Tag Archives: holidays

I’m So Excited for The Holidays, I Can’t Handle It!

kid on christmas

So, I’ve found a new apartment, I’ve gotten my deposit back, and I’ll be moving out of my awful apartment on December 1st. Now, I can finally get back to what I really want to be doing right now… FREAKING OUT ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS!

OH, SWEET HOLY HONEY ON HIGH! I literally love the holidays so much it might actually be unhealthy.

kristin wiig

Oh my lord. I just can’t.  So, now that I’m a travel a writer, the holidays have gotten EVEN better. You know how every year you see stories like, “AAA released how busy the roads will be this holiday” and “Priceline lists the top Thanksgiving travel destinations of 2019”? Well, I have always LOVED those stories. I scroll through Google news endlessly, all through November and December, reading news about holiday travel. I’m obsessed with the madness! The hustle! The bustle!

And now… I GET TO BE THE ONE WHO WRITES THOSE STORIES!  When I saw the email from AAA earlier this week with their annual holiday forecast, I literally almost died. I was like… OMG this is my dream come true. I finally get to WRITE an article on the AAA Thanksgiving forecast! (They’re projecting about 51 million Americans will be traveling this Thanksgiving!)

 

Oh lord…. this is too much. I’m too excited. I can’t breathe!   Oh no! I’m hyperventilating!

excited SNL

Am I only person who goes on Google Maps, turns on the 3D mode, and then looks at airports around the country, dreaming of the absolute chaos that must be going on inside them during the holidays?

Is there anything better than knowing that after your exhausting day at the airport, you can go home, to food that was cooked by someone else, towels that were washed by someone else, and best of all… now that I live in New York, there is NOTHING BETTER than going to bed in a quiet house on a quiet street. You don’t get silence like that in NYC, so it feels simply magical when I go home!

kristin wiig excited

Oh god, I’m too excited! Ok, I’m going to make myself a chamomile tea and take a warm shower.

~ The Dark Horse

(No, this wasn’t proofread, this was written through pure holiday mania!)

I Love Holiday Travel!

Holidaymakers Begin Christmas Getaway

Look, I understand that all you people out there are getting anxious and afraid of the dreaded holiday travel season that’s soon upon us. But I have a confession to make – I FUCKING LOVE EVERY SECOND OF IT! 

I love the busy airports! The stressed out parents! The clink and clank of luggage! The erratic weather! The delays! Oh my god it’s all just too much fun!

giddy

I had my first Peter Greenberg sighting yesterday, which is the true sign of the coming holiday peter greenberg.jpgseason! The second that CBS throws their old grumpy Santa known as Peter Greenberg on TV to warn the public of the upcoming holiday season, you know it’s on! The arrival of Peter Greenberg is like opening the first window of your advent calendar.

Once he arrives on your televisions… there’s no going back.

But, why would you want it to go back? Don’t you just love it so much? Take this for example – A study was just released (because news agencies just love a good holiday travel study) and it said that Chicago’s airports have the highest rates of delays during the holidays! The study said that for Chicago Midway, only 63% of flights reach their destination on time, and Oh’Hare was on’y 65%!
OH HARK! Oh Glory! Just think of it! Think of the carnage and insanity that must go on within Midway airport during the holidays. And it’s only 3 weeks away!!!!!!!! 

In just 3 short weeks, it will be November 26th. And Chicago’s Midway and O’Hare airports will turn into the Hunger Games. Lives will be lost, only the strong will survive, and nobody will arrive to their parent’s house any happier than when they left. It’s just so wonderful!

Home Alone

Fun fact, Chicago’s O’Hare airport is where the famous scene from Home Alone takes place! Which, speaking of… Home Alone is all about frantic travel during the holiday season. It’s a true gem and deserves to rewatched year after year!

Home Alone Airport

Oh lord… too much holiday cheer, I feel faint! I need some sugars or a nice hot tea. But oh, how can I quit now? I think what I need to do is google “Holiday Travel” and then read every. single. article. 

Also, this year is extra special for me because, HELLO! I’m a travel writer now! This shit is may career! My industry! My life! I’m no longer a weirdo for following all this nonsense. Now… I’m a journalist! I get to write more articles that only further contribute to the insanity and fervor of the holiday season!  God damn, life is good!

