So the other day i was really down. My job is making me feel like shit. My parents are making me feel like shit. Society is making me feel like shit. So, I was just all-around feeling like shit.
So, I called Lifeline. Which people listen to me, WHEN YOU ARE DOWN CALL LIFELINE! THEY ARE AMAZING. Id rather have you call lifeline and talk it out than go through the day feeling too depressed or anxious to live.
So I started listing off everything like a crazy person:
~ grew up gay in Ohio and have never had friends
~had to work full time during college to pay for college, and thusly totally missed out on the college experience and internships because i was busy working full time on top of school
~ Have been traveling around the world since graduation looking for a place to land…and haven’t found it
~my new job with sucks and doesn’t pay well, and my parents yelling at me constantly telling me to grow up
~ And how I’m applying to grad school but am worried about finances and if it will even pay off.
And I swear to God she is like….. “sweetie, you need to slow down”. So I slow down, take a breath and let her talk for a bit as I cool off. She starts talking about how the economy is different now than it was for my parents. Its normal to be 26 and lost in life these days. She then tells me its also partly me: She said, and I swear to you I loved this…she was like, “Look I can tell just from talking to you that you’re very smart. Probably smarter than most people. And Im sure way smarter than the people you work with since you’re working in retail”… “And you need to understand that small-time jobs and small-time people will never click with you, because you’re meant for more”.
I literally was filled with warmth. Someone actually on my side? Someone who actually believes I can do something with my life? IS THAT WHAT HAVING SUPPORT IN LIFE FEELS LIKE????
I just relaxed in my seat ( I was driving when I called because I just didn’t want to be at home). I slowed down, went down some side streets and just smiled. Hearing something nice….oh my god. it was amazing!
Then she said, So what are you wanting to go to school for? And I said Creative Writing. Then she said, “Well you know, maybe you could find a compromise? Get a day job and just write on the weekends as a hobby?”. This made me kind of annoyed because is this something I hear from everyone…just another GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE CLOUDS comment. But I tried to let her keep talking….but I just couldn’t. I had to tell her I actually feel because nobody else ever lets me.
So I said, well If I do that, how do I control this dying feeling I have inside? And she was like… what do you mean?
So I told her that the idea of me not being able to live my dreams gives me a feeling like my intensities are being ground inside me. Like Im suffocating. Like theres no point in living.
I want to write. I want to inspire people! I want to motivate people to want to continue living! I want to make stories that are full of adventure, friendship, love, and overcoming obstacles that seem impossible…. until the end when you find out that hard work, dedication and a bit of teamwork can accomplish anything. Growing up movies and books were my only friends. After being called faggot all day at school, after the teachers would pretend like they didn’t see kids throwing things at me, after coming home and having my parents ask me why I had no friends, I could run up to my room and watch a movie or read a book. They were my friends. They were the ones who taught me about life. I could see people who were like me, in situations that seemed hopeless…but you know what? Somehow they always managed to conquer evil. To win in the end. To accomplish goals that seemed impossible! And along the way they always made friends, had an adventure, and came out better people in the end. I want to be able to give that to other people.
The she was silent for a few seconds… and then said:
“Sweetie, then you have no choice but to be a writer. I’m sorry about what I said before… you’re dedicated, you know what you want, and you’re intentions are genuine. You don’t have a choice but to chase your dreams”.
The biggest smile ever came across my face. I just thought, FINALLY SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS
Then she continued, “You know you may never make six figures though right? You may never accomplish wealth…” And I was like, “Look, If I was happy and doing what I loved and was helping people, Id be fine living in a little apartment for the rest of my life, because Id have happiness, and self-worth. Which is way better than money”.
Then she just laughed and said, “Honey, you will be very successful in life. You are so genuine and want to write for all the right reasons. You should also do public speaking, you’re great at it”…
Then I was like, ” UUUGGGHHH I’d lllllllooooooovvvvvveeeee to do TED talks you have no idea!”
She was like, “You know what, I really like you! Here’s what you need to do. Stop talking about your life to people in your hometown. You’re better than them and you know what, jealousy will probably always make then hate you….and continue put you and your dreams down. Normal people don’t chase their dreams because there afraid. So they settle. Don’t ever let them influence your life”.
I can’t even tell you how much that talk meant to me. It just goes to show how much a positive voice in your life can change everything.
So, here I am, refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to fight the fight.
Never give up, never surrender!
~ The Dark Horse
UUGHHHH no this want proofread! Who has the time??