Tag Archives: anxiety

America, Go Die. You Deserve It.

covid-19

America, you are seriously pissing me the fuck off.

Why are you not wearing masks?

Why are you out partying?

Why are you having family gatherings?

Why are you going to the park with seven of your friends?

Why are you not social distancing?

Why do I live in a country that’s populated by selfish overgrown apes? Do you like pulling turds out of your ass and throwing them at the window?

coronavirus

If I wasn’t forced to live in this country, I’d say, Go for it! get sick and die, you all deserve it. But sadly, I’m here. And so is my family. Do you know what it’s like having a dad who is a first responder? Knowing he goes to work everyday to SAVE YOUR LIFE, even though none of you care about his? None of you care who you get sick. None of you care who you kill.

Trumpers, WEAR YOUR FUCKING MASKS! Trump is a retarded, illiterate, frumpy old man. Why the fuck do you listen to anything he says?

 

Liberals, WEAR YOUR FUCKING MASKS! Just because you’re black and “saving the world from racism” doesn’t make you immune to getting COVID-19. Standing in a rally of thousands of people PUTS YOU AT RISK, YOU STUPID FUCKING MORONS! 

 

Jesus fucking Christ.  Seriously. JESUS. MOTHERFUCKING. CHRIST. ON. A. FUCKING. CRACKER. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? 

China, Russia, North Korea….any of our enemies – Now is your time. Please, bomb the fuck out of us. Please just end the madness now. We’re like a dying horse that needs to be shot in the face for its own sake.

nyc mass grave

So many Americans think that hell on Earth looks like Uganda or Yemen. But this is actual hell – watching people who SHOULD know better…Watching a country that has ALL THE RESOURCES to squash the pandemic…watching a fucking political party that turned into a CULT destroy one of the most powerful nations in the world…This is what hell looks like. Watching people willfully and gleefully jump off the side of a cliff to their own death. Simply because they didn’t want to “look like a liberal” in a mask.

America. Fuck you. Go die. You lousy piece of shit. You don’t deserve life.

~ The Dark Horse

(No, this wasn’t proofread. There’s no point in proofreading, we’re all screwed anyways)

What Millennials Have Been Through

summer

Does anyone remember last summer? Remember the problems you thought you had. The things you thought you’d accomplish?

Oh, how silly we all were. How naive. How pathetically sad. We were all just pawns. Ducks waiting to be shot.

And now, here we are. Summer 2020. The summer of jaded memories. The summer of remembering a bygone era of a better life that we will never have again.

And you know, as a millennial, that’s kind of the story of my life. When I was a kid, 9/11 happened. Then, pre-9/11 America was gone. The Republican Party had been radicalized. Insanity, paranoia, and hatred was the new normal.

9:11

Then, as I was finishing high school, the recession began. And the post-recession America was lost forever. Gone were the days of job security. Of employers giving benefits. Of you being able to work at one company your whole life.

recession

Then in 2016, just as the economy was finally feeling strong and sturdy…. Trump came along, divided America into two Americas, and our country was lost forever.

trump mocks reporter

And now, in 2020, we have a deadly plague. I’ve been trapped in NYC under lockdown. I don’t know when I’ll ever be able to fly home and see my family again. And this second wave is starting up and nobody even cares. Americans would rather dance the night away at a club, even if it kills them.

covid-19

America, I ask you this, how much more are we willing to lose? How much more pain are you willing to go through? How much more insanity?

And do you realize that there is now a generation of Americans who has never experienced a stable country? Your madness. Your insanity. Your selfishness. It has torn this country apart, and then you wonder why younger people don’t believe in America and care about America. What exactly are we supposed to take pride in? Your ignorance?

And to anyone out there who doesn’t believe me, remember, the USA (The greatest, most advanced country in the world…according to you) is the global coronavirus hotspot. If we were as great as you think we are, that wouldn’t be the case.

It’s time to realize you’re living a lie.

~ The Dark Horse

(No, this wasn’t proofread, and I don’t give a fuck)

A Delusional Coronavirus Lockdown Rant

going crazy

Y’all, look. Here in New York City we are about to be more than 2 months into lockdown. And I need to take a minute to lose my fucking mind because this entire situation is fucking insane…I hope you can all forgive me.

Ok, for starters – Why do humans suck? What if we were all puppies instead? Wouldn’t that be amazing? Wouldn’t life be so much better?

