Category Archives: weather

Spring Is Almost Here…

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Alright, people… if you’re like me, then winter depresses you the fuck out. The short days, the cold weather, the lack of vitamin D from the sun, the beige color that seems to cover the world because there’s no greenery around. I love snow on Christmas, but after Christmas I’m like, Ok that was fun….SUMMER PLEASE! 

And about this time of year, after Winter has already been around for months…. I start getting restless. I start NEEDING sun. NEEDING warmth. I start DREAMING of hot weather.

But I today, I saw the first little sprouts of tulips. The true sign that spring isn’t too far off. And, I’ve done some calculations.

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It’s February 19th. That means it’s only 9 days until March 1st. March signals the death of the winter. The sun finally starts to win the battle against the dreaded cold. On April 1st, it’s relatively assured that there will be no more snow.

So, that means we only have 40 days until we can put away the winter coats and never think about them again until next November.

And then, by May 1st, the trees are in bloom once more, and the grass is getting green, and we can go back to wearing hoodies and nothing more! So, that’s only 70 days until we have green buds on trees and hoodies or sweaters.

We can do this.  YOU HEAR ME?  WE GOT THIS! Winter is on it’s way out!

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Just remember that.  Armageddon ends in 9 days

Winter coats can officially be stowed away in the closet in 40 days

And we are only 70 days away from green trees and hoodie weather.

 

Eye on the prize, eye on the prize, EYE ON THE PRIZE!!!!!!!

 

~ The Dark Horse

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The Night I Thought I Was Going To Die

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So, over the weekend I flew back to Boston from Ohio.  I was scheduled to fly home on a Boeing 737, which looks like this:

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I booked this flight back in August because a roundtrip home was like, $170 so I had to jump on it. Back in October, Delta changed our take-off time.

Then they did the same in November.

And twice in December…

And when I arrived at the airport on Saturday, I also found out that they switched our plane to a Boeing 717, which looks like this…

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I honestly think I’ve only been on a plane this small maybe once in my life, years and years ago…

The engines are literally attached to the sides of the plane!!!!!! Dear Lord Help Me! 

 

Then as we board, the captain comes on the intercom and is like,

“The weather here is pretty good, but when we arrive in Boston there’s heavy downpours and wind, so it’s gonna get pretty bumpy at the end…”

Kill. Me. Now.

On small planes, you feel everything. You feel every time the plane speeds up and slows down, every time it goes up and down, every time you make a turn.  It’s basically driving a Mini Cooper at 400mph, 30,000 feet above the ground.

Luckily, everything was fine for most of the flight, but then as we hit central Massachusetts, the sun had set and the storm began.  The seatbelt lights went on.

We descended into the clouds and then stayed there for a good half hour, why? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS.

When you looked out the window, it looked like we were in a tornado. The lights on the wing illuminated the sky directly around the plane, and all you could see was raging rain flying all around. Remember that scene in the Wizard of Oz where Dorothy looks out the window in the tornado? it was just like that.

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You could feel the G force. When the plane pushed up, you sunk into your seat. Then as the plane fell rapidly, you could feel the moments of airtime. You could also watch the nose of the plane going left, then right, then down and left and up and left and down and right, and on and on and on….

 

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I was having a massive airplane teddybear Twilight Zone episode moment. Has anyone ever seen that episode? With William Shatner and the airplane teddy bear that destroys the plane? You should watch it right before a flight…

 

But then the scariest thought of all came to mind:

THE LANDING. 

The temperature in Boston was hovering slightly above freezing, with torrential rain and wind, and I’m in a flying Fiat. And to sweeten the deal….

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This is Boston Logan airport. All runways dead-end straight into the ocean. yay! 

 

We began to descend into the potentially iced-over runway.

All you could see was rain rushing by the window, blanketed by a misty blackness.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, we were beneath the clouds, and literally almost already on top of the runway.

We touched town, but then bounced up.

We actually bounced! 

Then landed again.

We began stopping so fast that I was being thrust forward in my seat.

You could feel the plane swerving left and right.

I thought to myself:

Ok. Im in the aisle seat. So if there’s a Southwest woman sucked from the window event…I’m probably safe.

I’m not at the back of the plane… so if there’s a Qantas engine blows up event, I’m not near the engine.

I’m also not at the front of the plane… so if we have a Jet Blue our front wheel explodes and the landing gear catches on fire, I’m also probably not gonna die…

but then…

All I could think was “Asiana airlines cartwheeling at SFO”

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There’s no way my little flying tricycle could ever withstand that. The plane would break apart instantly.

 

But luckily, we landed safely.

I guess I didn’t almost die.  But still, the drama was there, people, let me tell you

it was thereeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

 

~ The Dark Horse

(And no the wasn’t proofread. This was written out of trauma! Trauma I say!)

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Depression and Weather

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So has anyone else out there noticed that your depression and weather seem to go hand-in-hand?     So right now in Ohio we’ve had like a 5-day cloudy streak.   Not a partly cloudy streak, or a rainy streak…. just thick thick grey clouds that don’t produce rain…..

The kind where the sun doesn’t ever break though.   And the entire world seems to be dimmed by the lack of sunlight.   I don’t even mind rain.  At least with rain you have the beauty of water falling everywhere.   The noise of life outside your window.    And if we’re really lucky we can get some thunder and lighting!  I feel oddly alive when there is a storm.   Also during a storm I feel like I actually have an excuse to just brew some tea and snuggle up and watch the rain if I so choose.

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Cloudy days however don’t give me that great feeling.    Cloudy days make me feel FUCKING HORRIBLE.  

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Like have any of you ever seen Melancholia?   Where Kirstin Dunst is so depressed she literally can’t even get out of the bathtub sometimes?   Yeah its like that…. (well ok not really that bad)  But still I feel horrible.  I can feel myself falling asleep at the gym.   I can feel myself being drowsy when I drive somewhere.  I can feel myself feeling lethargic from just standing up and doing anything.  So fuck you clouds, you dirty bastards.  Go away and stay away.

 

But to do when its cloudy outside?   Well going online, the advice seems shitty as fuck.  Apparently its a good idea to move to a warm sunny climate….. So thats right all you middle class people out there!    All you have to do is quit your job, leave your family, sell your house, somehow obtain a visa for Belize, and you’re good to go!   DUH ITS THAT SIMPLE PEOPLE! 

…..Yeah I know, crappy advice.

Another real gem is to buy one of those artificial sunlight lamps and to lay under it like you’re tanning…. apparently it tricks your mind into thinking its sunny or something?   But personally, I can’t see how sitting inside a room of your house during the day, under a lamp, would make me feel like anything besides a patient at the dentist.

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Although then again….the beach sounds like a better idea now doesn’t it?

For real though, when it comes to the weather I honestly have no idea how to feel better besides to just wait it out.    Does anyone out there have any good ideas?  Or tricks of your own?  If so, leave it in the comments section, id love to hear it!

~ The Dark Horse