Tag Archives: meditate

Showing Your Anxiety Where They Can Suck It… With The Help Of Flight Attendants


Aright bitches, welcome aboard. The duration of this flight will hopefully be the rest of your life.  The destination of this flight will be a place called Happiness.  Now we may hit a bit of turbulence on the way.  Not too worry, these planes are made to weather the storm.

And always remember that.  Our planes are designed to weather the storm. (You getting the metaphor here?  Ok, Good!)

Now sit back and please listen so some important safety instructions


So lets start by telling your anxiety to fuck itself.

….Yes. Thats right. I said that.  And You should do it.

The main thing to remember is that anxiety is useless.  This is one of the things I’ve learned so far in my journey.

Yes.  The fear of death is good.  its amazing actually! its what keeps you from jumping off a tall building just cuz.

However, when this fear starts invading all of life itself it becomes useless.  For me, I have really bad health anxiety so I’m always afraid I’m going to die.  I know other people have insane fears of water or elevators, or maybe you have more of a generalized anxiety and so normal everyday things just effect you more than they do other people.

When it comes down to it though, none of these feelings are useful for us so heres what we do.

Kindly inform your anxiety that there are four emergency exits on this plane.  Two in the front and two in rear.  Then kindly push your anxiety out one of them…. but be gentle, the fall will painful enough for it (sinister smile)


Now don’t be surprised if anxiety manages to get back into the plane.  Anxiety has a way of doing that,  Its a pesky strong little son of a bitch.

If your anxiety manages to somehow crawl back into the plain tell it how sorry you are for being mean…


…and then respectfully throw it out of the emergency exit once more.

Now lets start healing ok?  During long flights such as this one called life, you obviously need to do things you love to keep from getting bored.  This can be anything.  I don’t care what your interests are (as long as they don’t hurt anyone).  Do it and do it without shame.  You’re a jock who likes gardening? Go for it!   A Girl who enjoys football? ,,,,ugh… I hate football… but hey, if makes you happy more power to you! ;p

Doing things we love helps keep the anxiety away.  Remember that!

Now, when the plane hits turbulence you may feel a bit panicked.


Yes yes yes….. turbulence is a bit scary.  But listen.  YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS!  As my therapist always said don’t let a lapse turn into a relapse.

We will get through just put on your life vest if it makes you feel better and incase we make a water landing….


….but i doubt we will need to.  We are all so much stronger than we think we are.

and always remember the next time your mind creates an image of a scenario that looks like this:


Give it a think.  Is this really how the situation is?  Or is this just our constructed image of it?

Maybe life can be better

Always remember that.  LIFE CAN ALWAYS BE BETTER.   No one is ever lost or stuck forever.  Keep fighting its worth it! 

And if anxiety ever comes again…. well…

turn around like this:


and push that fucking cunt out of the emergency exit.

Fly High!

~ The Dark Horse

Getting Back To It. Or, Emerging from Depression


So I’m at a point I think a lot of you are familiar with.  The end of that hibernation period.  That point where we are crawling out of our hole of depression, anxiety, and panic.

When I arrived in Auckland 2 weeks ago I got strep throat and an upper respiratory infection. This obviously put my life on hold.  No job hunting, no apartment hunting, no making friends. This then led to me feeling massively down.  Out of the loop.  Feeling like this was just the biggest failure.  Blowing all my money on having to stay in hotels.  Eating thai takeout (which is truly the best cure for sickness….but really fattening).

But here I am.   its Auckland New Zealand Take 2! 


The gears are starting to turn again.   Im starting to feel like perhaps life isn’t over.  Maybe I can try again.

But at the same time, this is our most fragile moment.  This is where somehow, despite all of our past failures and misery we have to get up.  We have to dust the sand off our face and decide to tell ourselves that we will survive.

That this time, we can survive. We will be better and stronger than before. 


Somehow, we have found more coal to throw into the fire.  The steam begins to rise from the engine.

This is not over.  Not by a long shot.


Oh yes, we may throw black smoke into the sky in the beginning.  We are old, rusty, and dirty.  This isn’t our first time being knocked down and Im afraid to say it may not be our last.

But people this is far from over.

Once we get going, I think at some point, we will find our sweet spot.  We will never wanna stop again.

We will survive and thrive.

We were meant to be more and better than this.  I mean really, isn’t that was mental illness really is?   Our sensitivity to things that the commoner can’t even see?

Now lets use that to our advantage.  To be strong.  Not weak.

All aboard?


Lets roll bitches! No time to proofread! 

~ The Dark Horse

The Purpose Of Life


There ya go.  If you’re looking for an easy answer, Hitchhikers Guide gives you one: 42.

If you’re looking for my honest opinion however, you may be a bit disenchanted.  Its Nothing. 

Yes.  Nothing.   I don’t believe in a God or a cosmic path or gaia or anything.  However, there is one thing that we can work with on this little planet of ours.

It is moldable.  It is ours.  In fact, Humans are moldable as well. 

For example,  Hitler manipulated a shit ton of people.   Its sad but its true.

