your own fucking country, then that’s fine. You can. You can be just as stupid and small minded as republicans are. THE PROBLEM HERE is that liberals are the ones who claim to be the educated party. The just party. The party of equality and diversity. But the fact that you see Texas as this strange new frontier with a lifestyle so bizarre that you can’t even fathom it…. that proves that you’re not the educated party filled with open-minded individuals. It shows you’re a bunch of fucking idiots who are no better than Republicans who look at New York and Los Angeles with complete blankness. So get off your high horse please.

 

Quote #4

“You know it’s wrong when someone sees a white baby with a non-white mother pushing the stroller, and they assume it’s the baby’s nanny. It’s totally internalized racism!” 

Gwen Stefani Is A Hot Mama in Harem Pants!

Another HUGE problem with liberals. Creating enemies out of everyone because you love stroking your own cocks at the very idea that you’re better than others.

Is it wrong that someone would assume a non-white mother could have a white baby? Sure. It’s ignorance, it’s a lack of knowledge of the world, it’s stupidity. It can be a lot of things. But by slapping the term RACIST on someone implies that there is a malicious intent on their part. It implies that they’re actively judging the mother BECAUSE OF HER SKIN COLOR.

But here’s another possibility: I used to work in a Pinkberry in Brentwood. The rich area of Los Angeles. Do you know how many hispanic nannies came in every single day with white woman’s babies? Sometimes, the rich white women would come in with the nanny! The mother would literally make the nanny push the pram! So, is it possible that someone is used to associating a non-white woman pushing a white baby in stroller as a nanny? YES ABSOLUTELY. But that isn’t racism. That isn’t the same as a person being like, “THAT WOMAN IS NON WHITE, SO SURELY SHE COULDN’T POSSIBLY BE A MOTHER! SHE MUST BE A NANNY!”

You’re confusing ignorance with hatred. And when you call ignorant people hateful people, then guess what, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WIN THEM OVER. Its another great example of liberals shooting themselves in the foot and pushing others away, Purely because they’re so obsessed with feeling superior to others.

 

Ok, I need to get back to work now. I just had to rant otherwise my brain would have exploded.

~ The Dark Horse

(This was totally not proofread. It was written out of pure frustration)

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Dear Trans Community…We Need To Talk.

dear trans community...

 

Alright, so I need to have a heart-to-heart with my fellow LGBTQ community. And trigger warning, this post will probably come off as offensive and will mention graphic sexual material. Sorry in advance.

Ok, so let’s just put this out there: Trans people….what are you doing? I feel the need to write about this because this has happened to me multiple times now and I’m genuinely curious and confused by it.

What has happened is that trans guys have messaged me on the gay apps. When I tell them that I’m not interested, they obviously ask why, and so I tell them because I’m not into trans men. I am a gay man, and therefore, I love cock and balls with sexy bush .

 

I am then immediately told that I am transphobic. 

 

Really? 

 

Am I? 

 

For Real? 

 

So then I ask, How am I transphobic? 

And the response is always this: You claim to be a gay man, so therefore you should be attracted to anyone who identifies as male.

I then respond with: No…I am a gay male because I am attracted to the male body and all its giblets.

The trans guys always respond with:  No, I identify as male, you should treat me as one.

And then I’m like… Look dude, I respect you and I see you as male and I think you deserve rights and happiness, but the second you pull down your pants, and rather than a honking, raging boner, with a couple of balls knocking around, you have a vagina, I won’t be able to get hard…because I don’t find vagina attractive.

(PS- there’s also the HUGE issue of “non-passing” trans guys, which, as a gay man, it would be very hard to be sexually attracted to a trans man who has a vagina, and still looks physically like a woman… but you can’t bring that up to trans people because then they call you transphobic again…. so, anyways, moving on…)

 

So, then I’m like, why don’t you have sex with guys who are into trans guys? For example, I have a friend.  a really good friend, who is in trans women. My friend isn’t a weirdo or scuzzy. He is a safe and stable guy with a good stable job. He just loves trans women.

