Tag Archives: holidays

The Post-Christmas Blues

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So, this time of year is always the same.

After the rush. After the hustle and bustle. After all the lights, the music, the food, comes the quiet.

The silence.

The after-Christmas nothingness.  And I fucking hate it.

 

Everyone has gone back to their own lives, taking their presents and their presence with them.

And life seems to slow to a halt. The magic is all used up. And somehow, everyone seems to be so ok with it.

Everyone besides me seems to love when Christmas is over. “I’m exhausted” they say. “I’m broke” they complain. “The holidays are always so stressful” they shout.

But me, I feel differently.  I love the holidays.  The love the busyness.  I love everything about the rush. And I can’t help but feel a little down every December 26th. It actually shocks me how quickly the world can move on from it.

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At least for my family, we have one day a year when everyone gets together. We have one day a year when we eat a meal together. We have one day a year when we can surprise each other with gifts…

But somehow, even this one single day seems to be too much time for my family.

Christmas seems to be an inconvenience more than a holiday.

We hit a new record this year: My aunt arrived at about 6pm Christmas Eve. Stayed till around midnight. Then came back Christmas morning for one hour to say goodbye, and grab her presents.  That’s a total of 7 hours. How many hours are in a year?

8760.

And she could only spare 7?

7 is 0.079908675799087% of 8760

That’s how much time I got to spend with my aunt this year…

 

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If I ever find love in my life, the person needs to come from a huge family. I want to experience a real Christmas sometime. Where spare rooms rooms are filled with family members. Where Christmas dinner is a feast. Where opening presents is a cherished and ornate spectacle.  I hate this rushed and sloppy Christmas that my family has.

I hate that my family treats the holidays like a burden.

And shortly after my aunt left, my brother and his girlfriend left. And the day after Christmas, my mom and dad were back to work. And I’m left wondering why I invested all this time and energy to fly home from Boston just to be surrounded for one day by people who could care less, and now… surrounded by nothingness.

I assure you, I think Boston is lame, and I’m so excited to start my new job in New York after the new year. But there is way more to do in Boston than Ohio. I’d much rather be spending my time off from school and work in a city like Boston where I could be doing things… I came home for family, and it seems like none of them care.

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But, even though this sucks, I’m going to try and keep my spirits high.

I have a new job that I’m really excited about in a new city… and not just any city, but New York City. I have so much to look forward to in 2019. 

I’m going to be finishing up my thesis, working towards to completing a book that I hope to get published. I’m going to start working for an awesome media company. I have so much going on in my future.  And I won’t let this post-holiday sadness derail me from my excitement.

So,

Yes, the holidays sucked this year .

 

But, ya know what, fuck 2018.  2019, here I come! 

2019

 

~ The Dark Horse

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Anyone Else Going To Be Alone On Thanksgiving?

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Ah yes, it’s that time of year again! The leaves are almost gone, the first hints of Christmas pepper the atmosphere with a hint of glee, the rouge cranberries can be seen in even the most forgotten of grocery store aisles. This can mean only one thing, It’s almost Thanksgiving!

And, thanks to a country with INSANE flight prices (Dear America, do you know how cheap it is to fly in Europe?) I’ll be stuck in Boston for Thanksgiving… yay. 😦

However, I’m trying to make the best of this. Obviously, when you’re a depressed person, being alone over the holidays is horrible. In fact suicide rates actually INCREASE during the holidays. So, in order to not be sad, I’m compiling a list of:

 

Why I’m grateful to not be going home this Thanksgiving: 

 

1.) My mother can’t cook anyways. Look, my mother is a saint, salt of the Earth that one…. but as a cook? … Well, I mean, let’s just say this. Thanksgiving for us always consisted of overly-dry turkey. Green beans from a can, jello-d cranberry sauce from a can, gravy from a dry-packet mix, corn from a can, bread from the store, pumpkin pie from the store, and “mashed potatoes” if you can call them that. It was basically potatoes boiled down so much that they had lost all structural integrity. It was like picking up a spoonful of flavorless foam. This Thanksgiving, perhaps I can make myself good food now?

