Tag Archives: life

Life Really Can Get Better. You Just Need To Try (God, It Sounds Cliche, But It Works)



So, this is super annoying, but my life is quickly getting better.  Like, so quickly it’s actually making me mad.  I’m mad that I sat in a shell for so long.  That I feared life.  That I doubted myself.  That I didn’t take risks and go out a limb simply because I believed others when they said I was worth nothing.


So for anyone who is reading this blog for the first time, I just started taking classes at Harvard last month.  Im brand new to Boston.  And yet in this one month I have started classes, Ive started writing a novel, and I just got offered a job to write the social media for a company here…. WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE?  





Why Didn’t I decide to start writing a novel sooner?  Ive been blogging for like 3 years.  It isn’t like I haven’t had the desire to write.   In fact I’ve had story ideas just sitting in my mind for years.  What have I been doing?


Is it possible that things can go well?  That maybe the world is colorful? 




That maybe the bad guys don’t win at the end?  

I’m still just so fucking annoyed that I sat and believed for so long that nothing good could ever happen to me.  I believed with ALL OF MY HEART that I wasn’t worth anything.  That I failed because I deserved to fail.   That I was just better off dead.   That was the only reason I could think of as to why people kept telling me I was worth nothing.

But you know what, maybe there are other reasons?

~ Maybe because I decided to be myself and not follow the norm, the road wasn’t paved with signs telling me where to go… well the road wasn’t even paved.   Thats just part of being different.

~ Maybe people felt jealous or threatened that I wanted more for my life than a boring 9-5 where I had to drink my weekends away just to cope.

~ Maybe all those failures kept showing me what paths not to go down.  Maybe they were learning experiences?  Maybe thats just life process of anyone who follows the beat of their own drum?

So what can I say to you people who are reading this? 

Well for starters. Don’t give up.  NEVER EVER GIVE UP.

Don’t listen to the people who put you down.  This world is full of hateful people.  They have their issues and reasons as to why they’re such assholes, and none of them should matter to you.  let them go rot in their own filth.  Don’t become one of them.

Remember that you’re talented and smart and can do anything.  Any of us who go trough the day with depression, anxiety, or any other mental problems are so strong.   We have to deal with the shit the common man can’t even comprehend. So remember, if you have the strength to get out of bed, you have the strength to change the world.


This world can be bright and colorful.  Just like the picture above.  We just need to remember to rock shit out, and never take no for an answer.




Life is short, don’t waste anymore of it.

~ The Dark Horse





The After-Christmas Blues



Ugh….  The Christmas music is gone.  The family has all parted ways… The presents have been opened… and now here we are.  Stuck with the post-christmas lows.


Its always weird for me.   Everyone always acts so busy at the holidays.    Like, “Oh I just couldn’t possibly stay any longer, I just have so much to do I have to go right now!”

Does anyone else feel like thats how everyone is?  Even at the family Christmas there are people who come, eat the food, and then are like, “Ok everyone we have to go, bye!”.   And I’m like… Where exactly is everyone going all the time?

If you’re going to come into town Christmas eve night and leave at 8am the day after Christmas what exactly are you even coming home for?     Like, seriously people… if you’re lives are so full-on that actually breaking away from your job for JUST 1 DAY  is now a chore, don’t come home!



But as I grow older thats how life has become.   Christmas is this whirlwind now consisting of 1 day.  Where I hear nothing but family complaining about how tired the holidays make them, how busy they are, how quickly they have to rush out right after Christmas…. and then before you know it, its December 26.  Everyone is gone.  The mad dash to go somewhere else is in full-swing.

We spend 2 months putting up lights, listening to Christmas carols, buying presents, baking cookies….. all for one day where EVERYONE ON EARTH just complains about how tired these two months have made them.  How they’re just too stressed right now… and how they have to leave immediately.

Well human population:  You’re negativity, lack of enthusiasm, and commitment to your jobs which must be working you 60 or 70 hours a week with how much you complain about them, has left me now tired, depressed, and empathetic.

Your Christmas has ruined mine.  I hope you’re happy.  

And now you’re all gone.  Back to your jobs which you hate so much.   Back to paying off your mortgages, your kids, your cars, and the presents you couldn’t afford.    You’re back to living your lives you complain about so much.     And Why? 