And then the trans guys are always like, No! Those guys are just using me as a fetish!

And then I’m like… Ok, so you’re hitting up gay men. Men who are interested in cocks and balls… and get mad when they’re not into you. And then, when you have a group of people who are into trans people… but you refuse to allow any of them to love you because you think that you’re being used… It sounds like you’re not allowing yourself to be happy. 

 

They then say something along the lines of, “No, you just don’t find me attractive because of cultural norms. Gender is a spectrum! You don’t get it! Society has told you that because you’re gay, you should only be attracted to one type of person!

And then I’m like…. Actually, I’m from Ohio you obnoxious privileged New Englander… I spent my entire youth growing up having everyone hate me for being gay. And all I ever heard was that I’m supposed to like vagina because that’s what’s “normal”.  I assure you that all those years of being beat up and harassed was very much not me following the social norm.  And furthermore, I’ve spent enough years of my life being told I’m supposed to be into vagina. I’m not. Sorry. I am just not. And I’m not in the mood for the LGBTQ community to start telling me that as well. I know who I am and I know what I like.

Then I’m called transphobic again and they repeat the whole gender is a spectrum argument…which I full agree with. Gender can be a spectrum, and people can do whatever they want…just like I can do whatever I want and be into whatever I’m into…and what I’m into is a nice cock, low hanging balls, and a hairy chest.

Then I get the whole “That’s just what society wants you to believe” argument again…

So then I say this:

 

Ok, look at this picture.

alba1

By your argument of, as a gay man I should be interested in anyone who identifies as male regardless of physical body, then, hypothetically, I should be attracted to this picture of Jessica Alba if she said she identifies as male. Correct? 

 

Then they get really mad and tell me that I’m mean and that I just don’t get it, because I don’t want to get it, and that I’m transphobic and such.  Then they normally block me, so the conversation ends.

 

So, trans people, what are your thoughts? What am I not seeing that you’re seeing? because I am 100% confused, and completely shocked that I’ve had multiple trans people say the exact same things to me.

 

Also, this is 2018! I fully believe that there are trans men out there who are capable of creating a website or app. Why doesn’t the trans community create their own dating app? That way you can self-select the community you speak to. That way you’ll know any guy who has made an account on that app is into trans people!

Just like, as a gay man, I would never log into Bumble, because that is for straight people. It’s a women seeking men and men seeking women app. That doesn’t mean that I think the Bumble app is homophobic. It’s just that heterosexual people aren’t into the same sex. So, is there no way for the trans community to move off and make their own apps as well?

Anyone else have thoughts they’d like to share? Again, I’m sorry if this all sounds transphobic. I literally don’t understand how it does. I just think it’s preference.

 

 

~ The Dark Horse

 

AIDS IS HELL

crisis

 

This is the last week of school before Christmas break. And for Tuesday’s class, we’ve been tasked with reading Paul Monette’s Borrowed Time: An AIDS Memoir. And this is the strangest feeling ever.

Im so excited for Christmas break. No school. No homework. Just relaxation and the joys of Christmas – The lights, the music, the snow, the food. the presents!  And yet, that joy is mixed with a feeling of nausea. Reading this book is probably one of the hardest I’ve had to read, along with our books on the Holocaust last month. Ever page weighs on my chest.

crisis1

AIDS crept into the gay community like a stalker in the night. The virus itself is actually brilliant. It’s smart. It knows how to survive. It can sit dormant for long periods of time, infecting more and more of your body before any dire symptoms arise. By the time the worlds realized that there was a “Gay disease” it was too late. Enough men were infected with the virus (and were also asymptomatic) that it was hopeless. Men were having sex because they felt fine, unknowingly spreading the virus that caused what was then called “gay-related immune deficiency” or GRID.

There were tons of misinformation in the beginning. The disease was prevalent among Haitians, leading researchers to believe that was the origin of the disease. Also, since it was mainly gay men having with the disease, it was assumed it was a gay problem. And with America being both racist and homophobic, GRID wasn’t seen as a problem, because really, who cared about faggots and poor foreigners anyways? was the common thought.

