Category Archives: Uncategorized

Spring Is Almost Here…

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Alright, people… if you’re like me, then winter depresses you the fuck out. The short days, the cold weather, the lack of vitamin D from the sun, the beige color that seems to cover the world because there’s no greenery around. I love snow on Christmas, but after Christmas I’m like, Ok that was fun….SUMMER PLEASE! 

And about this time of year, after Winter has already been around for months…. I start getting restless. I start NEEDING sun. NEEDING warmth. I start DREAMING of hot weather.

But I today, I saw the first little sprouts of tulips. The true sign that spring isn’t too far off. And, I’ve done some calculations.

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It’s February 19th. That means it’s only 9 days until March 1st. March signals the death of the winter. The sun finally starts to win the battle against the dreaded cold. On April 1st, it’s relatively assured that there will be no more snow.

So, that means we only have 40 days until we can put away the winter coats and never think about them again until next November.

And then, by May 1st, the trees are in bloom once more, and the grass is getting green, and we can go back to wearing hoodies and nothing more! So, that’s only 70 days until we have green buds on trees and hoodies or sweaters.

We can do this.  YOU HEAR ME?  WE GOT THIS! Winter is on it’s way out!

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Just remember that.  Armageddon ends in 9 days

Winter coats can officially be stowed away in the closet in 40 days

And we are only 70 days away from green trees and hoodie weather.

 

Eye on the prize, eye on the prize, EYE ON THE PRIZE!!!!!!!

 

~ The Dark Horse

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Changes I Hope To See In The Jagged Little Pill Musical

Jagged Little Pill

So, over the summer, Jagged Little Pill premiered at Harvard, and I’ve just discovered it’s going to be on Broadway in the Fall.  WOOHOO!!!!

Let’s get this out of the way right now… The music IS FUCKIN’ AMAZING!  I am a huge Alanis fan and love her music and this musical was everything I could have ever wanted music-wise.

Unfortunately though…the plot was… errrr…um… pretty shit.

The musical focuses on a family and all the problems they have in the Post-Trump era. The musical has only one rounded character (meaning a character that isn’t just a one-dimensional walking stereotype) and that’s the mom who is part of America’s opioid crisis. SHE IS A FUCKING AMAZING ACTRESS WITH AN AMAZING VOICE. The Tony goes to…

 

Aside from her the problems begin, and let’s dive into them here..

The daughter…

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Celia Gooding plays the daughter Frankie, who is black and adopted by a white family. She is also a wonderful actress with a powerful voice. However, her storyline is just fucking crap. She blames every single thing in her life on being black.

Frankie is dating a…I don’t know…the musical doesn’t actually give clear signals about this.  In the beginning you assume Frankie is dating another girl, a tomboy type lesbian. But as the play goes on it’s revealed that her girlfriend doesn’t like being called a girl. Whether it’s a story about her being trans or just gender nonconforming is unknown, all we know is that anytime someone addressed the partner as a girl, the partner has a mental breakdown and runs of crying… (so there’s another problem)

Anyways, so Frankie cheats on her partner with a cis-man. Her partner finds out and gets mad at Frankie, and Frankie is like, “You don’t understand! I’m black in a white family. You don’t know what I go through!”

Dear Jagged Little Pill Musical, I know you want to be all woke, but being black isn’t an excuse for cheating on someone… This play feels like it was written by a bunch of really entitled white people who know nothing about oppression and just thought that all these people’s problems could be sourced from their minority status.  It doesn’t work that way.

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Later in the play Frankie runs away from New York City because she “feels” (With absolutely no proof, because she comes from a very privileged family who love her) that her family doesn’t love her because she’s black.

When her parents find out, once again Frankie goes, “You don’t understand what it’s like to black!” and the whole family is like, “OMG You’re right! How could we be so stupid?”

Once again, Jagged Little Pill musical… THINK ABOUT THIS ONE…

If you were a parent and you had just discovered your child had ran away, you’re not going to be like, “Oh but she’s black…I guess we gotta understand that she’ll never truly feel loved… oh well..”  NO

NO.

NO.

NO.

A parent would be like, “WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU??? I’M COMING TO GET YOU! ARE YOU SAFE? USE THE CREDIT AND GET A HOTEL ROOM UNTIL WE GET THERE, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’D PUT YOURSELF IN DANGER LIKE THIS! DO YOU KNOW HOW SCARED WE ARE??????”

By having the parents be like…. “whatevz, black gurl gonna’ do what she do” only makes it seem like they actually don’t love her.