Now don’t get me wrong.  Im not some unemployed welfare muncher.  I work as well.    And no, I don’t like my job.  But you know what people, I’m doing sometime about it.  Im going back to school.  Ive never invested in things that would keep me tied down to consumerist culture like buying a house, buying the newest car, or  the crappy gadgets that don’t do anything (talkin’ to you fitbit and apple watch people).     Because without having any of that hanging over my head I’m free to switch up my life.  Im free to change things.  Im not tied down.  I don’t have anything looming over my head.   I am not happy with my life, and therefore I am changing it.  You people are not happy with your lives, and yet you just sit in your filth.   You tie yourself down.   You get stuck, trapped, and captured.

Then this one time of year comes around meant for family, fun, and friendship.   It could be so beautiful.  The lights, the trees, the time spent together….but no.   Instead you’re so frazzled that the holidays have become a pathetic spectacle.   Christmas is now just one more day in your life that has clearly become so boring, so routine, and mundane that you just could’t give a fuck anymore.

And thats sad.     And it makes me sad.    And what makes it even worse is that you’re all convinced thats just how life is.   Working a job that doesn’t really make you happy is something you believe everyone just does.    Buying too many presents for people who don’t actually need them is just part of the season.   Getting fatter and fatter every year is just part of getting older…and so on and so on.    If your 15 yr old self saw you right now, what would they think?

Apparently to most of you, adulthood is the end of your life.   All you have is the memories of your youth now.

I don’t want that as my life.    And I’m sorry that so many of you have let that become you.

Sorry for the horribly negative post, just something Ive been noticing.

~ The Dark Horse

Stop Dreading The Future!


When you think of the future does it look like this?


I know mine does.   Sometimes I lie in bed at night and can’t sleep and all thats going through my head is:

~ Im going to never have a job that makes me happy

~ I will never find friends who like me for who I am

~ I will never be in love for as long as I live

~ Im going to get stuck working 50 to 60 hours a week like my parents and my life will be nothing more than slaving away for a corporation that doesn’t care about me, and my job will bring me no pleasure

~ I will gain weight and be unhealthy just like every other American stuck in the rat race of their mundane fucking lives

~ Everything I find meaningful in life: A life lived to fullest, changing the world, adventure, love, friendship, travel, and being larger than life….it will never happen.  its a dream and nothing more.




Just like Godzilla destroying Japan, after a few minutes in bed suddenly any hope I have for life is crushed, destroyed, trampled, and left lifeless.


Well I think a big part of it is other people.    When we tell our dreams and hopes to others, for some reason they LOVE TO PLAY DEVILS ADVOCATE.

You:  Hey I really want to write a book about my experiences in life, I think it could really relate to a lot people out there who are struggling.

Others:  Do you know how many books actually get published?  You have a 1 in 100,000 chance.

Is writing really a stable career?

Are you even a good writer?

Im just worried….. Its nothing against you, Im just looking out for your best interest….

You: …..(walks into bedroom and decides to just not live the day because watching a movie under the covers will inspire you more than any actual human in your life will).









Thats right, be more like Cookie, and put those cunts in their place.


For real, think about it.  Listen to any person who achieved great success:  actors, writers, advocates, politicians, ANYONE…. When they give interviews do they sit there and go:

“Why oh yes, I told my family I wanted to direct films and they were always supportive and everyone I ever encountered in life believed in me.  My first day in LA I got a job at a studio because they just thought I was talented and loved me…”


They give interviews and say things like:

“Nobody ever thought Id be anything more than a waiter.   I was in New York living in poverty for 5 years before anything good happened, and there were so many days when I thought they were all right and I should just give up”


Think about this, Steven Spielberg was rejected from the film school at USC…  yeah suck on that USC.



We control our future.   We have the power.  Not your parents, or your friends, or your boss.   I don’t care if your dream is to be a writer or an actor.  Or if its something like wanting a career change from finance to medicine.  Or if you’re in a dead marriage and you want to better yourself and get out of it.





So the next time you talk to someone and they are telling to




Just say:


Did that little shit not take the hint?  Still bothering you?  Still trying to bring you down to their level?  Well just remember you’re the bigger person here.  You are following your dreams.  Sometimes you just gotta smack a ho!




Alright Cookie, show us one more time what we should do to people who doubt us?



Damn straight bitches!   Sometimes you gotta show em you mean business.


