Tag Archives: friendship

My Life Just Had A Movie Moment


So, my life has kind of been turned upside lately.  Ive decided Im going to make friends and meet people…. even if they don’t want to.   Ive been basically putting myself into situations and telling people when and where were meeting….. why you ask?  Well because I’m fucking depressed and lonely and don’t give a fuck about others anymore.  Im no longer caring if they want to hang.  Im just making it happen.

But you know whats happening?   ….People are actually hanging out with me.   Fuckin weird right?



So 3 days ago we had a guy come into our store looking for a prepay phone plan because he just arrived in New Zealand.  He talked to one of my coworkers for a good 45 minutes to an hour before he left.  At the end of the day he needed to unlock his phone and then come back to buy the sim.

S0 yesterday the guy comes back because he got his phone unlocked…. I think I should describe him now?  I think thats a smart move yah?  So he’s 25, from England, really cute, British accent, in shape, good body, and he’s straight.

Now the store I work at is extremely slow and boring so normally my day is like this…


So he sits down and starts talking to my coworker forever again because he clearly is lonely and in a foreign country and doesn’t know anyone.  And since were slow we have nothing better to do than to talk to him.

So i sat there and was like… Wait.. I’m lonely and in a foreign country and don’t know anyone… and so is this really cute straight boy…… so fuck it, I’m gonna force myself into the conversation and make a friend.

So were talking and I swear we talk for like 2 hours.   We were literally talking until it was time for us to close the shop.  So we sent him home and started doing the monotonous closing duties and my life went back to being boring as fuck and I kinda felt crushed that I wasn’t going to be making friends with a cute straight boy.



But then something awesome happened.  As I was walking to the bus stop from work I see him sitting on a bench eating some sushi.  Naturally I was like…. well I’m forcing people to hang out now…so… lets go make hime hang out!

I sit down next to him and and strike up a chat.  We then walk into the city together which is a good 30 minute walk.   Once we were in the city we decided to get a coffee and keep chatting, then I said lets make dinner at my place, so we buy groceries and walk another 30 minutes to my place and keep chatting.

We cook, we eat, I shower, he showers, then we put on a movie.  So he’s  laying on the couch with his feet sprawled out diagonally, and then there’s me laying on the other end of the couch with my feet up on the backrest of the couch (already one of the closest human interactions I’ve ever had with a heterosexual male)



So we watch the movie and then before we know it, its 2am.    He has no car so I can’t send him home.  So I’m like, “oh hey I know its late…but you’re more than welcome to stay here”…. and I swear to you, without even blinking he’s like, “Ah yeah man sure, thats your room right?” And he walks into my room, gets in my bed and takes his shirt off so he is in nothing but gym shorts.  

I am now instantly kind of getting a boner and in my head I’m like HOLY FUCK THERE IS A SHIRTLESS STRAIGHT GUY IN MY BED!


Yes people…. thats literally what I walked into after brushing my teeth.   So I take my shirt off so I’m also in nothing but sweat shorts.

I get into bed next to him and we chat for about 15 minutes and then he falls asleep…. (typical fucking straight guys being able to fall asleep within minutes of laying down…. dumb assholes)

But then he repositions himself and his leg moves into mine and his shoulder touches mine.   I can feel his warmth.


I am now rocking the biggest boner known to man


So I sit there for probably a good hour like a little school girl just freaking out inside that a boy is touching me….. even if it is in a very PG way…ITS STILL SOMETHING PEOPLE!

I decide to just go to bed and enjoy not being alone for the night.

I wake up and my leg is literally on top of his leg and his face is on my shoulder.  I decide to not wake him…..I was quite content sitting there for another hour just knowing a cute boy was laying on my shoulder.


So today hung out even more and he asked me to take a week off from work so we can take a road trip.


a road trip

Do you know this will be the first road trip I have ever taken in my life?

