Tag Archives: help

Coronavirus and Mental Health


So, there’s no point in lying, is there? This totally fucking sucks.

If you’re lucky, you’re trapped in a house. If you’re unlucky, like me, you’re trapped in a tiny apartment with a roommate in Brooklyn. There’s not much to do. We’re stuck in very close quarters, and ya know…there’s that whole looming fear of death in the air (quite literally).

And so, our mental health takes a toll. Right now, everyone’s mental health is being put to the test, but for anyone like me, who already struggles with things like depression and anxiety, this is truly, seriously, honestly, REALLY pushing the limits of our sanity. I’m only a few days away from going as mad as a hatter.


Fun story – Do you know the phrase “mad as a hatter” comes from the fact that mercury used to be common in the hat-making process? So, many hatters would get mercury poisoning, and appear to be drunk or insane.

The things you learn in quarantine…. 

Anyhoo – where was I? Something about losing my mind, right?  Ah, yes. So, here we are, trapped, locked, and so forth, and what exactly can we do about it? Unfortunately, not much. This is one of those horrific situations where we are just forced to wait it out.

But at the same time, for people who struggle with mental health, isn’t that kind of our strength? Most people around the world are like, “I’m trapped in a miserable state and there’s no way out of it!”

And we’re like, (sips tea) “Hunny, that’s called my fucking life.”

And so, what shall we do?

Well, I’m drinking lots of tea (the good stuff too), I’m watching lot’s of shows, doing lots of writing, and I’ve just started a new book. Everyday, I go out for a little walk because I think fresh air is important (obviously, I keep my distance from others) and really, that’s about it.

Nobody said this would be easy or fun…

maggie smith

…But then again, we’re used to that, aren’t we? 

 Remember – If you’re in need of mental health help during these tough times, reach out! Beyond Blue has amazing resources. The CDC (as crappy as the CDC is) has a webpage on mental health during the crisis, and NAMI also has a page set up. And if you’re in desperate need of help, here is a list of crisis hotlines around the world.

Keep calm, carry on, drink tea, watch porn, do whatever ya gotta do to keep yourself safe and sane!

~ The Dark Horse

The Secret Cure To Depression is… Laundry?



So, I know this sounds crazy, but there’s always a secret trick I preform when I’m feeling really down. And it pretty much always works.

I’m home right now, and last night when I was watching A Christmas Story, a commercial came on for Tide or Whirlpool or something, and it reminded me about my little depression trick. And then I realized that, somehow, I’ve still never made a post about it!


So, here’s the trick:


When you’re feeling super depressed, and can’t even seem to muster the energy to move…

…put in a load of laundry! 




Yep. For Real.



Let me explain:  So, when I’m super fucking depressed, I always tell myself that I have enough energy to at least walk down to the laundry machine and throw in a load. My idea is, if laundry is running, then I’m not simply laying in bed, wasting my life away. I’m just waiting for my laundry to come out… obviously.

I’m not doing nothing. I’m doing something.



And then this funny thing happens… Once I stop feeling like I’m doing nothing, and feel like I’m doing something, my mood improves. Even if it’s ever-so-slightly, the idea that my day wasn’t completely wasted makes me feel better about myself.

And then as we know about positive feedback loops, that little improvement can lead to another. Suddenly, I’m like, perhaps after they wash, I’ll put them in the dryer too. And you know, I am a little hungry, maybe I’ll make myself something to eat.

And before you know it, me laying face-down in bed has turned into me folding laundry with the soundtrack to Hamilton blasting in the background.

All because of laundry.



So, the next time you’re feeling like you can’t possibly do a damn thing, remember that putting in a load of laundry takes about 5 minutes. And then you can go straight back to your bed for a whole hour until it’s time to transfer the load to the dryer. But, you get to walk back to your bed feeling like a champion. Cuz you did something. You’ve gone from being a depressive lump to being a productive citizen of this world.


All hail the power of laundry! 



And hey, even if your mood doesn’t improve that much, at least you now have clean clothes right?  Its motivation AND it’s utilitarian!  Glory!


~ The Dark Horse

ps- Anyone else out there got good depression tips you’d like to share?



Alone On Valentine’s Day (Its OK To Be Bitter)


Ah Yes, its that time of year.  That one day a year when EVERYONE who has a date just loves to tell everyone that they have a date.  The day where marriages that have lasted 50 years are rekindled once more, and when waiting girlfriends become excited fiancés.

