Tag Archives: INFJ

THE LAWS OF ATTRACTION: A Primer

Law of Attraction

 

Alright bitches listen up.   This is Law Of Attraction 101.  Sit down and buckle up buttercup cuz were in for one hell of a ride.

The other day I saw a comment from someone who told me about the law of attraction.  Now, the law of attraction isn’t a new concept to me and probably isn’t to any of you out there.  But, it’s something I feel we often forget about or don’t think about and remember enough.  So let’s jump right in!

The principle of the law of attraction is that thoughts, intentions, and beliefs are forms of energy.  And like energies attract to each other.  So for all y’all non-science folk out there, what this means is:

If you think and create a positive atmosphere, you shall receive more positives.  If you create a negative atmosphere, you shall receive more negative.

So, to all my homies out there with depression and anxiety (what! what!) This is SUPER BAD NEWS FOR US because we have a tendency to get lost in the negative and are unable to come out of it.  And you know what DOUBLE SUCKS? A lot of us out there have good reason to be the way we are.  A lot of us have been trampled on by others.  We’ve been treated unfairly.  Perhaps have been through traumatic experiences that haunt us.   So managing to produce positivity into the world is a lot fucking harder said than done.

 

But lets all be real here…

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If these two fuckers can do it, then so can we.

 

Yeah Pierce Brosnan, enjoy your happy-ever-after you lucky bastard…  Ok ok ok wait.  This is wrong.  I need to be positive and happy.   Must produce good will amongst men and whatnot.

How about this chart?  Let’s see if this helps:

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Ok nowhere on this chart does it say that I have to be happy for Pierce Brosnan…

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Ok but lets be real here.  We need to remember to focus on the good in life.  On something big and meaningful. something good!  And then you need to try and achieve those goals with the most honest and kind intentions you can muster.   Even if others treat you poorly, don’t then also treat others poorly, because all you’re doing is creating another unhappy person on this planet.

 

Still don’t believe me?  Well let’s just see what some other people have to say…

 

 

Ever hear of a little fellow named Albert Einstein?

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How about a certain someone named Buddha?

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Or maybe a man named Pierce Brosn…..what wait what?

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Dammit Brosnan!  get out of my damn blog post!  …altought, great quote.

 

So there ya go people.  Just remember.  Produce good.  Receive Good.

 

The Dark Horse

 

Being INFJ During The Trump Era

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So is anyone else out there having a horrid, dying, rotting feeling inside?   Like you’re watching The Empire Strikes Back?  And you’re just watching the Empire somehow constantly win and destroy everything?

Yeah…. you’re not alone.  As INFJ’s we are in for 4 or 8 years of absolute hell.  Because Donald Cunt, I mean, Donald Trump, is everything we stand against.

 

But hey, sit down, pour yourself some tea, and refrain from killing yourself for at least 10 more minutes to read this post because you know what?  We are in this together and there is strength in numbers. 

Lets start with the problems of this pathetic presidency: 

For starters, as INFJ’s we have an inherent sense of altruism that runs through us.   Helping each other for the greater good, using kindness rather than hatred, and leaving society better than how found it, are how we live our lives.    In fact, many INFJ’s see helping people as their purpose in life.  Which is why so many go on to be humanitarians, therapists, and social provocateurs.   We are the movers and the shakers in this world because we KNOW that goodness wins.

So for us to watch this:

cunt1cunt2Detroit Area Mosques Vandalizedcunt4

 

 

This shit kills us inside.     Because another part of being INFJ means that we are very sensitive.   This sensitivity is what gives us our amazing sense of empathy and our ability to know true pain.   And people, let me tell you…knowing that this shit is happening in my country causes me to feel true pain.     What makes everything even worse is that this is SUCH A SMALL SAMPLE OF HOW MANY OF THESE HAVE HAPPENED SINCE THE ELECTION! 

In fact, the Southern Poverty Law Center has cited over 1,000 reports of Trump-related hate crimes since the election.    It is fucking sickening.

 

 

Furthermore, INFJ’s have a great sense of intuition.   In fact,introverted intuition is our dominant trait. Just as birds somehow know to migrate in the winter over thousands of miles, we have an inherent and seemingly unearthly ability to just know things.

And people, I knew long before this happened…..

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….. That Donald Trump shouldn’t be president.    And I have a feeling most of you did too.

Which is what crushed us so heavily during this election.  We, already knowing what a crap-basket this man was, had to sit and watch him constantly do and say horrible things like:

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and this:

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and this:

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And dear God…there are literally so many more…

We had to sit there, watching that, as we heard half of the country praise this man.   It was honestly heartbreaking for me.