Also – wouldn’t this be the perfect time for an alien invasion? I mean really, if we all wanted to get our minds off the pandemic, what better way than for a superior race to come to Earth and kill us all?

empire state building explosion

The saddest part about that GIF is that New York is already destroyed… no aliens needed.

Also, do any of you have any post-pandemic plans? If we survive this, and if the world ever opens up again, and if we all don’t die in a recession-fueled riot or war, what will you do? What’s your post-pandemic dream?

Mine is simply to be able to go home and see my family again. How fucking sad is that? 

All I want is the ability to go home. That kind of sentence is reserved for World War II novels…not life in 2020. This is just fucking insane.

You know what will make me feel better… another Gif about aliens destroying the world.

US Bank Tower explosion

Take that you pig fuckers!

(sips my darjeeling tea and cackles like a fucking crazy recluse) 

What if this is all a dream? I’d love to wake up and it be 2005 again. Back when I was young. Back when I thought the future would be better. Who knew that everything would only get worse. Eternally.

Better yet – Wouldn’t it be great to, like, be in college during the 90s? How amazing would life have been? Go to Smashing Pumpkin concerts. See Scream in theaters. Social media and a crazed Republican Party hadn’t yet ruined society…

Entering the job market before the recession…

Being able to experience the world before 9/11….

ugh.

I was born too late.

White house explosion

This GIF speaks to me in more ways than one….

You know what we need right now? A man-eating animal. Did you know that in 1916 a shark went on a killing spree and killed a bunch of people? It even swam up a river in New Jersey, 30 miles inland from the Ocean. The shark got the nickname “The Jersey Man-eater”…. That instance inspired Jaws.

That’s what we need to get our minds off the pandemic. A good man-eating shark. Or tiger.

Jaws

Ugh… Just imagine. Swimmers start vanishing, then suddenly, it’s discovered that a giant 25-foot Great White is stalking the shores and is thirsty for blood…. HUMAN BLOOD! Mwuahahahahahha! 

Also, why am I so mad at humans right now? Is it because we brought this pandemic upon ourselves? Decades of environmental destruction, greed, selfishness, the systematic destruction of the public health system, and a total rebellion against science and education….

Ugh.

Fucking humans.

I think…. I think…. I think the evil within me is taking over….

I can’t…

I CAN’T STOP IT!!!!!

 

Rita Repulsa

Ah! After 10,000 years I’m free!  Time to conquer Earth!

 

rita repulsa

Wow…. Even the evil that lives within me doesn’t want to deal with the world in 2020.

Oh well. I guess I’ll just keep drinking tea. Keep writing. And keep waiting and hoping for a better and brighter tomorrow.

 

~ The Darkhorse

(No, this wasn’t proofread. This was written out of pure trauma. You hear me? Trauma!)

 

 

When the Sun Comes Out: Weather and Your Mood

sunny day

Isn’t it crazy how a little bit of sun and warmth can change everything?

Today, even in New York City, the sun is shining and it’s finally “warm”. Ok, it isn’t warm, but isn’t freezing either, and that’s a great start.

Anyways, the point is – Even though I’m living in one of the pandemic’s hardest hit neighborhoods in the hardest hit city in the hardest hit country in the entire world… Damn, a little bit of sunshine really fucking helps make me feel better.

When It’s sunny out, I feel like things are possible. Sure, they suck right now. Sure, the entire economy has collapsed, NYC will never be the same, I could lose my job at any point, my parens could get sick and die, and… I’M GOING TO STOP MYSELF RIGHT THERE!

Deep breath.

Look out at the sunshine. 

sunshine

Where was I… Right. so, point is, the sunshine at least gives me hope that something better is on the horizon. It gives me energy and makes me feel better.

And I truly do hope that better things are on the horizon. Unfortunately, it appears that the horizon is far off…well over a year away. In the meantime, all we can do is stay safe, stay healthy, and try to be close to our loved ones. The sunshine, at least, gives me hope that that is possible.

So, to anyone out there needing a pick-me-up. Go outside (safely) and take a deep breath underneath the sunshine. Let its warmth wrap around you. Let its power give you energy.