Thats right.  Me, a straight boy, a car, and a tent…… OH MY GOD.  Its the most insanely homoerotic wet dream I could possibly ever imagine!

But you know what, even more important than that…. it feels really good to have someone thinking about you.  For someone to want to travel with you.  To want to share an experience with you.


….maybe life isn’t so shit guys

~The Dark Horse

(no this was not proof read!  Im too busy being a childish little schoolgirl ok! leave me alone! )

Having Good People In Your Life Make All The Difference


So this is almost like a Part 3 to my 2 previous posts which have been about rebuilding your life when everything is just shit.   I was talking about trying to stay happy and find friends and love when you literally have nothing…..and um….something has happened.  Ive actually made a friend.  (If you want to read the 2 previous posts you can on these links)

Here is Part 1

and here is Part 2


So a brief rundown for those of you who haven’t been reading, I was saying I have a problem:

THE PROBLEM: I have no friends, have never really had friends, have never been on a date in my life and am socially retarded.

I then thought of a solution

THE SOLUTION:  Was to force myself into friendships.   I decided to talk to everyone, and to not ask them if we were going to hang out…but to basically tell them we were.

Now I’m aware this is weird, and awkward, and scary, and seems desperate…. but if any of you are like me and have severe depression and anxiety that has ruined your lives…. lets all be honest…. we are quite desperate and weird people.   So, it seems to fit our personality.



Oh yeah….. were like total bros.  Its crazy!



Actually… it soon isn’t like that.   Its more like he is this really cool attractive popular guy and then theres me… somehow is friend.

So it looks more like this:



But here is the point…. Ive made a friend…and like…a good friend.   Like he calls me to see “whats up”.   I didn’t even know people did that anymore  how cool is that?

we send each other memes and youtube videos when were at work


Its fucking weird people, but its nice.  Its cool to know someone is thinking about you.  To know you have someone to talk to.  Somehow who makes you smile and who you can make smile.    And the weirdest part is thinking that there are people who have always had this!

Isn’t that crazy to think about?  Most people have friends from like 5 years old.   They’ve never known what its like to be alone.   And for me its like this new magical experience.. how crazy is that?


So whats the point here?

Well the point is this:  Im probably the most socially awkward human on this planet.  I literally have never had good friends in my entire life.   I don’t really have common interests with anyone, and yet I’ve just found a friend

So it is possible!  YOU CAN DO IT!  I promise you, you can.   Loneliness doesn’t have to be around forever.    We just have to out in some effort!

Alright peeps, make it happen!

~ The Dark Horse

(If you asked the magic 8 ball if this post was proofread it would say.. “not likely”)

Making Friends When You Have Depression and Anxiety


So, this is a post I feel like everyone can get.   Making friends these days is impossible!   Social media and the draws of consumerism has caused people to become increasing selfish, shallow, and cliquey.   Basically, High school has never ended for our generation.

These problems are amplified when you’re dealing with depression and anxiety for many reasons:

~ You have problems that make people’s day less fun.   Your (potential) friends want to go to a club and drink and think other people are looking at how attractive they are….. When you come along and actually know pain and suffering and would like to have a deeper conversation… well….. your deeper conversation takes time away from their busy schedule drinking and hoping to get fucked.

~ Most of us with depression and/or anxiety tend to fall into two groups.   The desperate group who will become friends with anyone who talks to them because you’re just so lonely and miserable all the time, and then there is the group I fall into….the group that is very very very picky about who they will open up to and judge most people when we know they will never get or care what were dealing with.

For the first group, you usually lose your friends for two main reasons.  First, YOU WERE BETTER THAN THEM THE ENTIRE TIME and finally come to your senses and decide to stop talking to them. The other way is, because you’ve made friends with shitty people simply because they talk to you… well, they did what shitty people do and used you and then left you.

…..either way….. neither of us groups end up happy.

