Tag Archives: feel better

Relapse, and Im back! (Fuck Ya!)


So. This post will be about relapsing. Which is for anyone who is had a problem. From alcoholism, drugs, depression, anxiety, anger issues, overeating. Whatever your drug is. WE ALL RELAPSE AND IT REALLY FUCKING SUCKS.

However, just like the Terminator, Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger, those Land Before Time movies, and Jesus Christ, we will all be back (and if were like any of the above listed, we will be back many many times….well except for Jesus. I think he only came back once, although some cults may disagree)

Aint that some groovy shit? We all can be better than we are today.

But anyhow here’s my deal. So I have depression, anxiety, and panic. Last year I lived in Australia and my life went to hell. All my problems of feeling alone, weak, and useless were amplified to a degree I didn’t know was possible. I fell apart and developed agoraphobia on top of all my other problems (Which i promise, i was just like all of you i didn’t believe it was real…but trust me it is and it sucks. You get an insane fear that you’re going to die when you’re in public). And so I basically wasted my year in Australia hiding in my room until I got into therapy and discovered blogging really helped me and all that sappy shit.

But heres the point: Since about October when I got home to Ohio I just fell down into the hole again. Ive been working in retail which is about as rewarding as poking your eyeball with a rusty nail, and I haven’t made any friends, and i haven’t been trying to better my life either. I stopped working out (which is awful if any of you are considering it. It will make all of your symptoms worse), I stopped doing the things I enjoy like blogging and cooking, and all in all, I reverted to my old piece of shit ways.

But then, I got back into therapy. I FORCED MYSELF to get physically active again, and trust me there were times where i literally thought I was going to die on my bike. But i didn’t let that stop me. The flame inside of me was starting to rekindle. And now, after lots of work I think…..

I think…..

….I think…..


I think Im ready to spread my wings and take off again.

and God I hope so because I totally already booked my fight…. um…. yeah……   too soon?  My therapist thinks so but my opinion is this:

I AM MISERABLE.  I have depression, anxiety, and panic.  How could it get worse?   Im a go-getter.   I gotta fly.  I gotta keep going.   I can’t just give up.  I can’t just keep crawling because crawling is safe.  I want to run, and run I shall!

So, in 2 months I will be leaving the States again, and Ill be flying to Auckland and I will be living there for a year or potentially more (or less I suppose)


So what does all this mean?   It means recovery is bumpy.   VERY BUMPY.   Like…. you hit a brick wall at full speed type shit…. and then you have to pull yourself from the wreckage and chisel through that wall with a spoon.     It is messy, and sloppy, and hard, and fucking obnoxious.   But what other options do we have?

To anyone with a drinking problem.  If you think you’re going to fall back because you’ve started drinking again…

…To someone with an eating problem, yes.  You probably will binge again (or purge)….and for some of you, you will do both.

Cutters you may cut.

and anxious people, there is a chance you’ll have another panic attack.

But hey…. maybe you won’t.  And the more we work at it the better we all get.


oh yeah…. you’ll have days that feel like that….

But hey, I got your back if you do.

Keep it up!

~The Dark Horse

Songs For An Anti-Caziness Shower!


So back when I first started blogging I made a post for something called an “anti-craziness shower”.  Here is the link: https://youshouldseemyscars.wordpress.com/2013/12/18/some-inspiration-otherwise-known-as-the-anti-craziness-shower/

Basically whenever you’re feeling down follow those simple steps and you will feel like a new man (or woman) afterwards! 

The point of this blogpost is to give you amazing songs to listen to while taking your anti-craziness shower.  These are guaranteed to get your blood pumping once more, bring a smile to your face, and help you remember that there will in fact be a tomorrow! 

Lets go!

Lose Myself by Lauryn Hill 


This song is wonderful!  Its all about being true to yourself and finding the better person who lives within!  A must-have choice for any good anti-craziness shower! 


Under The Sea from The Little Mermaid 

Oh yeah thats right… I’m saying it! HAVE YOU EVER SHOWERED TO THIS SONG??? NO??? THEN DONT BASH IT! You’ll feel amazing and happy afterwards! Sometimes we all need a little Disney break (in no way am I supporting the plot of this movie though… I think it has many terrible lessons).  