The disease spread, originally being seen as something that only big-city slutty gays would get. It was believed that exposure took time, and related sexual intercouse. New York and San Fransisco were the hotbeds of the disease for America, with LA leading on their tail.

crisis3

 

The Reagan administration was completely homophobic, passing no LGBT legislation, and Reagan was openly against homosexuality. Along with that, many religions refused to to take part in what was now known as HIV (Human immunodieffeinrcy virus) education. The church refused to take a stance, saying only condoms were against God and that refraining from sex was the only answer for gays.

Gay men were dropping like flies. The death-toll rose daily. HIV cases began sprouting up around the world in countries like Australia, Canada, Brazil, and had been in Africa for quite some time (It is now believed that HIV originated in Kinshasa, DRC, and was transferred to humans from the primate disease SIV).

The gay community sat and wondered wonder if they would survive, or if they were simply waiting for their turn to die.

crisis4

A slew of early-stage HIV medication was used, like AZT, with little success. And protests began, begging the world to take the disease seriously and stop the genocide of the gay community.

 

Finally, in the late-90’s and into the 2000’s, after the gay community suffered in fear and mourning for almost 20 years, AIDS research took a turn for the better with more funding and more dedicated research being given to the disease. And all of this wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for the grassroots non-profits and the protests from groups like ACT UP.

Now, in 2018, we have Prep, which is a daily pill that can help reduce your chances of HIV infection with an almost 100% success rate. And we have PEP which is a series of pills that can be taken within 72 hours of exposure to the virus, and can prevent it from infecting you.

We also have our strongest set of weapons:  Knowledge. 

We know that condoms can save lives. We know that HIV is everywhere, not just the gay community. We know that being smart about sex, and being smart about who you have sex with, can also save lives.

 

Being a gay guy in 2018, I have to say that I am so fortunate and so privileged to benefit from the actions of the gay community of the 80s, 90s, and 00s. I’m so relieved that I never had to go through the crisis period, where they spent everyday finding out another friend was infected or had died, or worse still, finding out that they themselves had the disease.

crisis5

 

 

I remember the famous Newsweek cover about Saving Private Ryan that said “War Is Hell”

crisis6

 

Well, after reading this book I’ve also learned that HIV/AIDS is also hell. And the gay community were the grunts on the frontlines. The ones who died so that the world could come away with knowledge of the disease, and medication, and a future of potential hope.

 

And to all my fellow gays, here in 2018, I ask that we be smart. Viruses are much better at their jobs than we are. They evolve and adapt so much faster than human medication. And I know a lot of younger gays see Prep and PEP and the savior we’ve been waiting for. The “end of AIDS”, but viruses don’t work that way. If not used properly, the virus can form a resistance to the drug, thus creating a second epidemic that will take countless lives. And also, I know a lot of gays these days see Prep as such an all-all-encompassing cure, that they feel there is no longer a need for condoms.

To that I say, READ THIS BOOK. Read about how slow and agonizing a death from AIDS is. Read about wasting. Read about the constant weakness, the constant pain, and the knowledge that there is no cure. You want to see hell? I would imagine that dying slowly, knowing there is no way out of it, knowing that if you would have just used a condom all of this could have been prevented…. That’s hell. I can’t imagine a worse hell.

Because at the end of the day, HIV isn’t a disease for sluts or whores. It takes 1 time.

1 time.

 

1 single encounter.

 

That’s all. So always use a condom. 

crisis2

This Christmas, remember we are so fortunate to live in the time we live in. And because of that, we need to respect our past and those who died for us. And we also need to respect future generations. Do we want to pass HIV on to the next generation? FUCK NO.

So, this holiday season:

Get to know your sexual partner first,

Wear a motherfucking condom,

Volunteer at an HIV nonprofit, take part in and AIDS walk, or donate to a charity, like this one here: AIDS UNITED

Or, go to the next step, and help out at your local LGBTQ youth center. Help educate the new generation. Help inspire young runaways. Help in any way you can, because it’s our fucking duty as gays. Our community has been to hell and back, and let’s not go there again.

