Tag Archives: inspiration

A Delusional Coronavirus Lockdown Rant

going crazy

Y’all, look. Here in New York City we are about to be more than 2 months into lockdown. And I need to take a minute to lose my fucking mind because this entire situation is fucking insane…I hope you can all forgive me.

Ok, for starters – Why do humans suck? What if we were all puppies instead? Wouldn’t that be amazing? Wouldn’t life be so much better?

Also – wouldn’t this be the perfect time for an alien invasion? I mean really, if we all wanted to get our minds off the pandemic, what better way than for a superior race to come to Earth and kill us all?

empire state building explosion

The saddest part about that GIF is that New York is already destroyed… no aliens needed.

Also, do any of you have any post-pandemic plans? If we survive this, and if the world ever opens up again, and if we all don’t die in a recession-fueled riot or war, what will you do? What’s your post-pandemic dream?

Mine is simply to be able to go home and see my family again. How fucking sad is that? 

All I want is the ability to go home. That kind of sentence is reserved for World War II novels…not life in 2020. This is just fucking insane.

You know what will make me feel better… another Gif about aliens destroying the world.

US Bank Tower explosion

Take that you pig fuckers!

(sips my darjeeling tea and cackles like a fucking crazy recluse) 

What if this is all a dream? I’d love to wake up and it be 2005 again. Back when I was young. Back when I thought the future would be better. Who knew that everything would only get worse. Eternally.

Better yet – Wouldn’t it be great to, like, be in college during the 90s? How amazing would life have been? Go to Smashing Pumpkin concerts. See Scream in theaters. Social media and a crazed Republican Party hadn’t yet ruined society…

Entering the job market before the recession…

Being able to experience the world before 9/11….

ugh.

I was born too late.

White house explosion

This GIF speaks to me in more ways than one….

You know what we need right now? A man-eating animal. Did you know that in 1916 a shark went on a killing spree and killed a bunch of people? It even swam up a river in New Jersey, 30 miles inland from the Ocean. The shark got the nickname “The Jersey Man-eater”…. That instance inspired Jaws.

That’s what we need to get our minds off the pandemic. A good man-eating shark. Or tiger.

Jaws

Ugh… Just imagine. Swimmers start vanishing, then suddenly, it’s discovered that a giant 25-foot Great White is stalking the shores and is thirsty for blood…. HUMAN BLOOD! Mwuahahahahahha! 

Also, why am I so mad at humans right now? Is it because we brought this pandemic upon ourselves? Decades of environmental destruction, greed, selfishness, the systematic destruction of the public health system, and a total rebellion against science and education….

Ugh.

Fucking humans.

I think…. I think…. I think the evil within me is taking over….

I can’t…

I CAN’T STOP IT!!!!!

 

Rita Repulsa

Ah! After 10,000 years I’m free!  Time to conquer Earth!

 

rita repulsa

Wow…. Even the evil that lives within me doesn’t want to deal with the world in 2020.

Oh well. I guess I’ll just keep drinking tea. Keep writing. And keep waiting and hoping for a better and brighter tomorrow.

 

~ The Darkhorse

(No, this wasn’t proofread. This was written out of pure trauma. You hear me? Trauma!)

 

 

GIFs That Get Me Through The Day

RuPaul

During trying times like these, it’s important to have a release. Whether it be something funny, something relatable, or something so absurd that it’s distracting enough to take you away from how dire life has become.

And currently, since I’m trapped here in NYC during lockdown, there’s not much in the world to excite me…Which is why I always turn to some ever-classic GIFs to help get me through the roughest days. here are some of my favs:

 

 

When people doubt you, and it’s time to show em’ who’s boss…

explosion

 

The look you give when someone has the audacity to call you weird…

Sharon Needles

 

 

The GIF I watch since I have nobody to cuddle with during lockdown…

puppy cuddles

 

 

The face I make when I go outside and realize that nobody
is social distancing…

not impressed

 

 

Me overhearing my roommate have massive drama with
her petty friends on Zoom…

spill the tea

 

 

That poor seal…

great white shark

 

 

We all entered 2020 with high hopes…

Jurassic Prk Gate

 

 

What 2020 has actually been like….