On the other hand, Martin Luther King Jr. influenced a lot of people.  And that was for the better.

So why can’t you?


If you have a dream, if you have a passion. Do it.


If someone tells you can’t or doesn’t believe in you, ask them who gave them their god-like knowledge of what you can and can not do.

The views of the majority of the human population is formed through the hands of the not-so-many influential people.

Its like that one SUPER FUCKING ANNOYING SONG THAT PLAYS ALL THE TIME RIGHT NOW where the girl says something about being a small boat in the ocean making big waves and starting an explosion or whatever.

Ripple Effect is basically what it comes down to.  Your voice, though small as it seems, can grow loud through media.

Your opinions can literally change what the meaning of life is on this planet.

For example, I’m a 25yr old guy.  Do you know what most guys my age think life is about?


Yes. Im not kidding, this is the mind of men.


You get the good job, you get the power, you own the status symbols, you get the good body all for one thing:


You may not believe me.  You may want to challenge me.  But trust me its true.  The amount of times in my life where I have almost gone crazy, lost friends, been in such heated debates where I have almost been brought to tears because I find out that some people can be driven by that have unfortunately proven to me that is truth.  That one small 30 minutes of your day

Now are you really happy with that?

Im not.  And it kind of makes me lose hope in humanity that that is life.  Literally.  THAT IS LIFE FOR SOME PEOPLE.

All the dreams i have.  all the places I want to go. people I want to help. All things i want to say and do!

But nope.  Being a weekend warrior hunting for pussy is enough for a lot of people.

So you know what guys?

….I think its time we change normally.  I think its time we change what life is.

Lets make life better for everyone.  Include more caring.  Less hurting.  More knowledge. less fighting and for god sakes, we need to focus on the betterment of the human race as a whole

Why? because look….


The world is way too beautiful to live it inside a smelly bedroom

~ The Dark Horse

Being Tired And Anxiety (Or, My Trip To Canada And Beyond…..There Wasn’t Really A Beyond, It Just Sounded Nice)


So, for the last 2 days I took a trip to London, Ontario.   It is a really cool small city filled with amazing food, cute river bends, and quaint historical neighborhoods.

The topic at hand is what being tired does to you when you have anxiety and I will be using my trip as an example considering that for about a 48 hour period I got maybe 6 hours of sleep total.

The night before the trip I slept like 4 hours maybe because of how excited I was.  I then got up at 730am to meet for breakfast before the drive to Canada.   The day was amazing.   The drive was long but smooth, hardly any traffic, the hotel was nice, great food, a festival was going on, and everything was just great!

The night however, was awful.   My friend I was with has….um….sleeping problems which I was not aware of until that night.  She has no problems sleeping, however, she moans and makes crying noises all through the night.  People, I am not kidding.  I wasn’t able to sleep at all.  Constant sounds filled the room like she was having a nightmare. A constant nightmare. From midnight until 8am when I hit her with a pillow and told her to get the fuck up.

The day still was…..um..ok.   Still filled with great people and great food and a great city.  However, my friend was now driving me insane.   I was tired and I was no longer to pretend I wasn’t annoyed and tired, and so every time she made a comment I didn’t like I kind of maybe snapped just a little bit.  But for the most part, all good.


The drive home however is when everything got bad.   I was very tired.  i was very annoyed.  And most importantly I didn’t want to be anywhere near her.   However, I had a 5 hour drive to be stuck with her.   Thoughts of how agonizing those 5 hours would be filled my head.  Dread consumed me and I began to fall into a panicked and depressed state.   About 20 minutes into the drive home I was off the wall.  Hardcore balls to the wall white-knuckling it.

I finally snapped and pulled over and was like, “You’re driving, I can’t”.   Confused she traded me places.  I put on some soft music and looked out the window for about 4 hours until we were back in America and only had an hour left in the drive.  I told her I was going to drive again and rushed towards home.

I dropped her off back at her home and felt like a weight had been lifted.  I was free to be myself.   Free to be calm.  Free to not have her there.

Free to go about my life.

So here are some tips I learned so you don’t have to hit the wall

1.)  SLEEP IS SO SO SO IMPORTANT WITH ANXIETY AND PANIC AND DEPRESSION. They fuck with your hormones, blood sugar levels, consume energy, and leave you feeling like you’re going to die.   NEVER EVER MISS OUT ON A GOOD NIGHTS REST… but if you do…..

2.) drink lots of fluids.   It really helps.  Why?  Oh I don’t know, I’m no scientist.   Im sure it has something to do with it helping the flow of electrolytes or keeps your body all hydrated and flowing properly or something.  Just do it.  it works

3.)  Rest if you need to.   Try to sit and get a drink or a snack before you fall into the panic attack.   Stop it before it happens

4.) Remove your stressors.  For example, I will never ever travel with that girl ever again.   I know now that was a mistake and I won’t repeat it.

But at the end of the day, and most importantly, I lived.  I didn’t die from my anxiety or panic or dread of being with her.  Life goes on, the dun will rise again, and so will you

~The Dark Horse

PS- this wasn’t proof-read.  It was written out a deep need to vent and rant and be a crazy person…. oh hey there is anotehr thing to help!