Can I get an Oorah!, please?

oorah

 

 

~ The Dark Horse

Tolerance, and how much do I have to tolerate?

A general view of the Auschwitz fences during the 73rd

So, yesterday in class we read about the holocaust. Obviously, a horrible subject. Macabre, horrific, inhumane. It’s one of the worst atrocities that has ever happened.

Discussion began, and your typical scenario unfolds… The Jewish people in the class are deeply hurt and cry while reading passages (which, they have a right to). And then a woman with german heritage (which, don’t most white people in America have German heritage?) she says something like, “My ancestors could have been the ones who did this”, and then she cries. And i’m like…. OK… you can cry… but, now it’s starting to get a bit showboaty.

And then came the moment that angered the fuck out of me,

We have a Muslim guy in our class. Who he is and what he does and where his money comes from are all very “sketch” if you don’t mind me saying so. He travels every weekend. Sometimes he misses class because he’s traveling. He claims it’s for “work”. Paid humanitarian work he says… which if anyone out there is like me and has tried to apply for paid humanitarian jobs, you know how scarce they are. Especially the well-paying ones that even pay for your travels around the globe.

And on top of this, he’s already said some really sketchy shit in class. The other week he was complaining about a professor and administrator at the University of Oklahoma who was pressured to resign after he wrote a book that said a bunch of fun things like:

~homosexuality is insanity, and a gross perversion.

~ Women shouldn’t wear pants, and if they do, its because they’re sluts, and “I don’t let the women in my household wear pants”, or anything besides long skirts.

~ Women shouldn’t vote

~ Black and Gender studies are a joke

~ Africans are silly little things….

This muslim guy in class is like, “Americans say they’re so open-minded, but then someone shares their opinions and suddenly he’s demonized for it? It’s so wrong!”

So far, my emotions towards what he says have ranged from:

roll1

to:

roll2


 

But yesterday was a whole new game being played. Once it was time for a class discussion, he was like, “You know genocide still happens to this day?”

Which, it does. Rwanda. The Congo Free State. Both examples of modern-day genocide.

But instead of the obvious, he goes, “Have any of you heard of what’s happening in East Turkistan in China?”

The class just stared at him blankly.

“You haven’t heard about this?!?” He yelled,  acting shocked.

***I had actually heard of this. If any of you have read my blog, you’ll know I was working in China this previous summer, and have visited Asia before***

It’s very controversial, but China is detaining members of a muslim group in Western China. The reason is because parts of this muslim minority belong to a violent terrorist group known as the Turkistan Islamic Party, which is allied with Al-Qaeda amongst others, and has performed deadly terrorist attacks in China, most notable the 2013 bombings, and the murder of a group of Chinese authorities.

As the kid in class spoke of the “genocide” against these people, his eyes teared up, he choked up, and he was like, “I was just there this weekend, trying to help the efforts.”

 

And I sat there, REALLY BITING MY TONGUE and wondering if this guy in class actually belonged to a terrorist group. Was I sitting 3 people away from a terrorist? 

He continued about the pain and suffering. And then, even went as far to say, “And it isn’t just in East Turkistan, I mean, even the Jewish people have performed genocide on the Palestinians!”

And at this point, I just went:

drop

 

 

Ok, let me say this. Is China the most trustworthy country on Earth?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

If China gets its hands on people it fear may be in a terrorist group, I am 100% sure sketchy inhumane things will happen. Hands down. I’m not arguing with that. And ethically and morally, we would need a trial with evidence and find out how bad things are. I am not denying that.

But, to be comparing the capture terrorists and assumed terrorists (and sadly, even innocent people that China just deems to be a potential threat within that group) with the planned termination the Jewish people that was based on nothing besides blind hatred is wrong and insane. And it really makes me afraid of what this guy is like. 

And furthermore, to compare the Israeli-Palestinian conflict to the holocaust, while Jewish people are in the room crying…. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? 

DO YOU HAVE NO FUCKING SHAME? 

