Tag Archives: feel good

INFJ Struggles With The Modern World

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So, I was doing some INFJ reading today and I came across a site that talked about how INFJ’s will struggle with the modern workplace.  The quote that really got me was:

“INFJ women and men don’t perform well in modern corporate settings. They are sensitive and often altruistic. Such attributes don’t get rewarded in the rat race.”

And then it went on to give a list of some careers that INFJ’s would hate.  Some of them were things like:

1. Marketing
2. Sales
3. Advertising

And this makes sense.  These kinds of careers are all about helping large companies convince the masses that they need the products the large companies are selling.  You’re literally helping large companies fuck over the world.  And as INFJ’s, with our natural altruism, this is literally our hell.

 

Furthermore, the modern workplace just isn’t right for INFJ’s in general.  The ideals of getting promoted because you simply want more money, or “playing politics” to get ahead,  and just the drama of office culture in general.   We INFJ’s literally couldn’t give less of a fuck about getting ahead at the office.   

 

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As INFJ’s, we seek purpose and meaning, and our goal in life is to change the world for the better.  This also makes office life very hard because the trend in business is to give people repetitive tasks with the sole purpose of helping to increase profits for the company…  INFJ people out there, I can literally hear you sighing with dread right now.  And trust me, I’m right there with you.  This is our hell.  jobs that mean nothing.

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Most INFJ’s crave creativity and meaning.  They say some good job choices for INFJ’s are:

Actor

Visual Artist

Writer

Musician

Teacher

Philosopher

Non-Profit Work

Psychologist / psychiatrist 

Designer

Advocate Work 

 

You can see a common trend in all of these:  They allow the INFJ to be their own person.  Most of these jobs involve a good dose of creativity, whether it be artistic creativity, or the kind of creativity that allows psychologists to embrace the new challenges and demands that each new patient has.

They also don’t require the INFJ to work in some office setting under the watchful eye of their boss, and that boss’ boss’s and so on.  It allows the INFJ to retain a good level of independence.

 

And most importantly people, remember:  INFJ’s are vulnerable to things like burnout, depression, and anxiety when they don’t live the lives they want to.   So, unfortunately we were not gifted with being able to live an easy life.  Our choices are to fight our way through and change the world, or to slowly rot and die in misery.

Look, I know that isn’t the happiest news…but sadly it’s the truth.  And always remember;

“For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the sheltered will never know”

 

~ Fight on people!

The Dark Horse

 

Relapse, and Im back! (Fuck Ya!)

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So. This post will be about relapsing. Which is for anyone who is had a problem. From alcoholism, drugs, depression, anxiety, anger issues, overeating. Whatever your drug is. WE ALL RELAPSE AND IT REALLY FUCKING SUCKS.

However, just like the Terminator, Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger, those Land Before Time movies, and Jesus Christ, we will all be back (and if were like any of the above listed, we will be back many many times….well except for Jesus. I think he only came back once, although some cults may disagree)

Aint that some groovy shit? We all can be better than we are today.

But anyhow here’s my deal. So I have depression, anxiety, and panic. Last year I lived in Australia and my life went to hell. All my problems of feeling alone, weak, and useless were amplified to a degree I didn’t know was possible. I fell apart and developed agoraphobia on top of all my other problems (Which i promise, i was just like all of you i didn’t believe it was real…but trust me it is and it sucks. You get an insane fear that you’re going to die when you’re in public). And so I basically wasted my year in Australia hiding in my room until I got into therapy and discovered blogging really helped me and all that sappy shit.

But heres the point: Since about October when I got home to Ohio I just fell down into the hole again. Ive been working in retail which is about as rewarding as poking your eyeball with a rusty nail, and I haven’t made any friends, and i haven’t been trying to better my life either. I stopped working out (which is awful if any of you are considering it. It will make all of your symptoms worse), I stopped doing the things I enjoy like blogging and cooking, and all in all, I reverted to my old piece of shit ways.

But then, I got back into therapy. I FORCED MYSELF to get physically active again, and trust me there were times where i literally thought I was going to die on my bike. But i didn’t let that stop me. The flame inside of me was starting to rekindle. And now, after lots of work I think…..

I think…..

….I think…..