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2.) I’m in Boston. Surely the Black Friday shopping here will be much better than it would have been in Ohio.  I mean, Walmart and Best Buy? Oh, please, let the trailer trash have their fun. I’m going to go stalk the sales at Gucci and Canada Goose. Get some real deals from real stores. PS- I literally don’t have the money to shop anyways, and I’m sure Gucci doesn’t do Black Friday deals anyways… but at least I can window shop for deals at the fanciest of places I can’t afford right? Perhaps I’ll buy a pair of socks.

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3.) Can you imagine what the airports will look like anyways? Do I really want to be crammed in a flight full TOC people? (TOC is Thanksgiving Or Christmas, they’re the people who only fly once a year at most, either for T or C. And Therefore they’re completely lost in the process; move slow, breathe through their mouths, trip, bump into walls, fart constantly, and so forth…) Then the plane will be filled with screaming babies, and people with their Panda Express smelling up the whole plane.

No thanks!

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4.) I’m literally going home for Christmas in a little over a month anyways. Sure, this will be a super lonely week, but you know what, I’m going to get to experience all the fun and joy of hectic holiday travel in one month. I CAN DO THIS! ONE MONTH.

just say it.

ONE MONTH

ONE MONTH

ONE MONTH!

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5.) Thanksgiving is deadly anyways! Have you ever heard of a movie called Thankskilling?

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Why, Thanksgiving is downright dangerous! I should be thankful I’m not able to go home and experience the atrocities that await.

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Now that’s what I call Murder Most Foul  (Rimshot please!)

 

~ The Dark Horse

The After-Christmas Blues

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Ugh….  The Christmas music is gone.  The family has all parted ways… The presents have been opened… and now here we are.  Stuck with the post-christmas lows.

 

Its always weird for me.   Everyone always acts so busy at the holidays.    Like, “Oh I just couldn’t possibly stay any longer, I just have so much to do I have to go right now!”

Does anyone else feel like thats how everyone is?  Even at the family Christmas there are people who come, eat the food, and then are like, “Ok everyone we have to go, bye!”.   And I’m like… Where exactly is everyone going all the time?

If you’re going to come into town Christmas eve night and leave at 8am the day after Christmas what exactly are you even coming home for?     Like, seriously people… if you’re lives are so full-on that actually breaking away from your job for JUST 1 DAY  is now a chore, don’t come home!

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But as I grow older thats how life has become.   Christmas is this whirlwind now consisting of 1 day.  Where I hear nothing but family complaining about how tired the holidays make them, how busy they are, how quickly they have to rush out right after Christmas…. and then before you know it, its December 26.  Everyone is gone.  The mad dash to go somewhere else is in full-swing.

We spend 2 months putting up lights, listening to Christmas carols, buying presents, baking cookies….. all for one day where EVERYONE ON EARTH just complains about how tired these two months have made them.  How they’re just too stressed right now… and how they have to leave immediately.

Well human population:  You’re negativity, lack of enthusiasm, and commitment to your jobs which must be working you 60 or 70 hours a week with how much you complain about them, has left me now tired, depressed, and empathetic.

Your Christmas has ruined mine.  I hope you’re happy.  

And now you’re all gone.  Back to your jobs which you hate so much.   Back to paying off your mortgages, your kids, your cars, and the presents you couldn’t afford.    You’re back to living your lives you complain about so much.     And Why? 

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Now don’t get me wrong.  Im not some unemployed welfare muncher.  I work as well.    And no, I don’t like my job.  But you know what people, I’m doing sometime about it.  Im going back to school.  Ive never invested in things that would keep me tied down to consumerist culture like buying a house, buying the newest car, or  the crappy gadgets that don’t do anything (talkin’ to you fitbit and apple watch people).     Because without having any of that hanging over my head I’m free to switch up my life.  Im free to change things.  Im not tied down.  I don’t have anything looming over my head.   I am not happy with my life, and therefore I am changing it.  You people are not happy with your lives, and yet you just sit in your filth.   You tie yourself down.   You get stuck, trapped, and captured.