And I’m sure the situation with this guy is probably similar to Republicans who read those far alt-right websites. He probably only reads extremely biased and hateful news. He probably reads story after story about the trials of the muslim people. He probably sees very little news of the real world. And therefore, in his mind, the entire world is probably skewed into a “They’re ALL against me and my people” mentality, which therefore gives him the blind confidence to march into a room with Jewish people, and tell them they’re basically Nazis.

It’s sad.

And I wanted to yell and scream and lose my shit so badly.

But, I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t want to start a fight. And I wouldn’t even know how to properly fight that sort of attitude. So I kept quiet.

And now, I’m thinking of all the things I SHOULD HAVE SAID but didn’t.

I wonder what will happen next week?

~ The Dark Horse

AMERICA, YOU ARE JUST LIKE MY HIGH SCHOOL

high

In my last post, I was in a weird mood. I was pretty depressed.  In fact, the last two weeks I’ve been really down. The thoughts of depression and anxiety were nagging at me: You’ll never be a writer. You have no talent. You’ll always be alone. You are the problem, it’s always you. you, you, you! 

And then people were killed at Kroger.

And then a bunch of bombs were mailed to people all over America.

And then a synagogue was shot up.

    People, look. I don’t care what your political party is. The Trump administration is a disaster, and it’s ruining our country. The hateful rhetoric coming out of that man’s mouth (and those in his administration) is fueling the fires for the already hateful amongst us.

And to make matters worse, his followers are completely separated from reality and therefore are putty in his hands. As a Kathy Griffin fan, I felt compelled to write on Donald Trump’s Facebook page that he and his family spent an entire week destroying her; Calling her disgusting and evil. They did everything they could to ruin her career. She was put on a no-fly list, and had to take part in a federal investigation that accused her of actually plotting to assassinate Trump.

And yet, when bombs were sent out.

Actual Bombs…

cnn

The Trumps were oddly silent. A few comments here and there. Trump, you could tell, was forced to say it was wrong, and he said with the conviction of a wet mop. And then hours later he went back to blaming the media for all of this.

So, I felt like posting on his Facebook page, reminding him that he spent more time talking shit about Kathy Griffin than he did about 12 bombs being mailed out that could have taken multiple lives.

Yes. Ladies and Gentlemen, your President.   

I was immediately bombarded with tons of responses from Trump supporters informing me that the bombs were clearly a liberal conspiracy. Planted by Democrats to garner sympathy and persuade the “libtards” and “snowflakes” to hate Trump. 

First off, why? Wouldn’t Libtards already hate Trump? Where is the logic in this?

Apparently, to Trump supporters,  liberals are jealous of Trump. Trump does so many amazing and wonderful things that liberals are lost in jealousy and are determined to hate him no matter what.

But then, wait what?!?

bomb

It turns out that the bombs weren’t actually sent out by the Democratic party?

…wow, big shock (cough).

And of course, the responses on my Facebook post went dead silent.

So I probed a little further, and responded asking anyone if they cared to share with me how they felt now that they learned it wasn’t a liberal conspiracy.

more silence.

But within a few hours, Trump supporters were once again vocal around the country, hailing Trump and saying all of this was the fault of someone else, anyone else. Lost in delusion.

And that’s America. This is our country. The place we have to live. The place that has gone completely insane. 

And I think this is where a lot of my recent depression and anxiety is coming from. Part of me honestly feels like there’s no hope for this country, or for a future life here. I hate Republicans for how insane their greed has made them. I hate Democrats for not standing up to them more. I hate that it feels like the bullies are somehow on top. We have coyotes running the henhouse, and we all know that can’t be good. 

And that’s when it hit me: THIS IS LIKE HIGH SCHOOL. 

This is why I’m stuck constantly looking back at life in Ohio…because this country is running like a giant recreation of my high school experience. The bad are rewarded and get to live happily in their delusions. Nobody holds them accountable.

In high school, it was just accepted that because I was gay, I was bad. It was my fault, I was the problem, I brought this all upon my self.