Yea, I said it.  To all you people who think that rain is the kind of weather to sit down and cry about…. rain is the BEST kind of weather! 

Rain is the ultimate weather for going to a coffee shoppe and reading (Perhaps this blog?) and drinking some tea of coffee.

 Rain is the best weather for cuddling!

 Rain is the best weather for playing Norah Jones, Fiona Apple, Jack Johnson, Dido, and of course, Im Only Happy When It Rains by Garbage.

Rain is the best weather for watching a movie (especially a horror movie)

But most importantly, and why I’m writing this blog entry.  RAIN IS SIMPLY PURIFYING! 


And luckily for the entire planet were entering the wet season!  For y’all northerners you’re going into Spring, and for us down under, were starting Autumn.  But that means one thing for all of us.  RAIN, RAIN, and RAIN!!!!!!

Do you feel it?  Do you feel that calming, soothing clarity that comes with a rainy day?  YOU DON’T???????


Rain, as far as nature is concerned.  Is literally the ultimate event.  All of the pollutants and allergens that hang in the air is brought down with the rain. If any of you have ever been to LA or a similar city you damn well that the only time you see a clear sky is the day after rain.  Rain by its very essence is cleansing.  Water is what we use to clean ourselves as well!  Hell, water is what we use to wash everything!   It literally is the ultimate symbol of fresh and clean!   


On top of that, rain gives life! The rain falls into the soil.  The plant sucks it up through the soil.  Especially in Springtime.  have you ever noticed how in April you can literally see the changes the day after rainfall???  Its like the whole world suddenly woke up! 

On top of that, all living creatures need water.  Dude as humans or body is something like 70% water! and,

FUN FACT!!= Not all living organisms need air, but ALL do need water 

Look its science AND inspiration! 

But for real.  Rain is amazing.  Rain is beautiful.  and rain is necessary.   Without rain none of us would ever be here.  The world literally wouldn’t exist as it does.  

So lets all look up and let that clean fresh wonderful life juice hit our faces!!!!!

~The Dark Horse 

Keeping Calm, Feeling Good, and the Donkey Kong Country Soundtrack


So, for real, if you have never listened to the music from the video game Donkey Kong Country, its about damn time you start! 

Honestly some of the best music ever made… Not just for video games, but ever.  The best part about the music is that its all very natural.  Like you just feel really good when listening to it.  In fact back when i was living in the middle of the woods in the Northwest Territories, I used to put some Donkey Kong on as the sun went down and did stretches overlooking the lake.  The music, paired with the sunset, the loons, and the ripples in the lake was probably the most relaxing experience of my life.  So here are a few of the songs you should put on your chill out, meditation, before bed, in nature, or.. well… I love this music, so I think it works on any playlist… but I’m sure I’m biased on that. 

For starters, the quintessential Donkey Kong Country song is Aquatic Ambiance.  Any DK fan will totally hands down tell you this was the best song from the whole game. This song paired with how beautifully the water levels look (Have I mentioned that even though Donkey Kong Country came out in 1994 on Super Nintendo, the game looks and sounds amazing.  Like its a living picture.  Seriously worth a play. Go on YouTube and just see the million of renditions of this song, including a symphony performing it live! 



Aquatic Ambiance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDvKwSVuUGA

The next song that should go on the playlist is actually from Donkey Kong Country 2 and is called Stickerbrush Symphony. This again is a song that is all over Youtube with accapella versions and extended remixes and stuff.  But totally worth a listen to.  



Stickerbrush Symphony:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J67nkzoJ_2M

And heres another good Youtube Version where its cleaned up a bit:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Og9kHWcusOM

Another good song that I find to be really relaxing is called Voices Of The Temple.  For those you who didn’t play this game, this level had these giant wheels and these little beavers were in them and they chased you.. for those of you who have played this game, I HATED those beavers.

Image fuckin’ beavers…

Voices Of The Temple: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ah0d1asVhMQ

And a great pick-me-up song is the Ice Cave Chant.  its fun and bubbly and just makes ya smile.  Give it a listen, a good way to describe it is… Perky?  ya, I like Perky.  (Also, was another really cool looking level)


Ice Cave Chant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEjZgTmVCg4

and another more modern cleaned up version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MbiV24llCM

For another really chill and calm song, we go back to Donkey Kong Country 2 for Web Woods.  Its got a cool little woodwind thing going on that I think is really nice. 


Web Woods: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5o_XqDmS1c

Finally, at the end of the first game, you have the Credits Concerto.  You get to see all the characters, and then the credits roll.  its great, and the music is great as well… good way to end the game! 


Credits Concerto: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSwbr0voBtM


Some other honorable mentions I think you should check out if you liked these,

Life In the Mines: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcklfVCEAcg

and a cleanup version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-1L-jKc0ZA

Cavern Caprice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FuBRhQfzKk

Rockface Rumble: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qntu2QvHQRE

Arctic Abyss: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8Z8T3skJkE


See Ya Guys Later! 

~The Dark Horse