Category Archives: Uncategorized

Coronavirus and Mental Health

COVID-19

So, there’s no point in lying, is there? This totally fucking sucks.

If you’re lucky, you’re trapped in a house. If you’re unlucky, like me, you’re trapped in a tiny apartment with a roommate in Brooklyn. There’s not much to do. We’re stuck in very close quarters, and ya know…there’s that whole looming fear of death in the air (quite literally).

And so, our mental health takes a toll. Right now, everyone’s mental health is being put to the test, but for anyone like me, who already struggles with things like depression and anxiety, this is truly, seriously, honestly, REALLY pushing the limits of our sanity. I’m only a few days away from going as mad as a hatter.

hatter

Fun story – Do you know the phrase “mad as a hatter” comes from the fact that mercury used to be common in the hat-making process? So, many hatters would get mercury poisoning, and appear to be drunk or insane.

The things you learn in quarantine…. 

Anyhoo – where was I? Something about losing my mind, right?  Ah, yes. So, here we are, trapped, locked, and so forth, and what exactly can we do about it? Unfortunately, not much. This is one of those horrific situations where we are just forced to wait it out.

But at the same time, for people who struggle with mental health, isn’t that kind of our strength? Most people around the world are like, “I’m trapped in a miserable state and there’s no way out of it!”

And we’re like, (sips tea) “Hunny, that’s called my fucking life.”

And so, what shall we do?

Well, I’m drinking lots of tea (the good stuff too), I’m watching lot’s of shows, doing lots of writing, and I’ve just started a new book. Everyday, I go out for a little walk because I think fresh air is important (obviously, I keep my distance from others) and really, that’s about it.

Nobody said this would be easy or fun…

maggie smith

…But then again, we’re used to that, aren’t we? 

 Remember – If you’re in need of mental health help during these tough times, reach out! Beyond Blue has amazing resources. The CDC (as crappy as the CDC is) has a webpage on mental health during the crisis, and NAMI also has a page set up. And if you’re in desperate need of help, here is a list of crisis hotlines around the world.

Keep calm, carry on, drink tea, watch porn, do whatever ya gotta do to keep yourself safe and sane!

~ The Dark Horse

Looking Out My Window During The Pandemic

Ah, New York City. The place where dreams come true. The place where anything is possible. The place immortalized by movies, songs, novels, and poems. What a gorgeous town. They say if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere, after all.

Ah, let’s open up the blinds and look out at the stunning accomplishments of mankind…

 

Empire state building blow up

 

Oh…. fuck.

 

Ok, well surely this city can withstand a little pandemic right?  Surely nobody is losing their minds. Surely the city isn’t falling apart at the hands of a virus gone awry, right? Right??!?!??!?!

Maybe just one more peek out my window.  I’m sure everything is all better now. After all, this is the city that knows how to survive anything….

 

Cloverfield

 

Oh dear sweet lord!

(closes blinds, hides under covers)

(shakes back and forth)

Oh… everything is fine…. Just fine. Just dandy!  Fine and dandy…. Oh yes…. yes, yes, yes…. umm…. Ugh, oh boy.

Wait a second!

I’m just being silly. The world isn’t that bad or that scary. This virus isn’t even that deadly… that we know of… and I refuse to be scared. I refuse to sit in my bedroom, trapped like a rat in a cage. This is ridiculous. I am young, I am strong, and I am capable of anything! I’m going to go open my blinds, and outside my window will be a bright, sunny, warm day, and everything is going to be all better! I just know it!

(walks to the window, throws open the curtains)

 

the day after tomorrow

 

HOLY FUCKBALLS! 

Man, we are fucked.

Oh well, nothing else we can do I guess. Let’s fire up the kettle. Open up that fresh tin of darjeeling, and go through the entire Friday the 13th franchise…

we're all gonna die

~ The Dark Horse

 

Dear Coronavirus: Or, Roswell, NM Season 2 Gives Me Hope

roswell

Dear coronavirus,

You’re a crafty little cunt aren’t you. But, like all viruses, you have one fatal flaw… You suck at your job and kill your host, thus also killing you. What a pathetic loser.

Anyways,

Jokes on you, because I’m hiding away in my apartment and I have
absolutely.
no.
problem.
with.
that.

You wanna know why?

Cuz season 2 of Roswell, New Mexico started back up last week!

roswell, nm

Oh my dear lord in the heavens above, just look at them….

Look, I understand that this is a melodramatic show about aliens that is geared towards teenage girls. I understand that. However, I truly don’t care. Oh, they’re just so fuckin’ hot. Aliens, if you’re real and you look like these guys, PLEASE ABDUCT ME! Probe me. Prod me. Who knows, maybe we’ll end up dating afterwards?

Michael Roswell

(faints.) 

Oh god… I need water. Does anyone have water? Is it hot in here? Does anyone have a church fan?