And now, it’s just generally accepted that Trump and Republicans are in power, will say insane things, and then we just let them. Even as a synagogue is shot up, bombs sent, a car runs over a protester in Virginia, people are stabbed to death in Portland by a racist, and a black church is set on fire an has the words VOTE TRUMP written on it.

Listen bitches, I’ve been here before.

cunts

 

I’ve dealt with these shitty little twats my whole life. Growing up in the Rust Belt has given me firsthand experience in what the rest of America is now experiencing. And this one thing that I need to remember, and that I want to share with all of you as well:

They didn’t take me down back then, so they’re not going to take me down now.

 

I waited tables all throughout high school in my crappy Ohio town so I’d be able to escape and go someplace better. I worked and worked and worked and managed to move to LA for college. I’ve been able to live and work in Australia, New Zealand, and China. I’ve overcome fucking agoraphobia.

I aint gonna let some uneducated greedy racist white trash piece of shit make me feel like this country doesn’t belong to me.

Oh honey….hellz to da No you aint!

honey

 

Today, I’m re-vowing the same things I did when I was fifteen. Back when I was in my bedroom, friendless, watching the movies that inspired me to go see the world:

“I will not let these people take me down. I will not let them make me feel bad. I will not let them force me to give up. I will not give them what they want. 

I’m going to live my fucking life and be successful and happy because I’m fucking allowed to.”

Eye to the Sky. 

 

~ The Dark Horse

Feeling Alive Again. Or, Courtney Act on Big Brother Has Brought Me Back From The Dead

courtney

 

So, I don’t know how many people out there keep up with the UK telly, but something amazing was just going down on what is normally a generic and trashy reality show.

The 21st season of Big Brother in the UK just concluded and that shit was bloody brilliant! As an American, I didn’t know much about the show except that Courtney Act was going to be on the show.  Now, I’ll say, if I were 15 years old, I would have watched that show every night of the damn week.

You see, as a teenager, I used to love Big Brother….And you know what, I should probably have a Big Brother breakdown here for everyone, because Big Brother is completely different in every country around the world.

big

 

Here in the US, Big Brother used to be like a fucking marathon event.  The show was on, for no joke, almost 3 months. That means that everyone who made it into the top 7 got to stay for the entire 3 month period, whether it’s in the house, or the sequester house.  I know that in other countries, the show is only on for about a month. And then sometimes those Celebrity Big Brother seasons are only like 3 or 4 weeks.

Anyways, so as the gay kid in Ohio who was beat up and made fun of constantly, Big Brother seemed like a dream come true. It was this house filled with all these hot fun people, AND THEY WERE LOCKED IN WITH YOU….FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS! 

It just seemed like the ultimate way to make friends. You could be close to all these people, and you were never alone. The hot jock would have to get to know you because you were sharing a room. The pretty cheerleading type would become your friend because an alliance needed to be formed. The wise old woman who’s been through shit could give you advice all damn day because you’re sharing a house together.  It all just seemed so perfect! I was sure that the reason I was alone all the time was because nobody ever took the time to get to know me.  But, if they were locked in a house with me for three months they’d have to!  It would be like one big family at summer camp!

So anyhoo, I used to watch the show religiously. All the episodes.  They’d have the Sunday, and Tuesday, shows and the Thursday live eviction show.  I used to fantasize about being the house with them. Watching all these people share a bedroom, share a shower, share the hot tub, share everything.  For someone who was alone all the time, Big Brother was fuckin wet dream for me. I loved the idea of having people in my life…even if they did potentially want to vote me out of the house. I used to stay up in bed at night, fantasizing that I was a member in the house too; making friends, and living life to the fullest.  I used to love the hope and excitement I felt watching that show, feeling that some exciting adventure was just around the corner!

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But as I got older, the show lost it’s luster. I stopped thinking that every new person was a potential friend. My heart hardened. Walls were built to protect myself. I stopped watching the show.

 

But, something with this new season began to attract my attention. I started seeing news articles creep up about something incredible happening in the Big Brother House. This season of UKCBB (United Kingdom Celebrity Big Brother) was titled “Year of the women” because this year marks 100 years of women having the right to vote in the UK. The show was already leaning towards a discussion of gender, and threw in 2 extra dimensions into the storyline.