SO NOW I’M SURE YOU’RE ASKING:

IS THERE ANY GOOD NEWS?

Well, there is.  Because as INFJ’s we come from a long line of amazing people who have literally turned this world upside down.    Recognize any of these fellow INFJ’s?

 

Thats right people!   We are the people who change this damn world.  And you know what, if Donald wants to try to ruin this country you can bet your sweet ass that we will be there to try our hardest to stop him.   And always remember, The Empire Strikes back was followed by Return Of The Jedi.  Because c’mon…. evil can’t win.  Especially when you’re as stupid and careless as our current president-elect.

Remember to stay strong, you’re not alone in your pain and misery, and above all else try to change this world for the better!   Sign petitions, go to protests, treat others the way you’d like to be treated, and dear fucking god vote in 2020 and hopefully we may still have something resembling a country afterwards.

 

KICK SOME ASS PEOPLE! 

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~ The Dark Horse

(no this wasn’t proofread… Donald Trump can’t even read so theres no need proofreading this for him)

There Is Always Hope

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Ugh…. yes I’m annoyed to say, but somehow, hope always prevails.  Its the one thing that gets us through the hard times.  That little fucker that somehow keeps us all going…. even when some of us (myself included) would just wish it would go away so I could kill myself without regrets.  But nope.  That shit doesn’t fly.   There is that little engine that could living within us.

Honestly, hope is like the sun.    This spinning, raging, burning combustion.   From seemingly nowhere, nuclear fusion gives birth energy.   Its gravitational force pulls your soul into its orbit.  keeping it alive.  Keeping warm.   When all else is gone we somehow keep going, all thanks to hope.   Breathing life into a lifeless void.

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Its been over a month since Ive last blogged.  I have been going through a lot.

Back in September I moved back home….ugh…

with my parents…..UUUUGGGHHHH

….IN OHIO.  KILL ME PLEASE! 

So I was going through the normal things a 26 year old who moved back home would go through.  “Im a failure”.  “My life has been a waste”.   And then suddenly the election happened and I learned that half of America are raging hateful idiots who elected a man who looks like one of those puppets from the Land Of Confusion music video.

ITS GREAT TO BE BACK IN AMERICA PEOPLE…cough

However, I learned something as well.   People are not there for you.   You are the only person who can make your dreams come true.  Here I am.  26, with a college education.  I have lived around the world… and yet, I’m working in retail at American Eagle with a bunch of Republicans who think their cousin getting married is the highlight of their year…..

I stopped blogging I was so depressed.   I stopped trying to make friends here (although lets be honest, this is Ohio…I never clicked with anyone here anyways).   I could feel my anxiety coming back into the picture.   I was so depressed I just wanted to sleep all day every day.

but then….

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I could feel it.   The burning.  The power.  The raging source of life that somehow manages to exist despite the world trying to constantly beat it down.

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So, I decided to take life into my own hands.  I decided I was going to stop feeling like I wasn’t good enough.  Like I didn’t deserve happiness.   So, I did what any logical person would do:

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I applied to Harvard, duh.

If I’m going to get my shit together and believe that I’m not a wasted life, well then I’m going to just have to believe that I’m one of the best.   Think of the opportunities this could lead to!  The people I could meet.  The doors that could open.  Im ready to be challenged.  To be the best I can be.  IM READY TO SET THIS FUCKING WORLD ON FIRE (metaphorically of course).

But seriously, for undergrad I went to a preppy little college in Los Angeles as a communications major where class would be canceled because the professor decided to go to the beach… and now I may be at Harvard. A real college.  Surrounded by the best and brightest in the world.   ….. wait…. do you know who I sound like?

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And you know what?  Elle Woods is a fucking inspiration for the children so leave her the fuck alone!  She’s awesome!

 

And Im ready for her to pass the baton to me.  Its my turn to turn Harvard on its head and change the fucking world.

AND I SOOOOOOOOO HOPE THAT PEOPLE LOOK AT ME AND GO, “YOU GOT INTO HARVARD?”  SO I CAN RESPOND WITH:

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So thats it people!   Life works in mysterious ways.   And sometimes we REALLY DO need to just believe in ourselves.   I mean hey, if were on the verge of giving up on life anyways whats the harm in giving it your all before you truly give up?

 

And remember when the dumb cunts in life try to bring you down just remember:

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Rock on bitches and never proofread your posts!  Write with passion not precision!