Elephant Love Medley from Moulin Rouge 

Oh yes. I will admit… songs don’t get much gayer than this…. maybe only rivaled in gayness by a Cher concert in Palm Springs, but the point is this is song is AWESOME! Its just great in every way!  You will smile and feel great and probably sing along (yes straight men you will… you don’t have to admit to me or to anyone else..but in the privacy of you’re on shower you will sing along, I’m not stupid) 


Nth Degree by Morningwood 

Slightly inappropriate? yes sure… Insanely fun? OH HELL YA!  This song’s driving beat paired with campy lyrics will compliment the fun and comfort of a steamy shower perfectly! 


Send Me On My Way by Rusted Root

yes its the song you all know and love! But have you ever played it in the shower?  It opens up a whole new experience that is sure to please! 


Powerless by Nelly Furtado

Amazing song that somehow slipped under the radar.  This was from Nelly Furtado’s second album… or as I see it, her last album before becoming modern-pop-trash. 


God Is A DJ by P!nk

great great great great song!  listen enjoy and rock out! 


Alright there you have it! Your anti-craizness shower playlist!  Now get going! 


~ The Dark Horse

Whoopi Goldberg’s Advice For Feeling Better!


Hello my honey-baby-child-luvin-stuffin-muffins! Its me…. The worldly and wonderful Whoopi Goldberg! 

You may know me as that crazy lady from Ghost. Or perhaps the rockin’ sister-nun in Sister Act.  And some of you may even watch me weekday mornings on The View.  But today old Whoopi is here to help all my suagr-dumplins feel better when they’re feelin’ all down. 



Thats right Children!  improving your diet can always help you feel better!  Fruits that contain Vitamin C like, oranges, watermelons, strawberries, blueberries, and even those sweet, sweet banannerz!  Whoopi lover herself some bana-rama-nanazers! 



Thats right!  Even I, the all-powerful Whoopi Goldberg gets a bit down sometimes.  And nothin’ makes me feel better than holding my head high and giving a good smile and compliment.  Just last week during commercial break I turned to my view co-hostess and sista-from-anotha’-mista, Joy Behar cuz she was lookin’ all down.  And so i says, “Joy my lovely little sweet luscious ladybug.  You were fabulous today!”  And then me and Joy both felt better!   



Thats right!  Anytime someone in my life doesn’t believe in me or tries to put me down I give em on these!  Stare down that naysaying neanderthal who doesn’t believe in you!  Ms. Whoopi loves givin’ haters a good “PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN RIGHT NOW!” face that old gramma’ used to give me when id try to steal more than one cookie from the jar

Heres another example:

Movie Producer: “I don’t know Whoopi…. will anyone really want to see a movie about a singing nun?




Thats right sugar babies!  The rest is history! 



yes yes yes and yes!  Ole’ Whoopi loves to shake dat ass when she’s feeling down.   Put on your favorite tune and get giggly… and a bit giggly with it y’all! Check out this earlier entry to find out some great songs to get down to when you’re feeling down! 



Alright my Sweet Thangs’   Rock Out With Your Cock Out! 

~Whoopi Out! 


Puppy Therapy


Feeling down?  Well not for long.  its time for PUPPY THERAPY! 

Oh yes… this post is going to be cheesy, sappy, annoying and oh so filled with puppies!   Read on and feel better instantly! 


Oh man.. you’re feeling better already aren’t you?  Dude, don’t lie.  I know you are.

Maybe today won’t be so bad after all yeah?

Just sit back, relax, and puppies! 


I know you’re feeling good now ! 

Its not posible to keep feeling bad with all these puppies around you! 

Need more?  Maybe a combination of cute boys with dogs?  WELL LOOK, IM WAY AHEAD OF YOU! 


Im basically you’re therapist right now.   

Ok so you woke up on the wrong side of the bed?  BAM! 


Suddenly you see a funny dog and it all isn’t so bad after ya?

Maybe you’ve just had a breakup?  Or life has never seemed to sunny for you?  Whatever your pain is right now… there is always…



Yeah, sure.  This isntthe most compelling entry Ive ever made.  And it doesn’t really hold much creative integrity. But thats not the point today.  The point is to make you happy!   AND YOU KNOW PUPPIES MAKE YOU HAPPY! 


So keep calm, carry on, and…. you know whats coming right? ….


Thats right…. fuckin puppies.  


Alright hope you’re feeling at least a little bit better! 

~The Dark Horse 


Easter. Or, How To Handle Another Holiday Alone


Awww, don’t those bunnies look so cute and happy? …yeah, fuck them.