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The first was India, The UK’s first trans woman to be a part of a news team.

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And the second was Shane J / Courtney Act, a drag artist who was previously famous from Australian Idol back in the mid-2000’s (which Shane did in drag as Courtney and pioneered the way for others) and then more famously, Ru Paul’s Drag Race.

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And then to counteract all of this, they also brought in ultra-conservative politician and super crotchety old woman, Ann Widdecombe.

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So, sparks started to fly because India was just god-awful, and Ann was just an old dusty bitch.   But the entire house, and all of the UK began to fall in love with Courtney.  She had multiple conversations with everyone in the house about gender, sexuality, and performance. She was willing to talk to anyone about the differences between drag, and trans. The difference between gay and pansexual, and the difference between gender and biological sex.

She even took to debating Ann about some of the more conservative and Anti-gay policies she helped enact back during her time in parliament. But what made Courtney so amazing was her ability to always remain calm, collected, and willing to engage in any  conversation that may have come up.

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And everyone loved it.  She was the house favorite, and the entire nation fell in love with her for knowledge, self confidence, and beauty.  The UK as a whole even started a national conversation on gender because of what was going down on the show. She wasn’t just teaching the other housemates, but she was teaching an entire country, and thanks to the internet, the entire world!

 

So this is first part of where I started feeling myself wake up inside. There’s just something about Courtney Act that I need to be more like. I need to carry myself with her confidence. I need to walk into a room and actually feel like I belong.  Somehow, even though Courtney Act tends to look like a slutty drag queen Barbie, she ends up being the shining light in every situation she’s in.  I need to have the self love and respect that she has.

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Furthermore, during the season, Courtney Act managed to school everyone on gender and sexuality.  She not only carries herself well, but she is phenomenal in conversations. She took what could have been some very difficult and controversial moments, and spoke to housemates about them as if it were just the most natural thing to her. I need to be better at communicating with others.  

Check out Courtney given’ the boys a lesson on Drag and Trans:

 

 

So yeah, I’m a guy, and I have never done drag, but damn, there’s so much to learn from Courtney Act.

 

 

Secondly, there was a bit of a show romance happing in the show as well! There’s an insanely cute guy on the show named Andrew Brady (He was on the UK Apprentice or whatever…)

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So get this…. from the very first second Courtney Act walks into the Big Brother house, he’s in love with her.

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And from there… a Bromance/Romance began!

They started getting really close, and Andrew was constantly flirting with Courtney Act.

Throughout the show the “friendship” grew and grew…..

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And then, as time went on, Andrew started like Shane, even out of drag… for a gay boy like me, it was like magic was happening.  A hot straight guy was getting along with a man who, out of drag, was an effeminate guy, and in drag was….well, a drag queen.  It was so amazing to see Andrew form this friendship and not care about labels or what other people may think.  He was just himself, and Courtney was just herself…and they connected.  It was amazing and heartwarming to watch.

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Oh my God…. they even had tub time one night!  It was fuckin’ amazing!  So yeah…that fifteen year old inside me who used to watch Big Brother hoping to find an amazingly close friendship… well, he felt super pleased watching this season.  I get those butterflies in my stomach again watching this season, just like I used to when I was a teenager. I find myself laying up in bed at night again, imaging myself in the house….Imagining some handsome straight guy was becoming my friend, and was having tub time with me too! I get this rush watching this season… a rush I haven’t felt in such a long time.  The rush of youthful excitement and passion and hope for some great adventure.  And ya know, I’ve missed that feeling…and I’m glad it’s back!

 

And You know what, everyone noticed that she was a shining light as well… because she won!

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Watch the win here:

 

But look, I think we can all be winners here.  I think we can all learn a lot about being your true self and letting yourself shine, even if your true self is something that the common man might find odd or different.  Courtney went into that house and literally changed people’s minds about the LGBTQ community and that is fucking amazing!   Let’s all try to be beautiful, engaging, and inspiring people! 

 

~ The Dark Horse