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I think Im ready to spread my wings and take off again.

and God I hope so because I totally already booked my fight…. um…. yeah……   too soon?  My therapist thinks so but my opinion is this:

I AM MISERABLE.  I have depression, anxiety, and panic.  How could it get worse?   Im a go-getter.   I gotta fly.  I gotta keep going.   I can’t just give up.  I can’t just keep crawling because crawling is safe.  I want to run, and run I shall!

So, in 2 months I will be leaving the States again, and Ill be flying to Auckland and I will be living there for a year or potentially more (or less I suppose)

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So what does all this mean?   It means recovery is bumpy.   VERY BUMPY.   Like…. you hit a brick wall at full speed type shit…. and then you have to pull yourself from the wreckage and chisel through that wall with a spoon.     It is messy, and sloppy, and hard, and fucking obnoxious.   But what other options do we have?

To anyone with a drinking problem.  If you think you’re going to fall back because you’ve started drinking again…

…To someone with an eating problem, yes.  You probably will binge again (or purge)….and for some of you, you will do both.

Cutters you may cut.

and anxious people, there is a chance you’ll have another panic attack.

But hey…. maybe you won’t.  And the more we work at it the better we all get.

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oh yeah…. you’ll have days that feel like that….

But hey, I got your back if you do.

Keep it up!

~The Dark Horse

Yearning To Live Again. Or, Working Out… It Actually Does Help

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Im getting that urge again.  An urge I have not felt in quite a long time.  That urge to live life once more.  Im getting so tired and annoyed of sitting on the sidelines.

 

When I watch a travel show, or someone talks about going to a theme park.  I hate that the first thought that goes through my head is “Oh…what if I don’t have the energy?  What if i collapse?  What if I have the WORST PANIC ATTACK EVER! One that Ive never experienced before?  What if my heart can’t handle it?”

And for those of you with depression you probably say things like, “Ill be miserable the whole day.  I hardly have the energy to get up in the morning.  Ill ruin their day”

THESE THOUGHTS NEED TO STOP! 

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No more sitting on the sidelines!  No more rejecting all that life has to offer!  WHAT THE POINT?

Why fear death if your life is spent not living anyway?

 

For me, I’ve finally started getting that feeling back again.  Ive started feeling like I’m ready to chase things.  That maybe I do have the energy.

And Ive got to admit.. a big part of that is the gym.  Ive started forcing myself to work out again.  Despite how much I hate it.  Despite how much it scares me.  Despite how weak I feel.  I finally started taking the advice that exercise is a valuable tool.  

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So here are my tips:

~Worried about energy?  Bring Orange juice, an apple, and a protein shake.  (or any combination of sugars and proteins.  This combo is scientifically proven to energize your body.  If you’re consuming these during a workout and still feeling like shit, well you have nothing to fear.  It has nothing to do with your health. its all in your head (NOTE: That statement was not supervised by a doctor)  But within reason, you’re probably not having a blood sugar crash or anything.  The lag is just from your own mind.

~ Still need more convincing?  Do what I did. Buy one of those diabetes blood sugar meters.  THESE HAVE SAVED MY LIFE.  If you’re at the gym and you’re feeling like you can’t go on poke your finger quick and see what your blood sugar levels are.  IF your number is above 4.0 then YOU ARE FINE! Keep going.  If its below.  Drink that OJ you brought and have some protein shake.   Fuel the burning flame!

~ Check out hot people!!!!  YES!  It is perverted and shallow and you may feel dirty afterwards.  But it works (at least for me)  

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Yes.  OH YES… YES YES YES YES YES YES.

If you’re a hot person reading this….dont be offended! Your body is now being used a tool for us to overcome our hatred of fitness! 

And if you’re a straight guy reading this I supposed I should put up a picture of a hot girl you have something to look at…

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There… now don’t ask me for anything else. 

 

So yes.  dont focus on how annoyingly boring and strenuous exercise is.  Instead, focus on how big that guys dick probably is. Or how tight his but looks.  or how you can his cute little happy trail when his shirt lifts up as he lifts a weight.

ugh… or look at boobs or whatever.  

 

So anyway, HOW THIS HAS HELPED ME! 

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Now instead of being like.. ugh… walking into the city.. how am I going to be able to not collapse?   Instead now I say “Well… I survived running in the gym, lifting weights in the gym, and all that increased increase heart rate and heavy breathing.. so a walk in the city won’t be so bad at all!”

But this may take baby steps!  And if it does its ok!  It  took baby steps for me too! 