Then this one time of year comes around meant for family, fun, and friendship.   It could be so beautiful.  The lights, the trees, the time spent together….but no.   Instead you’re so frazzled that the holidays have become a pathetic spectacle.   Christmas is now just one more day in your life that has clearly become so boring, so routine, and mundane that you just could’t give a fuck anymore.

And thats sad.     And it makes me sad.    And what makes it even worse is that you’re all convinced thats just how life is.   Working a job that doesn’t really make you happy is something you believe everyone just does.    Buying too many presents for people who don’t actually need them is just part of the season.   Getting fatter and fatter every year is just part of getting older…and so on and so on.    If your 15 yr old self saw you right now, what would they think?

Apparently to most of you, adulthood is the end of your life.   All you have is the memories of your youth now.

I don’t want that as my life.    And I’m sorry that so many of you have let that become you.

Sorry for the horribly negative post, just something Ive been noticing.

~ The Dark Horse

Easter. Or, How To Handle Another Holiday Alone

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Awww, don’t those bunnies look so cute and happy? …yeah, fuck them.

So here we are, its Easter and I’m alone again.  Living in a different country has been hard, but I honestly will say the hardest part is the being alone for holidays.   It is awful.  But, gonna muster through.  Gotta muster through.

One thing I will say about this is that I am SOOOOOOOOO looking forward to the next holiday Im at home for.  Hopefully Christmas, and maybe 4th Of July.  I have to admit, I will actually enjoy the day. I will enjoy being around my family and I won’t take it for advantage. 

~ Little side note here ->  Living in a different country has taught me to appreciate my family in general.  not being able to even call them or anything really makes me understand how hard some people have it.  I mean to have dead parents, or parents who are in jail, or just not there for whatever reason… it really must take a huge toll out of peoples lives. I have grown and learned to appreciate them so much more now.

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Ugh… the cuteness of these photos are enough to drive some to murder

 

But anyhow, lets talk about surviving the day while feeling lonely.  Its something we all go through, and some of us have that magical ability to feel alone, even when were around people.  So, lets talk loneliness in general.  

Today to make myself feel better I took a long shower… like a really long shower.  The kind that I’m sure makes environmental scientists want to hunt me down.  But there is something so soothing and calming about a shower. Also I have an iPod player that I hook up in my bathroom so i can listen to music in the shower and that makes it soooo nice.  I recommend everyone do that.  (Look its a holiday.  Holidays are the worst days to be alone, normally, I’m all about being eco-friendly, but today, fuck it.  fuck it all.  Pamper yourself till your skin is so pruned and gross you wanna vomit)

Also, Im going to watch a movie tonight.. a sappy one.  Which? Im not sure, but i guarantee its going to be a movie so annoyingly sappy that I will be embarrassed to say it later on.  But again, its a holiday.  Its all about doing things to make yourself happy and get through the day. And if that means you gotta watch a movie like Love Actually or Charlie St. Cloud then DO IT and grab a slice of cake while you’re at it!  

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Oh yeah, Elle Woods… I know, I know.   

This is what my night will look like.  Ill be on the couch, eating sweets… and most likely yelling at the TV.  Oh hey thats another thing that helps!  Yell at the TV! When you’re feeling down and you’re watching whatever sappy movie you choose, feel free to yell at the screen!  Like in Love Actually when that guy who plays Snape cheats on Emma Thompson.  be all like, “DUDE SNAPE!  YOURE A FUCKING IDIOT!  YOU’LL NEVER FIND ANYONE BETTER THAN HER”  and that will make you feel a bit better.