Just remember, its your life.  If your friends and family want to take the safe road and stay in their jobs, and keep their life, and then desperately try to live it up on the weekends because its the only time in the week when their lives are actually theirs…. then let them.

But you don’t have to live that way if you don’t want to.    Chasing your dreams is the most admirable thing you can do in life.  just think what the world could be like if we were all living the lives we wanted.  Think of the innovation we could have, the peace the world could achieve, the excitement that could exist everyday.


Live it up bitches!

~ The Dark Horse

75% proofread!   ya baby!






Is Your Job Making Your Mental Illness Worse?


If you don’t like your job, then most likely it is.    For me, I hate my job.  I have been working at a phone company here in New Zealand…. yeah I know.. I moved across the world to work at a fucking phone company.

Shoot me now.

And it has caused me nothing but stress, depression, and anxiety.

We have had a bunch of problems in the company including a CEO who is total cunt, underpaid staff who quit within 5 months of being hired…which leads to constantly understaffed stores, management who got ahead because they know the CEO and not because they’re good workers…which creates management who doesn’t do their job, which finally has led to the loss of profit of the company, which then leads to a corporation in chaos and constantly blaming each other rather than figuring solutions to how they’re going to remain profitable.

So im quitting.

Thats right bitches.  my notice has been put in and I’m getting off the Titanic because I have a feeling its hit an iceberg.


Now I keep asking myself, why didn’t I do this sooner?

And I think I know the answer:  GUILT

 Tell me if any of you guys have experienced any of these:   So were depressed and anxious right?   So naturally we want to make a change in our lives.   But what do we hear from others when we want to make a change?  things like,

~ Oh this job isn’t making you happy?  Why aren’t you just happy to be employed?  You know some people live in poverty and they would love to have your job.  You have no right to complain.  You have a roof over your head and food to eat.   You’re too dramatic.

~ When are you going to settle down?

~ Did you ever think that maybe you’re the problem?

~ Other people don’t seem to have the problems you have.  have you ever considered just sucking it up?


Thats right people, according to everyone else, we are apparently the most spoiled, over-privaledged, whiney, cunts alive.

Well heres the deal:

  There are actually studies that have been that show people that we consider to be “poor little village savages” are actually happier than we are. They have stronger social bonds, stronger bonds to families, and less stress with their jobs.   On top of that, many more studies that question “happiest countries in the world” always get the same results:  Mostly The Liberal Countries.   Countries that have universal healthcare, cheap or free education, a livable minimum wage, safe communities, and job prospects.

America, my home country. Never makes the list.  EVER.  Why?  Because America is a rat race.  People feel no security in America and so they scramble for anything they can and then hold on tight because they don’t know any better.

I ask all those people out there who judge or question my life:  If money makes you happy, why does your job not make you happy?  Why do you need to smoke, or drink to make it through the weekend before you have to slug back to your cubicle?   Shouldn’t you be out tackling the world?

Furthermore, there are 3 major studies that rank the worlds most livable cities: Monocle, Mercer, and the EIU.  They rank cities based on public happiness, city facilities, amount of time residents have to spend at work.  The vibrance of the restaurants and cafes, safety, cleanliness, park space, and other factors.

America only ever gets 1 city: Portland.  Which literally ranks at 24 out of 25, AND THAT IS ONLY ON THE MONOCLE LIST.  No US city ever makes it on the list by Mercer or the EIU.


So to all the people who I have grown up with telling me to get a job that pays and stick with because “thats what you do”.   Seriously, go fuck yourself.   

And for all of you out there who wish to make a change?  Remember, look at the lives of those who are telling you to not chase your dreams.  Are they the smartest people you know?  Are they the happiest people you know?   Do you want their life?

Because in my experience happy and smart people rarely ever tell people to not strive for something better.

Remember that.  I did.  And I’m making a change, and I’m so excited!

~ The Dark Horse

The Purpose Of Life


There ya go.  If you’re looking for an easy answer, Hitchhikers Guide gives you one: 42.

If you’re looking for my honest opinion however, you may be a bit disenchanted.  Its Nothing. 

Yes.  Nothing.   I don’t believe in a God or a cosmic path or gaia or anything.  However, there is one thing that we can work with on this little planet of ours.

It is moldable.  It is ours.  In fact, Humans are moldable as well. 

For example,  Hitler manipulated a shit ton of people.   Its sad but its true.