So here we are, its Easter and I’m alone again.  Living in a different country has been hard, but I honestly will say the hardest part is the being alone for holidays.   It is awful.  But, gonna muster through.  Gotta muster through.

One thing I will say about this is that I am SOOOOOOOOO looking forward to the next holiday Im at home for.  Hopefully Christmas, and maybe 4th Of July.  I have to admit, I will actually enjoy the day. I will enjoy being around my family and I won’t take it for advantage. 

~ Little side note here ->  Living in a different country has taught me to appreciate my family in general.  not being able to even call them or anything really makes me understand how hard some people have it.  I mean to have dead parents, or parents who are in jail, or just not there for whatever reason… it really must take a huge toll out of peoples lives. I have grown and learned to appreciate them so much more now.


Ugh… the cuteness of these photos are enough to drive some to murder


But anyhow, lets talk about surviving the day while feeling lonely.  Its something we all go through, and some of us have that magical ability to feel alone, even when were around people.  So, lets talk loneliness in general.  

Today to make myself feel better I took a long shower… like a really long shower.  The kind that I’m sure makes environmental scientists want to hunt me down.  But there is something so soothing and calming about a shower. Also I have an iPod player that I hook up in my bathroom so i can listen to music in the shower and that makes it soooo nice.  I recommend everyone do that.  (Look its a holiday.  Holidays are the worst days to be alone, normally, I’m all about being eco-friendly, but today, fuck it.  fuck it all.  Pamper yourself till your skin is so pruned and gross you wanna vomit)

Also, Im going to watch a movie tonight.. a sappy one.  Which? Im not sure, but i guarantee its going to be a movie so annoyingly sappy that I will be embarrassed to say it later on.  But again, its a holiday.  Its all about doing things to make yourself happy and get through the day. And if that means you gotta watch a movie like Love Actually or Charlie St. Cloud then DO IT and grab a slice of cake while you’re at it!  


Oh yeah, Elle Woods… I know, I know.   

This is what my night will look like.  Ill be on the couch, eating sweets… and most likely yelling at the TV.  Oh hey thats another thing that helps!  Yell at the TV! When you’re feeling down and you’re watching whatever sappy movie you choose, feel free to yell at the screen!  Like in Love Actually when that guy who plays Snape cheats on Emma Thompson.  be all like, “DUDE SNAPE!  YOURE A FUCKING IDIOT!  YOU’LL NEVER FIND ANYONE BETTER THAN HER”  and that will make you feel a bit better.


ok so lets review,  Were going to:


EAT SWEETS (I recommend cake and pie)



hoppy easter bitches, The Dark Horse 

Tea Always Makes Me Feel Better

Image So, I got a package from home today.  From the States.  For Easter my mom sent me some tea… which I’m obsessed with.  Opening up that box and knowing my mom had sent me something to cheer my up made me feel good. Maybe people aren’t so bad huh?  (Well lets not go that far…)  But still, it was good to open it up, and on top of that, its super cloudy and rainy and misty out right now.  Its amazing. I live down the street from the tallest building in Melbourne called Eureka Tower, and its literally gone.  The clouds are so and fog so dense the building is seriously gone.  I love it. Its perfect tea drinking weather…. Oh, and what a coincidence! i have some tea!  Mwuahaah!  Image But lets get down to this.  Why should any of you care?  BECAUSE TEA IS BLOODY FUCKIN’ AWESOME!  1.) A study 5 year from the Netherlands reported that drinking tea reduced the chance of heart attack by 70%!  2.) Tea contains phytochemicals, which keeps minerals in the bones, which in result leads to better bone health!  3.) Did you know tea even contains fluoride? It also con taints tannins, these help keep your mouth nice and healthy!  4.) The plyphenols in tea can keep cancer at bay by inhibiting its ability to grow!  5.)Drinking tea reduced participants chances of having high blood pressure! Between 50% and 70% depending on how often they drank! So come on people!  When were feeling down tea can only help right?  Plus there are TONS and TONS of teas to choose from.  If you don’t like one, you’re bound to like another!  If you live in Australia i recommend visiting T2 for your tea, Image and if you live in the states I recommend trying to find your tea through The Republic Of Tea which can be found online and in certain grocery stores. Image

So come on folks!  lets drink up!  Want to leave with a smile?  just look at the picture below: 



~Dark Horse out!