Jusrassic Park T Rex

 

~ The Dark Horse

When the Sun Comes Out: Weather and Your Mood

sunny day

Isn’t it crazy how a little bit of sun and warmth can change everything?

Today, even in New York City, the sun is shining and it’s finally “warm”. Ok, it isn’t warm, but isn’t freezing either, and that’s a great start.

Anyways, the point is – Even though I’m living in one of the pandemic’s hardest hit neighborhoods in the hardest hit city in the hardest hit country in the entire world… Damn, a little bit of sunshine really fucking helps make me feel better.

When It’s sunny out, I feel like things are possible. Sure, they suck right now. Sure, the entire economy has collapsed, NYC will never be the same, I could lose my job at any point, my parens could get sick and die, and… I’M GOING TO STOP MYSELF RIGHT THERE!

Deep breath.

Look out at the sunshine. 

sunshine

Where was I… Right. so, point is, the sunshine at least gives me hope that something better is on the horizon. It gives me energy and makes me feel better.

And I truly do hope that better things are on the horizon. Unfortunately, it appears that the horizon is far off…well over a year away. In the meantime, all we can do is stay safe, stay healthy, and try to be close to our loved ones. The sunshine, at least, gives me hope that that is possible.

So, to anyone out there needing a pick-me-up. Go outside (safely) and take a deep breath underneath the sunshine. Let its warmth wrap around you. Let its power give you energy.

And, um… If it isn’t sunny wherever you are today…Well, you’re fucked. I suggest you go inside, give yourself a punk haircut, find whatever black clothes you own and put them on (yes, all at once), blast some Marilyn Manson, and embrace the darkness within.

marilyn manson

 

Rock on,

~ The Dark Horse

SPRING IS ALMOST HERE!

early spring

It’s March.

I’m sick with the flu. But Its March. So it’s ok. Spring is almost here. Winter is almost gone. Oh god oh god oh god… DEEP BREATH… I’m just so thankful. I don’t want to be dramatic or anything, but I swear winter is the most oppressive force known to man. All the darkness. The cold. And the colds. During January and February, I spend the entire two months feeling like I’m struggling just to live. Like every breath is harder and harder to take.

drowning

Ok, I promised I wouldn’t be dramatic.

But it’s soooooo hard! Winter fucking sucks. Winter is honestly the worst thing that’s ever happened to planet Earth. And sure, sure… I know. We need winter. The preserved water held in ice and snowpack on mountains that thaws slowly through the rest of spring and summer is what provides fresh water to numerous plats and animals all over the world…

BUT DEAR SWEET LORD! IS THERE NO BETTER WAY? 

Or, government of Singapore, if you’re reading this, can I please have a visa to live in your country? I will gladly live in 85 degree weather forever and ever til’ death do we part!

springtime

But, It’s March. Let us not forget this! IT IS MOTHERFUCKING MARCH! Soon, the weather will warm. Trees will bloom. Cold and flu season will die ( YESSS DIE YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!!) and I won’t have to bundle under layer upon layer just to go do anything.

I’m currently living in this converted warehouse in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, so It’s always cold (at least during the winter) so I even have to bundle up just to go pee.

Goals for Spring – No longer have the flu. And move out of Brooklyn.

To where? who knows. Perhaps Manhattan? Or perhaps halfway around the world?

~ The Dark Horse

 *** Not proofread, still sick (with the FLU I might add… where’s my pity?) so therefore, by rule of blogging, I don’t have to proofread ***

 

 

 

 

 

So, I Kind of Lied

brooklyn boulders

So, I have a confession to make. In the last post, I mentioned that I had to go to indoor rock climbing with my new friend. I had said I didn’t want to go because of how expensive it was and because of how annoying all the indoor rock climbing people are.

And don’t get me wrong, that’s all true. But that wasn’t the real reason why I was dreading it so much. The truth is, I was afraid. There’s a lot that I haven’t done in my life. Since nobody talked to me growing up, and since I had to deal with the panic attacks and agoraphobia…my life has been quite small. There’s a lot I have never done.