~ We also lose friends due to our own doing.   Sadly, we sometimes do have the wrong impression or judge to fast, or always assume the worst.   Sometimes we do indeed ditch a perfectly good friend because of fear:

we’re not good enough for them

surely they’ll find someone better

I’m sure we won’t share many common interests

yeah but they do ____ and I hate that, I’m sure that will be a problem in the future

Ill never be cool enough for them

Ill embarrass them around their real friends


and the list goes on….    Anyone out there find themselves thinking those sometimes?  I sure know I do!



Well…..I have a secret to share with all of you…. I think I may have stumbled upon a friend.

…. and I’m scared shitless 


Yea.. Its pretty crazy.   So He’s 28. (I’m 26)   He is insanely cute, and insanely normal.    Its like the weirdest thing ever and Im working REALLY HARD EVERY DAY to not let all my negative thoughts ruin the friendship.

He calls me to chat…..  WHAT THE FUCK?   IS THE 90s????  HOW COOL IS THAT?

We hang and talk.   Were going bowling on Saturday….. This is seriously the weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced…. and what makes it even weirder is that this is so normal for other people and its something they’ve had since they were kids.


But ill admit, its work.

Like I still get those annoying depressed people thoughts like, “oh maybe he’s using me to just talk about how great his life is”.  Or, “Why does he talk to me?  He’s so much more attractive and popular than me”.  Or, “I worry he will get bored of me at any moment”.

The list of my worries and thoughts are endless, but at the end of the day, I know exactly what they all mean.  What I’m actually thinking without saying it outright is,



That Gif is my life right now…..

But hey heres the deal people…. we will all have to go through this step.  Old friends don’t just appear.  You have to be in a friendship for a long amount of time before you can fully be comfortable and secure.


Sadly there is no easy way to find a lifelong friend, especially for us.   We will always have the gears turning.  I guess the lesson is to learn to live in the moment sometimes?   Let go of your fears for a bit.  Try to just be you.  If they don’t like you, then you were too good to be their friend anyways.

Now, lets learn to take that awkward bro hug above and turn it into a real bro hug!


Killin’ it!  (….I think thats the word the cool kids are using right now?  Right? ….ugh…. )

~ The Dark Horse

PS- I actually think this one was proof read almost all the way through…. kind of?

Making Friends When You Have Anxiety and Depression (Or, You Are The Hunter, They Are Your Prey)


So, lets talk about being friendless.   There are those of us out there who are alone all the time.  Friendless, loveless, lost creatures.

The reasons why this happens are endless:  Depression, anxiety, addiction, fear, desperation, dread.

But you know what, there is always hope and Im going to lead by example.  I have found a “friend potential”.

Ok, let me set the scene.  The apartment unit next to mine was empty until last week when a cute boy around my age moved in.  I think he’s living there alone right now.  All of our front doors share a big courtyard so I see him walk by my door a lot.

I think this is a perfect “lead” for a friendship.  I mean right?  He’s just moved into a new apartment complex where he doesn’t know anyone. Im relatively new to a foreign country.  We have something in common.  We are in a new space.

Whats that?  You think this is weird? You think this is crazy?  Well hunnybunches let tell you something.  We are weird and crazy.   We are the outcasts, the ones who don’t fit in.  The ones who will always be different.   Its time to get that and use your skills!

I don’t know if we will ever be able to make friends “the normal way”. And because of that we must hunt our new friends like a lion stalking his prey.


So, if there is one to take away from this post it is that we have to get creative in how we make friends.   Meetup.com  Tinder  Even chatting up neighbors in your apartment buildings.   EVERYONE is a potential friend (well, unless they seem like a shallow cunt, in which case, stay away)  And the reason this is important is because If you’re like me, finding friends in normal social situations is IMPOSSIBLE! 

And I’m just using myself as an example here, but when people are drinking and getting high, I literally can’t become their friends.  Talking about shallow bullshit and the desire to feel cheap instant pleasure just doesn’t appeal to me.