Its also the day where lonely people like me sit in front of a TV watching chick flicks eating cookies and pie.  Watching those lucky assholes have the time of their lives.

Bunch of fuckin cunts.


Ah yes my little lonely lads and lasses.   Its just another holiday in our year that reminds us  we are alone.

But perhaps this is the perfect day for venting, not sobbing?

Perhaps were are viewing Valentine’s day all wrong?


For you see, Valentine’s Day is also the one day of the year where those who do have love are kind of obligated to sit there and listen to us single people bitch.

….get where I’m going with this?

The new goal for Valentine’s Day is to ruin it for the happy people of the world!  Yes…. yes yes yes!!!!!!!   Put your bitter face on bitches cuz its time to ruin some poor innocent happy person’s day!

hate4Put on your Hulk face its time to go ape shit!

See those happy people over there?  Having a nice little picnic in the park?


Now run over there and ruin it for them!    Go on!  Pour their wine all over yourself as you stomp on their cute little sandwiches he made to impress her!   Awwwwww….. he even wrapped up the silverware in a cloth napkin just like a restaurant! …….GRAB IT!   YES YOU HEARD ME!   ITS YOURS NOW! You never know when you’ll need a spare fork and knife!



Oh, would you look at this beautiful restaurant?   He must have paid a fortune to take her here.   He must really want to show her how special she is…… assholes.



OOOOOHHHHHHH She’s soooooooo impressed.    He’s probably gonna get lucky tonight huh…..  Oh wait but look, you’ve decided to serve them the main course yourself… GO ON!  WALK OVER THERE AND SHOW THEM WHAT THEY WILL BE EATING TONIGHT!



MWUAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!    Now at the top of your lungs scream PIGFUCKERS!!!!!!!  and then run out of the restaurant in the most delightful and disturbing way possible!



But in all honesty, we shouldn’t ruin a good Valentine’s day for someone else.  But sometimes its nice to imagine it.  Get some of that bad energy out using our imagination.

One thing I do want to let all of you know is that you’re not alone…..  Well i mean you are…. but I’m alone too…. so you’re not alone in the fact that you’re alone?  get it?

If anyone out there is having an absolute awful day call these numbers:

for the USA call the Crisis hotline: 1-800-233-4357

For Australia call lifeline: 13-11-14

For New Zealand Lifeline: 0800 543 354

For all other counties find your crisis line here:

International Crisis Hotline Listings

Please Note:  None of these lines are for suicide only!   Anytime you’re having a really bad day or suffering an episode of ANY KIND:  depression, anxiety, mania, panic attack  ANYTHING!!! They are there to help!  Trust me, in my lifetime I have called all these numbers and you should never be afraid to!

~ The Dark Horse

…..this post wasn’t proof read,  why? ….because its Valentine’s day bitches.

The Dog Days of Summer, Or Learning To Relax With Depression and Anxiety


No, this is not a stock photo.  This really is a picture from my hometown.   This is why I have not been posting!  ;p    Ive been relaxing.  Doing nothing.  And then filling my days with a little more nothing to go with all the nothing I’m doing,   AND IM LOVING IT

So here is what I’m learning about how to keep calm and not let your emotions destroy you:

With anxiety and panic Ive been just kind of been letting it come.  If I get anxious or get panicky I look around and I go…. where is a nice plot of ground I can collapse on?  A drinking fountain near by?   Perhaps a pillow lying conveniently on the floor of my gym?

No?  Oh well.   I suppose I shall fall on the concrete then.


And then once I start thinking like, WHO THE FUCK CARES it goes away.   The brain has nothing left to panic or get anxious about because you just told it, even i collapse I don’t care.


And with depression I have found a few things really help

Number one:


…. Do i hear you laughing?  I do…. STOP LAUGHING IM SERIOUS!    ice tea is amazing!  It cools your body down, its refreshing, its full of antioxidants, and IT GIVES YOU SOMETHING TO DO WHILE BEING CHEAP.  

When you’re feeling down or feel like your thoughts are eating you away hop in the car, or bus, or just walk, whatever you gotta do to the nearest caffe, coffee shop, or even a generic option like Starbucks…Who happen to have a really nice Iced green tea

…..also Petes Coffee has an amazing iced green tea but EVERYTHING ELSE THEY MAKE IS CRAP 

ok ok enough tea talk.   So what does this do?