And nobody is good at things they’ve never done before. So, my real fear was that I was going to fail. I was terrified of having a fear of heights on the huge walls, or of being too weak to pull myself up. I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of my new friend, especially since its’s practically impossible for me to make friends. I also didn’t want to have a panic attack while I was three stories up on a climbing wall.

I was fearing the worst.

rock climbing

I couldn’t stop thinking about spending $50 just to have a horrible night and wind up losing a friend because of what a total pussy I am.

But, I’m proud to say that I did it. And the night went well. And I climbed to the very top of the wall (granted, it was on the Level 1 rock wall) BUT, STILL! I was there, dammit! 

I climbed that Level 1 wall and made it my bitch.

I also felt very emotional after. I say this all the time. Life after agoraphobia is like being born a second time. You find yourself having your “firsts” all over again. Your first walk around the block. Your first trip to the grocery store. Your first ride on the subway. And still, even five years after agoraphobia, I still find myself having these firsts.

But granted, nowadays, they’re things like “First time speaking at a podium” and “First time to London” and “First time indoor rock climbing.”  I’ve come a very long way from that apartment in Melbourne, where I was all alone, making my very first walk down Clarke Street.

indoor rock climbing gif

First steps lead to first climbs I suppose.

 

~ The Dark Horse

Roswell, New Mexico is Making Me Feel Lots of Stuff…

rsowell

So, you all know that the CW brought back a remake (of sorts) of the old 90’s show Roswell, right? The new show, Roswell, New Mexico, is so good. Am I embarrassed to admit this? Sure…. No, actually, not really. This show has me acting like a 14-year-old girls, and listen up bitches, I don’t give a fuck.

OH MY GOD.

I have been binging a few episodes a day for the past week, and I am an emotional firestorm right now.

Ok, so the show is about 3 aliens who crashed in the Roswell incident, but was kept in stasis for years. Now, they’re all like 29 or 30 or something. The main alien, Max, is in love with Liz. Liz gets shot in a hate crime, and Max brings her back to life because he’s always loved her.

Max Roswell

Oh my God….. In the original show, Max was my crush. oh-meh-gawwww he made me so giddy. I had such a crush on him. Also, I should mention, I watched the original series during my time in Australia. Back when I was agoraphobic, stuck in my apartment. This show almost singlehandedly saved my life. It made me feel so much emotion in a time when all I felt was dread. I owe the original series so much.

But the new show… In the new show, we find out that Max’s bad boy brother, Michael, is actually gay (squeal!) Actually… I think I saw a photo of him having sex with a girl… so I think in the coming episodes he’s going to turn out to be bi or pansexual or something… sigh. But for now, he’s gay. And he’s a kick-ass gay. And he’s the bad boy cowboy of my dreams.

michael roswell

Oh sweet Lord.

Oh.

my.

sweet.

dear.

lord.

above.

Oh Lawd!, I’m feeling the vapors! Somebody catch me, I’m gonna’ faint!

faint

But aside from the the hot man candy in the show, it’s just great in general. It’s larger than life. It’s got aliens. Epic chases. Adventure. Friendship. Love.

It’s everything the teenage me never got to experience, and you know what, I don’t mind indulging in it now. I’m allowed to. I missed out on too much life then, so I’m allowed to be 29 watching shows for teenagers now. Deal with it.

Throughout the week I’ve felt such a rush of… well, feeling human. Kind of funny. A show about aliens helps me feel human. But, it does. It makes me feel excited. it makes me feel horny. It makes me have a crush. It makes me want my life to be more fulfilled.

roswell new mexico

Look, I get inspired in there weirdest of places, and I don’t give a fuck. As long as it happens. The show is making me determined to be more social. I want to find a cute boy. I think I’m allowed that. And I want to keep striving for adventure.

I have completely melted into a dumbass teenager. But who knows, maybe that’s good sometimes. Sometimes, maybe we all need to remember the joy, the rush and the excitement we felt when we were young. Being an adult is hard. It zaps all our energy. It’s full of pain and stress. Feeling young again is good for you, right? So, stay home tonight, put on Roswell and geek out.

~ The Dark Horse