If someone is with other friends who they more than me, and they’re sharing stories of the good ol’ days, I feel alienated and can’t feel comfortable.   If they’re gossiping about people they both know, then I just get mad.

So things like making friends by going to parties or bars and clubs will never work for me.

The issues of my past have fucked up my present.

So, the hunt continues:




The cure boy next door literally just walked in front of my door!  (Im sitting here blogging trying to make conversation as inviting as possible so I have the front door opened to let the summer breeze in (and the cute boy next door).

ugh, I’m like a little school girl, this is sad.


SO yes lets talk about the plan:  Here is how its going to go.


step 1.)  Im going to knock on his door and wait for him to answer

step 2.)  Im going to say something like “Hey I saw you just moved in here, just wanted to introduce myself, I’m Keith.  Moved here from America recently….something something something”

Thats a good conversation starter right? 

step 3.) Then depending how the conversation goes one of two things will happen.  Either he won’t want to talk and ill sulk back to my room feeling like a complete fool, a loser, a pathetic piece of shit who will always be friendless.  Ill probably get a pad thai and watch some gay romcom and tcry myself to sleep


The conversation goes well.   Maybe he’s alone in a new city just like me?  Maybe he loves movies too.  Maybe he has a weird obsession and fascination with airplanes, roller coasters, and bigfoot like me (don’t judge me bitches)

So the game now is the waiting game.  I need to find the perfect time (Im thinking in the evening? the last thing i want to do is walk over to have a potential life changing conversation and then he’s gotta leave in 10 minutes and can’t chat)


Alright guys, I’m taking on a big crazy mission here!   If I can do it, you can do it!  Now get out there and make some friends!

~ The Dark Horse

Much like ground beef, the percentage of this post that was proofread was maybe 80/20?


The Awards Post


So its been WAY TOO LONG but over a month ago Bipolar Barbie-Q (http://bipolarbarbieq.com) nominated me for a liebster award.  She started following my blog almost immediately and she nominated me for this award so early on in my blogging adventure that i didn’t even know what it was or what to do!  Now that I’ve been blogging longer I’m ready to accept and pass on the love!  

As for Bipolar Barbie-Q she is BRAVE AS ALL FUCKING HELL!  In her blog she talks about having to deal with problems like anxiety and depression ON TOP of recovering from Lyme Disease, a sickness so many of us have never had experience learning about.   Trust me, if you ever want to see what real strength looks like, head on over to her blog.  The bitch is wicked tough! 

For the Liebster Award: 

~This award motivates bloggers to work hard.
~It provides exposure to small bloggers.
~It helps to build good relationships with other bloggers.
~It is an opportunity to share more about you with others.
~It’s easy and good fun.

The Rules:

1. Thank the person that nominated you!
2. Post 11 Facts about yourself
3. Answer the 11 questions posted by the person who nominated you
4. Nominate 10 Bloggers that you think deserve some recognition
5. Inform those bloggers that you’ve nominated them!
6. Post 11 questions for them to answer

11 facts about me:

1.) I hate listing facts about me… even though I’m a blogger.

2.) I love to fly in airplanes!

3.) I use bitch as a term of endearment (really bitches, we all should!)

4.) Pad Thai is my sun and my moon… its all I will ever need!

5.) Donkey Kong Country for Super Nintendo is my favorite video game of all time

6.) Ill choose a 5 star hotel over a road trip any day! 

7.) Christmas is my favorite time of year even though i don’t believe in God

8.) …. this is hard….

9.) I want to visit New Zealand

10.) I want to win an Oscar

11.) I will change the world one day 🙂

Here are The Questions Im Required To Answer:

What is your favorite animated series or film?~ FUTURAMA! hell ya! 

What would your “Keep Calm And” poster say? KEEP CALM AND FUCK EM’ ALL! 

Do you collect anything? MOVIE POSTERS! 