~THE DARK HORSE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop Dreading The Future!

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When you think of the future does it look like this?

 

I know mine does.   Sometimes I lie in bed at night and can’t sleep and all thats going through my head is:

~ Im going to never have a job that makes me happy

~ I will never find friends who like me for who I am

~ I will never be in love for as long as I live

~ Im going to get stuck working 50 to 60 hours a week like my parents and my life will be nothing more than slaving away for a corporation that doesn’t care about me, and my job will bring me no pleasure

~ I will gain weight and be unhealthy just like every other American stuck in the rat race of their mundane fucking lives

~ Everything I find meaningful in life: A life lived to fullest, changing the world, adventure, love, friendship, travel, and being larger than life….it will never happen.  its a dream and nothing more.

 

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Just like Godzilla destroying Japan, after a few minutes in bed suddenly any hope I have for life is crushed, destroyed, trampled, and left lifeless.

BUT WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES?

Well I think a big part of it is other people.    When we tell our dreams and hopes to others, for some reason they LOVE TO PLAY DEVILS ADVOCATE.

You:  Hey I really want to write a book about my experiences in life, I think it could really relate to a lot people out there who are struggling.

Others:  Do you know how many books actually get published?  You have a 1 in 100,000 chance.

Is writing really a stable career?

Are you even a good writer?

Im just worried….. Its nothing against you, Im just looking out for your best interest….

You: …..(walks into bedroom and decides to just not live the day because watching a movie under the covers will inspire you more than any actual human in your life will).

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE?  

TELL

THEM

TO

FUCK

OFF

 

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Thats right, be more like Cookie, and put those cunts in their place.

 

For real, think about it.  Listen to any person who achieved great success:  actors, writers, advocates, politicians, ANYONE…. When they give interviews do they sit there and go:

“Why oh yes, I told my family I wanted to direct films and they were always supportive and everyone I ever encountered in life believed in me.  My first day in LA I got a job at a studio because they just thought I was talented and loved me…”

 No.

They give interviews and say things like:

“Nobody ever thought Id be anything more than a waiter.   I was in New York living in poverty for 5 years before anything good happened, and there were so many days when I thought they were all right and I should just give up”

 

Think about this, Steven Spielberg was rejected from the film school at USC…  yeah suck on that USC.

 

 

We control our future.   We have the power.  Not your parents, or your friends, or your boss.   I don’t care if your dream is to be a writer or an actor.  Or if its something like wanting a career change from finance to medicine.  Or if you’re in a dead marriage and you want to better yourself and get out of it.

WHATEVER YOUR STRUGGLE IS RGHT NOW.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL.

IT IS YOUR LIFE!

 

So the next time you talk to someone and they are telling to

BE REALISTIC….

GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE CLOUDS…

STOP DREAMING….

Just say:

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Did that little shit not take the hint?  Still bothering you?  Still trying to bring you down to their level?  Well just remember you’re the bigger person here.  You are following your dreams.  Sometimes you just gotta smack a ho!

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Alright Cookie, show us one more time what we should do to people who doubt us?

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Damn straight bitches!   Sometimes you gotta show em you mean business.

 

Just remember, its your life.  If your friends and family want to take the safe road and stay in their jobs, and keep their life, and then desperately try to live it up on the weekends because its the only time in the week when their lives are actually theirs…. then let them.

But you don’t have to live that way if you don’t want to.    Chasing your dreams is the most admirable thing you can do in life.  just think what the world could be like if we were all living the lives we wanted.  Think of the innovation we could have, the peace the world could achieve, the excitement that could exist everyday.

 

Live it up bitches!

~ The Dark Horse

75% proofread!   ya baby!

 

 

 

 

 

Having Depression In The ‘Real World’

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Grab your latte’s people! Put on those heels ladies!  Men, tighten that tie!   Its time for the morning commute.  You’re about to head into your business for that glorious 9 or 10 hour day of yours.   You know, that one you have to have five times in a row before you get two days just to catch from all the time you weren’t living for the previous five?

Yes thats right.  We live in a world of a bunch of ants marching.  Mindlessly.  Working day in and day out.  Building that massive ant hive for the queen (which in our our world is normally referred to as the “the man”).

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But why?  Why do so many people get stuck in these jobs they don’t even want?   These entry level jobs that were supposed to just give them experience… but somehow transitioned into the “career”.     The lifelong pursuit to avoid the office drama, suck up to the boss, achieve that bonus, get that promotion, and use the money to buy the house, the car, and then eventually, to pay for the kids they now have.