Ok, cmon! Compose yourself! You got a post to write…

The point is this, self isolate and stop the spread of this virus. In the meantime, just watch Roswell. Just gaze into their dreamy eyes. And those muscles… debate whether he wears boxers or briefs…and imagine how big that tool underneath is…

Roswell, New Mexico

(faints.)

Oh! How long was I out for? Sorry, sometimes I just swoon myself silly.

Ok, so point is, Self Isolate & Self Masturbate. Easy, right?

~ The Dark Horse

When COVID-19 Destroyed the World

Ireland

Up until a few days ago, nothing seemed real. I was in rural western Ireland on assignment for a magazine. Fresh air, fields of sheep, mountains, and the all the Irish Breakfast tea I could ever dream of.

We would see the news from time to time. Westchester County in New York was in a red zone. The death toll rising daily. Italy was beginning to collapse. But, then I’d look out at the lake, the fresh smell of spring, the birds in the trees. It was so easy to feel unaffected.

Then, the news came that Trump was closing off entry from Europe except for the UK. Ireland is not part of the UK for anyone wondering. Suddenly everything became real. Talk of having to rush to the airport and escape Ireland circled the table of reporters… But luckily, Trump soon came out and rephrased, saying, “The UK and Ireland.”  The consensus around the country was that Trump didn’t realize that Ireland wasn’t part of the UK. We all had a laugh, and life went back to being delusional and removed the outside world.

county mayo

That lasted for a few days… Until more news came, that the UK and Ireland were now included in the ban. Reality came flooding in. It was time to leave Ireland. The entire world was shutting down. The feeling of being protected, of being immune, of being separate, suddenly vanished.

The next morning we were on a flight back to New York City, only to find that the city was now in lockdown. Gyms, restaurants, cafes, bars, and stores, were are all closed. A few restaurants are still open for delivery and take out only. Now, a full lockdown is set to begin tomorrow. It will now be illegal for offices to ask employees to come into work. Places will be fined if customers are found inside. And there is a general sense of Armageddon in the air.

However, as I write this, the sun is shining out my window. The cherry blossoms in Williamsburg are beginning to bloom, and birds are chirping in the sky.

It’s strange. They say the coronavirus could end up killing close to 100,000 people…and yet, Mother Nature wouldn’t even know. Life goes on, whether we’re a part of it or not.

~ The Dark Horse

I’m Off to Ireland

ireland

So, despite the fact that I’ve been sick off my ass, and despite the fact that there is a global pandemic destroying the tourism industry, I have, somehow, been sent on assignment to Ireland.

I’m sitting at JFK waiting for my plane, and holy shitballs, I have never seen this airport so empty before. One of the world’s biggest international hubs looks like an old mall that’s past its prime.

I have to admit… I’m really looking forward to this trip. As the world crumbles from the virus (which in all honesty, is just like a really bad flu.  Miserable and awful? Yes. Deadly? …Not so much.)  But anywhoo, while the rest of you go into Walking Dead mode, I’ll be in the Irish countryside, nestled away from civilization.

irish country

What will I learn on this trip? Hopefully nothing. I’m looking forward to relaxing. I’m looking forward to escaping New York City, escaping the coronavirus, and escaping the world in general. It is my prerogative to sip Irish breakfast tea in the mornings, eat whateverthefuck Irish people cook, and suffer through an endless parade of Ed Sheeran songs (I really hope he’s not popular in Ireland.)

I’m tasked with writing a feature story about my trip, and I haven’t a plan in my head. Which I love. I will take whatever comes. I will absorb Ireland through the eyes of someone who has never been before, and who hasn’t done an ounce of research ahead of time. Ireland, I’m ready for you to surprise me, rejuvenate me, excite me, and relax me.

Let’s roll.

~ The Dark Horse

 

 

The Joys of the Coronavirus

coronavirus

After years and years of hard work… Struggles… Writing my booty off… Getting into grad school… Doing everything I could to make my dream come true… It finally happened. I became a travel writer. And then, because, you know, that’s just how the universe is… The coronavirus comes around and completely shuts down the global travel industry.

Oh viruses…. you fickle cunts. You dastardly bastards. You clever coyotes! Your ability to infect our bodies and spread from person-to-person is incredible. You’re too smart. Too strong.

coronavirus

And now, it turns out that New York City has its first case of infection…Which, I’m not surprised. New York City is tied with London as being the world’s only Alpha++ cities. Their economies are intricately weaved with other countries from around the world. New York City has three international airports… all of which are among the busiest in the country. It was only a matter of time before the virus found its way into this global city.

Alright people, wish me luck. I’ve already had a cold, follow by the flu, in just the span of three weeks… Let’s hope the coronavirus isn’t about to follow.

~ The Dark Horse

(No, this post wasn’t proofread. I’m still sick with the flu, so I shouldn’t be forced to exert all that extra energy that’s required for proofreading.)