Holiday travel is just the perfect combination of events – According to Travel Channel, 67% of America is planning on traveling this holiday season. That means, 219,224,000 people will be traveling ALL AT THE SAME TIME, right as winter begins, and snow and ice, and sleet, and slush are everywhere! Literally, the holidays are a perfect storm for absolute madness!

So cheers everyone! let’s lift our eggnog in a merry cheer and…

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May the odds be ever in your favor. 

 

~ The Dark Horse

 

 

 

 

 

Fall is Apple Season! The Best Fiona Apple Songs for Autumn

fiona apple

We just had our official transition into Fall a few days ago, and October 1st is just a few days away. We are well on our way, chugging full speed into pumpkin pie, apple cider, horror movies, and Martha Stewart’s wreathes made from autumnal leaves and acorns.

Ah yes, Fall is the time for hearth-baked memories, cozy snuggle-wuggles, and of course, Fiona Apple. There is something about Fiona Apple music that just screams AUTUMN. I have been a huge fan of Apple’s since I first discovered Criminal in the 6th grade. Since then, she is my autumn playlist.

Here are some of the best Fiona Apple songs to get your Fall on. Ready for an Autumnal pun? … It’s time to fall in love with Fiona Apple…. Not funny? Well, I was also thinking about some sort of “Fiona Apple Cider” But that just didn’t work. SHUT UP! Stop making fun of me, and just listen to some great music:

 

Oh, Sailor

Oh, Sailor is the perfect combination of melancholy and bliss for the start of fall. Think late-September, early-October ran showers. When it’s still warm enough to have the windows open, but you can feel a definite cool rush of air fill the world as the rain falls down.

 

Paper Bag

That piano and the strange bass that lives within Fiona Apple’s voice.  This song is definitely for cloudy days when you’re wearing a jacket, watching the world slow down as it prepares for winter. There’s a pain to the song, which somehow seems to fit Fall perfectly.

 

Why Try to Change Me Now

An album dedicated to the music of Cy Coleman, Apple’s version of Why Try to Change Me Now is simply autumn in every way. Just listen to this song and close you eyes. This song is a coffeeshop, late October. The leaves are falling. You’re drinking something warm and most likely pumpkin-spiced. Don’t lie, you know you are. Accept it, admit it, and embrace it.

 

Criminal

Classic Fiona Apple. Classic 90’s. Classic angst. Just classic, simply, simply, Classic. This song takes you back to easier times. Back to pre-9/11 Autumns. Autumns before cell phones and twitter. Autumns when movies like I Know What You Did Last Summer were in theaters and you didn’t have to worry about a mass shooting every time you saw a movie….

 

Sally’s Song

Did you know Fiona Apple did a version of the classic Nightmare Before Christmas song? And did you know that it’s absolutely amazing? Throughout the month of October, this must be on your playlist. It captures the bleakness and creepiness that is October, and it’s a great way to get you ready for Halloween. Oh Fiona, you magical creature…

 

Frosty the Snowman

November can be tricky. It’s still autumnal, and yet, Halloween is over and the holidays are just a few weeks away… So what to do? Should you be celebrating autumn? Or preparing for Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Well… what if you could do both? Fiona Apple’s version of Frosty the Snowman is the perfect way to bridge the seasons. It’s a holiday tune that’s preformed in a classic coffeeshop style. So, this mid-November. Pick up a pumpkin spice or gingerbread latte, play this song, and enjoy autumn turn to winter.

PS – Did you read the news about Fiona Apple calling people out for sampling her music without credit or pay?  I’m #TeamFiona every day of the week! 

 

~ The Dark Horse

The Post-Christmas Blues

win

 

So, this time of year is always the same.

After the rush. After the hustle and bustle. After all the lights, the music, the food, comes the quiet.

The silence.

The after-Christmas nothingness.  And I fucking hate it.

 

Everyone has gone back to their own lives, taking their presents and their presence with them.

And life seems to slow to a halt. The magic is all used up. And somehow, everyone seems to be so ok with it.

Everyone besides me seems to love when Christmas is over. “I’m exhausted” they say. “I’m broke” they complain. “The holidays are always so stressful” they shout.

But me, I feel differently.  I love the holidays.  The love the busyness.  I love everything about the rush. And I can’t help but feel a little down every December 26th. It actually shocks me how quickly the world can move on from it.