 

This brings me to Frankie’s Partner:

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Frankie’s gender-unknown partner is just a fuckin’ punching bag the entire show. Someone at school calls her a girl so she cries and mopes and walks away. Her mom tells her to be more like a girl, then she mopes and walks off stage, and then Frankie cheats on her, and she sings You Oughta Know, and the whole audience goes batshit fuckin’ crazy over it…and I’m like….NOOOOOOOOO. NO. NO. NO. This character is such a weak pushover that she doesn’t deserve a stand ovation.  Whether she’s trans or just non-conforming, she still needs to be a human. She needs self agency. She can’t just run around stage crying and being sad the entire fucking play. Give me something more please? 

 

And then… oh lord, there’s the girl who gets raped at a party.

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So this girl gets raped at a party, and of course nobody believes her. Because nobody ever believes women….. And she’s mentally ruined and thinks about suicide and all that stuff, and you know everything ever is the fault of men. And then there’s a rally held for her to inspire her and show her that she’s loved… and people on stage are holding up #METOO signs and #TIMESUP signs, and then randomly these black people come on stage and start waving around #BLACKLIVESMATTER posters, and Im like…. A white girl was raped… why is this turning into a black lives matter moment? 

The point is this, This show victimizes women, victimizes black people, and victimizes the trans (or non-binary…it’s never stated) so heavily, that it’s unreal.  It’s like, White men are bad, and everything that ever happens to anyone is IS COMPLETELY THE FAULT OF WHITE MEN.

Have you ever seen that sketch on SNL about liberal high school kids trying to make a play with meaning, but it just comes off as offensively stupid?

SNL

Jagged Little Pill the musical feels like that a lot.

Me and my friend had literal moments during the show when we had to hold back laughter because it was just so….bad.  Like literally, it was as if the creators of the show had concept of reality.

And I’m not the only one who thinks this, check this quote from The New York Times,

“At least for now, this well intentioned and intermittently thrilling musical makes you want to applaud its efforts at “wokeness” while also wondering if wokeness has become just another form of virtue signaling. It feels like what might have happened if the Tribe from “Hair” had actually made it to college”

Or this quote from Variety,

The real downside is that with so much going on, our interest and empathy are unreasonably stretched.

Or this from the Patriot Ledge,

It’s a lot of heavy stuff to digest and after two-and-half hours, Cody wraps up the conflicts as if to mimic a Shakespearean finale. She ties together the ends of plot strands perhaps too neatly to be believed.

 

THE POINT IS THIS JAGGED LITTLE PILL:  I AM ON YOUR SIDE, AND I LOVED THE MUSIC AND A LOT OF THE STORY FROM THE HARVARD RUN OF THE SHOW… BUT I EXPECT THE BROADWAY VERSION TO NOT BE SO SILLY IT’S LAUGHABLE. 

In the meantime, check out a song from the cast recording that was just released, Ive been playing it on loop in the shower:

 

~ The Dark Horse

(Not proofread #Sowwyz!)

Living The Dream… And It’s Truly Surreal

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So, I’m here in New York City, and everything has spiraled out of control into the best thing ever. I’m here because I recently got an internship in television. Then, last week, I was published for the first time. Now, I also have a paid position blogging for a travel magazine. I had no idea when I started blogging back in 2014, desperate to reach out to others because of my depression and anxiety…that I would ever get a paid blogging job.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE MY LIFE WENT? 

WHO IS THIS NEW GUY I SEE IN THE MIRROR? THE ONE WHO IS MORE CONFIDENT TAHN I EVER WOULD HAVE IMAGINED? 

(touches face with hand) IS MY SKIN EVEN LOOKING BETTER? 

People of the world, I ask you this…

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

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You always see the storylines in movies and books that tell you hard work pays off in the end.  But you never actually believe it right? (At least I didn’t). I always thought that happiness was something other people could obtain. Happiness wasn’t ever meant for me. It seemed like no matter what I did, everything would blow up all around me all the time.

I kept telling myself, “I am working hard, right? Is this all in my head? Is every other human trying even harder? Am I lazy and undeserving and just don’t know it?”

But I guess it goes like this: A train weighs about 18,000 tons.

It takes a lot of energy to make 18,000 tons move. It isn’t like the flick of a pinky can make it happen. And that’s what I was. I was a stopped train. I was a chicken running around with my head cut off. I was desperate, lonely, in pain, had no connections, was working in retail (and was doing a horrible job because I was bored to death everyday) so I wasn’t exactly building my resume.

And then I started working towards making my life better. 

