So, I just got back last night from New York City. I was there for an interview.
Yes. Someone actually thought I was good enough to be interviewed in New York City. (I can’t believe it either, trust me)
So, anyways, it goes like this. I was here alone for Thanksgiving break. The entire city clears out because Boston is one of those places where people move to, not someplace where they’re from. So the city is empty. It’s 10 degrees F, everything is closed. And I’m alone.
I feel like shit.
I get an email.
This email is to inform me that I have an interview, for a very large company. A media company. A media company whose offices are in a very trendy building with other very trendy companies in a very trendy part of town.
So, my dread turns to intense anxiety and joy, and I head to NYC as fast as I can…
So, wind up in a hotel, next to Bryant Park,
during the holiday season
in New York City.
It was like a movie.
I ate sweets as I watched ice skaters while Christmas jazz played, with the Empire State Building in the background.
I got donuts, I went to New York delis, I got amazing Chinese food. I walked fifth Ave. and Central Park.
It was like life had gone from zero to hero. Finally, I had a real tangible piece of evidence to prove that I was making something of myself. An interview. (This was actually my second interview…the first was via phone). So, it was like a MEGA self-esteem boost to see that someone thought I was good enough. And not just someone, but a fuckin huge awesome company.
So then the day came. The interview. OMG people it was amazing. The office was amazing. And it was located in an awesome building. As someone who had grown up working retail and restaurants, and being told constantly that I’ll never get anywhere… THIS WAS FUCKING HUGE!!!!!
I hope the interview went well. I would love the job. I would love to live in New York. I would love to have a chance to show the world my skills. To show the world that I do mean something.
So, I walked out of my interview, and got myself a tea at a trendy little cafe.
(I couldn’t write a post about NYC and not reference Sex and the City….cmon people!)
But now, Im back in Boston. The interview is over. The whirlwind is over. And It’s like someone has slammed on the brakes again.
And I have this feeling in my throat. Like a weight, pulling me down. A weight saying YOU KNOW YOU’RE MEANT FOR THAT LIFE. YOU KNOW YOU’RE MEANT TO TAKE ON THE WORLD. YOU DON’T LIKE YOUR LIFE BEING SLOW BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT A SLOW PERSON! YOU WANT TO LIVE IN THE FAST LANE AND THAT’S OK! YOU SHOULD!
I’ve spent too long listening to people. Too long listening to anyone and everyone who’s willing to spend their time putting me down. Telling me I can’t. Telling me I have no talent. Telling me I’m worth nothing.
But GOD FUCKING DAMN I CAN’T ANYMORE.
Every time I get these little tastes of a life I like, the voice in my head gets louder and louder. It keeps telling me this is where I belong.
It keeps telling me that I AM ALLOWED TO DREAM. That I am allowed to fight for a good life.
I’m allowed to have friends
I’m allowed to fall in love
I’m allowed to have a career I love
If I feel like I want a high profile job then listen up MOTHERFUCKERS… I CAN!
AND WE ALL CAN. FUCK ANYONE WHO TRIES TO KEEP YOU DOWN.
I read a great quote the other day that said something like, “The only people who try to put you down are those who are already beneath you.”
So boys and girls, let’s find out nicest clothes, polish up our self-esteem, brew a little confidence and rock out our best Carrie Bradshaw
PS – Ive never actually watched Sex and the City…is it even good?
~ The Dark Horse
Another PS- I also never proofread. Oh well.