Like for example.  A couple weeks ago I posted about how I blog in cafes (I’m actually in one right now).  Before i started running again at the gym. my goal was to just be able to get the fuck out of the apartment! 

step one was to spend time out and about and get used to it

step two has now been return to the gym and make that a comfort zone again.

Step three..  I’m not sure what that will be…. maybe tackling the city… or driving to somewhere new.  

the main deal here is…

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Rome wasn’t built in a day bitches!  Just like were not going to heal overnight!  

Keep Calm, Carry On, and Smack Yourself Every time You Have Self-Doubt

~The Dark Horse (Never Proofread as always!)

SHARKNADO! Or, The negative Spiral Of Thoughts

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Yes.  This is happening.  Im going to use Sharknado to create a visual of that negative thought spiral we all fall into.

With depression, anxiety, or panic, we all tend to fall into this trap.  Something happens.  A bad phone call.  A sad news story.  A workout that didn’t go as well as hoped.  Anything… and then suddenly that thought leads to another which leads to another which leads to another and IT STARTS:

You can feel the wind blowing inside.  Your body starts telling you something is wrong.  All these negative thoughts have caused a storm inside.  he tornado alarms ring and your body starts to feel like something is wrong. 

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And whats worse… this tornado that is forming is about to pick up an ocean full of sharks.  

Legs feel a bit heavy.  Your head feels a bit hot.  Suddenly breathing becomes a bit difficult.  You feel dizzy… no wait! tired? No no thats not it, you feel intensely alert? No.. thats not it either… WHAT ARE YOU FEELING? 

This confusion causes more bad thoughts.  Suddenly you’re worrying about:

All the bad things in your life

How physical wrong everything feels

How Scared You Are

How Sad Your Are

How Confused You Are

And how much you dread life and wonder if things will get better

Now you’re fucked… that Sharknado is picking up full steam and is heading straight for you.

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Oh yes this is happening.  You’re inside of a massive Sharknado.  Who can blame us for freaking out?  Life is going to shit and fast! 

Safety seems so impossible and so distant.  How you could possible survive when you’re inside a tornado filled with sharks? 

Well this is what we have to keep in mind:

WERE NOT DEAD YET

IF WERE GOING TO DIE ITS GOING TO HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT SO LETS AT LEAST GO DOWN FIGHTING 

AND FINALLY…WERE PROBABLY NOT ACTUALLY DYING 

It is time for the finale of the film.  Where our protagonist is confronted by a great white shark falling from the tornado… and what does he do?

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He grabs a chainsaw and dives head first….into the sharks mouth.  Yes it is scary but this is what we must do too! 

I know its scary and I know it sounds insane BUT THINK ABOUT IT!

How many panic attacks have you had?  How many days have you been so sad you couldn’t leave the house?  

BUT HAVE WE DIED YET?  HAS IT KILLED US YET?  DONT YOU THINK IT WOULD HAVE KILLED US BY NOW? 

Maybe its time to hold that chainsaw up and face our fears.  its time to not let the panic and depression control our life. its time to take it back! 

so what happens in the film?

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He chainsaws right through the shark!  And I think we shall too! 

 

So if you’re life looks like this:

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Perhaps its time you grabbed your chainsaw and prepared to fight… because what other options do we have?

Love your dear friend, The Dark Horse

 

 

I Don’t Do Drugs, I Am Drugs. Being INFJ and Sagittarius

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So, Salvador Dali was famously quoted as saying, “I Don’t do drugs I am Drugs”

Ladies and gentlemen this is the story of my life.

The common man will say, AT ANY AND EVERY POINT POSSIBLE WHENEVER THEY SEE ANYTHING ARTISTIC OR CREATIVE, that that person must have been so high when they made that.

Think to yourself.  Really think.  Remember The Matrix, Across The Universe, The Cell, Inception, Naked Lunch, and so on and so on.  How many times did you hear someone at school, or a person you work with go, “Oh my God that movie was trippy”, or “That person must have been so high when he wrote that”.

Dear world, some of us out there don’t need drugs or alcohol.  Our minds are at times, more beautiful, and at others, more terrifying than you can ever imagine.

I need to point out here that I was never big on astrology and never knew about the personality types until my therapist had me do the test. So I’m not the fru-fru mystical witch type.  

But once I started learning about it… it all just fit me so perfectly that I couldn’t just deny it.