Started from the bottom. Got back into school, working at Whole Foods to pay rent.

Then, unpaid internships led to…more unpaid internships…which led to really poorly paid internships…

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The engines on the train were heating up, but because the train wasn’t moving, I considered myself a failure. I didn’t notice the rumbling sounds of power underneath my feet. I didn’t see the steam rising from beneath the bowels.

Then those poorly paid internships led to well paid internships, and I started putting on events at school, and then suddenly I’m here in New York City, and it seems like possibility is everywhere. Suddenly the world doesn’t seem like a place that will always oppress me and keep me down. (Well, they can try, but fuck them.)

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I’m on a train chugging full speed ahead, and now I’m looking out the windows as the world swooshes by, wondering how the fuck I made all this happen.

Never ever stop believing in yourselves.

We got this!

 

~ The Dark Horse

 

Puppy Therapy: Puppy Bowl Edition!

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So, it’s super bowl Sunday…blah blah blah, whatever who cares. BUT it’s also Puppy Bowl Sunday!  (Audience applause)

And this is very important for anyone needing some inspiration, some love, or some motivation.  Why you ask?  Well, for the simple reason that Puppies are good for you. 

Literally.

Medically proven.

Oh, what’s that? Don’t believe me?  Well, perhaps you’ll believe the Mayo Clinic then?

Click this link if you’d rather here a medical professional tell you this instead of me:

Mayo Clinic: Animal Therapy Article 

That’s right, I’m not crazy.  Now, since we’ve established that looking at puppies isn’t just fun, but is actually beneficial to our mental health…. let the cuteness commence!

 

First up we have a little Shiba puppy who is just so beyond adorable that even the darkest, grayest depression imaginable can be broken by his puppy powers:

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Next up we have a husky puppy that clearly doesn’t understand the concept of a water bowl. Or maybe he just had a little too much to drink last night, I’m not here to judge…

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I would let this little lab puppy wake me up any day. However, being honest, if I had this little pups with me, I’d probably be tempted to just stay in bed and snuggle all day long!

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Have you ever seen little baby German Shepards playing with their dad?  (Literally falls off chair, and begins convulsing at the sheer, overpowering cuteness.)

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Want more puppy action?

Want to help people as well?

Check out Vet Dogs  This nonprofit provides service dogs to veterans who return with a variety of service dogs.  From PTSD dogs, seizure response dogs, guide dogs, and more!   DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN VOLUNTEER AND HELP RAISE PUPPIES THAT GO ON TO HELP VETERANS?  

That deserves another puppy gif….

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And don’t forget to watch the Puppy Bowl!  It’s good for you, PLUS, all the puppies are shelter pups that can be adopted!

 

Enjoy the cuteness!

Puppy Bowl 

 

~ The Dark Horse

The Trouble of New Beginnings When You Have Depression and Anxiety

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So, I just finished my first week at my internship in television.  And it was exciting, and crazy, and hard, and stressful, and a total learning experience.

But, looking back now that the week is over, I’m like… WAS IT ACTUALLY HARD? OR WAS IT JUST MY ANXIETY? 

 

For example, I was told to do some media monitoring. That’s where you scan various news outlets to see if your shows are getting publicity and mentions and such. When you make your report, you put the news outlet’s name, followed by a forward slash, and then the date.

I had put the news outlet, then a space, then a forward slash.

My boss was like, “I’m a stickler for formatting, so next time, no space between the outlet’s name and forward slash.”

And then I was like..

OH MY GOD. I FAILED!

I PUT A SPACE BEFORE THE FORWARD SLASH! 

OH GOD…..I’LL NEVER GET A REAL JOB! 

By 10am, I was doing a full-blown Anne Hathaway, wondering why my dreams will never be…

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But now I’m kinda like… I suppose it’s possible that I may have been being slightly, but just ever-so slightly…. a drama queen. 

It was my first time doing media monitoring, and my boss knows that.  And adding a space isn’t the same as me just not being able to function. And looking back, I don’t even think my boss sounded mad.

 

BUT THEN…..

 

I had to write a press release for an upcoming show.  A REAL PRESS RELEASE FOR A SHOW THAT WILL AIR ON NATIONAL TELEVISION! A PRESS RELEASE THAT WILL BE READ…BY THE PRESS!  Like, THE PRESS. 

Entertainment Weekly. Variety. People Magazine. TV Guide. The Chicago Tribune. The New York Times. Those places, along with every other news outlet in America (And Canada) will be sent this!!!!!

I was like, Oh my God if I fuck this up it’s all over.

I’m done.