And, um… If it isn’t sunny wherever you are today…Well, you’re fucked. I suggest you go inside, give yourself a punk haircut, find whatever black clothes you own and put them on (yes, all at once), blast some Marilyn Manson, and embrace the darkness within.

marilyn manson

 

Rock on,

~ The Dark Horse

Glimpses of Celebrity: Fame is Scary

Hollywood Red Carpet

So, one of my celebrity interviews for the magazine went live this week, and this celebrity shared the interview on their social media pages.

Now, this wasn’t my first celebrity interview, I’ve done probably a dozen within the last year. However, this is the first time that someone this prominent shared the interview on their social media pages.

And damn… It’s scary.

Now look, we all know that trolls exist online, but it’s so much different when those trolls are attacking something you created. A vast majority of the replies were positive. But some were weird…Some made no sense…and one even accused me of making a spelling mistake! (Which made me freak out, because I was sure I knew the spelling of that word, so I went onto Dictionary.com and, yes, I was right.). BUT STILL!

People, It’s so weird!

Like, why does someone feel the need to make a comment about a spelling mistake? Especially when that person doesn’t even know how to spell the word?!??!

Where does this confidence in one’s self come from?

movie premiere

And I know that I’m not the celebrity. I know that the weird comments were geared towards them… But still, it’s like, I’m the one who contacted their PR person, I’m the one who formulated the questions, I’m the one who spoke to them, I’m the one who reordered, and wrote, and formatted the interview… and you know what, I’m very proud of my work and where I’ve gotten in my career! So, yeah, I have a personal investment in the interview. So seeing people be sleazy online has just really hurt me.

And it also got me thinking about Hollywood and fame. I mean, the shit we put celebrities through. The shit we say about them. Do we forget that they’re people? Do we forget that they have lives and families? Why do so many people feel the need to knock them down? Is it jealousy? Is it self-hatred?

Also, I should mention that this was a very benign interview. This wasn’t like, “Which rockstar has the smallest cock” type of questions. Honestly, there was nothing in it that could make people angry.

 

But you know, Taylor says it best:

shake it off

So, I’m gonna make myself a tea, and go for a nice walk outside in the sun. And to anyone out there who has ever had someone be an asshole to you for no reason, you just gotta…

shake it off gif

~ The Dark Horse

(PS – hope there’s no spelling miscakes!)

Coronavirus and Mental Health

COVID-19

So, there’s no point in lying, is there? This totally fucking sucks.

If you’re lucky, you’re trapped in a house. If you’re unlucky, like me, you’re trapped in a tiny apartment with a roommate in Brooklyn. There’s not much to do. We’re stuck in very close quarters, and ya know…there’s that whole looming fear of death in the air (quite literally).

And so, our mental health takes a toll. Right now, everyone’s mental health is being put to the test, but for anyone like me, who already struggles with things like depression and anxiety, this is truly, seriously, honestly, REALLY pushing the limits of our sanity. I’m only a few days away from going as mad as a hatter.

hatter

Fun story – Do you know the phrase “mad as a hatter” comes from the fact that mercury used to be common in the hat-making process? So, many hatters would get mercury poisoning, and appear to be drunk or insane.

The things you learn in quarantine…. 

Anyhoo – where was I? Something about losing my mind, right?  Ah, yes. So, here we are, trapped, locked, and so forth, and what exactly can we do about it? Unfortunately, not much. This is one of those horrific situations where we are just forced to wait it out.

But at the same time, for people who struggle with mental health, isn’t that kind of our strength? Most people around the world are like, “I’m trapped in a miserable state and there’s no way out of it!”

And we’re like, (sips tea) “Hunny, that’s called my fucking life.”

And so, what shall we do?

Well, I’m drinking lots of tea (the good stuff too), I’m watching lot’s of shows, doing lots of writing, and I’ve just started a new book. Everyday, I go out for a little walk because I think fresh air is important (obviously, I keep my distance from others) and really, that’s about it.

Nobody said this would be easy or fun…

maggie smith

…But then again, we’re used to that, aren’t we? 

 Remember – If you’re in need of mental health help during these tough times, reach out! Beyond Blue has amazing resources. The CDC (as crappy as the CDC is) has a webpage on mental health during the crisis, and NAMI also has a page set up. And if you’re in desperate need of help, here is a list of crisis hotlines around the world.

Keep calm, carry on, drink tea, watch porn, do whatever ya gotta do to keep yourself safe and sane!

~ The Dark Horse