Do any of you out there feel this way?  Do you feel like even though everyone tries to tell you it’s not real, there is just something WAY TOO TRUE about it all.  Everything just hits way too close to home?

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The example above is a perfect one.

When I close my eyes I see everything so clearly.  My thoughts play out like movies.  With vivid color, clarity, sounds, and speed.

I don’t need drugs to imagine what the devil looks like, or to conceive a complex story with interwinding plots and twists.

Trust me, my mind has shown me things so much worse than your worst LSD trip, but it’s also shown me a life so much more colorful and euphoric than your best.

And for the commoners, I know this makes you mad and you probably don’t believe this… In fact, I’m sure YOU CANT BELIEVE THIS. You can’t allow yourself to believe that some of us have a mind so much bigger and so much fuller than yours.  But its the truth.

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For me, I want so much more in life.  I want to inspire people, I want to entertain people, and I want to love people.  But at the same time, I hate people so much. Im filled with so much resentment and anger toward them.  Mount that on top of my desire for adventure and travel and you’ll find out that life is SO MUCH MORE than just drinking and fucking.  Life is complex and takes work, but can also be so insanely exciting!

Remember that book “Brain on Fire”?  I think that girl just felt what it’s like to be me for a month.

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But I digress.  It’s a blessing, and its a curse.  But mostly it’s a blessing.  I would never want to feel the way the common man does.  I would never want to be content with being a spoke in the wheel.

Did you ever read, “The Road Less Taken” by Robert Frost? And that famous quote at the end,

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

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And in college all the pretentious cunts were always like, “Oh, you know, most people believe that he meant the road less taken was the better path, but really all he means is that its different, not better”.

Well, Im gonna call em’ out.  If you’ve ever taken the road less traveled you’d know, that even though it brings pain, A lot of pain in fact, It also offers rewards so much greater than anyone can know who hasn’t taken that path. And you can’t go back once you’ve felt the presence of a life beyond the mundane.  You can’t ever close the door again.

So, even though there may be pain, lets keep walking.  Lets keep traveling down our path, diverged from the rest.

~The Dark Horse

THATS THE BEAUTY OF SOMETHING BROKEN. IT CAN ALWAYS BE FIXED

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So this girl commented on a post I made and it made me feel really good that this blog is helping people. I quoted a line from the Scooby Doo movie, “Thats the beauty of something broken. It can always be fixed”.   And that got me thinking , What an amazing quote! WHY HAVE NOT BLOGGED ABOUT THIS BEFORE? 

So.. well… now I am.

Yes thats right my little butter muffins.  We are all damaged goods at the moment aren’t we? But ah…. not for long.  Let me tell you a little story.  A story that is completely true actually. 

It all starts with Australia’s flagship airline called QANTAS. (this will have a good ending don’t worry) 

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So We are Qantas flight 32.  An AirbusA380, the largest aircraft on Earth.  Were flying from Singapore to Sydney with a full load of people onboard.  

Suddenly All hell brakes loose.

An unconfined failure happens in the port of the inboard (Number 2) engine, while en route over Batam Island, Indonesia.

Shrapnel from the exploding engine punctured part of the wing and damaged the fuel system causing leaks and a fuel tank fire

which then disabled one hydraulic system and the anti-lock brakes

and also caused No.1 and No.4 engines to go into a ‘degraded’ mode

not to mention it damaged the landing flaps and the controls for the outer left No.1 engine.

Shit got fucked up. Like, really really fucked up. Had this plane gone down this would have been the deadliest air crash for any single airplane ever.

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Amazingly the captain was able to land the plane back at Singapore.  There were no deaths and everyone was able to go home with one hell of a story to tell.  

So, what happened to this juggernaut airplane in question? 

They fixed that bitch up and shoved her back in the air! 

Thats right…. she is currently flying at this very moment! 

Now, if that thing can be fixed and deemed worthy to fly again, then WE SURE AS HELL CAN TOO 

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oh yes, it will take work.  That Qantas plane wasn’t fixed overnight.  But soon just like that plane and this adorable little small-town penguin who had a dream to fly…. we shall too! 

So the next time you’re feeling down and broken, remember that airplanes break ALL THE TIME.  like seriously…. more than you would like to know

But hey,  they still fly, and should we! 

~Fly high bitches,

The Dark Horse