Life destroyed.

I’ll be unemployed.

I’ll become homeless.

I’ll have to sell my teeth for money, and then get Hepatitis C and die.

Oh my God, I need anther Anne Hathaway GIF,   NOW!!!!!!!!!

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I think Anne is the only person who truly understands my struggles.

 

So, I’ve sent my draft of the press release to my boss, and we’re going to go over it on Monday.

SO, OK SURE. SHE HASN’T ACTUALLY SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT IT…. YET.

But there’s always a chance that could ruin it!

I mean, it was my first major press release after all.

Do you think she’ll understand that?

Oh lord, here comes the sweats… I’m such a failure. I’m going to die.

This is it! Goodbye cruel world!

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OR, IS THIS ALL JUST ANXIETY?

 

I mean, new beginnings are hard. For everyone. Anytime you have to learn something new. Or be in a new place. Surrounded by new people. There’s always going to be a learning curve. You’ll never be completely perfect right off the bat when you’re in an unfamiliar area, doing new and unfamiliar things.

That’s just life.

But when you have depression and anxiety, making those little mistakes (what normal humans probably consider “learning”) can be really hard on us. We dwell on them. We worry about them.

Or, with the press release example, we can worry without even hearing anything bad! It’s that unknowingness that gets us. We want to be assured that we’ve done good.

That we’re safe. 

When you have depression and anxiety, instant gratification is a gift… A gift that life rarely provides.

And we have no choice, but to soldier through. We have to brave our fears.

Keep Calm

And

Carry On.

We can’t let our depression and anxiety ruin new opportunities for us. Stress and sadness will accompany us during our new exploits. But, we need to be strong. Because the payoffs that you get from taking a chance is work.

Great things come from taking risks.

So let’s take em!

Need some inspiration?

Ok watch this:

In Ohio we have a theme park called Cedar Point. The tallest ride is called the Top Thrill Dragster. It’s so tall, and requires so much energy to create enough thrust to make it over the hill, that if the weight in the train is off (like, if you have a train full of short, thin people, or a train full of overweight people) the weight imbalance causes an acceleration problem and causes the car to not make it over the hill, AND THE ROLLS BACKWARDS TOWARDS THE STATION WHERE THE OTHER TRAIN IS BEING LOADED WITH PEOPLE! 

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So… if you’re about to embark on something new, and are scared. Just remember… things can be much, much scarier!

 

~ The Dark Horse

 

 

Dispatches From The Far North

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Have I ever mentioned that after college I ran away into the woods?

 

LA had worn me down and beaten me to the ground. I was so depressed I could barely stand up most of the time. And then that’s when I discovered American Transcendentalism, and the ideals of running away and escaping capitalist society.

I took Thoreau for his word and ran away.  And now that I’m older and read Thoreau more clearly, I’m pretty fuckin annoyed… because he never actually ran away. He lived on a lake only a few miles from town. He literally would walk home and eat with his family and shit… what a twat.

I on the other hand, during my period of total infatuation with his ideas, really did run away into the middle of nowhere. Where there were no roads. No phones. No sewage systems…

I went to the Northwest Territories, a little north of the Great Slave Lake.

There, I lived in a “cabin” which was really just a plywood box that was covered in arctic tarp. Recently, I found the pictures I took of inside my cabin.

Whenever I’m feeling down, writing and art has always saved me. And so, being up there was no different.  Armed with nothing but sidewalk chalk (why was there sidewalk chalk? I have no idea…) Anyways, armed with sidewalk chalk and bare plywood walls, I got to work.

Here are a few of my derelict masterpieces:

 

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Here, with CHERRY BOOM, I needed color, and I need fun. I went for a retro-Pac Man thing because it was exciting.  It was something that made me feel like I wasn’t completely lost from society. A memento that there was a world full of video games, ice tea, and mattresses that I could return to at some point.

 

 

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This was my manifesto to the world. I wrote this, and then read this to myself every night before going to sleep. It was a way for me to tell myself that I’m not done. I went to the woods to find myself, but the woods wouldn’t be my final resting place.

 

 

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My absolute favorite.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written these words in my journal, or said this under my breath as I’m about to take on a challenging day. The albatross has always been my spirit animal. They’re so large, so misunderstood, and so solitary, that it’s hard to imagine how they survive. But, against the odds, and against the elements, these birds flourish, even though they can spend months over the open ocean without ever even seeing land. They’re stronger than you’d ever believe. And so, I look to the albatross, flying high, for inspiration.

 

Eye to the sky!

 

~ The Dark Horse