 

Now if anyone out there reading this has a great life that they love then I have to say I really admire you.   You are one of the lucky few and can disregard everything this post says.  For everyone else out there:

WWWWWWHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY???????????

Why is this our lives?  And why is this the life that we teach our children to have?   Do you guys really want your kids to repeat your stories?   To not chase their dreams?

I know this is how the world works because this is how people have treated me.  Constantly telling me to be reasonable.  To think about how much money a job makes.  To think about settling down….

SETTLING DOWN????  IM 26 YEARS OLD!  

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And you know whats so crazy?  People who live in my hometown in Ohio are settled down already at 26.  And to me thats fucking crazy.  Like kids I went to high school with are now working their 9-5 at some bank, going home to make dinner for their kid, and then settling down to watch whatever Primetime show is on that night…..

WHAT THE FUCK.   When watching this week’s episode of The Bachelor becomes the highlight of my day I will take a bullet to the face.

But why am I talking about this?  Why is this such a big deal to me?

Well, because I have depression.  I have anxiety.  I never fit in socially with others.  I always had these big dreams.   Ive always wanted to live life.  Not be a passive little fucker.

And all I have had in my life has been a bunch of people who tell me no.

Settle Down

Grown Up

The World Doesn’t Work LikeThat 

This Is The Real World

BLAH BLAH BLAH….

But you know what, I have some news for you,

This annoying hipster fucker was right…..There is no such thing as the real world.

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Play this:

In his song No Such Thing, JohnBoy here actually tells it for how it is….  This “Real World” that I’m constantly told will eat me alive isn’t real.   There is no certain way that life works.  This “way” that all the normal people somehow have inside knowledge of.  Some world where we outcasts can’t comprehend.

The “real world” is a bunch of scared people who settled and now live a fractured life.  A life that only makes them sort-of happy.   They then try to achieve their happiness by doing things and buying things.   Buying new goods to make them feel richer, smarter, and prettier.   By trying to appease the pretty people they work with.  By going to bars and pissing the weekend away being drunk.    They are constantly stuck in the rat race of life.   But they run in a maze with no exit.

This isn’t a rat race they’re in.  It’s more of a Hunger Games.

There is no good outcome.

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And obviously when people are scared and holding themselves back what do they do?  They try to make sure nobody else lives the life they don’t have.   They love going on and on about the dangers of taking the road less taken.  They love telling you how scary and hard your life may be.   How you may even end up unaccomplished and in poverty.  How you may never make good money.

But take a step back and really look at the Western World.   How many people do you know who smoke?  Or are overweight?  Maybe even have diabetes?  Is there seriously anyone reading this who hasn’t lost a family member to cancer or heart disease?

They sit there and tell people not to branch out because its wrong, but if you look at them you can see they’re slowly dying themselves.

 

Well you know what, tomorrow is my last day at work. I am terrified but also excited.  Im about to branch out in life.  Im about to go and try to live.  Not die.

Think of all the scientists out there.  The authors and actors.  The designers.   The people who are working with Doctors Without Borders in Africa saving people’s live every single day.

If all of them listened to the commoner who told them not to branch out…. WHERE THE FUCK WOULD THE WORLD BE?

There are people out there who are living happy, exciting, and enriching lives.

AND DAMMIT PEOPLE I WANT TO BE ONE OF THEM!

And to anyone who wants to put me down?  Well….

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Without dreamers this world would suck!  So keep on dreamin’!

 

~ The Dark Horse

…..This post was not proof read.  It was written aggressively and passionately.  And aggression and passion and terrible at proofreading  DUH!

I Have Seen A Better Life (How To Overcome Depression)

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So, a few days ago I just got back from a three week trip to Asia.    And people, let me tell you;  It literally changed my life.  And I’m not saying this in some kind of 19-year-old-girl-who -just-did-a-study-abroad annoying way (because we all know how annoying they are).  Im saying this in a genuine truly deep and sincere way.

While in Asia we were on our feet all day, everyday.  Whether it was climbing waterfalls, hiking ridges, walking through cities, or simply enjoying a stroll along the beach with a coconut in hand.   During my time in Asia my depression and anxiety were completely gone.  Literally.

GONE.

Like, Zero.  Nonexistent, Elvis Had Left The Building! 

And I think I know the answer as to why.    Here in Auckland Im not living.  I have a job that I hate and that honestly pays like shit. It isn’t what I want either.  My job is meaningless.  It isn’t challenging, nor is it creative, nor is it filled with adventure, nor does it change the world.  It is literally everything I dreaded that would happen to my life.  A stagnant meaningless pile of shit.

