Tag Archives: healing

Im On The Mend!

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So Ive been keeping a journal since I was 7 years old.  A few hours ago I posted an entry from May 18th, 2013.  About a year ago. Here is the link: https://youshouldseemyscars.wordpress.com/2014/05/22/journal-entry-may-18th-2013/

As you can see…. I was hurt.  So badly hurt.  And honestly Ive been hurt for such a long time.  The anxiety and panic attacks I began getting in December here in Australia were just the continuation to the extreme depression and sex addiction I had in Los Angeles, which was the continuation of the horrible sense of failure I felt in Chicago which was the continuation of the shock and disappointment of not being accepted into film school in Los Angeles which was the continuation of my way beyond shitty youth.

So… can you blame a kid for taking the slow lane in the healing process? 

I mean seriously!  The mental breakdown I had in December was 14 years in the making!  And I thought that 5 months was going to cure it?  NOT A CHANCE! 

I think thats a big lesson Ive learned actually.  Not to rush the healing process.  It took a long time and a lotta shit to put me down where I was in December so its not fair for me to hold myself to a high expectation and to think that everything was going to poof away in an instant.

For those of you reading this who are struggling or have just had a breakdown, I’m gonna say it cuz its not pretty or fun…. HEALING TAKES TIME… YOURE IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL NOW 

Thinking about giving up? Think its too hard? Well sir, (or madam) that I say….

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There is no giving up!  The world needs you.  You are the smartest guys in the room! We have seen pain and therefore we know not to put other people in it.  We have seen the light.  The world needs us to be making the changes because seriously….LISTEN UP! 

Look at this example:

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This is random popular guy.  Granted…. he’s very sexy and has big arms, a cute haircut, and has that beyond dreamy smile….wait wait stop! I’m getting sidetracked! 

Anyways.  So yes. He is sexy and good-looking.  He fucks all the popular pretty girls.  They go to parties.  They get drunk and take part in teenage drama and hoopla.  

BUT WHAT IS HE INSIDE? ….drumroll please! 

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Thats right people!  he’s a flyin’ fuckin dumbass!  He’s been handed everything.  He’s never had to think for himself.  He’s never had problems.  He knows nothing about anything! 

WE ARE THE ONES WHO ENACT CHANGE 

People like random popular boy (though very sexy in high school) are well… just that.  A sexy outside to a cotton candy fluff inside. 

We my dears are the ones who will make the planet great.  If you hate society like I do and think that it isn’t running properly YOURE RIGHT!  But its up to us to change it! 

So get on up off dat ass and lets start changing this world! 

~ Much Luv To Da Homies!

The Dark Horse

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SHARKNADO! Or, The negative Spiral Of Thoughts

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Yes.  This is happening.  Im going to use Sharknado to create a visual of that negative thought spiral we all fall into.

With depression, anxiety, or panic, we all tend to fall into this trap.  Something happens.  A bad phone call.  A sad news story.  A workout that didn’t go as well as hoped.  Anything… and then suddenly that thought leads to another which leads to another which leads to another and IT STARTS:

You can feel the wind blowing inside.  Your body starts telling you something is wrong.  All these negative thoughts have caused a storm inside.  he tornado alarms ring and your body starts to feel like something is wrong. 

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And whats worse… this tornado that is forming is about to pick up an ocean full of sharks.  

Legs feel a bit heavy.  Your head feels a bit hot.  Suddenly breathing becomes a bit difficult.  You feel dizzy… no wait! tired? No no thats not it, you feel intensely alert? No.. thats not it either… WHAT ARE YOU FEELING? 

This confusion causes more bad thoughts.  Suddenly you’re worrying about:

All the bad things in your life

How physical wrong everything feels

How Scared You Are

How Sad Your Are

How Confused You Are

And how much you dread life and wonder if things will get better

Now you’re fucked… that Sharknado is picking up full steam and is heading straight for you.

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Oh yes this is happening.  You’re inside of a massive Sharknado.  Who can blame us for freaking out?  Life is going to shit and fast! 

Safety seems so impossible and so distant.  How you could possible survive when you’re inside a tornado filled with sharks? 

Well this is what we have to keep in mind:

WERE NOT DEAD YET

IF WERE GOING TO DIE ITS GOING TO HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT SO LETS AT LEAST GO DOWN FIGHTING 

AND FINALLY…WERE PROBABLY NOT ACTUALLY DYING 

It is time for the finale of the film.  Where our protagonist is confronted by a great white shark falling from the tornado… and what does he do?

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He grabs a chainsaw and dives head first….into the sharks mouth.  Yes it is scary but this is what we must do too! 

I know its scary and I know it sounds insane BUT THINK ABOUT IT!

How many panic attacks have you had?  How many days have you been so sad you couldn’t leave the house?  

BUT HAVE WE DIED YET?  HAS IT KILLED US YET?  DONT YOU THINK IT WOULD HAVE KILLED US BY NOW? 

Maybe its time to hold that chainsaw up and face our fears.  its time to not let the panic and depression control our life. its time to take it back! 

so what happens in the film?

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He chainsaws right through the shark!  And I think we shall too! 

 

So if you’re life looks like this:

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Perhaps its time you grabbed your chainsaw and prepared to fight… because what other options do we have?

Love your dear friend, The Dark Horse