 

ok so lets review,  Were going to:

WATCH SAPPY MOVIE

EAT SWEETS (I recommend cake and pie)

YELL AT OUR TELEVISIONS

HAVE AN UNNECESSARILY LONG SHOWER JUST CUZ WE CAN

hoppy easter bitches, The Dark Horse 

AIRPORTS! Or,How flying can make you feel better!

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Seriously… Does anything make you feel either more excited or more dreadful than airports and flying?   For me, Im the excited type.  I love flying and airports and all that comes with it.  If you’re the type who dreads it Im here to change your mind.  In fact, Im here to talk about how I think flying can help people who have depression and anxiety feel better! 

For starters, just think of it.  You’re in an airport terminal.  Where are people going?  Another state?  Another country?  Another continent?   And why are they going?  What caused your paths to cross in the same terminal?  

The best thing about flying is that EVERYONE has a story!  

So, this brings me to RULE 1 of why air travel rocks and how it can make you feel better. Start a conversation.  Look, you’ve got a few hours with nothing to do.  Will it kill you to have some human interaction during that time? For me, I feel so lonely in life.  I feel so alone and isolated and I feel like i have no friends, so being stuck right next to complete strangers for is like heaven for me.  Start a conversation with them!!!!!  It helps you focus on something other than your internal thoughts (which, for everyone out there with depression or anxiety, it is our internal thoughts that end up driving us crazy).  

AND REMEMBER, EVEN IF THE CONVERSATION IS CRAZY, JUST EMBRACE IT! 

I remember one flight I talked to this man who worked for the now defunct car company Saturn and it was during their downfall and he was just losing it with his papers and was going on and on about how saturn was falling apart and the industry in general.  Granted, not the most uplifting conversation, but it was cool to hear the inside gossip of the auto industry especially during that time when shit was blowing up in their faces

I also had a conversation one time where this lady was spilling her guts about how her husband hadn’t had sex with her for four years but had a porn addiction and she thought he was secretly gay but her dad was a pastor so she couldn’t get a divorce and yadda yadda yadda.  That was a great flight.  I got off that plane like, FUCK my life is actually pretty damn good! 

But I’ve also had some really great conversations about politics and life and stuff with random strangers too! 

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And rule 2 would be to enjoy your time in the terminal.  Yes, security, lines, waiting, taking off your shoes and such can seem super annoying.  But do you have any idea that travel makes you a better person?  How it broadens your mind?  How it makes you experience new things?  I mean just think, there are people who have never flown before!  There are people who either don’t have the money or are just not inclined to leave the world they know.  Like back in my hometown in Ohio, I know some people who have never really left the state!  

It is such a mind opening experience seeing new things and meeting new people from all over, and airports are the way to do it!  When I’m waiting for my flight I always walk up and down all the terminals looking at all the call signs and seeing where the planes are going.  I mean seriously, how cool is it that you can walk down an isle and see one plane leaving for Toronto, another for Seattle, and then another for London.  Just look at all those people, all of them about to be scatted all over the globe, but for right now, for this moment… were all together. All in one little happy (well, sometimes unhappy) global family stuck in airport terminal!

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and finally comes rule 3.  and I might lose you guys on this one.  During the holidays especially, or anytime when you have a delay or something. EMBRACE IT?  just think, when your flight gets delayed at least you’re not alone! The other 200 people on your flight are going through the same thing!  Or say Thanksgiving weekend when the line is literally wrapped around the door.  Just remember you’re not the only one in that line!  Tons of other people are too.  I love that feeling of ‘were all in this together’.   Yes its annoying but hey talk about it!  Start bitching about it to the guy behind you!  He will love to join in!  its a way to take what some perceive as a lonely experience and it makes it communal.  EVERYONE hates when something wrong at an airport.  Just embrace the little airport family that you have at that moment.  Feel the rush of the moment.  The heightened senses!  Feel the crowd not as a danger or announce, but of a group that you’re finally a part of! 

 

Ok, so thats my little speech on air travel.  I hope others out there love flying as much as me!  Anyone else have any activates that make them feel good inside?  Let me know!