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At least for my family, we have one day a year when everyone gets together. We have one day a year when we eat a meal together. We have one day a year when we can surprise each other with gifts…

But somehow, even this one single day seems to be too much time for my family.

Christmas seems to be an inconvenience more than a holiday.

We hit a new record this year: My aunt arrived at about 6pm Christmas Eve. Stayed till around midnight. Then came back Christmas morning for one hour to say goodbye, and grab her presents.  That’s a total of 7 hours. How many hours are in a year?

8760.

And she could only spare 7?

7 is 0.079908675799087% of 8760

That’s how much time I got to spend with my aunt this year…

 

win3

 

If I ever find love in my life, the person needs to come from a huge family. I want to experience a real Christmas sometime. Where spare rooms rooms are filled with family members. Where Christmas dinner is a feast. Where opening presents is a cherished and ornate spectacle.  I hate this rushed and sloppy Christmas that my family has.

I hate that my family treats the holidays like a burden.

And shortly after my aunt left, my brother and his girlfriend left. And the day after Christmas, my mom and dad were back to work. And I’m left wondering why I invested all this time and energy to fly home from Boston just to be surrounded for one day by people who could care less, and now… surrounded by nothingness.

I assure you, I think Boston is lame, and I’m so excited to start my new job in New York after the new year. But there is way more to do in Boston than Ohio. I’d much rather be spending my time off from school and work in a city like Boston where I could be doing things… I came home for family, and it seems like none of them care.

win6

 

But, even though this sucks, I’m going to try and keep my spirits high.

I have a new job that I’m really excited about in a new city… and not just any city, but New York City. I have so much to look forward to in 2019. 

I’m going to be finishing up my thesis, working towards to completing a book that I hope to get published. I’m going to start working for an awesome media company. I have so much going on in my future.  And I won’t let this post-holiday sadness derail me from my excitement.

So,

Yes, the holidays sucked this year .

 

But, ya know what, fuck 2018.  2019, here I come! 

2019

 

~ The Dark Horse

Anyone Else Going To Be Alone On Thanksgiving?

FUCKTHANKSGIVING

Ah yes, it’s that time of year again! The leaves are almost gone, the first hints of Christmas pepper the atmosphere with a hint of glee, the rouge cranberries can be seen in even the most forgotten of grocery store aisles. This can mean only one thing, It’s almost Thanksgiving!

And, thanks to a country with INSANE flight prices (Dear America, do you know how cheap it is to fly in Europe?) I’ll be stuck in Boston for Thanksgiving… yay. 😦

However, I’m trying to make the best of this. Obviously, when you’re a depressed person, being alone over the holidays is horrible. In fact suicide rates actually INCREASE during the holidays. So, in order to not be sad, I’m compiling a list of:

 

Why I’m grateful to not be going home this Thanksgiving: 

 

1.) My mother can’t cook anyways. Look, my mother is a saint, salt of the Earth that one…. but as a cook? … Well, I mean, let’s just say this. Thanksgiving for us always consisted of overly-dry turkey. Green beans from a can, jello-d cranberry sauce from a can, gravy from a dry-packet mix, corn from a can, bread from the store, pumpkin pie from the store, and “mashed potatoes” if you can call them that. It was basically potatoes boiled down so much that they had lost all structural integrity. It was like picking up a spoonful of flavorless foam. This Thanksgiving, perhaps I can make myself good food now?

turkey

 

 

2.) I’m in Boston. Surely the Black Friday shopping here will be much better than it would have been in Ohio.  I mean, Walmart and Best Buy? Oh, please, let the trailer trash have their fun. I’m going to go stalk the sales at Gucci and Canada Goose. Get some real deals from real stores. PS- I literally don’t have the money to shop anyways, and I’m sure Gucci doesn’t do Black Friday deals anyways… but at least I can window shop for deals at the fanciest of places I can’t afford right? Perhaps I’ll buy a pair of socks.

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3.) Can you imagine what the airports will look like anyways? Do I really want to be crammed in a flight full TOC people? (TOC is Thanksgiving Or Christmas, they’re the people who only fly once a year at most, either for T or C. And Therefore they’re completely lost in the process; move slow, breathe through their mouths, trip, bump into walls, fart constantly, and so forth…) Then the plane will be filled with screaming babies, and people with their Panda Express smelling up the whole plane.

