Tag Archives: adulthood

The Joys of the Coronavirus

coronavirus

After years and years of hard work… Struggles… Writing my booty off… Getting into grad school… Doing everything I could to make my dream come true… It finally happened. I became a travel writer. And then, because, you know, that’s just how the universe is… The coronavirus comes around and completely shuts down the global travel industry.

Oh viruses…. you fickle cunts. You dastardly bastards. You clever coyotes! Your ability to infect our bodies and spread from person-to-person is incredible. You’re too smart. Too strong.

coronavirus

And now, it turns out that New York City has its first case of infection…Which, I’m not surprised. New York City is tied with London as being the world’s only Alpha++ cities. Their economies are intricately weaved with other countries from around the world. New York City has three international airports… all of which are among the busiest in the country. It was only a matter of time before the virus found its way into this global city.

Alright people, wish me luck. I’ve already had a cold, follow by the flu, in just the span of three weeks… Let’s hope the coronavirus isn’t about to follow.

~ The Dark Horse

(No, this post wasn’t proofread. I’m still sick with the flu, so I shouldn’t be forced to exert all that extra energy that’s required for proofreading.) 

SPRING IS ALMOST HERE!

early spring

It’s March.

I’m sick with the flu. But Its March. So it’s ok. Spring is almost here. Winter is almost gone. Oh god oh god oh god… DEEP BREATH… I’m just so thankful. I don’t want to be dramatic or anything, but I swear winter is the most oppressive force known to man. All the darkness. The cold. And the colds. During January and February, I spend the entire two months feeling like I’m struggling just to live. Like every breath is harder and harder to take.

drowning

Ok, I promised I wouldn’t be dramatic.

But it’s soooooo hard! Winter fucking sucks. Winter is honestly the worst thing that’s ever happened to planet Earth. And sure, sure… I know. We need winter. The preserved water held in ice and snowpack on mountains that thaws slowly through the rest of spring and summer is what provides fresh water to numerous plats and animals all over the world…

BUT DEAR SWEET LORD! IS THERE NO BETTER WAY? 

Or, government of Singapore, if you’re reading this, can I please have a visa to live in your country? I will gladly live in 85 degree weather forever and ever til’ death do we part!

springtime

But, It’s March. Let us not forget this! IT IS MOTHERFUCKING MARCH! Soon, the weather will warm. Trees will bloom. Cold and flu season will die ( YESSS DIE YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!!) and I won’t have to bundle under layer upon layer just to go do anything.

I’m currently living in this converted warehouse in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, so It’s always cold (at least during the winter) so I even have to bundle up just to go pee.

Goals for Spring – No longer have the flu. And move out of Brooklyn.

To where? who knows. Perhaps Manhattan? Or perhaps halfway around the world?

~ The Dark Horse

 *** Not proofread, still sick (with the FLU I might add… where’s my pity?) so therefore, by rule of blogging, I don’t have to proofread ***

 

 

 

 

 

When Everything Falls Apart

cape town

So, for anyone just catching up with this blog, I’m now a travel writer, and I love it.

The holidays were great, and making them even better was that I was riding on a cloud knowing that at the start of the new year, my next assignment was to take me to South Africa. Safari, cage diving, snorkeling, biking through vineyards, hiking….all of it. It was going to be the trip of a lifetime. I have never been to Africa before and I was so excited to visit “the cradle of life.” I mean, after all, it’s where the entire human race has its origin. I think it’s an important place for everyone to visit.

But then, America (along with Israel and other countries) placed a travel advisory on the country due to high levels of violent crime. And then, everything went to shit in Iran, and now Americans are being advised to be cautious when traveling anywhere. And so South Africa was like… you know what, we’re just going to put everything on hold for right now.

So I lost that opportunity.

And the backup trip for me was to Puerto Rico, which, not as exciting as South Africa, but it’s a gorgeous island in the Caribbean, and I could be escaping winter… so, YES PLEASE!

puerto rico

But then, the earthquake happened and aftershocks are continuing still… So Puerto Rico was like… you know what, we’re just goin to put everything on hold for right now.

And granted, this isn’t the worst thing in the world. It just means that until I get the next trip lined up, I’l be writing articles from the office. Which, trust me, I fully understand that my life could be so much worse. But still, when you get excited for something and you start getting all prepared, and then it all suddenly collapses… it sucks.

And it’s weird because, you know how there’s just a different feeling when you’re getting excited for something? Like, when you’re living in anticipation, knowing that something big is about to happen, you’re just kind of living on cloud 9 the entire time… That was me this month. I was just like, anything can happen and I’ll get over it, because South Africa is in my future. 

bored

And then, you come back down to reality.

So what to do? What do we do when things fall apart? When plans fall through? When we got our hopes up for something that didn’t end up happening?

Well, here’s what I’m doing to make myself feel better. Maybe this could be helpful for you too.

~ Treat yourself: I bought myself a slice of tiramisu, because why not? 

~ Don’t give up: I immediately had a meeting with my editor to scope out new trips to replace South Africa. One setback doesn’t mean the end of the world… it’s simply a setback.