1.)  It gives you purpose.  You’re not just sitting around moping.  You’re on your way somewhere. To get something.  To do something.

2.) Lets you interact with the public.  At least for me, when I’m down I tend to burrow myself in a hole.  I feel isolated and usually isolate myself.  Even if I’m in public I can feel completely alone in life.  Going to somewhere new or different can sometimes help just reset the mind into not being such a downer at least, for a moment.

3.)  ITS CHEAP!  unlike your milky, sugary, coffee drinks that can cost you upwards of 5 dollars each.  Ice tea is like 2 or 3 bucks.  So that means you can practice this even if your wallet is the biggest in the world.

4.)  ANTIOXIDANTS!   Must I really make another post about the benefits of tea?   Well i shall not!  But here is a link:



So there ya have it!   Relax, be merry, and DRINK TEA! 

…I think i started proofreading this, but then halfway thru i stopped, I’m SUCH a serious writer.

The Dark Horse

Glimpses Of The Old Me Are Shining Through Once More

2013 © Christopher Martin

So i stumbled upon this video of he northern lights I watched a lot winter 2011/2012 before I left for Canada.

It just reminded me of the spirit and hope I had before leaving for Canada.  Adventure was on the way and life was about to get good.  I was ready for anything.  Like an energetic little puppy who heard the leash and is now excited for a walk outside.

I could have handled anything at that point.

Just watching this video reminded of how good I felt inside;  Watching this video with the blinds to my window up at night so the winter moon could shine in with a brightness that only comes in winter,  With the moonlight reflecting off the snow that has everything covered.


I was so excited to see these lights.  It has always been one of my dreams  and I was about to make one of them come true….

When I first arrived in the Northwest Territories it was during the 30 days of light.  Which, in and of itself, was amazing, but what was even crazier is how much light you would lose come August. It seemed like everyday that went by you like 20 minutes of light .  Once it got dark enough to see the northern lights we saw them almost every single night for about 2 months.  And every time you just stop and look.

So im channeling that right now.  That spirit.  That drive.  That passion and that excitement.

Here is the video, will it charge you up

~Look Up, and Be Amazed!


Let The Sun Shine In!



So this past week I have not really been posting much and its because I had tonsillitis.  So I was sitting in my bed, living off of antibiotics and thai takeout.  But now… oh man.   Did you ever know life was so good? 

Did you know how good it feels to get fresh air?  To walk outside?  To be able to focus on something other than how much pain you’re in?  


Yes.  Sickness hits me hard.  I think sickness hits all of us with depression and anxiety hard.  But maybe there is a use to it?  because afterwards you realize how great life is.  I mean for example.

Ive had a routine going on weekdays:


Eat something then head to my favorite cafe to drink some tea and write these blog entries

Then dinner

and then off to the gym for a short workout. 


So before sickness my mind was filled with… The cafe is only down the street from my apartment.  Why couldn’t I have found a cafe further away to prove to myself  I can do it?  And My workouts aren’t as long as they used to be…. why am i such a weak loser? 

But now I’m like… YOU KNOW WHAT?????

I love blogging at this cafe.  I have made really good friends with the family who owns it and its gotten to the point where when I’m here I usually been spend half the time talking to them instead of blogging!  Had I gone to a cafe further away I wouldn’t have met these great people and found a new place in the city I feel safe, comfortable, and happy.

And also… look I haven’t held a real workout routine ever since I got hit with all this bullshit in late November.  So OF COURSE I’m not going to be in the shape I used to be in when i was consistently working out 5 times a week! 

And you know what?  I didn’t realize how much I loved going to this cafe and returning to the gym until I got sick.  


Im on the path to happiness. Sure its slow and sure its not a constant arrow up.  There are dips and pivots.  


Thats what the road to recovery really looks like.  Its messy.  its dirty.  But its always improving! 


~Remember that, its a big bright world out there people!

THE DARK HORSE (never proofread! Take that 6th grade English teacher!)

* Also tomorrow I’m going to make a post thats really dear to me about Miranda Lambert.  Don’t like her or don’t know who she is??? WHATEVER! READ IT!