What colors would you want your wedding to be/what colors themed your wedding? Marriage is for boring straight people… just kidding… well not really.  I suppose the theme would be “an atrocity to marriage” and it would be filled with nudity, fire breathers, polygamist Mormons, transvestites, and we’d hand out condoms and encourage everyone to run home and fuck!  …Anything to destroy the sanctity of the ceremony

What color is your bedroom? Ocean Blue and I love it! 

Do you prefer showers or baths? All showers, all the time! 

What is your favorite breakfast food? pumpkin pancakes! 

Where is your ideal vacation spot? The Canadian woods

Your ideal pizza? i hate pizza

What’s your favorite way to eat potatoes? French Fries! DUH! 

Favorite youtube video? ….you’ve been warned: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgWn7zbgxZ4

Now questions I ask for the nominees!

1.) You’re going on a cruise?  Where would you want to go?

2.) If you could have one super power what would it be?

3.) You have superpowers!!!! Whats more fun? Superhero or Supervillain? v


5.) favorite book?



On top of that, recently She’s Whiskey In A Teacup (http://sheswhiskeyinataecup.wordpress.com) nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! 


She’s Whiskey In A Teacup is new to the blogging field.. even newer than me!  But i see great potential.  Don’t believe me?  Visit her page and you’ll instantly be greeted by Edna Mode, the eccentric fashion designer for superhero’s in The Incredibles, saying, “I never look back darling, it distracts me from the now”.   

Im so happy that my blog is inspiring people and I hope to pass on the magic! 

So here are the rules for the Inspirational Blogger Award:

1.) Thank and link the amazing person who nominated you.
2.) List the rules and display the award.
3.) Share seven facts about yourself.
4.) Nominate 10 other amazing blogs and comment on their posts to let them know they have been nominated.

So 7 more facts….. oh god here we go:

1.) I love tea! 

2.) my favorite color is blue

3.) Im obsessed with public transportation!  Every city should have a light rail system! 

4.) barrique sauce goes with everything

5.) right now I’m blogging at a cafe, and its one of the most peaceful and centering things I do with my day

6.) i love conspiracy theories! 

7.) I also love cryptozoology! Don’t know what that is?  LOOK IT UP FOOLS! 



Ok time for my nominations! 

For a Liebster Award I want to nominate Cooking With A Wallflower! (http://cookingwithawallflower.wordpress.com) Your blog is amazing and I literally want to eat everything you post! it brings a smile to myself and to everyone else I’m sure

Also for the Liebster Award I want to nominate Blaze’s Blog! (http://blackfireblazing.wordpress.com)  Blaze.  I don’t know you but i still get this weird feeling of us being friends.  When i see your posts pop up its like seeing a friend post on my Facebook wall or something.  I always love to read it and I hope other people can join the friendship circle as well! 

for the Inspirational Blogger Award I would like to nominate a new blogger, Elephants and Butterflies (http://borderlinebutterflies.wordpress.com)  Her blog is new and fresh, yet she is honest and truthful.  Lover, I see good things in your future.  Keep on blogging! 


So all you guys gotta sneer my questions an pass on the love! 

Did You Know Its Summer Here In Australia? Or, Lets Not be Sad, Lets Have Fun


So, yes, to all you Americans reading this.  It is the middle of summer right now down under!  (and for any Australians reading thins, you’re probably massively annoyed that Im amused by that)  

But yes.  It is Summer part two for me!  Its crazy that just 3 months ago I was finishing up my Summer part one.  

But yeah, its true.  Talk about the Endless Summer! 

Anyhoo, the point of this is to talk about enjoying your time here on Earth…. which is something i massively struggle with.  But Hot days, warm night,that kind of smell that is just in the air in summer.   All the people enjoying their fun time in the warm weather.

I need to use this to motivate me.  I want to have my summer fun.  Summer fling?  Summer love?  Hey, even Summer friends.   Just kind of something to make me feel human.  Something to remind me that life is worth living

Everyone else is so busy enjoying themselves, why shouldn’t we?