~ Spend a night being mad and dramatic: The day I found out that South Africa was cancelled, I spent the night eating Thai takeout watching a horror movie, and then did some seriously immature journaling about how much I hate the world… and you know what, it made me feel better, so fuck off.

dramatic

So there ya go, hopefully that gives you some ideas of what to do the next time your plans fall through. And who knows, maybe this was for the best?  Who know where my next trip might take me?

~ The Dark Horse

(#SoNotProofread)

 

 

 

 

 

I’m So Excited for The Holidays, I Can’t Handle It!

kid on christmas

So, I’ve found a new apartment, I’ve gotten my deposit back, and I’ll be moving out of my awful apartment on December 1st. Now, I can finally get back to what I really want to be doing right now… FREAKING OUT ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS!

OH, SWEET HOLY HONEY ON HIGH! I literally love the holidays so much it might actually be unhealthy.

kristin wiig

Oh my lord. I just can’t.  So, now that I’m a travel a writer, the holidays have gotten EVEN better. You know how every year you see stories like, “AAA released how busy the roads will be this holiday” and “Priceline lists the top Thanksgiving travel destinations of 2019”? Well, I have always LOVED those stories. I scroll through Google news endlessly, all through November and December, reading news about holiday travel. I’m obsessed with the madness! The hustle! The bustle!

And now… I GET TO BE THE ONE WHO WRITES THOSE STORIES!  When I saw the email from AAA earlier this week with their annual holiday forecast, I literally almost died. I was like… OMG this is my dream come true. I finally get to WRITE an article on the AAA Thanksgiving forecast! (They’re projecting about 51 million Americans will be traveling this Thanksgiving!)

 

Oh lord…. this is too much. I’m too excited. I can’t breathe!   Oh no! I’m hyperventilating!

excited SNL

Am I only person who goes on Google Maps, turns on the 3D mode, and then looks at airports around the country, dreaming of the absolute chaos that must be going on inside them during the holidays?

Is there anything better than knowing that after your exhausting day at the airport, you can go home, to food that was cooked by someone else, towels that were washed by someone else, and best of all… now that I live in New York, there is NOTHING BETTER than going to bed in a quiet house on a quiet street. You don’t get silence like that in NYC, so it feels simply magical when I go home!

kristin wiig excited

Oh god, I’m too excited! Ok, I’m going to make myself a chamomile tea and take a warm shower.

~ The Dark Horse

(No, this wasn’t proofread, this was written through pure holiday mania!)

Revenge Part 3: The Shampoo

shampoo

The revenge must continue! For anyone needing a catch-up, here’s what happened: I found out my roommate was overcharging $300 in rent every month. I called him out on it, so he’s kicking me out. I have to find a new apartment by Dec. 1.

So, I’ve had no choice but to get revenge, because come on, what a douche.

This morning, I got in the shower and played Better Version of Me (the unreleased version) by Fiona Apple. It was morning, so I had to pee, cuz I always have to pee in the mornings. So I unscrewed my roommate’s shampoo bottle…

herbal essences

And I pissed into it. Messy? Yes. Gross? Yes. Revenge? You bet your fuckin’ ass.

And if you’re feeling bad for him, remember, since August he’s accumulated $1,200 in profit from me, simply for being my roommate. He isn’t a landlord or groundskeeper. He doesn’t pay for utilities or supplies… he’s just my roommate, who is robbing me.

So, the revenge will continue, all the way until I move out!

shampoo 1

~ The Dark Horse

REVENGE: Part 1. The Plan

revenge

If you read my last post, you know… I just found out my roommate has been robbing me by overcharging me rent (by $300 each month).

To make matters worse, my other roommate who just moved in is suffering from some weird Stockholm Syndrome shit. I told him that we were both being overcharged (he’s only being overcharged $200 a month) and then suddenly he changed.

He stopped to talking to me and starting getting real chummy with the roommate who is robbing us.  It’s like, since he’s only being robbed $200 a month, he feels lucky or special. Like he’s favored. It’s super fucking weird, and I don’t get it. I’m like, THIS GUY IS STILL STEALING $200 FROM YOU EVERY SINGLE MONTH! YOU DUMBASS MOTHERFUCKER! 

But, such is life… They’ve made their choices.

And so now, the time has come for me to make mine.

And I choose revenge. 

revenge gif

You don’t fuck with the Dark Horse. In the past, I’ve destroyed an apartment and stole my roommate’s PS3 (I was nice and gave it to my friend) for being an asshole. When I was in Shanghai, I pissed in the shower gel of the racist Americans I was there with. In my last apartment here in NYC, when I was living with that crazy Trump supporter, I bailed without paying him 2 months in utilities.

So… I’m just saying, you don’t fuck with me.

But now, I say…

revenge rhianna

I’m devising a plan, and I’ll be sure to keep you informed every step of the way.

And if you don’t think I’m a good person, that’s fine. I’ve never claimed to be enlightened. I’ve never claimed to be angelic. I’ve never claimed to be a pushover.

I can promise that if you don’t fuck with me, I won’t fuck with you. But sadly, this world is full of people who just want to take advantage of you… and so,

arson

carpe diem ya’ little cunts.

 

~ The Dark Horse