No thanks!

flight

 

4.) I’m literally going home for Christmas in a little over a month anyways. Sure, this will be a super lonely week, but you know what, I’m going to get to experience all the fun and joy of hectic holiday travel in one month. I CAN DO THIS! ONE MONTH.

just say it.

ONE MONTH

ONE MONTH

ONE MONTH!

HomeAloneAirport

 

 

5.) Thanksgiving is deadly anyways! Have you ever heard of a movie called Thankskilling?

kill1

Why, Thanksgiving is downright dangerous! I should be thankful I’m not able to go home and experience the atrocities that await.

killing1

 

Now that’s what I call Murder Most Foul  (Rimshot please!)

 

~ The Dark Horse

The After-Christmas Blues

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Ugh….  The Christmas music is gone.  The family has all parted ways… The presents have been opened… and now here we are.  Stuck with the post-christmas lows.

 

Its always weird for me.   Everyone always acts so busy at the holidays.    Like, “Oh I just couldn’t possibly stay any longer, I just have so much to do I have to go right now!”

Does anyone else feel like thats how everyone is?  Even at the family Christmas there are people who come, eat the food, and then are like, “Ok everyone we have to go, bye!”.   And I’m like… Where exactly is everyone going all the time?

If you’re going to come into town Christmas eve night and leave at 8am the day after Christmas what exactly are you even coming home for?     Like, seriously people… if you’re lives are so full-on that actually breaking away from your job for JUST 1 DAY  is now a chore, don’t come home!

ch1

 

But as I grow older thats how life has become.   Christmas is this whirlwind now consisting of 1 day.  Where I hear nothing but family complaining about how tired the holidays make them, how busy they are, how quickly they have to rush out right after Christmas…. and then before you know it, its December 26.  Everyone is gone.  The mad dash to go somewhere else is in full-swing.

We spend 2 months putting up lights, listening to Christmas carols, buying presents, baking cookies….. all for one day where EVERYONE ON EARTH just complains about how tired these two months have made them.  How they’re just too stressed right now… and how they have to leave immediately.

Well human population:  You’re negativity, lack of enthusiasm, and commitment to your jobs which must be working you 60 or 70 hours a week with how much you complain about them, has left me now tired, depressed, and empathetic.

Your Christmas has ruined mine.  I hope you’re happy.  

And now you’re all gone.  Back to your jobs which you hate so much.   Back to paying off your mortgages, your kids, your cars, and the presents you couldn’t afford.    You’re back to living your lives you complain about so much.     And Why? 

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Now don’t get me wrong.  Im not some unemployed welfare muncher.  I work as well.    And no, I don’t like my job.  But you know what people, I’m doing sometime about it.  Im going back to school.  Ive never invested in things that would keep me tied down to consumerist culture like buying a house, buying the newest car, or  the crappy gadgets that don’t do anything (talkin’ to you fitbit and apple watch people).     Because without having any of that hanging over my head I’m free to switch up my life.  Im free to change things.  Im not tied down.  I don’t have anything looming over my head.   I am not happy with my life, and therefore I am changing it.  You people are not happy with your lives, and yet you just sit in your filth.   You tie yourself down.   You get stuck, trapped, and captured.

Then this one time of year comes around meant for family, fun, and friendship.   It could be so beautiful.  The lights, the trees, the time spent together….but no.   Instead you’re so frazzled that the holidays have become a pathetic spectacle.   Christmas is now just one more day in your life that has clearly become so boring, so routine, and mundane that you just could’t give a fuck anymore.

And thats sad.     And it makes me sad.    And what makes it even worse is that you’re all convinced thats just how life is.   Working a job that doesn’t really make you happy is something you believe everyone just does.    Buying too many presents for people who don’t actually need them is just part of the season.   Getting fatter and fatter every year is just part of getting older…and so on and so on.    If your 15 yr old self saw you right now, what would they think?

Apparently to most of you, adulthood is the end of your life.   All you have is the memories of your youth now.

I don’t want that as my life.    And I’m sorry that so many of you have let that become you.

Sorry for the horribly negative post, just something Ive been noticing.

~ The Dark Horse