 I have no real friends here.

 I’m not in a relationship here.

So why am I here? 

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In Bali, one of the places we stayed on the trip (and probably the most life-changing).  There were rice farmers who, by western standards, make salve wages.

But you know what?  They’re so much more satisfied with this life than most of us in our well-payed Western Countries.   After their work day you would just see groups of friends laying on the side of the road talking.   Surrounded by their scooters and the stray dogs that roam much of Bali.    Talking.  Laughing.  Enjoying life.   They live in a horribly oppressive and corrupt country.  They literally earn pennies compared to what we earn.   But then you just look at them;  Their smiles.  Their joy of just living.    You can’t help but realize, that were the ones who are missing out in life.

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From talking with many of the locals what I’ve learned about Balinese culture is that they have very intense and strong bonds with their families and friends.   Life for them isn’t a rat race like it is for us.  It isn’t about making money to get more material goods to impress your next door neighbors.   It isn’t about men buying sports cars to be the alpha male.  It isn’t about spending a thousand dollars on a Vegas trip so you can fuck some girl at the “coolest club in town”.

Life for them is still a very deep and personal one.

It honestly was beautiful.    We, as tourists, have completely changed Bali.   We have transformed parts of the coast into tourist playgrounds.   We fuel an illegal drug trade into the island, and certain tourists treat the locals similar to how the American South treated slaves.   They treat the locals like “the help”.   And despite all that, every local will smile at you.  They will wave.   If they know English they will even greet you with a “Hello”.

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Furthermore, it was an adventure.  Travel always brings out an increased sense of emotion.   Everything is so new.  So bright.  So vibrant.    It always brings out the inner-child inside of you.  That person that you’ve lost from the wave after wave of shit in your life.

So, I’m proud to say that I’m leaving New Zealand.   The day after I got back from my trip I told my job I was quitting.   Im going to be heading back to America for a few months to see family and gather my thoughts.  Then, I’m going to work towards a goal.  A goal I should have always worked towards because deep down its what I always knew I wanted. I was just too afraid to do it.

I want to do travel writing.   I love travel. I love the industry of travel: Airlines, airports, hotels.  I love the culture of travel:  Meeting all the new people and seeing all the new things.  I love the adventure of travel:  The good and the bad that creates life-long memories.

From there I would love to do Ted Talks and write books about mental illness.   Talk about how I struggle with mental illness but that I don’t let it stop me.  Because you know what people, WHY ARE WE LETTING IT STOP US????????

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Every day we don’t live our lives.   Every time we decide to not do something.   All because of mental illness….  Well, the mental illness wins.

Play this and then continue reading!

Just look at me.   In 2013 I was living in Australia and my depression, the depression I’ve lived with since I was 10, consumed me to the point where I broke out in anxiety.   Which led to health anxiety and agoraphobia.    I was collapsing on street corners.  I got fired from my job for being too mentally unstable.   At one point I couldn’t even leave my apartment. And look at me now:

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That photo is of me standing in Ubud, Bali looking out into the beauty of the world.

There is no reason for us to not live our lives.   Whats the worst that can happen?  We die?   Well listen up people, if we never live to begin with then were already dead inside.

AND FUCK THAT.

You and me, were better than that.  We have experienced such intense pain in the world.   Pain a lot of people don’t get.   But you know what, if we have the capacity to feel intense pain, it also means we have the ability to feel intense joy.

And if you ever tell yourself you can’t do it, remember my words:

WE CAN DO THIS.  I FUCKING PROMISE.

If I can go from almost dying in 2013 to traveling the world in 2015 then I guarantee you that you can make it through the day.   Its all about baby steps people.  One foot in front of the other.  Then suddenly, we start to move a bit quicker.   And quicker.   And then at one point you’ll look down and realize you’re running.   Faster than you ever thought possible.

As you look up, you’ll see you’re friends running beside you.   Maybe they’re old friends.  Or maybe they’re ones you haven’t met yet.  You are laughing.   You are smiling.   In front of you is that departure gate for your flight.   As you board the plane you’ll feel absolutely nothing but joy.   You’re about to take off.  Into the sun.   Into your new life.  A life of excitement, adventure, and the real you.

Fly High People!

~The Dark Horse

(And no this wasn’t proofread!  This was written with emotion!!! You can’t proofread emotion!  …Well I guess you could….but I didn’t!   BAM!)