Y’all, look. Here in New York City we are about to be more than 2 months into lockdown. And I need to take a minute to lose my fucking mind because this entire situation is fucking insane…I hope you can all forgive me.
Ok, for starters – Why do humans suck? What if we were all puppies instead? Wouldn’t that be amazing? Wouldn’t life be so much better?
Also – wouldn’t this be the perfect time for an alien invasion? I mean really, if we all wanted to get our minds off the pandemic, what better way than for a superior race to come to Earth and kill us all?
The saddest part about that GIF is that New York is already destroyed… no aliens needed.
Also, do any of you have any post-pandemic plans? If we survive this, and if the world ever opens up again, and if we all don’t die in a recession-fueled riot or war, what will you do? What’s your post-pandemic dream?
Mine is simply to be able to go home and see my family again. How fucking sad is that?
All I want is the ability to go home. That kind of sentence is reserved for World War II novels…not life in 2020. This is just fucking insane.
You know what will make me feel better… another Gif about aliens destroying the world.
Take that you pig fuckers!
(sips my darjeeling tea and cackles like a fucking crazy recluse)
What if this is all a dream? I’d love to wake up and it be 2005 again. Back when I was young. Back when I thought the future would be better. Who knew that everything would only get worse. Eternally.
Better yet – Wouldn’t it be great to, like, be in college during the 90s? How amazing would life have been? Go to Smashing Pumpkin concerts. See Scream in theaters. Social media and a crazed Republican Party hadn’t yet ruined society…
Entering the job market before the recession…
Being able to experience the world before 9/11….
I was born too late.
This GIF speaks to me in more ways than one….
You know what we need right now? A man-eating animal. Did you know that in 1916 a shark went on a killing spree and killed a bunch of people? It even swam up a river in New Jersey, 30 miles inland from the Ocean. The shark got the nickname “The Jersey Man-eater”…. That instance inspired Jaws.
That’s what we need to get our minds off the pandemic. A good man-eating shark. Or tiger.
Ugh… Just imagine. Swimmers start vanishing, then suddenly, it’s discovered that a giant 25-foot Great White is stalking the shores and is thirsty for blood…. HUMAN BLOOD! Mwuahahahahahha!
Also, why am I so mad at humans right now? Is it because we brought this pandemic upon ourselves? Decades of environmental destruction, greed, selfishness, the systematic destruction of the public health system, and a total rebellion against science and education….
I think…. I think…. I think the evil within me is taking over….
I CAN’T STOP IT!!!!!
Ah! After 10,000 years I’m free! Time to conquer Earth!
Wow…. Even the evil that lives within me doesn’t want to deal with the world in 2020.
Oh well. I guess I’ll just keep drinking tea. Keep writing. And keep waiting and hoping for a better and brighter tomorrow.
~ The Darkhorse
(No, this wasn’t proofread. This was written out of pure trauma. You hear me? Trauma!)