On the other hand, Martin Luther King Jr. influenced a lot of people.  And that was for the better.

So why can’t you?


If you have a dream, if you have a passion. Do it.


If someone tells you can’t or doesn’t believe in you, ask them who gave them their god-like knowledge of what you can and can not do.

The views of the majority of the human population is formed through the hands of the not-so-many influential people.

Its like that one SUPER FUCKING ANNOYING SONG THAT PLAYS ALL THE TIME RIGHT NOW where the girl says something about being a small boat in the ocean making big waves and starting an explosion or whatever.

Ripple Effect is basically what it comes down to.  Your voice, though small as it seems, can grow loud through media.

Your opinions can literally change what the meaning of life is on this planet.

For example, I’m a 25yr old guy.  Do you know what most guys my age think life is about?


Yes. Im not kidding, this is the mind of men.


You get the good job, you get the power, you own the status symbols, you get the good body all for one thing:


You may not believe me.  You may want to challenge me.  But trust me its true.  The amount of times in my life where I have almost gone crazy, lost friends, been in such heated debates where I have almost been brought to tears because I find out that some people can be driven by that have unfortunately proven to me that is truth.  That one small 30 minutes of your day

Now are you really happy with that?

Im not.  And it kind of makes me lose hope in humanity that that is life.  Literally.  THAT IS LIFE FOR SOME PEOPLE.

All the dreams i have.  all the places I want to go. people I want to help. All things i want to say and do!

But nope.  Being a weekend warrior hunting for pussy is enough for a lot of people.

So you know what guys?

….I think its time we change normally.  I think its time we change what life is.

Lets make life better for everyone.  Include more caring.  Less hurting.  More knowledge. less fighting and for god sakes, we need to focus on the betterment of the human race as a whole

Why? because look….


The world is way too beautiful to live it inside a smelly bedroom

~ The Dark Horse

Setting Up For The Next Journey


So, enough moping around.  Enough being tired.   Enough of all the bullshit.   I mentioned about a month ago that the cafe I was working at here in Australia was going bust and so i was losing  my job, and I it did and I did.   

It then put me in a really shitty place here in Australia.  My visa was to expire in 2 months and I had no job.  And obviously with a visa expiring so soon, nobody wanted to hire me.  

So, i started applying for jobs in America.   I have learned too much this past year.  The depression, anxiety, panic, loneliness, and desperation.   A victim no more I say! 

So I’ve been applying for fun jobs.  Exciting jobs.  Jobs where I could make great friends, be somewhere beautiful, and have an exciting life!  So this past week I have been SLAVING AWAY 

And I mean seriously slaving away.  I have been job hunting for about 6 hours a day everyday, NON STOP.   Applying for jobs I would love.  Resorts, airlines, conservation work, and non profits.

The hard work has paid off.

I have a phone interviewing a few days for a job at a resort on Mackinac Island.  

Mackinac Island

So a little rundown on Mackinac.  It is a small island located between mainland Michigan and Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.  There are only a very few numbers of cars on this island because they want to keep it pristine, so you bike everywhere or take a horseback carriage.   Pine trees and rock bays make up the core of the beautiful island, and its secluded, but not too secluded.

This would be amazing because first of all, food and lodging is provided.  Lodging is dorm style, so hopefully I could make some really good friends while I’m there, and on top of that I can just bank up all of my pay to use for my next adventure.


WHY ITS AWESOME:  Quaint island living, fall foliage, great food, and Mackinac is known for its famous fudge and taffy.

In a few days I also have a Skype interview for a country club down in the Smokey Mountains.


This will be kind of a polar opposite from Mackinac, but at the same time, very similar.

Instead of the “island life”, I would be heading to heart of North Carolina and working up in the hills of the Smokey Mountains.  The living would be the same.  Room and board provided dormitory style, and that hopefully means good memories to be made with some new friends.

As well, I may be working in a restaurant there which means tips from VERY wealthy Southerners. So I potentially could leave with some serious bank in my pocket! 

A creek runs through fall leaves and autumn colors in Smoky Mountains National Park.

Why Its awesome:  Rolling hills, babbling creeks, fall colors, and hopefully some awesome Bluegrass? 


So, Im trying to be proactive with my life now and make it what I want it to be.  I hope all of you reading are doing the same, and if not, try to start now!  It can’t hurt anymore than a life you already hate can it? 


~ The Dark Horse